Midwife to Destiny

by Nana Prah

“That doesn’t say a lot about my character.”

  “It’s you who has the temper, not me.”

  She tilted her head. “Are you saying you don’t have a temper? Because I remember you almost getting out of the car to have a little ‘chat’ with one of the drivers who cut you off in Cape Town.”

  “You can’t count road rage as having a temper. Everybody gets angry when they drive. It’s the way it is.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I didn’t expect you to.” He winked. “Are you ready to go?”

  “I need to tell you something.”

  “Okay.”

  “No matter how much you think something might anger or worry me, please tell me. I don’t want to have any secrets between us. Open communication all the way, all right?”

  “From now on, I’ll try harder.”

  ***

  “Jason is wonderful.” Ora gloated to Esi two weeks later. “He’s attentive and makes me feel special.”

  “That’s a man’s job. To make his woman feel loved. What’s with the face?”

  “He hasn’t told me he loves me.”

  Esi scooted forward until she sat at the edge of the couch. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you told him again?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t want to be rejected. What if I say it and he doesn’t respond or says, ‘thank you’ or the worst would be, ‘that’s nice.’”

  Esi laughed. “You mean the way you did to your past boyfriends?”

  “Like that. It’s not nice being on the receiving end of a proclaimed love when you don’t love the person back, and I couldn’t lie and tell them I did because it wouldn’t have been fair to them. There’s no need to put Jason in the same position.”

  “I’m telling you he loves you,” Esi proclaimed.

  “But he’s not telling me and that’s the problem.”

  “Why don’t you risk it and tell him?”

  Ora covered her face with both hands. “I’m not sure.”

  “Life is for the living, my friend. If you don’t take the chance, then you’ll never know.”

  “I’ll think about it. What are you doing tonight?” She changed the subject.

  “Nothing much. I thought I’d hang out here and watch television.”

  “Sounds like you’re still in that rut. Why don’t you come with me to Jason’s place?”

  “And be the third wheel? No, thanks.”

  “I’m going to pick up pizza before I go over. He worked late today and I’m sure he’s hungry. Doesn’t pizza sound tempting?”

  “You know I love pizza. Are you sure you don’t want to be alone with him?”

  “Your company is just what we need. A night of fun and laughter. Besides, it’ll keep us from going too far.”

  “What? You two haven’t done the deed?”

  “No.”

  “What’s stopping you? It’s obvious you’re attracted to each other and every time I turn around, you’re kissing. I’m surprised it hasn’t gone further.”

  “I want to, but more than anything, I want to know he loves me so we can make love and not just have sex.”

  “It’s a vicious circle you have going there.”

  “Tell me about it. Are you coming with me or not?”

  “What kind of pizza?” Esi asked.

  “Any kind you want.”

  “I’ll be ready to go in five minutes.”

  Ora laughed as Esi raced to her room.

  While she waited for her cousin to change, she called Jason to inform him Esi would be joining them for the evening and they’d be arriving within the hour. He offered to come pick them up but she declined.

  For once, Esi didn’t take long to get ready, so within fifteen minutes they were out the door.

  “It’s a beautiful night. Thanks for dragging me out.” Esi couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of the dark sky dotted with a gorgeous display of stars as they walked from the junction toward Jason’s house.

  “No problem. There are so many stars out tonight.” Shivers cascaded down Ora’s back as she remembered the night Jason had shown her the constellations and kissed her under the open sky.

  “Do you remember when we went to the Northern Region and slept on the roof because the heat had made it unbearable to sleep inside?” Esi asked.

  “There were more stars in the sky than I’d ever seen in my life. We spent most of the night talking. When we woke up, it was a struggle to move. I couldn’t stand up straight for two days.”

  “And I couldn’t sleep on my side for a week. Who would’ve thought sleeping on the roof would make a person so sore?”

  “It’s because we never do it. We’re always sleeping on soft comfortable beds, not slabs of concrete. Pain aside, the night was brilliant.”

  “I’m going to miss having adventures with you when you get married.”

  Ora whipped her head toward her cousin. “What are you talking about?”

  “You and the good doctor.”

  “What makes you think we’ll be getting married?”

  “The big goofy smile on your face. You two are perfect for each other. I don’t see this ending any other way than with marriage.”

  “That’s a big step you’re talking about. We haven’t discussed it. He’s still silent about whether he loves me or not.”

  “Stop worrying. He does.”

  “Says you, but not him.”

  “Anybody can see it. I don’t understand why you can’t.”

  The relationship had been going well and she loved him with all of her heart, but she couldn’t tell where he stood. Her heart told her he loved her, but her mind brought up all her insecurities about him. How can someone love you and not tell you, especially since he’d proclaimed it three years ago?

  She also worried another woman would snatch him away, leaving her broken and miserable. She held herself back, not willing to be invested in him with her whole heart until she knew he loved her back. Esi’s words about her having a commitment phobia niggled at the back of her mind, but she pushed the thought away.

  Ora had no confidence that wedding bells were in their future, but she yearned for them.

