Just Breathe

by Janette Paul

  ‘Hey, Dee, I’m home!’ Pam’s voice jangled through the apartment.

  Dee rolled her eyes, collected the rest of the cash off the floor, put a few notes in her savings chapters and quickly counted the rest. Enough for a movie.

  ‘Just on my way out. See ya later!’ Dee yelled as she headed out the door.

  Dee watched a low-slung, black, sporty-type car pull into a space right in front of the cinema. Geez, she’d driven around the block three times before she found a spot way up the hill. Bet the turkey was on his first drive past, she thought, watching a shadowy figure climb out.

  As the figure stood, Dee sucked in a breath. The turkey was Ethan Roxburgh.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Dee stood on the pavement, torn between excitement at seeing the subject of her ridiculous crush and embarrassment at seeing the subject of her ridiculous crush. And worried that the way she kept bumping into him lately was starting to look a tad stalkerish. But before she’d decided whether to dive unseen into the cinema or attempt a nonchalant wave, she’d already opened her mouth. ‘Hey, Ethan.’

  He looked distractedly over the roof of the car, took a moment to find the source of the voice, then eyed her bo-ho outfit and smiled. ‘Dee the TV Star.’

  Trying to keep the thrill of seeing him off her face, she wandered over. He sauntered around the car, jacket off but tie still in place.

  ‘Have you borrowed someone’s car?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I thought the car you had the other day was yours.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘Right. Two cars.’ She nodded, like multiple vehicles was an idea worth contemplating. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Picking up milk on my way home.’

  She checked her watch – 8.30. ‘Kind of late to be leaving the office.’

  ‘Pretty standard most nights.’

  ‘Do you live around here?’

  ‘About five minutes that way.’ He hitched a thumb over his shoulder.

  She hitched one in the opposite direction. ‘I’m about five minutes that way.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Seeing a movie.’

  He glanced at the old-style cinema and the few people waiting out front. ‘Are you meeting someone?’

  ‘No. It was just a spur of the moment thing.’

  ‘You’re seeing a movie on your own?’

  ‘Yeah. I’ve been really busy and there’s nothing like a bit of gratuitous entertainment to chill you out.’

  ‘So you don’t have a TV either.’

  A fair assumption, since he’d seen the state of her finances. He probably had two. ‘Actually, I do. It’s not mine, as such, kind of on permanent loan, but anyway, TV’s not the same. There’re no distractions at the movies. It’s dark and quiet and the picture’s so huge, it’s like you’re right there in the middle of the story. I love it.’ He seemed sceptical. ‘Hey, why don’t you come? You look like you could do with some chilling out.’

  His face went blank, as though the invitation had stumped him.

  Dee winced. He was giving her business advice, not opening up new social channels. ‘Not a date or anything. Just the movies. You know, two friends, or two people, really, going to the movies, seeing each other and, well, going in together, separate tickets and all.’

  He smiled knowingly. ‘Yeah, the dating scene can be a real drag, can’t it?’

  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on a date. ‘I wouldn’t know.’

  ‘You stay out of it then?’

  She shrugged. ‘It’s the yoga.’

  ‘That rules it out?’

  ‘The way I live it, it does.’

  A small line grew between his brows. ‘I didn’t realise you were so … committed.’

  ‘Everyone makes choices in life.’ Some are forced on you. Some keep you upright and walking and sane.

  He took a breath, hesitated as though the concept was difficult to compute. ‘So where does the not so tall, dark and handsome father to your kids come in?’

  He remembered that? ‘That was an imaginary world, after all. In my real world, the yoga has to come first and that means I can’t have everything.’

  Something passed through his eyes. She couldn’t read it. Bewilderment maybe, disappointment possibly. It was okay. A lot of people didn’t get it. Her family included.

  ‘Don’t you miss …’ He didn’t finish.

  ‘What?’

  He seemed to teeter on the verge of completing the sentence. ‘Nothing. I …’ He shook his head, checked his watch. ‘So, what are you seeing?’

  ‘The new Jackie Chan movie.’

