If Only: McKenzie Cousins Book 5

by Buchanan, Lexi

  “Dad, not only will it give me time to get used to the idea, but it will show me that your relationship is meant to last.” He groans. “My wife isn’t going to be happy when I admit what we’ve talked about.” He winces. “She loves Madison and she’ll be so mad that I’ve interfered.”

  “Should have kept your mouth shut then, huh? Lumpy sofa for you tonight,” I joke, but my heart still feels heavy.

  I turn to leave but Tanner places a hand on my arm. “I love you, Dad, and just want you to be happy, even if that ends up being with Madison.”

  Sighing, I pull him into my arms for a hug. “I love you too, son.”

  Backing away, I wave and head toward the house where I find Madison waiting on the deck. Her complexion is pale, and she fidgets with her hands. The first words out of her mouth are, “Tanner isn’t happy.” She inhales and meets my gaze. “Charlotte told me, she’s also asked me to go and visit Paige with her. My cousin is one of my weaknesses right now, and I really would like to visit her. See with my own eyes how she’s doing.”

  She takes a step to meet me and wraps her arms around my neck. “Paige has a habit of lying through her teeth, so the family won’t worry.” Her eyes fill with tears. “I want to go and visit her, but I’m afraid that if I do, you won’t want me when I get back.”

  Angry with myself for listening to Tanner, I wrap her tightly in my arms. I breathe in her scent and know that she’ll come home to me. “This is where your home is Madison. It’s here with me, and I’ll be waiting, and please don’t let Tanner persuade you otherwise.”

  She pulls back and frowns. “What has Tanner said?”

  “What did Charlotte say?” I counter.

  “You have me worried,” Madison says. “Charlotte only told me that Tanner wasn’t fully on board with us, but she had confidence that he will be eventually.” She searches my gaze anxiously.

  “He really doesn’t want you with me, huh?” her voice breaks gently as her eyes become glassy with tears.

  I cup her face when the tears fall. “Madison, listen to me. I love you, honey, and my son will come around eventually. He likes you, he just wasn’t expecting you to get together with his father.” I offer a wry smile.

  She smiles through her tears. “He must have been the only one who didn’t figure it out. Everyone else knew or suspected something.”

  “That’s true.” I grin. “When we had the siesta earlier, I didn’t think it would have to hold us both until you return.” I kiss her forehead and then her sweet lips. “I want you to have a really good time with your family, and I’ll be right here waiting when you’re ready to come home.”

  “Oh boy!” She blows out a shaky breath. “I wish Paige was well enough to travel so she could come here instead.” Her hold behind my neck tightens. “I’m being soft, wanting to stay here with you.” She moves back and wipes at her tears. “I’m sorry for the sad tears, there’ll be plenty of happy ones when I get back.”

  Taking my hand, she urges me to follow. “Help me pack.” She winks. “You can inspect me for illegal substances.”

  15

  Madison

  Although I’m really missing Derek, I’m also very happy to be here with Paige. Olivia is also here, along with Charlotte, and our host, Seth, who has been nothing but amazing. It’s nice to watch Paige with him and she’s almost embarrassed by his constant attention.

  Seth is a little bit taller than Paige, with jet black hair and a nice athletic build. He’s certainly easy on the eyes, and the fact that he’s put everything on hold to be here with her, makes him all the more attractive.

  He’s currently moving away from us after delivering water and sandwiches, and so to wind Paige up, Charlotte, Olivia and I drop our sunglasses to the tip of our noses and watch him.

  “I can’t believe you three,” Paige grouches. “Leave him alone.”

  “It’s too much fun,” Olivia offers with a shrug. “And I’m still single.” She grins, causing Paige to narrow her gaze.

  “That really wasn’t funny.” Paige smiles as she sips her water through a straw.

  “Talking about you being single,” I direct at Olivia, “I’ve found you a really nice cowboy, goes by the name Geary.”

  Charlotte spits her drink out, choking. “Really?”

