Silent Forgiveness (Sign of Love Series Book 4)

by Tonya Clark

  ****

  Walking into my house, I go straight back to my room and strip out of my clothes. My hot tub is waiting for me. The warm water is calling my name. This is my daily routine: home, strip, hot tub. When I moved in, I had the patio covered so that I didn’t have to worry about giving my neighbors a show.

  As I sink down into the water, I can feel all of my muscles relax as the water covers me. This is probably my favorite time of the day. Laying my head back, I close my eyes, sinking lower into the water and letting the heated bliss surround my entire body up to my chin. It feels amazing. Why am I so tense tonight? Classes went well. Charliee is doing great, maybe a little stir crazy, but healing fast.

  Cameron, leaning up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and a small sexy smile. This is what I see when I close my eyes, and my body tenses right back up. I can feel my body heat up, and I’m pretty sure it’s not from the water I’m sitting in.

  Charliee had even asked me today why I was so tense. That woman picks up on everything, damn her for being deaf. Not being able to hear heightened all of her other senses.

  Charliee has felt so guilty about being one of the survivors, and all the people who lost their lives. Especially Mr. and Mrs. Tovaren. It is hitting her hard. When she asked about my day, I didn’t want to mention Cameron. I was afraid it would dampen her mood today.

  What did I really have to tell her anyway? We met for what, a whole ten minutes? Which is one of the reasons it is driving me crazy that I am having the feelings that I’m having. Thinking about going to the house tomorrow and tutoring Jacob isn’t helping my nerves either. All right, this hot tub isn’t doing the job tonight. I’ve never wanted to slap myself in the face before and tell myself to get a grip.

  My phone goes off with a text message. It is probably Charliee. She has nothing else to do all day except text me. Most of the time it is just little text messages, like come break me out of jail.

  This water isn’t helping. Actually, it is getting a little hot in here, almost smothering. I didn’t grab anything on the way home for dinner, which I could smack myself for forgetting. I don’t have much in the way of food here at the house. I need to go shopping, but when? Between work, after school tutoring, and visiting Charliee, there isn’t much time left in the day, but I am going to have to find it somewhere.

  Jumping out of the hot tub, I grab a towel, wrapping it around me as I head back into my room and to the kitchen, grabbing my phone off my bed as I go. Expecting Charliee’s name, I stumble when I see Cameron’s. It is the text giving me his address.

  Going off once again as I am reading that text, I almost throw the phone down the hallway when Cameron’s name shoots across the screen.

  Cameron: Do you prefer I’m home when you come over tomorrow?

  Now that could be a loaded question. One side of me wants to play with it a little, the other side, however, the professional side decides on keeping it clean.

  Jayden: I think a guardian present is the best idea please.

  His response comes back quickly.

  Cameron: All right, see you tomorrow then.

  I find myself smiling down at the phone at Cameron’s last text. This is so wrong, I’m acting like a high school girl with a crush on the popular guy, who just said hello to me. I’m not in high school. I don’t have a crush. I’m a grown damn adult with a job to do and I need to get my head on straight. Damn you, Cameron Tovaren!

  Another text message comes through, this one scaring the hell out of me and causing me to jump, my phone flying out of my hands and landing hard on the floor. I swear out loud and then chant to myself, “Please don’t be broken. Please don’t be broken,” as I pick it up.

  The breath I am holding rushes out when I flip it over and find everything all good. The screen isn’t cracked. Enough is enough, I have to stop thinking about Cameron. This is insane.

  I open the screen, expecting to see Cameron’s name, but I’m relieved when it is from Charliee.

  Charliee: I know you were just here, but I love you tons!

  I love this girl. I can only imagine what she is wanting me to do.

  Jayden: I love you too. What do you want?

  Charliee: A hamburger and fries!

  Another message follows it with a picture of what I think may be her dinner that the hospital is trying to get her to eat. I can’t make out what it is supposed to be. Underneath the picture she wrote, “I’m begging.”

  Perfect, now I can grab her and me something to eat.

  Jayden: Give me half an hour. I’ll even go and get our favorite.

  Charliee: You are the best, I owe you big time.

  If anything, I owe her. She is giving me an excuse to go out and maybe that will take my mind off Cameron. I wish I could talk to her about all of it really. It feels a little strange not to say anything to her, we tell each other everything. This is different though. She needs to heal and get over this guilt she’s feeling. Talking about the Tovaren family won’t help her with that. Plus, there isn’t anything to really tell her yet.

  Chapter 5

  Cameron

  The doorbell rings and all the lights begin to flash. Looking at the clock, it is four-twenty. “That is probably Ms. Edwards,” I sign to Jacob.

  He nods slightly and then looks back down at whatever school work he is working on. Frustrated, I get up from my dad’s desk where I have been working on paperwork most of the afternoon and head to the door.

  The doorbell rings once again before I reach it. Opening the door, my stomach tightens. She is dressed pretty simple. Tight jeans and a button-up shirt, but those red boots are what catches my attention.

  “Are you a Footloose fan?”

