Silent Forgiveness (Sign of Love Series Book 4)

by Tonya Clark

  Jacob pushes his paper toward me once again to check the problems he has finished. I quickly run through them.

  “I think you have it,” I sign and offer him a smile.

  Jacob nods and signs, “Thank you,” then starts gathering his books and gets up from the table.

  I stop him before he can walk away. “I hope I’m not stepping over any lines, but if you need someone to talk to or anything else, I’m a great listener.”

  I just sit here watching and waiting as he looks down at the floor. When he looks at me again, my heart shatters. His eyes are glassed over from the tears he won’t allow to flow. It is everything I can do not to jump out of my chair and hug this poor kid.

  “Thank you, but I’m okay,” he signs, and then quickly leaves the room, running up the stairs.

  I am fighting the tears myself now. He has just lost both of his parents in a senseless incident. He isn’t all right, he is hurting and probably very confused. His parents dying wasn’t an accident, it was by some crazed man who decided to take the lives of innocent people.

  Every time I think about the bastard, I want to find him and beat him. My best friend’s life will never be the same, but at least she is alive. Jacob and Cameron’s life will never be the same and their parents are gone. I can’t imagine what I would have done if Charliee wouldn’t have survived.

  “Why is Jacob upset?” Cameron’s voice booms from behind me.

  I jump and quickly stand up. I feel like a kid that just got caught doing something sneaky. I turn and find him storming toward me from the office. When he reaches me, he stops only inches away. Fire is in his eyes when he looks straight down at me. Our chests touch every time we both take a breath, that’s how close he is standing.

  Nothing is said, we just stare each other down. Daring the other one to be the one to back down. I can’t do this, all I want to do is grab the front of his shirt and pull his lips down to mine. Now more pissed off at myself for wanting him than at him for accusing me of upsetting Jacob, I quickly turn and begin placing all my stuff in my bag.

  I’ve only grabbed one book when Cameron grabs my arm, turning me back around to face him. Before I can tell him where I think he can go, his lips claim mine. My knees buckle, his arms going around my waist to hold me up at the same time my hand grabs the front of his shirt to keep myself from hitting the floor. My shock quickly wears off and I find myself kissing him back. I want to climb up his body. His body is now pressed completely against mine, it feels like fire is running through all of my veins. I have a need that can’t be described.

  Then like cold water is splashed over me, the name Candice flashes through my head. I shove myself from him by his chest, breaking the kiss. I take a step back, hitting the table. My legs feel a little wobbly still so I grab onto the table to hold myself up. My lips still feel his and are begging me to go back to kissing him. Neither of us say a word, we just stare at each other, both of us trying to catch our breath.

  After a couple deep breaths, when I am sure that I can let go of the table and hold myself up with my own two legs, I quickly turn, grab the rest of my stuff and shove it into my bag. I can’t look at Cameron when I turn back around, I just walk past him and out the front door. I don’t even bother to close the door behind me. I need to get out of the house and as fast as I can. I’m not even sure if I even take another breath until I get to my car. Throwing my bag into the passenger seat, I slam my door and start my car. Now I am pissed and turned on. Not two feelings that go well together for me.

  I jump when my phone goes off with a text message in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see Charliee’s name appear on the screen.

  Charliee: Are you coming by today?

  Crap, I have gone and seen Charliee every day since she has been in the hospital. I had planned to stop by for a while after I was done tutoring Jacob, but now all I want to do is go home and hide.

  Jayden: Sorry, I’m not going to make it tonight.

  I feel like the worst best friend right now, but Charliee reads me too well and I don’t have it in me to explain tonight.

  Charliee: Are you all right?

  Jayden: Yes, just tired. I had a late tutoring.

  I even add a happy face hoping she will accept it and not ask any other questions.

  Charliee: All right, see you later, get some rest. Love ya.

  Worst best friend in the world.

  Jayden: Love you too.

  I text back and then throw my phone onto the passenger seat. When I look up, there is Cameron, standing in the front doorway staring at me.

  I sit here for a moment just staring back at him. Neither one of us tries to hide from the other. He doesn’t look cocky at the moment either, which I find is his usual expression. The man pours with confidence, he is usually pretty sure of himself I feel. Right at this moment, though, he looks everything but confident. Usually, I would say I have the same confidence in myself, but around Cameron I’m not sure of anything.

  The name Candice flashes in my head once again. The heat in my body quickly cools. I don’t know who she is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Cameron has a girlfriend. I feel almost sick right now. If he does have a girlfriend and he just kissed me…anger begins to take over the passionate feelings. This is a perfect reminder of why I don’t get involved. Men are not to be trusted!

  Chapter 7

  Cameron

  What the hell was I thinking? I’d say I wasn’t thinking at all when I kissed Jayden. I had just come out of the office and was heading in to see how much longer they had so that I knew when I could start dinner, when Jacob ran up the stairs. He didn’t look mad, but I could tell something was bothering him.