  Olivia looks down her nose at Charlotte, which makes us chuckle. “How nice?”

  I think for a moment to tease her, and reply, “Major hot. If I wasn’t in love with Derek, then I would never have mentioned you to him.” I smirk. “He’s waiting for you to visit so he can sweep you off your feet.”

  Olivia narrows her eyes and turns to Charlotte. “I take it you know this Geary? Is he as hot as Madison says?”

  “If you promise not to repeat this to Tanner, then I’ll tell you, he is hotter than hot.”

  “You two are making fun of me,” Olivia complains.

  I grab her hand. “Olivia, I know we tease because we never see you out of a business suit, but I promise you that I’ve told Geary all about you, and he really is good looking. He’s a good guy and works for Derek. He has a dirty mouth and I bet it gets dirtier the hotter the situation is, if you know what I mean.” I grin knowing I have her. “He’ll burn your panties right off.”

  “Oh, can we not talk about sex,” Paige complains.

  Charlotte, Olivia, and I glance at each other before turning our eyes onto Paige.

  “You’re alone with sex on legs?” Charlotte states.

  Paige blushes and looks to be squirming where she sits, bundled up on the sun lounger. “It’s not like that with Seth.”

  “Excuse me, but no guy puts his life on hold without real feelings being involved,” I drawl. “That man is in love with you, so open your eyes Paige, and give him a break.”

  Tears swiftly come into Paige’s eyes, catching us all off guard. It takes a moment but then Charlotte moves to go to her. Paige shakes her off. “I’m okay. I think.” She gives us a nervous laugh through her tears.

  “I thought my treatment was over with when Seth brought me out to his family beach house.” Paige sighs. “I love it here. It’s peaceful.” She’s quiet so we sit in silence. “Then my doctor called and gave me the news that I had to do a round of intense chemo.” She reaches up toward her head but drops her hand back down. “Seth refused to leave me but look at me. I’m not the same person who started this journey. I get sick so easily. I don’t have the strength to go for walks along the beach, and my hair is falling out. How can he look at me? He can’t possibly find me attractive.” She hiccups on a sob.

  What Paige doesn’t know is that Seth is standing a few feet behind her lounge chair. He swallows a few times, his eyes never moving from Paige. Crossing to Paige, and much to her shock, he sits on the side of her lounge chair, taking her hands into his. “You have a hard head Paige McKenzie. I’ve been telling you how I feel without actually saying the words for a long time now. Your hair doesn’t make you Paige McKenzie. That’s inside of you. I’m not going to run a mile because you wear headscarfs or even a wig. I’m not going to say exactly how I feel because I don’t think you’re ready to hear it, but I am going to tell you that I think you’re beautiful both inside and out.” He quickly kisses her on the lips and leaves as silently as he arrived.

  We sit in stunned silence while watching Paige caress along her lips where Seth’s had just been. I slip my hand into her open palm resting open on her lap and lightly squeeze. “I told you that he loves you.” I smile through my own tears. “He even knows you well enough to know you have a hard head.”

  “I know right,” Paige laughs, swiping at her tears. Once she’s calmed down, she looks at us one at a time, her gaze serious. “There is something I need to do without Seth being with me.”

  I frown having no clue as to what that could be when she continues, “I want you all to take me to the hairdressers.” She inhales and lets out a shaky breath. “I want it all off.” She swallows hard. “I can’t do this alone.”

  Swall
owing back tears, I realize that the one person she doesn’t want there is the one person who needs to be there. “Paige,” I say softly, “if Seth isn’t there I have a feeling that it might hurt his feelings.”

  She shakes her head, but I continue anyway, “It will. He’s been here for you every step of the way, you can’t shut him out now. Do you really want to shut him out now?”

  Tears pool in her eyes. “No.”

  “I’ll go and arrange it,” Charlotte offers.

  Olivia adds, “I’ll help you.”

  They both need a moment and I don’t blame them because I do too, except I don’t get one.