  Jayden looks down at her boots, a small smile on her lips when she looks back up at me. “I could say I like to express my rebel side a little, but red is my favorite color and I’ve always had a little country girl in me.”

  I think I believe the rebel part more than the country girl part, I think to myself.

  “I see, so you are telling me you are a city girl that likes to pretend to be a country girl?”

  Her eyes narrow at me, she is trying to read me. Good luck with that, Ms. Edwards. Her eyes roam down my body, down to my boots.

  She points down at my boots. “Do you think living in Texas for a couple years makes you a country boy?”

  “I found out very quickly how comfortable they are. The country music, however, had to grow on me.”

  Jayden stands there staring at me for a moment, her eyes searching my face. I have no idea what she is looking for and then finally, she breaks her silence.

  “Is Jacob home?”

  Nodding, I step to the side so that she can come in. “Come on in, Ms. Edwards.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Tovaren,” she throws back at me as she walks past. I don’t miss the little smile either.

  She walks right into the living room where Jacob is sitting. She signs something, but I can’t see what. What shocks me is that Jacob responds, and not just a one-word answer. They are having a conversation with each other.

  I watch as Jacob gives Jayden a small smile and then gets up from the couch, grabbing all of his books. He walks into the dining room, setting everything down onto the kitchen table, then runs up the stairs.

  Looking over at Jayden, I’m sure the question is written all over my face.

  “He forgot his math book in his room. If you are good with it, we will work at the dining room table, it’ll be easier.”

  When I don’t respond, she rolls her eyes and starts to walk past me. My hand goes to her stomach, stopping her before she can get too far. Electricity shoots through my hand, up my arm, and right into my chest. I look down at her, she is looking down at her stomach and my hand. My breath catches when her eyes find mine again.

  “Is it not all right if we use the dining room table?” she asks me, her eyes questioning me.

  I can’t move, or ma
ybe I don’t want to move. “He talked to you!” It isn’t a question.

  Her eyes go from questioning to surprise. “Was he not supposed to?”

  I have a need to move my hand from her stomach to her waist and pull her in closer against me. I want her lips. What the hell? Quickly, I remove my hand from her altogether and take a large step away from her.

  “Of course, you can use the table.” I answer the first question, but ignore the last question about Jacob talking to her.

  Turning, I head back to the office. “I’ll be in the office if you need me,” I throw over my shoulder as I walk away. I don’t look back at her, I can’t.

  Sitting down at my father’s desk, I find myself staring straight at her, our eyes locked. She hasn’t moved since I walked away. She just stands there, looking over her shoulder staring at me. This is crazy. I didn’t need, nor did I have the time for any of this. But, here we are, staring each other down and all I want to do is grab her, strip her out of everything except those red cowboy boots, and have her on this desk. My saving grace is hearing Jacob run back down the stairs. It pulls me out of my own thoughts.

  Jayden blinks a couple times, then looks away from me and over to Jacob. She signs something to him, that again I can’t see with her back to me, and then they both go and sit down at the table.

  Jacob has probably said more to Jayden in the past fifteen minutes that she has been here than he has to me since I have been back home. Which just has me believing that he isn’t talking to me for a reason. I still have no idea what it is that he is upset with me about, and I have no idea how to find out if he isn’t staying in a room with me longer than he has to.

  I’ve no idea how long I have been sitting here staring at the ordering form that I am supposed to be working on, but I’m sure it’s been a while. Every time I go to write something down I find myself staring at the back of the woman sitting in the dining room.

  What is it about Jayden that is pulling me toward her this much? Sure, she is beautiful, but I’ve dated beautiful women before. Although those challenges she is always dealing out with her eyes is something new. Most women I’ve dated say what they think I want to hear, and I’m not one of those guys that shows affection easily. I like to go out on dates, spend a little time with a pretty female, but I have a business to run. I don’t have a lot of alone time to have a serious relationship with one person. Steve laughs at me all the time, saying that the women I date are determined to be the one who catches and breaks me. Then he tells me I’m going to fall hard one day. A woman is going to drop me to my knees.

  My eyes adjust to the paper in front of me again. I don’t have time for all of this. I need to get my head wrapped around what’s important. I have the whole business to run now, not just the Texas side of it. I don’t need a woman in my life right now, I keep repeating to myself.

  My phone vibrates with an incoming call, Candice’s name appears. Talk about not having time for a woman. I almost push end to ignore the call, but it isn’t fair for Steve to have to deal with her stopping by the office at the work site.

  “Hello, Candice.”

  “Cameron, are you home yet?” She is whining, I can’t stand when women whine and pout. How didn’t I see all of this back home?

  “No, and I probably won’t back for some time.”

  “But I miss you.”

  Miss me, really? We have only been out a couple times, she acts like we have been in a long-term relationship or something. Now that I have her on the phone and I’m listening to her, I’m trying to figure out how I dealt with all the whining and that squeaky voice at all. I find myself staring at Jayden’s back again. She doesn’t seem like the whining type. Or, the type that would beg for a man’s attention.

  “Cameron, are you listening to me?” Candice’s high-pitched voice breaks into my thoughts.

