If Only: McKenzie Cousins Book 5

by Buchanan, Lexi

  I softly smile and stroke a finger down the side of her face. “Exactly what you think I mean. I want someone to share my life with someone who wants me to share hers. This between us, started months ago, even if I’ve only just seen sense.” I caress her lips with the tip of my finger and focus on her reaction as her lips quiver, and the wet tip of her pink tongue sneaks out, licking me. “I don’t want to frighten you away, so we won’t go in to detail right now, but I need you to know that I’m serious—very serious about being with you in every way.” Resisting her lips, I kiss the tip of her nose. “I thought you should know.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that you want me to live here with you?” She sits up. “I need it spelling out, so I don’t get the wrong idea.”

  So much for not going into detail. “Yes.” I change the subject, “I’ve met your family, and I think they like me, right? But that was before we were together.”

  Madison rolls her eyes and moves back to her chair, finishing her lunch. She munches on a sandwich looking thoughtful. “They like you. They also know how much I’ve fallen for you, especially my hardheaded brother, Dylan.” She grins. “Don’t worry about their reaction. They’ll love you.”

  “Isn’t your brother at school with your cousins?”

  “Yes, although Rachel and Paige have graduated now. Dylan and Jaxon have one more year, which they’re dreading. I think he’s had enough of school.” She sighs and sits back in the chair, kicking out her feet. “Rachel is now happily married to Alexander, and Paige is still having treatment with Seth by her side.”

  “Seth?”

  She chuckles. “Seth is Dylan’s best friend. Apparently, he’s always had a thing for Paige, and vice versa, but it wasn’t until Paige got sick and was in the hospital that everyone found out just how much Seth liked her. I think he’d really surprised Paige too. He hasn’t left her side since and he’s taken her to his family’s beachfront property. I like him and I’m glad she has someone to look out for her other than family.”

  “Ramon and Noah don’t mind her traveling with someone else, while she’s sick?” I frown, knowing that I’d want to keep Tanner close if he had been as sick.

  “They mind, but Paige is strong and knows what she wants. I think at the end of the day as long as she’s happy, and they know that they can visit her whenever, then they’re happy.”

  “You have a good family, Madison.”

  “I do.” She laughs. “We all grew up together because we’d always be around our grandparent’s ranch house. We’d ride the horses and just mess around. Plenty of time during the summer months would be spent at the pond, swimming and goofing around. It was great fun. Charlotte and Michael are the oldest and then it’s Alexander and Sirena. So, we’d sometimes spy on Michael and Alex when they’d have a girl over. Mainly Michael though. I think Alex had a thing for Rachel for a long, long time before he even knew himself.” She shrugs. “They’re so cute.”

  “I enjoy being around your family. Until Tanner had fallen in love with Charlotte, it had always just been the two of us. I get overwhelmed sometimes because of that, but I enjoy watching the interaction between everyone. No one is uncomfortable, and the teasing can be harsh, but it’s amusing.”

  “You need a thick skin to be around us McKenzie’s.”

  “Did I hear the McKenzie’s mentioned?” Charlotte interrupts, joining us on the porch.

  I glance behind her. “No Tanner?”

  “He’s making me a sandwich and then he’ll be joining us.”

  “Good.” I sigh, relieved that maybe my son will come around sooner rather than later.

  Madison chews her bottom lip and getting to her feet, she caresses over my shoulders. “I’m going to have a talk with Tanner.”

  I watch her go, my eyes still lingering once she’s disappeared inside.

  Charlotte chuckles. “I’m glad you finally saw sense.”

  “Me too.”

  13

  Madison

  Tanner pauses with a knife loaded with mayonnaise in his hand when I walk into the kitchen before stiffly going back to his task. “I’m trying Madison.”

  Sighing, I move further into the room and sit opposite him. “I know, and I’m not going to say I know how you feel because I don’t. But I just wanted you to know that I’m in love with your father.”

  Tanner winces.

  “It isn’t sudden, it’s been building since we first met, and Derek has been pushing me away ever since.” I shrug and wipe a stray tear.