  “They ran away,” Paige comments. “I wish I could do that sometimes.” She shrugs. “I’m constantly asking, why me, but I haven’t gotten an answer yet.”

  “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  “Then tell me about Derek.” She smiles.

  “He’s amazing, Paige. I’m in love with him, but Tanner isn’t happy because of the age gap. He wants his father with someone of a similar age. It hurts, and I know it’s hurting Derek too. All these years, it’s always been him and Tanner. It must be weird for him.”

  “Sirena has never been happier, and it’s all down to Garrett. If they can make it work, and be so in love, then I don’t see why Derek and you can’t.” She smiles. “Tanner is a great guy and I’m sure he just needs more time to adjust.”

  “I’m hoping so,” my words drift off when I watch Seth walking toward us.

  “I believe we’re having a trip to the hair dressers.” He grins, but Paige looks horrified.

  Seth crouches down and stares at Paige. “We’re doing this together, whether you like it or not. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He kisses her on the cheek and scoops her up into his arms. “We’ll meet you in the car.”

  Sighing heavily, I watch him carry her inside to get ready and I can’t help feeling my heart swell in my chest.

  “I know right,” Olivia whispers. “He’s so sweet and kind to her.” She glances at me, swiping at a tear. “We’re ready to go.”

  It doesn’t take long to arrive at the salon, which has opened especially to do this today. Paige insisted on walk in when Seth went to carry her and managed just fine, which makes me wonder if Seth just likes having her close.

  Paige glances around and notices the silence. “Why isn’t anyone else here?”

  “We don’t usually open today,” Dorothy, the owner steps forward. “Who would like to go first?”

  I watch Paige closely and see the frown on her beautiful face. “First?”

  Olivia steps forward. “You don’t think you’re having all the fun,” she says lightly. “We’re doing this together.”

  Olivia, Charlotte, and I take seats. Seth scoops Paige up into his arms and takes the one remaining seat in the salon, settling Paige on his lap.

  “No,” Paige whispers, starting to cry. “Please don’t do this.” She looks at the three of us. “You have no idea what it means to me that you’d want to do this for me, but I can’t let you. You all have glorious hair, and I will again, one day. I know we’re McKenzie’s and stubborn, but I honestly don’t want you to do this. Please don’t.”

  We glance between the three of us and I know that we won’t be doing anything today. It’s something that I’ve thought about even since Charlotte had mentioned it to me, and I would have gone ahead with it if Paige hadn’t said anything. Seeing the tears on her face and hearing her begging us not to, means we won’t. We were all prepared though with colorful headscarf’s in our purses.

  “They’re not going to go ahead now, but I am,” Seth adds. “I’m doing this with you.”

  Paige shakes her head and cups his face. “I like your hair.” She runs her hands through the strands. “I’ll miss it if you get it shaved.”

  “Like you said, it will grow back.”

  “Compromise?” Paige suggests, and Seth narrows his eyes.

  “Tell me?” He sighs.

  “Leave some on, even if it’s only a centimeter. Some. Please.”

  They stare at each other for a long time until Seth shakes his head. “Let’s do this.”

  It doesn’t take long and once we’re back in the car with Paige wearing the beautiful silk scarf we’d bought her, I feel my belly full of anguish. Today hasn’t been easy for Paige, and if I’m honest, it hasn’t been for us either.

  I told myself that I hadn’t to cry, but that flew out of the window the moment Paige had burst into tears, and I saw the tears on Seth’s face as he held her close. It just got to me as it did my other two cousins.

  Paige puts on a brave face but inside she’s scared, and I don’t blame her one bit. I would be. I’d be terrified. But she’s doing the best she can, and Seth is the one keeping her fighting, and I love him myself for that alone.

  Leaving Paige was difficult as I head toward Lexington with Olivia and Charlotte.

  16

  Derek

  A week after Madison left and I’m kicking back on the deck with a beer in my hand and Geary for company. I say company but neither of us have said a word for maybe thirty minutes, and I don’t care. I’m too busy missing the woman I’m in love with while Geary has his own problems, the likes of which I’m not going to guess at.