  He chuckled like it was cute. ‘What time does it start?’

  ‘Five minutes.’

  He didn’t speak for about ten seconds, as though he was figuring something out. Maybe work was on a tight schedule. ‘Okay. Why not? Sounds like fun.’

  Dee’s stomach did an odd little giggle. ‘One thing, though. You have to take off your tie. It’ll ruin my reputation if I’m seen with a man in a suit.’ She grinned. It took a moment but he grinned back, pulled off his tie and undid the top button of his shirt. ‘Better,’ she said. Much better. ‘Come on, we haven’t got a lot of time.’ She took off down the pavement, away from the cinema.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘To get our movie supplies.’ She led him past a couple of restaurants, around the corner to a small grocer’s shop.

  Ethan stopped in the doorway. ‘Gee, fruit, what a treat.’

  ‘Not fruit. They sell the best chocolates here.’ Dee selected two pinkie-finger-sized, gold-wrapped chocolates from a box on the counter. One each.

  ‘Wait a minute,’ Ethan said. ‘They’ve got packets of them over here. Let me buy one and we can share.’

  Dee was horrified. ‘I don’t want a whole packet. That would ruin the effect. I only buy these when I go to the movies. And only ever one.’ She could usually only afford one. ‘They’re fantastic, so rich and creamy with soft caramel inside and little bits of nougat, and if you eat slowly you can make it last for ages. It’s an intense experience, believe me. A whole packet, I don’t know, it would make them seem like just any other chocolate.’

  He was holding the bag in both hands, watching her with, well … yearning. If she’d been telling him about the sun setting over the Taj Mahal, she’d have understood. Maybe he was just imagining the taste sensation.

  ‘You can buy the whole packet if you like, don’t let me stop you,’ she said. ‘But I’ll be sticking to my one.’

  He put the packet down. ‘No, let’s go with one each. I’m up for an intense experience. Kung-fu and one chocolate sounds very intense.’ He pulled a note from his wallet. ‘Just the two, thanks,’ he told the man behind the counter.

  ‘No.’ She nudged him away. ‘It’s not a date, remember. Just two people going to the movies at the same time. I’ll pay for mine.’ She slapped a smaller note on the counter.

  ‘Sure, if that’s the way it works for you. That’s one for the lady and one for me, thanks.’

  By the time they bought their tickets and pushed open the doors to the theatre, the lights were down and the trailers had started. In the darkness, she bumped into Ethan’s back, so he took her arm and pulled her close and, for a few seconds, as they manoeuvred the stairs shoulder to shoulder, she breathed in the warmth of him. He murmured, ‘There,’ and she pointed and whispered, ‘Over there,’ and they clambered over the laps of four people for a spot in the centre of the row.

  She shuffled about in her seat, her bare arm brushing his shirtsleeve, her skin tingling in response. As she settled, the clean officey smell of him wafted over her, as though he’d eased gently, comfortably into her personal space. She shook her head. Movie and chocolate, Dee. She felt in her pocket, then around the seat.

  ‘I dropped my chocolate,’ she whispered.

  ‘Just now?’

  ‘Yes. It must be on the floor.’ She bent forward a
t the same moment as Ethan and their heads crashed together.

  ‘Ow.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Sorry,’ they said in unison and laughed quietly; Dee with a hand to her temple, Ethan rubbing his forehead.

  ‘Shhhh!’ said the woman behind.

  Ethan leaned close, cupped a hand to her cheek. ‘Are you all right?’ Ohmigod. She was now. His breath smelled minty and the hand had created a wave of goosebumps. ‘I’ve always wanted a black eye. Thought it might give me an air of mystery.’

  The woman behind gave an annoyed ‘hurrumph’.

  Ethan closed the distance between them, whispering in her ear. ‘It’s the big Jackie O sunglasses you wear to cover it up that make you look mysterious.’

  She shut her eyes before they rolled back in her head. His breath was hot, his five o’clock shadow scratchy and the heat coming off his body made her want to press against him. She swallowed hard. ‘Pity about that. I won’t be able to see the movie in sunglasses.’