  When they reached his place, the gate stood open a little.

  “Isn’t it sweet that he unlocked it for us?” Ora gushed at Jason’s thoughtfulness.

  Esi patted her shoulder. “You aren’t too easy to please if this makes you happy.”

  “I like the simple things in life.”

  What met the two women just behind the gate stopped Ora cold. She blinked one time and then repeated the procedure because she had difficulty believing the scene right in front of her eyes. Esi gasped behind her.

  Jason had his arms on that woman’s shoulders and they were kissing.

  “What’s going on here, Jason?” Ora’s voice came out cold enough to have frozen the pizza they’d brought.

  His head snapped up and wide eyes stared at her. He tried to push Gifty away but she’d wound her arms around his waist. The woman didn’t have to gloat; her expression said it all. The only thing for Ora to do was slap the bitch. Her nostrils flared as she made a move forward to do just that, but Esi held her back.

  “It’s not what it looks like. I swear,” Jason pleaded. “Gifty, let go of me!”

  Gifty’s gaze roamed up and down Ora and Esi. “Why don’t you get rid of these people? Then we can go into the house and continue what we started.”

  “We weren’t doing anything, Gifty. Now let me go.” Jason’s expression and tone left no room for argument so Gifty let her arms drop but remained sidled up to him.

  “Maybe we should let you get back to what you were doing. Let’s go, Esi.” Ora turned on her heels to walk away. Head high, back straight. Everything happened as she’d anticipated. She hadn’t been enough for him.

  “Wait, Ora. Let me explain. It’s not what you think.” He ran up to catch them.
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br />   She shook her head. “They always say that, don’t they, Esi?”

  “Please, Ora.”

  “I think you should hear him out.” Esi added.

  “Traitor.”

  “You know I’m on your side. That embrace, if it could be called one, appeared forced. He didn’t look receptive. In fact, he seemed to be attempting to push her away.”

  Jason expelled a sigh. “That’s exactly what happened. She came here under the pretence of dropping something off that I’d forgotten at the hospital. When I let her into the gate, we spoke about work for a little while and then she got feral and tried to kiss me. That’s when you walked in. I tried to push her way.”

  Ora’s lip curled up into a sneer. “How come you weren’t successful? She’s a woman.”

  “She had the element of surprise on her side. You have to believe me.”

  “I don’t have to do anything but stay black and die,” Ora snapped. Those were the two things in life she had no control over. Everything else was a choice.

  “Ora, I think he’s telling the truth,” Esi said. Ora threw her a dark look. Gifty should have been screaming in pain with the laser beams she wanted to send with her eyes.

  Ora pointed her arm toward the gate. “Are you still here? Get gone.”

  Gifty sucked her teeth and stood her ground. “This is not your house. You can’t tell me what to do.”

  “Get out!” Jason growled.

  Gifty moved like the wind out of the gate, keeping as far away from Ora as possible. Her parting words came out husky. “I’ll see you at work, Jason.”

  “That woman is grating on my last nerve. You shouldn’t have held me back, Esi.”

  This made her cousin smile.

  “There’s the proof you know the truth. You would have never lunged at her if the kiss had been real. I know you. You don’t fight women over a man. Ever. You would have walked out without saying a word.”

  Jason stepped closer, brows furrowed. “I’m telling you the truth, Ora. I wasn’t a willing participant in the whole thing. Move past your shock and hurt and see the truth.”

  Ora took deep breaths to help clear her anger and pain, but they didn’t budge. “I believe you.”

  “Thank you.” His shoulders relaxed.

  She wouldn’t allow him to reject her again, though. “But I have to break up with you.”

  Each word caused a vise to squeeze tighter around heart.

  “Pardon me?”

  Her breathing became shallow as she struggled to inhale. She had to leave before she started to cry. He wouldn’t see her cry. “I said, I have to break up with you.”

  “Why? You said yourself you believe me. Nothing happened.”

  She made a sweeping gesture with her hand, not sure what to do with them. Her body had become heavy and disjointed, as if wading through a nightmare. “Maybe not with Gifty tonight, but what about the next time she tries? Or the next woman who wants you?”

  Time to get out of here. Now. She took a step backward.

  “You want to break up with me because of something that might happen? Ora, that’s ridiculous. No one knows the future. And I already told you, it’s you I want.”

  “For now—” Her voice cracked. “What if it changes?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “This doesn’t make sense.”

  “It makes perfect sense. Things aren’t going to work out between us.” She snatched a box from Esi. She wouldn’t be with him anymore, but he shouldn’t starve. After all, she still loved him; he was the one who didn’t love her back and would leave her one day. “Here’s your pizza. Let’s go, Esi.”

  He ignored her offer. “Let’s talk about this. We can work it out. I know we can. You’re upset right now, so we’ll discuss it tomorrow, after you’ve had a good night’s rest.”

  “My mind’s made up and nothing will change it. You’re not the man for me.” She tried to swallow, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t allow it. She could no longer see his face due to the tears she refused to let fall. “You should move on. I know it won’t be difficult for you.”

