If You Could Only Feel (Buchanan Brothers Series Book 3)

by M. E. Clayton

  Once the door shut behind him, I dropped back down in my seat and just laughed. God, I needed that. Last night had been brutal and not just because my dick was untouched while I spent all night fingers, face and tongue deep in Justice’s pussy, but because my entire future hindered on whether I had proven that she was more than just an easy lay to me.

  I had to be at work so early this morning; I had left Justice sleeping, so I didn’t even know if all my efforts had proven futile or not.

  God, I hope they did.

  Needing something to center me, I dialed Michael. He answered mid-ring. “Yeah?”

  “Jesus, Mike,” I chuckled. “Were you staring at your phone or something?”

  He laughed. “No, you fuck. I was about to make a call when my phone rang, you ass.” I laughed. “So, what’s up?”

  I cut right to the heart of the matter. “I have a wife who doesn’t believe I love her,” I said, knowing he already knew this.

  Michael sighed, and I felt it all the way in bones. “It’s the secrecy that’s the problem, Gabe.”

  Secrecy? “What do you mean?”

  “You’re married, Gabe, and people still don’t know about her,” he pointed out. “You’ve been in love with this girl since you were 15, and yet, nobody knows that but your family. And now, six years later, you’re married to this girl, and still, nobody knows it. Why would she believe that you love her?”

  Well, motherfucker.

  Chapter 23

  Justice~

  I unlocked the door to my apartment, and all I wanted to do was take a long, hot bubble bath. I was so exhausted from last night/this morning, that I wanted to bathe and crash out. I didn’t even care about dinner or if Gabriel was going to make his commute today or not.

  Last night had been some serious fucked up business in psychological warfare.

  And Gabriel won.

  He spent all night pleasuring my body until he reached his goal and the orgasm became painful and uncomfortable. It was unlike anything I’d ever heard of, and he kept up the torture all the while not finding any release himself.

  I wasn’t an asshole, though. I had challenged him, and he rose to the challenge. I needed to keep my word and try to make our marriage work. I just didn’t know how. Six years of sleeping with the man, but I had no idea how to be in a relationship with him.

  And, then, there’s the money.

  God, the money.

  There was no way I was putting my name on any of Gabriel’s accounts.

  No. Fucking. Way.

  I’d be willing to let him pay my rent and utilities if he needed to prove he was the breadwinner, but there was no way I was going to give myself access to his money. Nope. Not happening.

  I was pulling a couple of towels out of the linen closet when the doorbell rang, and I actually contemplated freezing in place, hoping that whoever it was would go away. But when the bell sounded second time, I told myself to quit being a tool and answer the damn door.

  When I pressed my eye to the peephole, I saw Gabriel’s profile and wondered what he was doing knocking? And why the hell was he off work so early? I swung the door open, and when Gabriel turned towards me and smiled, I realized why he had knocked instead of letting himself in.

  What the hell was Michael Buchanan doing here?

  I opened the door and stepped to the side, letting him in. I shut the door and turned to him, crossing my arms over my chest. “Gabriel’s not here, Michael,” I said, positive that’s the reason he was here. I mean, why else would Michael Buchanan make an hour’s drive commute if not to see his twin?

  He ignored me, making himself comfy on the couch. Once he got comfortable, he grinned up at me and it gave me chills how gorgeous he was. Michael had a small sliver of a scar underneath his eye that he’s always had since I’ve ever known him, and that was the only way I could tell them apart physically.

  And while he was Gabriel’s exact replica, Michael had an aura about him that made him untouchably stunning, whereas Gabriel was hot as sin.

  “I’m not here for Gabe, Justice,” he answered through his smile. “I’m here to see you.”

  My arms dropped to my side and nervousness took over. I’ve never spoken with Michael in any real capacity growing up. He’d greet me, make a casual remark or tease a little, but we’ve never really spoken or had a conversation. “Wh…why?”

  Michael cocked his head at me and kept his smile in place. Those damn dimples were fucking with me. “Why don’t you come sit down, Sis,” he instructed as he patted the cushion next to him.

