Just Breathe

by Janette Paul

  ‘That’s right, you’re a meeting virgin. It’s only natural to be nervous the first time but I’m sure they’ll be gentle with you.’

  The giggle in her throat eased a little of the tension. ‘I’ve had a busload of advice. Would you like to add any?’

  ‘I think the usual for virgins would apply. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t get pressured into something and remember no means no.’

  ‘Okay. I think I can manage that.’

  ‘Have you got protection?’

  ‘I’m all out of condoms but I’ve got a mint.’

  ‘Fresh breath is good. Sounds like you’re all set. Good luck. I’ll be standing by with a post-meeting cigarette.’

  She couldn’t wait.

  ‘Dee! Our Health Life yoga guru.’ Leonard Frost met her at the boardroom door. ‘I’m sure when you’ve heard what we’ve got to say you’ll be as excited about this project as I am.’

  She smiled, relieved. This wasn’t so bad. Leonard was here to guide her through.

  ‘Let me introduce you to our crew.’ Dee shook hands with Toby from Marketing, Blair from Public Relations, Cameron from Advertising and Grace from Member Services, and almost hugged Damon the Director for being a familiar face. ‘So now you all know each other, I’ll be off,’ Leonard said.

  Dee watched in horror as he bid farewell and closed the door behind himself. She was on her own now.

  ‘So, Dee, where’s your yoga mat? We thought you’d be giving us a demo.’ Toby from Marketing stood proud of the group, hands on hips, marking his territory as head boy.

  She smiled uncertainly at her serious new friends. Was this boardroom frivolity or did they really expect her to drop to the floor, do a few forward bends and a headstand? She hitched at her skirt. ‘I’m not exactly dressed for yoga.’

  ‘Maybe next time, hey? Take a seat and we’ll get down to business.’

  She took a seat on one side of the large table, mentally going through the check list of advice she’d collected.

  ‘So, Dee, what did you think of the ad?’ Cameron from Advertising asked.

  ‘It was very good.’ Act knowledgeable. ‘And beautifully filmed. And inspiring. In a health insurance kind of way, I mean. And, well, weird, actually. I’ve never seen myself do yoga before, except in a mirror, of course, and I thought I did quite well to keep my posture square in the sand, although I did turn my feet out a little too much in the revolved triangle.’ She looked around the table at blank faces. Okay, maybe too much detail.

  ‘What was the reaction in the yoga community?’ Cameron asked.

  ‘Well, I …’ Dee felt her face go blank. The ‘yoga community’ was a big, diverse group and she hadn’t taken a poll. ‘I think they generally liked it.’ At least, she hadn’t heard anyone say it was a load of crap.

  ‘So they’re pleased we’ve given them our support?’

  Dee didn’t think the ‘yoga community’ gave a hoot whether or not it was supported by Health Life. And why did Cameron from Advertising really care? He’d already made the ad without the consultation of the ‘yoga community’. She looked at Cameron, saw his eager, earnest face with perhaps a little tension in the left side of his neck. A penny dropped and a bit of her own tension slipped away. He didn’t want a discussion about the disparity between the commercial mindset and Eastern philosophy. He wanted a pat on the back. That was easy.

  ‘I think it’s nice the health benefits of yoga are being recognised.’ She smiled and he looked as though his opinion had been confirmed.

  Toby cleared his throat then waited a moment for everyone’s attention. ‘We’ve seen your yoga and it’s certainly impressive. What else do you do, Dee?’

  She tried to look sensible and professional. ‘I teach yoga as well.’

  He paused a moment. ‘Is that all?’

  ‘It’s a full-time job.’

  ‘Nice work if you can get it.’ He laughed in a short, sharp burst. ‘Ever thought of adding to your repertoire? You could expand your market base if you included a couple more services.’ He grinned. ‘Especially after our members get to check you out on the DVD.’

  Dee supposed it was meant as a compliment, but the way he said it made her feel a bit dirty. ‘I’m committed to yoga and –’

  ‘You could do Pilates, too. That’s big these days.’

  ‘Well, actually –’

  ‘Or aerobics. I can see you doing all that jumping around.’

  ‘Coffee’s here,’ Damon the Director interrupted.