  The woman leaned forward and hissed into Dee’s hair, ‘Shhhh!’

  Dee jumped. Ethan pulled away.

  ‘You stay here. I’ll find the chocolate,’ he whispered.

  He bent down, feeling around the floor with his hand. It slipped between her ankles and Dee’s heart beat like she’d just run up the cinema stairs. ‘Got it.’ His head popped up. ‘One chocolate for the lady.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Shhhh, for God’s sake!’ the woman said.

  Ethan grinned as he turned to face the screen.

  This was much better than TV.

  ‘Are you chilled?’ Dee asked.

  Ethan insisted on walking her up the hill to her car, and a sultry sea breeze reached them as they strolled in and out of the soft circles of light cast by street lamps. ‘I haven’t been to the movies in ages and I can’t remember the last kung-fu flick I saw. It was fun.’

  ‘Gratuitous entertainment is money well spent. You should try it next time you go on one of those dates.’

  ‘You think that’ll make a good impression?’

  ‘Definitely. What girl wouldn’t be impressed with a movie and a chocolate?’

  ‘And we’d only have to make scintillating conversation before and after. Much more efficient.’

  ‘That’s right. The only problem would be the photo for the social pages. Maybe you could arrange a cameraman to snap you on your way out. No, probably best to do that on the way in, in case she drops chocolate on her top and has an ugly stain in the Roxburgh Girl picture.’

  They’d been grinning jokily as they walked but now his smile fell away and his pace slowed. Oh dear, had she gone too far? Maybe he was sensitive about his Roxburgh Girl reputation.

  ‘You cut straight to the chase, don’t you?’

  ‘I didn’t mean –’

  ‘The Roxburgh Girl thing is a pain.’ He pushed his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘It was a laugh when it all started but engineering photo opportunities to keep the media off my back is bloody annoying. And it makes dating more complicated than it should be when there’s always a newspaper asking “Is she the one?”.’

  ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe if you went to boring places, they’d stop following you. Or maybe you could just be really boring and they’d lose interest.’

  He chuckled. ‘Then they’d just say Ethan Roxburgh’s so boring but look who he’s with now.’

  ‘Ah, the curse of fame and money. There are some advantages to being dull and broke.’ She stopped beside her car, digging around in her bag for keys.

  ‘You’re anything but dull, Dee.’

  The softness in his voice made her look up.

  His eyes were on her, the honeycomb flecks bright in the light from the lamp post. ‘Broke but never dull.’ A small, lopsided grin worked its way onto his mouth. ‘And we’re working on the broke bit, right?’

  She forced herself to breathe. ‘Right.’

  He nodded at her car. ‘Have you had it fixed?’

  Dee was still back at never dull. Different, not dull. ‘What? The car? No, it just doesn’t like the rain. I’m praying for drought.’

  ‘That reminds me. Health Life is interested in talking to you about a new project.’

  ‘Something to do with cars?’

  ‘No, but if it comes off you could get your new second-hand car a lot sooner. They want to do a DVD to capitalise on the ad.’

  There was a stack of cheesy yoga DVDs out there and Dee had no wish to put her name to another one. ‘What kind of DVD?’

  ‘Don’t know. That’s what you need to talk to them about.’

  In her mind, she saw a boardroom table and hard-headed professionals hounding her to sign up for an Austin Powers-style DVD. ‘I wouldn’t know what to say.’

  ‘I can find out more details so you can think about it first. Are you interested?’

  Dee conjured up the Warrior Pose. Be assertive. Be a warrior. Get shit together. She made a fist and held it above her head. ‘Yes, I am.’

  He laughed quietly. ‘Definitely never dull.’

  They stood for a moment. Dee rocked back and forth on her feet. Ethan had his hands in his pockets. Okay, even out of dating practice, she knew nothing-doing body language.

  ‘Keys.’ She fumbled them out of her bag, unlocked the car. ‘Thanks for the company.’

  ‘No, thank you. I should’ve been getting some work done but this was much more enjoyable.’ He lifted a hand, ran a thumb gently across her cheek. ‘I hope you don’t get a bruise. Let me know if you need some Jackie Os.’