  No fucking way was I sitting next to this man. He might be here to chop me up into little pieces because I was making his brother unhappy. Nope. Instead, I took the armchair facing the couch, and did my best to ignore the pang in my chest when he called me Sis. “What are you doing here, Michael?” I wasn’t a coward, but the last time this man was in my apartment, I was screaming at his brother like a certified psycho.

  “Do you love my brother?” he asked, point blank.

  I’m sure my face conveyed my shock. I was not expecting him to get so personal, so quickly. It was a few seconds before I could answer. “Y…” I cleared my throat. If we were going to do this, I didn’t want to sound like a tool. “Yes, I do.”

  “Why?”

  This time I didn’t even try to mask my shock at his question. I was completely dumbfounded as that was not a question I was expecting. “W…what do you mean, why?”

  Michael leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hand together in front of him. “I mean exactly that, Justice,” he replied smoothly. “Why do you love Gabriel?”

  Was this a test?

  “I…well…” I trailed off, not sure how to answer him.

  His brows rose. “You don’t know why you love my brother?” But before I could answer, Michael went on. “See, that’s the one thing I don’t understand with all of this. You accused my brother of some serious neglect-to which he fully admits to-but to hear what you think of him…well, why would you love someone who mistreated you? How could you fall in love with someone who treated you badly? I’m not accusing you of anything, or trying to insult your feelings, Justice. I just want you to help me understand, if you will.”

  I stared at his face and saw Gabriel and my eyes started to water. I didn’t know the answer to Michael’s question because a little bit of the truth was starting to seep through the cracks of my righteousness.

  Gabriel didn’t mistreat me, per se. Whenever we were together, he was always attentive and spent every second being wrapped around me in some way, shape or fashion. Those times were wonderful. It was the times when he was away that were sad and unbearable.

  Michael’s smile faded into a small, understanding grimace. “Can I tell you what I think?” I nodded mutely, tears still in my eyes. “I think you fell in love with Gabe because Gabe’s a great guy. I think you fell in love with him because all the times he was with you, he was really with you. Nothing outside you guys being together matter to Gabriel, and you can’t tell me he didn’t show you that side of him,” he said, defending his brother. “Gabriel fell in love with you three days after meeting you, Justice. He fell in love with you and didn’t know anything else after that. I can see why you would think that it was just sex for him, but if it was just sex…what made you fall in love with him?”

  The tears fell as Michael made me relive every time I’ve ever been with Gabriel through a new set of eyes. They fell as I remembered all the times Gabriel would jump on me the second he saw me, consuming me, as if he hadn’t seen me in years. I remembered all the times he would massage and worship my body in between bouts of sex. I remembered the bubble baths. I remember all the dinners we cooked together. I remembered the little notes he’d leave me after I fell asleep.

  But what I remember most was the night we lost our virginities. I had blocked out his words because I had been too young, too nervous and too enthralled with Gabriel Buchanan to actually understand what they
had meant at the time. But I understood now.

  Gabriel had covered me with his body, and piercing me with those intense green eyes of his, he had said, “Years from now you’re never going to have to search the back of your mind to remember this night, Justice, because I plan on giving you this night for the rest of your life.”

  I had thought he just meant that a girl never forgets her first. But I can see how he meant that I was never going to forget my first because he would also be my last.

  I covered my face with my hands and just started crying. I felt Michael’s arms, and I leaned into him as he held me, letting me cry it all out. After a few minutes, I sobbed, “I’ve been so horrible to him, Michael.”

  He let out an exaggerated scoff. “Well, let’s not get carried away here,” he joked. “The man still owes you a movie night, for Christ’s sake.”

  And just like that, I started laughing into his arms.

  We sat in silence for a while as he let me get my emotions under control. When he was certain I wasn’t going to lose it again, he said, “My brother loves you, Justice. Make him pay for being an insensitive jerk, but don’t pay him for not loving you, because that’s not a price that belongs on his head.”