  Not a moment too soon. She took the opportunity to turn away from Toby and take a clean breath.

  ‘You’d look hot in those tinsy-winsy outfits,’ Toby said.

  Dee looked back – big guy, barrel chest, some kind of back problem. She took her cup from Damon and tried to sort through the advice she’d been given. Act like you know what’s going on, Amanda had said. But she had no idea what was happening. This guy was rude and sleazy and nobody else seemed to notice.

  ‘Hey, guys,’ Damon said, tapping his watch, ‘can we get down to business? I’ve got another meeting in an hour.’

  Hallelujah.

  Grace from Member Services outlined the project. There would be a series of DVDs aimed at encouraging members on their quest for a healthy lifestyle, the purpose being to demonstrate Health Life’s dedication to its members’ well-being. They would start with the yoga DVD, picking up on the success of Dee’s ad, then go on to Pilates, Tai Chi, aerobics and massage.

  ‘Do you do massage?’ Toby asked loudly across the table. ‘Even I’d try a bit of yoga if you threw in a massage.’ His mouth widened in a salacious grin.

  Dee wasn’t sure she’d be able to follow Arianne’s advice about not throwing up. She glanced around the table and saw the others absorbed in note-taking and coffee. She smiled uneasily, wiping her hands down her skirt. She noted Toby’s wet mouth, stiff back, the shirt too tight around his fleshy throat. He was just a revolting person with no respect. Not unlike an old student who’d suddenly grown an over-active imagination, at least where his physical attributes had been concerned. She’d set him straight with a gobful of yoga talk and, three weeks later, he’d cancelled his classes.

  If she did the same with Toby, she might edit herself right out of the DVD project, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that. Aside from the Shit Together issues, it was beginning to sound attractive – a quality job, not some cheesy promo, Grace had said, and they were going to consult her on research and the script. Maybe best to be a good sport.

  ‘Perhaps I could sign up for a massage and just watch the yoga.’ Toby winked at her across the table.

  Ah, stuff it. She sifted through her checklist, selected ‘speak clearly’. ‘I’m sure you know all this, Toby, but the practice of yoga as the Western world sees it, the postures and meditation, is only a small part of the philosophy. It also includes elements like breath-control, chanting and sensory withdrawal. It definitely doesn’t include massage, particularly the sort of laying on of hands you seem to be referring to. So, if you want someone to massage that obvious problem you have with your back, then I’d suggest a good chiropractor.’ She smiled. ‘Or a call girl.’

  Down the table, Damon the Director grinned broadly and from the corner of her eye she saw Blair from Public Relations chuckle silently. But Toby straightened a little, squared his shoulders and gave her a shrewd, narrow-eyed look.

  Well, there goes Shit Together.

  He turned his attention to the others then. ‘Okay, Damon, can you run through your end of the project?’

  As Damon talked about scripts and sets and scheduling, Dee began to tune out. She wouldn’t get the job now but at least she’d managed to keep her coffee down. She leaned into her soft high-backed chair and let her eyes wander to the spectacular view of Sydney Harbour. Pretty neat place to hold meetings. How do they ever keep their minds on the job with the Opera House just down there and all those little sail boats scuttling around? She crossed her legs,
let Amanda’s shoe dangle from her toes. So this is what a business meeting is like? Pretty tense, really. A lot of mental argy-bargy and jostling for position. No wonder they’ve all got stress points. Necks and shoulders, Damon continually clicking his pen, Grace’s rapid blinking. That must get tiring. Good refreshments, though, and …

  ‘Dee?’

  She jumped. The shoe flipped off the end of her foot.

  She looked along the table at the faces turned towards her. ‘Huh?’

  ‘A commitment, Dee? We need to get moving on this project ASAP,’ Toby said.

  They still wanted her? What had she missed? Where was her shoe? ‘Well, okay.’

  ‘Great.’ Toby turned to Blair. ‘So that sorts the PR then. Should be plenty of promo opportunities for Dee, don’t you think?’

  ‘Absolutely. Demos, obviously, and how do you feel about public speaking?’

  Dee’s mouth dropped. ‘Ah …’

  Toby checked his watch. ‘You can sort through the details later. For now, I’m sure Dee will make an impressive ambassador for Health Life. Welcome aboard.’