  I take a deep breath. “Yes, Candice, I’m listening. I can’t tell you when I’m going to be home.”

  She doesn’t need to know the details of everything going on. “Please don’t bug Steve at the office anymore either.”

  “You aren’t going to tell me what’s going on? Why you are out of town?”

  I need to end this conversation with her. Before I do a very rude thing and hang up on her. “No, I’m not. It’s a family concern.”

  Silence stretches over the lines for a moment. I am starting to think she may have hung up on me.

  “Well, call me when you get back in town.”

  I am a little shocked that this is going to end that easily. I’m not going to push my luck though.

  “Bye, Candice.”

  “Bye, Cameron.” She hangs up quickly.

  Chapter 6

  Jayden

  A city girl pretending to be a country girl. He thinks he knows me so well. A part of me wants to tell him how much more of a country girl I am, that I didn’t grow up in this city life, but he can go on thinking whatever he wants to about me. I’m just here to help Jacob, not impress his older brother.

  When his hand made contact with my stomach and I looked up into those chocolate brown eyes, it took everything in me not to jump into his arms, wrap my legs around his waist, and take his lips. When he finally moved away from me, I realized I had been holding my breath. I had to take a couple deep breaths as I watched him walk away from me. Then he turned, and our eyes locked again. There he was standing behind the desk and I would swear I saw the want in his eyes. I found myself wanting to follow him in there, clear off the desk, and have him take me right there.

  Thankfully, Jacob came back down the stairs right then, it brought me back to reality and the real reason I was here to help-- Jacob, not dream about Cameron. I had to keep reminding myself.

  I purposely sit in the chair where my back is to Cameron. I don’t need the distraction. Although the whole time I have been sitting here I’ve gotten the feeling someone is watching me. I can feel Cameron’s eyes on my back. I keep wanting to turn around and see if I am right, but I need to pay attention to my job.

  My attention is drawn away from my work once again when I hear him answer his phone and say the name Candice, but the rest of the conversation I can’t make out. His voice lowers a little and my attention is brought back to Jacob when he taps me on the arm to ask me a question. If Cameron has a girlfriend back home, then I need to stay clear of him altogether.

  I catch myself rubbing my stomach as I wait for Jacob to work out the problem we are working on. My skin still feels warm and a little shaky inside from his touch. No one’s touch has ever left a feeling behind, a reminder that they had their hands on me.

  This isn’t staying clear of him, if all I am going to do is think about him the whole time. I’m not going to put myself in the position where I become the other woman. I won’t be the cause of some other woman going through the hurt that my mom went through when my dad left her for the ‘other woman.’

  Jacob’s hands moving bring my attention back again. “Am I doing something wrong?”

  “Why do you ask that?” I sign back with a puzzled look on my face.

  “You are shaking your head no. I thought you were telling me I was doing it wrong,” he explains, signing back to me.

  Damn, I got caught not paying attention. “No, you are doing great. Sorry, I was thinking to myself.”

  Jacob just gives me a small nod and then continues on with his work. I want to slap myself across the face, but I know that would only draw more attention to myself. I really want to turn around and yell at Cameron to stop. Then I think better of that, what if I am only imaging him staring at me? I can see it now. I throw myself around, yelling at him to stop staring and he is not looking at me at all, or he has left the office. Or better yet, he is still on the phone with his girlfriend and she hears me yell and then that starts a problem. The man has a girlfriend, he probably has absolutely no interest in me and I have just wanted him to. That just makes me sound pathetic.

  How the hell
is one guy’s touch making me go this crazy? Enough is enough, no more ideas, dreams, or fantasies of Cameron Tovaren.

  Jacob pushes his paper toward me to check the problems he has been working on. This is why I’m here, to help Jacob while he is out of school, I remind myself once again. These two men just lost their parents and Charliee is going to need me more after she gets out of the hospital. I have absolutely no time for school girl daydreams, or woman fantasies.

  “They are all correct,” I sign to Jacob after correcting all his problems.

  He gives me a small smile and pulls his paperback. My heart breaks. I’ve known Jacob for a while now. In school he was always so full of life. Smiling all of the time. The girls in the school followed his every move. He was on the football team and our school track team.

  The small smile he just gave me isn’t the same guy from back then, it is full of sadness. I hate seeing all of the happiness gone in his eyes. There is none now, it is completely gone. A forced smile at that. His shoulders are now slightly slumped forward, I don’t see the confidence he use to walk around with. I just want to wrap my arms around him and let him know he has someone to talk to if he needs it, but I think that might make him uncomfortable.

  Earlier Cameron had seemed surprised when Jacob talked to me. Well, he didn’t really talk to me, he answered the questions that I asked him. It almost seemed like Jacob and Cameron weren’t talking at all from what I would guess by his surprise. On the other hand, Cameron doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would sit down and let you pour your feelings out to either. Most men seem to be uncomfortable with that kind of stuff, women are usually better in that department I think.

  Sitting back in my chair, I watch as Jacob works on the last couple math questions. I wonder if there are any females, aunts, sisters, or grandmothers that are around or is it just Cameron and Jacob now?