  He was right. “Thank you, Michael,” I whispered, meaning it with every fiber of my broken heart.

  Before he could comment, another knock at the door sounded. I jerked in Michael’s arms, a little startled by who it could be. I stood up and looked down at Michael. “How bad do I look?”

  He grinned. “Pretty bad.”

  I rolled my eyes, wiped off my face, and headed to the door. I was such a wreck; I didn’t bother to look through the peephole.

  I really, really, really should have looked through the peephole.

  On the other side of the thresh hold stood my parents, Buck and Leah Hillman.

  “What in the hell are you two doing here?” I gasped, stunned. I mean, I hadn’t seen my parents since I moved out of our trailer, the day I turned 18 years old.

  Buck’s eyes narrowed, while Leah plastered on a fake as fuck smile. “Oh, don’t be like that, Justice, honey,” Leah cooed. “We heard you got married and well, we’re here to congratulate you.”

  And just like that, I knew why there were here.

  They heard I had gotten married, but more importantly, they heard who I had gotten married to.

  Chapter 24

  Gabriel~

  It was a miracle I hadn’t killed anyone on my drive over.

  The second Michael had called me to tell me Justice’s parents had shown up at her doorstep, I was calling Mason and flying out of my office.

  Justice’s parents were pieces of shit and them bothering her now could only mean one thing. They must have heard she got married and that she married me. I knew they’d be gone by the time I got there, but it still didn’t lessen my urgency. I trusted Michael, and I knew he’d protect her and put her parents in their place, but that was supposed to be my role and I needed her, and them, to know what exactly it means that Justice is a Buchanan now.

  I made it to her apartment in record time, barely putting my car in park, before I was taking the stairs two at a time to get to her.

  When I opened the door, I walked in to see Justice sleeping on the couch, her head in Michael’s lap. He was sitting up, his head hanging over the back of the couch, eyes closed, his right hand caressing Justice’s hair.

  My heart lurched at the sight. I didn’t think it was ever going to be possible for me to ever stop appreciating my brothers.

  I slowed my pace, but as I approached the couch, Michael’s eyes opened, and he turned his head to face me. I was about to ask him what happened, but he put his finger up to his lips to silence me. I nodded, showing him I understood, and then I watched as he, gently, lifted Justice’s head, maneuver around her and place her head back onto one of the throw pillows.

  Michael jerked his head towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms and I followed. Once we were in Justice’s bedroom, I couldn’t control myself any longer. “What happened?”

  Mike lifted a brow, indicating that he got a real, unfortunate dose of Buck and Leah Hillman. “Jesus, Gabe,” he breathed out. “It’s a wonder how she grew up to be such a good girl. Her parents are fucking horrible.”

  I grimaced. “I know,” I agreed. “They’ve always been horrible. Hell, they never once ever tried to put a stop to me climbing into Justice’s window when we were in high school. As long as she didn’t ask them for anything and stayed out of trouble, they didn’t bother with her.”

  Michael shook his head. “They showed up and said they had heard that Justice had gotten married and her mother tried to play it off as if their feelings had been hurt because they hadn’t been invited to the wedding.” I scoffed. “Right? I kind of just stood there standing behind her and watched as she refused to let them in the apartment.” Mike grinned. “Your girl has balls, Gabe.”

  My chest filled with pride. Justice did have balls when they were warranted. “Yeah, she does.”

  “Anyway, when her mom’s fake concern didn’t work, her dad started in all how she owed them and some other bullshit.” He shrugged a shoulder. “They wanted money.”

  “I figured.” God, what fucking assholes.

  Michael snorted. “Yeah, real pieces of work, those two.”

  “So, what made them leave?” I was curious to see if Justice had gone ballistic on them or if Michael went all Grim Reaper.

  “Justice was holding her own, and honestly, I don’t think they had even noticed me in the apartment. It was when her father tried to push his way inside that I made my appearance known.”