  She smiled tentatively and struck out a foot under the table in search of her shoe.

  Beside her, Grace stood and collected her notes. ‘I’m looking forward to working with you.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said. Under the table, her toe found the shoe and pushed it further away. ‘Dee?’ Toby said.

  The others were gathered at the door for a group exit.

  The shoe was halfway down the length of the table now. Maybe she could fake it, come back to the room to collect it after the others were gone. She stood up, but, with only one of Amanda’s skyscraper heels, she looked like Quasimodo without the hunch.

  ‘Excuse me a minute.’ She dropped to her knees and crawled to where the shoe lay butted against the centre leg of the huge timber top. Backing out again, she popped up, waved the errant shoe at the perplexed faces waiting for her. ‘Do you think I could be an ambassador without these shoes?’

  Ethan laughed out loud when she told him about the lost shoe. She hadn’t intended to highlight her embarrassment but when she turned up at the café in Amanda’s Armani suit, he raised his eyebrows and said, ‘Dee the Businesswoman.’ Then he’d seen the funky pink thongs she’d traded for the heels.

  ‘What’s with the footwear?’ he asked, and she couldn’t resist telling.

  ‘At least I’ve given them something to laugh about. They all looked like they could do with a bit of de-stressing.’

  ‘You’re good at that.’

  ‘Giving people something to laugh at or de-stressing?’

  ‘Both.’ He kinked an eyebrow and her heart thumped. ‘So how did you entertain them for the rest of the meeting?’

  Dee told him about the discussions, finishing with Toby from Marketing. ‘I was surprised he wanted a commitment from me. After what I said and the way he reacted, I thought that’d be the end of it.’

  ‘Toby likes to find out what people are made of. Your comeback told him you won’t be pushed around.’

  ‘He needn’t have been so gross about it.’

  ‘Business isn’t polite, Dee. It’s just business. Don’t take it personally.’

  ‘That’s a bit hard when someone’s measuring you up for a “tinsy-winsy” aerobics outfit.’

  Ethan’s mouth turned up at one corner. ‘It might’ve been better if you’d turned up in your yoga clothes. That outfit’s enough to render a man speechless.’

  Imagine that. Ethan Roxburgh, admirer of beautiful women, struck dumb by a pair of sweaty tights and a singlet top.

  ‘So where to from here?’ he asked.

  Anywhere he liked.

  ‘This contract with Health Life is the perfect launching pad for the actions we’ve been talking about,’ he continued. ‘If you can pull a few things into place now, you could be driving a new second-hand car next month.’

  ‘That soon?’

  ‘You’ve got a few pieces to move into place – your fees, a workable budget, a business plan, add in a bit of networking. Speaking of which, the guest list for that dinner came out today and you’re in luck.’

  He pulled a sheet of paper from his briefcase and laid it in front of her. A column of names ran down the page with partners listed alongside. ‘Graeme Paffe, the clothing manufacturer you spoke to at the ball, will be there.’ He pointed to his name highlighted on the list. ‘Last time I heard, he was getting in to sports clothing, so, with the Health Life DVD underway, it might be a good opportunity to have another chat.’ He smiled at the nervous face she made. ‘I’ll introduce you, get it started and you can take it from there.’

  ‘Note to self – brush up on business jargon before Wednesday night.’ She ran a finger down the list of names, stopped at ‘R’. Roxburgh, Ethan and Date (Dee Nichols).

  He pulled the page away. ‘That’s the president’s idea of a joke. A business dinner’s hardly date material.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  Ethan checked his watch. ‘Lucy will be waiting. I’ll walk to the elevator with you.’

  The lobby of Roxburgh House was busy with the lunchtime crowd and, as they made their way to the bank of lifts, Ethan bent his head to hers. ‘By the way, your shoulder stretches are great. I used them before the last couple of squash games and smashed my opponent.’

  ‘Is that good?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  They stopped amidst the throng of office workers.

  ‘By the way,’ Dee said, ‘I tried one of the balance sheets in the book you gave me.’ An elevator pinged, doors opened and she stepped in behind a mass of passengers.

  When she turned around, Ethan was still in the doorway. ‘Did it balance?’

  ‘Not yet.’