  Tanner sits and stares. “I’m not selfish enough to want my father alone for the rest of his life, but, with you, being two years younger than me, it’s weird, okay? I always expected him to find someone around his own age.” He holds his temper in check. “I liked Dee,” he grumbles, and it feels like a kick in the teeth.

  “I guess you won’t even give me a chance, huh?” My heart pounds while I wait for his answer, and then he gives me a wry grin.

  “Honestly, I don’t know.” He sighs softly. “But I can’t deny the way he looks at you or the pain I see in his gaze when he turns away.” Brushing a rough hand through his overlong hair, Tanner continues, “He’s been alone for so long, Madison, and I can’t help worry about him.”

  “I get that, but I promise you I’m not going to hurt him. I’m not that kind of person. I want this relationship with him to work more than anything.” I reach out and rest my hand on the top of his. “If it means living here with him then I will. I’ll need trips for work, but my office is mobile.” I grin. “I’ll do anything that I have to, so your father is happy. There is only one Derek Jackson, and he’s mine.”

  Tanner frowns deeply. “I need time.” He rubs a hand over his face. “Does my father know you consider him yours?”

  “I do,” Derek appears in the doorway, and slowly moves closer, placing his hands on my shoulders. He bends and places a kiss to the top of my head. “She’s mine too and I couldn’t be happier.” Derek rubs his hands together trying to play it cool.

  “Siesta time,” Charlotte says as though reading my thoughts, staring at her husband.

  Turning, I wink at Derek who tries to keep the delight from his face.

  Tanner gives us both a curious glance before shoving a plate of sandwiches into Charlotte’s hand, and two sodas and chips into his own. “We’ll see you later.”

  My smile slips as they disappear, which Derek notices. Taking my hand, he drops into the chair next to mine. “What happened?”

  “He prefers Dee.”

  “What? That’s not true.”

  “That’s what he told me. I’m too young and Dee is in the right age.” I shrug. “I hate how he’d prefer you to be with Dee.” A tear slips down my face.

  “Please don’t get upset.” Derek brushes my tear away with his thumb. “I know he’s a grown man with a wife of his own now, but it’s going to be strange for him to see me with someone.” He winces. “And then he wouldn’t have been expecting me to choose someone younger than him, I guess.”

  Derek cups my face in his hands. “I choose you, Madison McKenzie.” He quickly kisses my forehead. “Follow me and let me show you how much you mean to me.” Pulling me out of the chair, he leads me to the stairs.

  Once we’re locked inside his large bedroom, I grin. “You’ve already shown me.” I raise a brow and slowly lick my lips. “I think it’s my turn to show you.”

  He gets an excited light in his eyes and lowers his lids when I drop to my knees in front of him. “I do believe I promised my mouth a date with your,” I eye the bulge at his groin and smirk, “very excited penis.” Fluttering my lashes, I smirk, Derek laughs, turning it into a groan as I lower the zipper.

  “Be careful,” he hisses catching his breath, yanking his shirt over his head.

  “Oh, I’m going to be very careful.”

  Pushing his jeans and briefs to his knees, I reach out and caress his thighs. The muscles twitch and his erection throbs as my fingers get closer and closer. I tease
and enjoy the sensation of touching him this way.

  He’s heavily aroused, the leaking tip pointing directly at my mouth. Slipping my tongue between my lips, I gently lick at the precum and feel Derek shudder.

  “Madison,” he groans. “Oh fuck!”

  “Mmm,” I moan and take him into my mouth. If possible, his flesh gets harder, longer, more excitement leaks onto my tongue. With one hand I grab his ass, keeping him still while the other reaches between his legs, playing with his balls.

  I glance up and start watching Derek as he watches me love him with my mouth. He caresses my face with a hand that trembles, his belly quivering as his eyes flutter closed and his head falls back.

  Smiling around him, I know I have him, so I take as much of him as I can to the back of my throat, and tongue the sensitive underside as his hands grab hold of my hair. He doesn’t hurt me, but it’s turning me on so much bringing him pleasure.