  I had to smirk. I could only imagine how Michael made his presence known. “And how did you do that?”

  He grinned. “I walked up behind her and pretended to be you.” I finally had to laugh. His grin turned into a mischievous smile. “I told them that since there were obviously here for money, then they must know that I-or, well, you-had enough money to make sure they were never heard from again.”

  My eyes bulged, all laughter gone. “You threatened to have them murdered, Michael?”

  Michael cocked his head and scoffed. “Why, yes, Gabriel,” he said, his voice sounding as logical as I’ve ever heard it. “Yes, I did threaten to have them murdered. And before you start praying for my soul, you know those two parasites, so I’m pretty confident you would have threatened to have them murdered your damn self.”

  Okay. He had a point.

  I shook my head at the bizaare nature of this conversation. “And what did Justice say when you threatened to murder her parents?”

  My blood thirsty brother’s entire face lit up. “She told them she’d testify that it was self-defense if their bodies were ever found and we ended up in court.”

  I chuckled.

  My entire future flashed before my eyes and I saw myself having to keep Michael and Justice away from each other. Or have the best criminal lawyer in the country on retainer.

  I took a deep breath as I realized I wouldn’t have it any other way. I looked over at the closest person in the world to me and my heart warmed like it did every time we were serious. “Thank, Mike,” I said, the gratefulness I had for him and my brothers cemented into my very core. “I appreciate it.”

  He winked. “Don’t mention it.”

  I was about to go check on Justice when a thought occurred to me. I looked back at Michael and my forehead furrowed. “What the hell are you doing here, anyway?”

  Michael laughed and clasped his hand on my right shoulder. “I’m here saving your marriage,” he chortled. “You can thank me by naming your first kid after me.”

  I scowled. “Aren’t Aiden and Denise supposed to name their first kid after you in thanks, too?”

  His smile took up his entire face. “We can’t have too many Michaels in the family, Gabe.”

  “You’re certifiable, you know that, right?” He just shrugged a shoulder, totally accepting his mental diagnosis.


  We made our way back into the living room, with Michael taking leave, and me kneeling next to the couch, looking at my sleeping wife.

  Justice was so beautiful with her crazy colored hair, her honest blue eyes, and her strong backbone. I’d had seen her around school before we were ever paired up on that project that I’ll forever be grateful for, but she had kept to herself and I still believed in my father’s depiction of females, so I never approached her; I never approached any girl. But three days into our project, she became the only thing that matter to me, outside my brothers. That’s why I never questioned Mason when he told us he fell in love with Shane at first sight. It’s, also, why I never questioned Aiden when he steamrolled Denise. I knew instant love existed because that motherfucker came after me when I was only 15 years old.

  Now, I just had to prove it to Justice.

  I reached out and started caressing her cheek. “Hey, baby…” I kept touching her until her eyes fluttered open.

  She blinked herself awake and after a few seconds of studying my face, she whispered, “Gabriel…”

  I smiled. “Hey, baby.” I stood up and stepped back as she stretched and became fully awake.

  Justice sat up and her head started to swivel around, taking everything in. “Where’s Michael?”

  “He just left,” I answered, and when her eyes met mine, I said, “He told me about your parents.”

  Her ocean colored orbs rounded, and she stood up, placing her hands on her hips, facing me. “Can you believe those…those…those them?” she asked, affronted. “I…I couldn’t…Jesus, Gabriel. Had it not been for Michael, I might have beaten them with a lamp!”

  I was definitely going to have to keep those two apart from now on. “Good thing you didn’t,” I deadpanned. “Blood splatter is always the weak link in manslaughter cases.”

  She gave me a small smile before her hands left her hips and she started laughing. “This is not funny, Gabe.”

  God, I loved it when she called me Gabe. Everyone called me Gabriel, except my family. Every now and again they’d call me with the familiarity of Gabe, even Shane and Denise, and I loved it. I only allowed the special people in my life to call me Gabe. My relationship with my mother was coming around, but I think her formal rearing will cause her to always call me Gabriel.