  When I asked Jayden and she spun on me as fast as she did, I was ready for the battle, but with us standing that close, and the fire in her eyes challenging me, I couldn’t help myself. I felt her legs give out and that only gave me the perfect excuse to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her tighter against me. When she grabbed the front of my shirt, I about lost myself. She was holding on as though I was her life support.

  Her lips were soft, and her kiss was hungry. I don’t think I have ever wanted a woman as much as I wanted Jayden just from one kiss.

  When she pushed away from me and I saw the disgusted look on her face, it felt like cold water had just been dumped on me. I would put money on the fact that the look wasn’t because of the kiss. There for a moment she was just as hungry for me as I was for her. Something else happened to put that look in her eyes. It’s the same look I’m getting right now from her as she stares at me from her car.

  For a moment when she looked up and saw me in the doorway, I would have sworn I saw the want in her eyes, but it changed to the disapproving look so fast, I’m not sure. It is almost like she is judging me. I’m not the only one who was kissing the other. Sure, I may have made the first move and kissed her first, but she was just as affected as I had been. So why she would judge me and give me that look and not take some of the responsibility is beyond me. Maybe she has a boyfriend. I wouldn’t know that though. Maybe she is mad because I did kiss her, and she liked it, and if she is in a relationship with someone then being mad at me would be easier for her than to be mad at herself and think she did anything wrong. She could have pulled away or stopped me altogether. Now I am pissed. Quickly, I turn away from her judging eyes and close the door. I need to check on Jacob.

  I take the stairs two at a time and when I get to Jacob’s room, I’m not surprised to find the door closed. Staring at it, I try to decide if I should go in or not. When Jacob was old enough to need his privacy, my parents told him if his door was closed they knew not to go in, but if it was open at all they knew they could enter. My dad always said if for any reason he thought Jacob was hiding anything, he had the right to enter at any time.

  Jacob was never a problem child. Neither one of us were. We had no reason to sneak around, our parents were always pretty open and forward with us. I
think we both knew it would be Mom we had to deal with and we knew her wrath was much worse than Dad’s. Mom never yelled or lost her temper, she always stayed calm, and that’s probably what scared us the most. Seeing disappointment in her eyes would have been the worst punishment for me I believe.

  I have probably been standing in front of Jacob’s closed door for five minutes before I decide that he can’t keep hiding himself away in his room like he has been doing. Dad wouldn’t have allowed it and neither am I anymore.

  Opening the door, I find Jacob laying on his bed. I walk over to stand beside the bed. He doesn’t even look at me, he just keeps his eyes up toward the ceiling. If he thinks ignoring me will have me just walk back out, he is wrong. I will stand here until he decides to look at me.

  “My door was closed,” he finally signs, but still doesn’t look at me.

  So, I wait a little longer. After a couple more minutes, his eyes find mine. My heart slams in the back of my chest. His eyes are red, it looks as though he has been crying.

  “I noticed something was wrong when you passed me. You want to talk about it?” I sign, trying to pull myself together.

  He doesn’t answer back, he just stares at me. “Look, you have been moping around long enough, Jacob. You need to get out, see your friends. Maybe it’s time for you to go back to school.”

  The shift in his eyes is very noticeable, he is mad now. Too bad, if I need to push him a little, I will. I would rather push him than allow him to lay here all the time and get lost altogether.

  He doesn’t say anything. He just gets up from the bed and walks past me to his door. He is waiting for me to leave. Again, he is pushing me out. This is crazy, does he think this is something only he is going through? I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t force him to talk to me.

  “Fine, stay up here alone. Keep pushing everyone away,” I sign, as I walk past him and out of the room.

  I stop right outside the door, looking back at him. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour.”

  I don’t wait for a response this time. I turn and walk down the hall. Hearing his door close is like a kick in the chest. Before you head down our stairs, my mom had all of our family pictures displayed on the wall. The one I focus on, Jacob had to have been about seven years old, I was seventeen. We were all smiling, but my mom’s smile seemed to radiate past ours. She was proud of her men. I’m sure right now she isn’t very proud of the way I am handling everything. I am failing with my brother. I can almost see the one look I never wanted to see in my mom’s eyes when she looked at me—disappointment!

  Pain shoots through my hand and up to my elbow as my fist creates a hole in the wall right next to that family picture.

  ****

  “Cameron, everything is going great. We are right on track and the final inspection is scheduled for two weeks from today. Hiring the extra security worked, like we talked about before. We haven’t had any problems. I still think you should have given me one night though. I would have been just as effective and cost a lot less,” Steve laughs on the other end of the line.

  “Sorry, Steve, I couldn’t risk losing you because their parents pressed charges because of your scare tactics.”

  Flexing my hand, it is still pretty sore. It has been over a week, maybe I should go, and have it checked out.

  “Please, they wouldn’t have said anything, or they would have had to tell their parents why they got in trouble to begin with.”

  Jayden’s laughter in the dining room catches my attention. I don’t hear anything else that Steve is saying.

  I get up from the desk and walk out to the living room where I can see into the dining room clearly, seeing both Jacob and Jayden.

  Jayden has been back a few times since we kissed that first night. She usually doesn’t say more than she needs to when I’m around. Basically, she answers my questions and tells me when the next time she will be here. That is the end of any conversation between us.