  Sucking and licking him like the best popsicle ever, I get a seconds warning and then he erupts down my throat. His guttural cry has me panting around him while I encourage his release.

  He tries to gently move me off of him, but I shake my head, moaning around him. He hisses sharply between his teeth, but I don’t stop until I’ve taken everything he’s giving to me.

  “Madison,” he hisses. “You really have to stop otherwise I’m going to be on my ass on the floor.”

  Giggling, I slowly let him pop out of my mouth and watch as he sits on the edge of the bed before dropping back. I stand over him and tease, “You came with your pants around your knees.”

  His eyes pop wide and then he laughs. “So, I did. You bring out the, um, release in me.”

  Shaking my head, I struggle with his boots and jeans, and toss his briefs into the pile of clothing, my own following. “It’s really hot watching how you react to me…it makes me ache,” I whisper, crawling up his body. “It makes me long to have you inside of me. Loving me.” I lay my hands on his chest and slide my fingers into the short coarse hair hiding his nipples.

  I lower my body over his, straddling his hips. The friction against my core makes my breasts throb, my nipples tightening into peaks. “I want to feel you moving inside of me.”

  Derek’s eyes darken, and a dark flush covers his cheekbones. “Put me inside,” he begs. “Now Madison before I’m embarrassing myself.”

  Giggling, it turns into a moan when I rise up and grasp the huge penis at Derek’s groin. I tease us both by rubbing the head of him over my clit, making me wetter and him harder.

  Reaching up, Derek cups my breasts in his large hands and plays with my nipples, bringing my body to the edge of release with just a few sharp nips. I dip my head and watch as he leaks in pleasure, his stomach quivering.

  With a tight fist wrapped around him, I slowly lower myself on him, watching as he disappears, inch by glorious inch. By the time I’m fully seated we’re both breathing heavily, and Derek has his hands clenched tightly around the covers beneath him, his whole body a tight coil ready to explode.

  My body tingles from head to toe with the deepest and most intense sensation centered between my legs. My core pulses and clenches around the thick penis currently throbbing inside of me.

  I rest my hands on his chest and use that to push myself up and slowly slide up to the tip. The feeling is incredible. Derek grasps my hips and tugs me back down, grinding up as he does. He makes me feel so wet and swollen that I’m sure with one more thrust he’ll take me to heaven and back.

  His hands tremble on my hips and holding his gaze, he slowly lifts me off of him before slamming me back down while grinding up. I lose my mind in that moment as the pleasure in my body takes over and I can’t think of anything else.

  I clench and pulsate on his large cock and feel when he can no longer hold his own release. His penis jerks and kicks, warmth squirting inside of me while I slowly quiver, milking everything he has.

  Unable to catch a breath, I find myself wrapped around Derek with my legs tangled up in his and our arms wrapped comfortably around each other. My heart hammers against my breast, like I can feel Derek’s doing. We’re still connected in the most primal of ways and the longer we stay this way, the harder he becomes.

  I’m too exhausted to even think about doing it again, all I want is to nap in his arms. Derek has other ideas though, and gently rolls me to my back.

  He makes love to me slowly, delicately, and intensely, and we both burst into pleasure at the end before falling into a blissful sleep, wrapped up in each other.

  14

  Derek

  Since I’ve been spending my nights, and days, with Madison, I’ve discovered areas of my body that I didn’t know I had. Either that or it’s my age. But either way, I ache in places where Madison massages every night, to loosen me up she says. I think it’s just an excuse to get her hands on me, not that she really needs one.

  I don’t have a problem remembering my age because she makes me feel younger, but when I do, I struggle with what I’m doing. I’m in love with her but I’m not sure whether I should continue to encourage her, letting her think we have a future, or whether I should be the responsible one and end things. If I ended what we have she wouldn’t be the only one heartbroken, which is why I’m finding this more difficult than I should.

  It doesn’t help that I’m aware Tanner doesn’t agree with my choice in partner, and that bothers me more than I care to admit. I’d told Madison that I was in this with her regardless of his feelings on the matter, but I’m not sure anymore. I’m not really sure of anything.