  Jason reached out for her, but she stepped back. “What does that mean?”

  All that they’d been through had been for nothing. She would’ve been better off if he’d never walked back into her life. The dam had broken and the tears now flowed down her cheeks.

  They always leave. Just when you think they can be depended on, they’re gone. Like her father. Just like Jason, he’d never loved her. No matter what she did, or how good she behaved, she’d never been able to make him love her. He’d always go, leaving her broken and alone because she wasn’t worth loving.

  Jason would go, too. If her own father could take off without a backward glance, then Jason, like all the other men in her life, would, too. She had no value, none that made her father want to stay and none that would hold Jason to her. But he’d never understand that now.

  She swiped at her cheeks and sniffled. “You’re a great catch. Women will line up to date you.”

  He rubbed a hand over his mouth. The scratching sound of his goatee hurt her ears. Everything hurt.

  “Open your eyes, Ora. Ever since I met you three years ago, you’re the only woman I’ve wanted.”

  She reached out and held on to the gatepost when her knees buckled. She didn’t have the strength to compound her own pain by adding his so she looked anywhere but in his eyes. “Please don’t make it any harder for me,” she said past the ball of misery lodged in her raw throat. “Have a good night.”

  “Esi, please help me,” he pleaded.

  Esi raised her hands in front of her and shook her head. “This is between you and her.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll talk. Open communication, right?” She heard the smile in his voice. “There’s no need to be drastic. We’ll work it out.”

  She had to get out of there before she changed her mind and flung herself into his arms begging him to love her, like she’d done with her father. No. Never would she degrade herself like that again. That weak, needy child had been banished long ago. In her place stood someone who would never allow another man to leave her.

  Too late to stop the tears, but she’d hold back the sobs until she left his presence. “Please don’t, Jason. Just let me go so I can move on.”

  “No. I’ve waited all my life for you. I won’t let you go again.” He took a deep breath. “At least let me give you a ride home.”

  Shaking her head, she held up a hand, turned, and stumbled away from the gate. She left behind the man she would love for the rest of her life, and this time, she’d make sure he stayed away forever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ora hit the silent button on her cell when Jason called the next day. After the third time his name appeared on her screen, she switched it off, but she wouldn’t be able to get rid of him that easily.

  After crying all night her eyes felt gritty and swollen She had no desire to ever leave her bed again. Each time she thought there were no more tears left, the sobbing cycle would resume. With the continued painful clenching of her heart, she became afraid for her health. She’d done the right thing by protecting herself from a greater hurt that would come in time. Better now than later. Why did it hurt so damn bad?

  He stopped by her house after he’d finished working, but she had Esi turn him away.

  On Monday, Ora dreaded going to work. When she arrived in the Emergency Department and saw him leaning against the nurses’ desk, her stomach knotted up while her traitorous heart leaped to her throat. “Good morning,” she greeted.

  He stood up straight and walked toward her. “Good morning. Can I talk to you?”

  She avoided direct eye contact and instead headed toward the nurses’ changing room. “No, Jason. We have nothing to talk about. Please leave me alone. Don’t call, text, or try to see me.”

  “Please, Ora.”

  The pleading in his voice made her long to look into his eyes, but she resisted, not sure i
f she’d be able to stick to her decision if she did. For the sake of self-preservation, she had to stay strong. “I haven’t changed my mind.”

  He had to see that talking to her would be futile.

  “Have a good day.”

  “You, too.” Her voice quivered. She held onto the wall for support once he’d turned away from her. She would survive leaving him. She wouldn’t survive if she went back and he left her.

  On Tuesday, the same scenario occurred as if life had become a DVD programmed to loop. The encounter ended with Jason leaving, but this time he added, “I know you want me to give up on us, but I won’t. I gave up without a fight three years ago. I learn from my mistakes and won’t repeat them again. We belong together, Ora, and I’m ready to do what it takes to be with you.”

  That afternoon when Esi and Ora got home from work, Esi cornered her before she could bury herself in her bed and cry herself to sleep.

  “I know what you’re doing.”

  Ora sighed, exhausted from having to maintain a happy façade at work. “I don’t know what you know, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Esi placed both her hands on her hips. “Well, that’s too bad. I’ve let you stew in misery for the past two days, hoping and praying you’d come to your senses and change your mind, but it’s clear that’s not going to happen.”

  “You’re going to say what you want, so go ahead and get it over with.” Ora slumped down on the couch as if all of her bones had been extracted. She desired to sleep the days away until she woke up one day no longer feeling the loss of Jason.

  Esi sat next to her and angled herself so she could look into Ora’s eyes. “As I said before, I know what you’re doing. You’re sabotaging this relationship because you’re afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?” She had no intention of being a cooperative partner in this forced discussion.

  “Of commitment. Afraid of giving all of your love and being left. You have a pattern with men, Ora. You date the ones that are most inappropriate for you. The ones you know you won’t be able to love, and when they leave because they know you don’t, or can’t love them, you feel justified because you knew they were going to leave. The same way you feel about your father leaving you and your mother.”