  ‘Sure,’ she breathed.

  ‘And don’t forget dinner next week.’

  Like that would happen. ‘It’s in the diary.’

  He stepped away as she slid into the driver’s seat. At the corner, she glanced back at him in the rear-vision mirror. He was still at the kerb, hands in his pockets, watching her leave.

  Next time she bumped into him she’d have to make sure he kept his tie on. This crush was ridiculous.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Dee’s eyes flew open. She gasped. Health Life meeting. Today.

  She hugged her knees to her chest and breathed deeply. Don’t think about it, Dee. Big circles with the right leg, big circles with the left, extra pull on her hamstrings. Cat stretch – oh dear, her back was tight. She’d have to work on that. When the warm-up was finished, she rolled onto her yoga mat, systematically working through her vertebrae, binding and gagging all thoughts of the meeting until she finished her practice.

  Patrick was waiting at his front door before she had a chance to knock. ‘It’s going to be hot today. This humidity really upsets my psoriasis.’

  ‘I’ll bet it does. How’s your neck?’

  ‘Not bad. My knee’s playing up again, though.’

  ‘Why don’t we try a bit of gentle stretching on it today?’ Dee threw her yoga mat on the floor and sat down before he could add to his list of ailments. Her brain was too crowded with thoughts about the meeting to process any more of Patrick’s injuries.

  It had taken Health Life only three days to set up the meeting with Dee and various department heads. Lucy said it indicated their enthusiasm about the DVD project but it was still more than enough time for Dee’s anxiety to crank up for another out-of-comfort-zone moment.

  She’d tried to alleviate some of her dread by building a catalogue of business-meeting advice. When she went to Amanda for fashion help, she came away with hand-me-down power suits, spike-heeled pumps and instructions to act normal (meaning less hippie) and to behave like she had a clue. As she didn’t have time for an acting course, she’d have to wing the last one.

  Leon told her to ‘be present’. ‘Don’t go off on some mental trip to India when it gets boring or you’ll miss something.’ Like she’d do that. She’d be too nervous to think about the markets and the mouth-watering smells from the food stalls and the beautiful saris at that shop around the corner. And … Focus, Dee.

  Hollywood
Tom warned her that Health Life’s ideas would be commercially driven and to be conscious of any attempt to manipulate the yoga ethos. Hmm.

  Arianne said it was important to think before she spoke, speak clearly and don’t throw up.

  ‘So what’s on today?’ Patrick asked when Dee brought his meditation to an end.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘You seem distracted.’

  Dee felt a stab of guilt. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it affect your class. It’s just that I’m going to a big-wig business meeting this morning and I’m, well, anxious.’ When she told him about it, he looked impressed, which made her feel a little more anxious. ‘Have you got any advice?’

  ‘Don’t say yes to anything until you know exactly what you’re putting yourself up for and how much you’re going to get paid. Plenty of new players lose a bunch of time and money getting caught out with that one.’

  ‘That sounds sensible.’ Act knowledgeable, be present, speak clearly, don’t say yes. And don’t throw up.

  She squeezed into the rush-hour traffic, rolled bumper to bumper down the road to her seven-thirty private then on to the yoga school for the 9 a.m. beginners’ class. At ten-thirty she had just enough time to shower and gulp down coffee at the café up the road.

  Dee hung Amanda’s jacket on the back of her chair, tugged at the straight black skirt, kicked her slightly too big shoes off and stirred her cappuccino. This meeting better get her closer to Shit Together, she thought, because she cancelled a private lesson to be there. She couldn’t wait for it to be over now. She knew nothing about DVD production or health insurance or marketing. She felt like a kid going to a grown-ups’ party – as though she’d understand the words but not the meaning.

  She picked up her ringing phone and smiled at the display. ‘Hey, Ethan.’

  ‘Just wondering if you want to grab a coffee after your meeting. Talk about how it went. Maybe when you come in for Lucy’s lesson?’

  He knew her teaching schedule? ‘Sure. Although I may need something a bit stronger by then.’