  The one thing that I am sure of, is that I love her.

  The love I have for her is so fresh and different to anything I’ve ever experienced before that I know I want to keep it…but am I being selfish? Madison has a lot more years left than I do, but I’m also aware that could change—god forbid.

  My friend Garrett is of similar age and he’s a changed man now that he has a family and kids. His wife is Madison’s cousin and she’s a similar age, so why am I having so much trouble accepting what I’m doing?

  I know why, and he’s currently riding into the stables on his stallion with Geary.

  Tanner has been my number one priority since he’d been born, more so after his mother had died. His acceptance of my relationship would mean more to me than I think he knows— far more than I’ve let on to Madison.

  I glance to the end of the deck where Madison is cuddled up with her cousin, my daughter-in-law, and softly smile when she notices my gaze set on her. She so beautiful and she never fails to take my breath away.

  The sick feeling that I have in my stomach grows and watching Madison’s smile turn into a frown as she notices my grimace, I realize that I need to have a deep talk with my son.

  I love Tanner, but I also love Madison and don’t want to lose either of them.

  With a strong purpose driving my steps, I head toward the barn and nod to Geary who shakes his head before leaving me alone with Tanner. Geary is aware of what is going on because he sees every damn thing. He’s too observant for his own good sometimes.

  “Geary, can you grab—” Tanner pauses when he sees me standing behind him, and not Geary as he’d expected.

  “We need to talk, and I figured it would be best for us to be alone.”

  Tanner sighs and starts brushing his stallion down, giving him time to cool down. “I don’t know what you want me to say Dad.”

  “I’m not sure what I want you to say either or what I want to say, maybe we could start with your objections to my relationship with Madison?”

  He scoffs. “Relationship? Is that what you’re calling it.”

  Holding my temper in check, I push forward. “You like Madison. She’s part of your family now.”

  “I don’t like her with you. It just isn’t right.” He tosses the brush onto the workstation and indicates for me to follow him as he leads his horse into the paddock where he has fresh food and water waiting for him. “I know Garrett found someo
ne much younger than him, but he didn’t have a fully-grown son who is two years older than her.” He sighs and leans on the fence.

  My heart hurts realizing just how set against us he truly is. “Won’t you at least give it time, get to know Madison better?” I run my hands through my hair. “I love her, Tanner. I’ve been falling in love with her from the moment we met and I’m not sure what to do with all the feelings running around inside of me. I thought that if I had your blessing, they would ease. I’d be settled on the inside.”

  “Dad,” Tanner starts, his voice full of emotion, “I love you. You’ve always been there for me, supported me…I’m just not sure I can support you in this. It’s weird.” He finally meets my gaze. “I always thought that when you met someone that she would be closer in age to you. I didn’t expect this.”

  “You know yourself how you can fall in love in the blink of an eye. I never expected to ever find a love for the second time, but I have. I love her. It’s as simple as that.”

  “But there’s nothing simple about it.”

  “It really is simple. We love each other. I want to be with her and live here on the ranch. She loves it here and hates the city and I guess the only thing standing in our way is you.”

  Tanner shakes his head. “Dad, don’t put that on me.”

  “It’s the truth. At the end of the day I know myself well enough to know that if you really are against me being with Madison, I’ll walk away, no matter how much it breaks both of our hearts.”

  “Then I’m going to feel like a complete bastard.” Tanner drops his head into his hands, wiping the sweat from his forehead, and then looks at me from under his lower lids. “Let her go to Boston with Charlotte to visit Paige, and then see how you feel without her around. If you miss her like crazy and she does you, then I’ll welcome her into the Jackson family.”

  I hadn’t planned on Madison going anywhere, but I do know she’s worried how Paige is doing. Life is all about compromise, so I can do this. “I’ll never stop Madison from going anywhere she wishes, especially when it involves family. I just don’t understand why you can’t accept her now, but you say you will later. It’s not fair Tanner, you’re hurting her too.”