  Chapter Twenty

  Dee was keyed up after Lucy’s class. It had been a stimulating day – a successful business meeting, promise of spectacular money, recounting of said meeting with Ethan, then Lucy. And she’d had five cups of coffee. It would take something momentous to ruin her mood. What better time to ring her mother?

  She decided to tackle the apartment problem from a new angle. It was Val’s birthday next week and Dee figured she could treat her to a posh afternoon tea. Over fine china and pretty cakes, she’d explain she didn’t want to buy an apartment. Her mother would be so delighted by her surroundings, her daughter’s thoughtfulness and the clever way she was getting her shit together that she’d tell her she could make her own decisions about Auntie May’s money.

  ‘Do you know how much they charge for high tea?’ Val cried down the phone. ‘You can’t afford that.’

  Dee flexed the sudden kink in her neck as she waited at traffic lights. ‘You don’t know what I can afford and I’d really like to take you. You always talk about when Nana used to treat you and Auntie Fee for your birthdays. I thought it might be nice if we did that.’

  ‘I appreciate the thought, Dee, but I’d prefer you didn’t spend your money on me.’

  ‘It’s just we haven’t seen a lot of each other lately. It would be a chance to catch up.’ They hadn’t spoken about anything but apartment hunting since Christmas and Dee actually missed their usual fractious conversations.

  ‘To tell you the truth, I’d prefer you kept your money and spent time with me looking at apartments. I’ve narrowed it down to three or four now.’

  ‘But it’s your birthday. No one wants to spend their birthday –’

  ‘It would be the perfect gift. I’d feel like I’d achieved something.’

  Dee took the phone from her ear and pulled faces at it.

  ‘Dee? Dee, are you still there?’

  ‘Yes, Mum.’ Still trapped by maternal obstinacy. ‘Why don’t we do both? We could go to afternoon tea then visit a couple of properties?’ Maybe she could talk her out of the second half of the proposition over the first half’s fine china and pretty cakes.

  ‘Yes, I suppose we could do that. But let’s see the apartments first.’

  Arianne
and Howard’s conversation stopped as Dee walked into their living room.

  ‘What are you wearing?’ Howard said.

  Dee had used the bathroom in their flat above the yoga school to shower, change and apply what little cosmetic skills she had to her face and hair. ‘It’s Amanda’s suit. Do you think it’s okay for networking?’

  ‘I have no idea,’ said Howard. ‘Can you walk in those shoes?’

  She’d reluctantly put on Amanda’s high heels again – even Dee could see the thongs didn’t work. ‘No, but I don’t think that’s their primary function.’

  ‘Your hair looks nice,’ said Arianne from where she was propped on the lounge, supported by a huge pillow.

  Dee had twisted her thick hair into a loose knot. ‘Thanks, I spent hours on it,’ she joked then winced as butterflies flapped nervously in her belly. ‘I’d prefer to teach twenty yoga classes back to back than do this stuff. The meeting’s at a private club and I can only get in if Ethan gives a secret password or something. Do you think I should shake hands with the guests or curtsey?’ She hitched at her skirt and re-tucked the blouse. ‘I’m going to wait on the street. Ethan should be here any minute.’

  He’d suggested they go together to avoid any problems getting into the club, so she left her car parked behind the school and waited for him on the street, working on settling her nerves with some deep breathing.

  The persistent sense of apprehension she’d suffered since the accident had been in overdrive since Ethan began his mentoring. Lately she’d been jumping at sudden noises, struggling to shake the morning anxiety and had a recurring dream about having no legs. She couldn’t loosen the tightness from her back, either, not sure if it was stress or Amanda’s heels or the fact that stretching and resting was taking a back seat while she went to meetings, filled in for Arianne and kept her private students happy.

  And the ridiculous crush on Ethan Roxburgh felt like a waste of the space in her head. After the crash, her mind was littered with sharp-edged memories, lumps of grief and broken bits of dreams. It took ages to sort them out, file them in boxes and stack them in neat, manageable piles. Now sweet, funny thoughts of Ethan kept slinking about in there, taking up valuable room. She’d sweep them up, stow them away then she’d see him again and they’d spring out and skip around like a kid in a playground, making her feel dizzy.