  I can see them signing back and forth but Jayden’s back is to me like always. She always sits in the chair where her back is to me from where I usually stay in the office while she works with Jacob. Jacob is smiling. I haven’t seen him smile since I’ve been home.

  “Cameron, are you still there?” Steve’s voice breaks into my thoughts.

  “Sorry, Steve. Yes, I’m still here.”

  Jayden spins around, hearing my voice behind her. Jacob’s smile quickly vanishes when he realizes I am here. Damn, I don’t understand why he is so mad at me.

  “Steve, let me call you back.”

  “Everything all right?”

  Is everything all right? Hell no, nothing is all right, I want to say.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I just need to call you back.” I decide to go with that instead.

  “Not a problem.” You can tell in Steve’s voice he isn’t buying the whole everything is fine thing, but he is being the great guy I know and not asking anymore questions. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  I hang up from Steve and notice Jayden signing to Jacob. “We are good for tonight. I’ll see you on Thursday.”

  Jayden is gathering her stuff as quickly as she can. Jacob is following with all of his books. Like always, he doesn’t even look at me. He just walks right past me and up the stairs.

  “I’ll be back on Thursday,” Jayden repeats to me, but she won’t make any eye contact.

  “Jayden, we need to talk, please.” We need to clear the air between us, this silent treatment from everyone right now is starting to drive me crazy.

  “There really isn’t much to talk about. Jacob is doing great, he is getting all caught up with math. He should be fine when he gets back to school.”

  Jayden isn’t looking at me as she speaks to me, which is driving me a little crazy.

  “I’m happy to hear all of that, but that’s not what we need to talk about.”

  Shaking her head, Jayden turns to leave. “There really isn’t anything else that needs to be discussed. I’m here to tutor your brother and that’s all, Mr. Tovaren.”

  It’s the Mr. Tovaren thing again, is it? I grab her hand and spin her back to me before she can walk away from me.

  “Jayden, I want to apologize.”

  She just stands there not looking at me, her head is bent down, but she isn’t pulling away from me either.

  “Please, Jayden, I don’t want this to continue being uncomfortable between the two of us.”

  It takes another minute or so, but she finally looks up at me. Fire is in her eyes, she is pissed.

  “Like I said, there isn’t anything to talk about. It’s in the past, a mistake, we move on.”

  “Move on? You won’t even look at me when I talk to you, Jayden, this is crazy. I didn’t mean to piss you off when I kissed you. I’m sorry, trust me, it won’t happen again.”

  She pulls her hand back from mine. I don’t want to let go but I am trying to make things right, not piss her off more. So, I let go.

  “Cameron, you kissing me isn’t want pissed me off if you want me to be honest.”

  All right, now I am confused. “Then what pissed you off?”

  “Let me take that back. Yes, you kissing me pissed me off.”

  Now I am really confused, either I pissed her off because I kissed her or not. She takes a deep breath, I can tell she wants to say more.

  “Come on, Jayden, tell me what this silent treatment is all about.”

  “Who’s Candice?” she finally blurts out.

  I’m sure she can see the surprise written all over my face. How does she know about Candice?

  “I heard you talking to her on the phone last week.”

  She answers the question without me asking more. She shows no embarrassment about asking about my personal life, I like that. No games, that is a refreshing difference.

  “So, you do have a girlfriend!”

  It isn’t a question, she is stating the fact to me. I almost
laugh, but the seriousness in her eyes keeps me from it, so I just shake my head.

  “Candice isn’t my girlfriend, Jayden. I’m not going to tell you we didn’t go out a couple of times, but nothing more.”

  She doesn’t say anything, she just stands there studying me. She is searching for something to tell her if I am telling her the truth or not. Then it hits me, she isn’t pissed that I kissed her.

  “So, you’re telling me you weren’t upset that I kissed you, you were upset because you thought I had a girlfriend when I kissed you?”

  “Not that you just had a girlfriend, but that you kissed me while having a girlfriend back home.”

  Ahh, so that’s what this has been all about. “Jayden, I promise you that I don’t have a girlfriend. Candice is just a woman who thinks we are more and is not getting the hint.”

  A small smile appears on her lips and I am finding myself having to fight the urge to grab and kiss her again. She might not be mad at me any longer, but I don’t want to push my luck this quickly.

  “You got Jacob to smile today!”

  Shock fills her eyes.

  “It’s been three weeks and he won’t even talk to me. He might answer a question and even that is not guaranteed. You not only get him to talk to you, but he was smiling today.”

  She shrugs, “We were talking about something that happened in class today.”

  “Would you like to go and grab something to eat, maybe a drink?”

  “Mr. Tovaren, are you asking me out on a date?”

  I can’t fight the need to touch her any longer, I grab her hand again. This little last name game is doing something to me. How is it when someone else calls me Mr. Tovaren my skin crawls, but when Jayden’s says it I want to grab her and carry her up to my room?

  “Call it what you would like, Ms. Edwards. I just need some time with someone who will talk to me. Maybe you can tell me how to get through to my brother.”