  Hearing a text message, I open my phone and laugh when I read the words from Madison: Would it be okay if my cousin, Olivia, travels back with me for a few days? Want her to meet Geary. X

  My heart suddenly feels lighter knowing she’s coming back to me and a take a few minutes to really appreciate that, and then I glance at Geary and back to my phone chuckling.

  “Why do I get the feeling that has something to do with me?” Geary drawls.

  “Because it does.” I grin. “Madison is bringing her cousin, Olivia, back to meet you.” I quickly shoot off a reply and smile while finishing my beer.

  “Is that all you’re going to tell me?” Geary complains.

  “What else do you want to know?”

  “Make, model, and serial number.” He laughs. “I’m serious. All I have is a name.”

  I think for a moment and answer, “Well, she’s American made, and the dark-haired model, and I have no clue what her serial number is.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “Seriously Geary, Olivia is a beautiful young woman who works too hard. I’ve never known her to relax and she’s always in business suits. From what Madison and Charlotte have said over the months that I’ve known them, is that she just needs someone to love her without seeing dollar signs because she’s a McKenzie.” I pause. “The more I think about it, the more I think you’d be a perfect match.” I grin and leave him to his thoughts as I head into the house.

  Placing my empty beer bottle into the recycling, I head toward my home office and come to an abrupt stop. “What the...are you doing here? Who let you in?”

  Dee looks surprised at the anger in my tone, but it’s hard not to be angry when she’s in my home uninvited and has a suitcase at her feet. I briefly glance upward and count to ten, trying to control my temper.

  “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” she whispers, her tears now falling. “I’ve lost all power at the house and the company can’t get to it for a few days. You have a large house, so I figured—”

  “No!” I snap. “There is a hotel in town. Two in fact. You can’t stay here.”

  “Why?” she asks, her tears drying up.

  I don’t understand this woman and her pushiness. I’m also not sure I believe her.

  “Dee,” I say crossing to stand in front of her, “you are not staying here. So please leave.”

  “The hotels are booked up for a family reunion. I really don’t have anywhere else. You’re the only one I know around here,” she pleads. “Please Derek.”

  I close my eyes briefly, knowing I’m an idiot for what I’m about to do. “One night, Dee. Then you can sleep in your car if you can’t be bothered to find a hotel.” Hopefully that will make the woman do s
omething.

  “Surely you don’t mean that.” Dee steps forward and strokes my arm.

  Shaking her off, I back up a step. “I mean it. This is Madison’s home now, and I know she won’t want you staying under the same roof, which I’m sure you can understand.” Sighing, I add, “Let me show you to one of the guest rooms.”

  Dee looks at her suitcase before offering me a smile.

  I’m not usually so rude to a woman, but ever since the beginning really, she’d irritated me, now more than ever. “You carried it inside so I’m sure you can manage.”

  I smile when she follows, carrying the case as though it weighs nothing. Wanting to keep the front guest room for Olivia, I show Dee to the one in back, much to her disappointment.

  “Is this it?”

  I raise a brow. “Your car is outside.”

  She clears her throat. “It will do then.”

  Turning to leave, I have my hand on the doorknob to close it behind me when she asks, “What time is dinner?”

  Holding my temper back, I face the annoying woman. “Dee, this is not a hotel, or even a guest house. If you want something to eat, then I would suggest you make yourself something in the kitchen. Both Geary and I had an early dinner tonight.” I slam the door needing to get away from her.

  Stomping out back I find Geary half asleep right where I’d left him. “We have a house guest,” I grumble. “Damn woman.”

  “I heard,” he drawls. “She wants you and this is probably a ploy to try and seduce you. You know that right?”

  As his last words leave his mouth the heavens open and the rain forecasted earlier in the day has now arrived. Moving to stand side-by-side we watch as it bounces on the ground, loud in the quiet night.