Midwife to Destiny

by Nana Prah

  Ora sprung up. Her cousin had voiced the thoughts which had lingered in her mind for years. The tears rolled down her face before she found the will to try and stop them.

  Esi’s voice softened. “You may not have known him, but he made a dramatic impact on your life when he left your mother before you were born. You had no father to raise you.”

  She reached over for a tissue on the side table and blew her nose. How she hated crying. “I had my stepfather, Uncle Frank, Uncle Kwaku, and Uncle Jeremiah. Plus your dad treated me just like a daughter.”

  “Yes, your stepfather, our uncles, and my dad were fantastic father figures, but this doesn’t change the fact that your father leaving your mother, when she’d been pregnant with you, has set a precedence for you. It doesn’t help that when he came back to visit, he didn’t return for years at a time. You think men will leave you. When you fell in love with Jason and he showed no sign of leaving, you took the first opportunity—I’ll add ridiculous opportunity—that presented itself, to run away.”

  Ora didn’t reply.

  Esi moved a little closer. “You need to deal with this, Ora, otherwise you’ll end up miserable and alone. You have too much life in you for that. Jason loves you. I know he hasn’t said it, but he’s shown it and you know it. He’s a good man and he complements you. There’s no such thing as a perfect match in a relationship, but in my opinion, he’s the closest thing you’re going to get. Don’t let true love go, Ora.” She paused. “You need help.”

  She quirked an eyebrow. She hoped her cousin wouldn’t suggest something crazy. “Help?”

  “You need counselling to deal with the scars your dumb-ass father left when he refused to raise you.”

  She’d come up with the most ludicrous idea, ever. Ora didn’t need it. She could handle the situation on her own. A few more days of crying, months of wallowing in self-pity, years of being miserable, and she’d be fine. Alone, but she’d make it through. There’d be no stranger delving into her personal life. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do. Take the time to think about all of your past relationships. See the pattern for yourself. You love Jason. Ask yourself if it’s worth losing the God-given gift of true love because you haven’t dealt with your issues. Just think about it, Ora.”

  Esi leaned back against the couch for a few minutes. Ora pushed herself to the edge of the couch to get up and head to her room, glad to be finished with the lecture, when Esi started talking again.

  “I have someone who would be good for you to see. I delivered her baby and we’ve kept in contact ever since. She has her own private counselling office, and she’s good at what she does.” She reached for her purse on the coffee table and rummaged through it. “Here’s her number.” She gave Ora a card. “Just think about it, okay?”

  She took the card, ready to throw it away the first chance she got and went to her room to be alone to think about the one-woman-intervention her cousin had staged. She’d get through this situation on her own, and survive.

  Jason’s face flashed into her mind. This time, she let it linger. Love for him overwhelmed her, but she didn’t trust him enough to stay.

  Why, not? Because her father hadn’t been capable of love didn’t mean she’d become unworthy of being loved. Did it? Leave it to Esi to make something that had been so clear in her mind minutes before, muddled with doubt.

  ***

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  Jason had reached the end of his rope with no idea how to get Ora to change her mind. He couldn’t see the reasoning in the decision she had made, but stubborn Ora was sticking to her guns and he had no idea how to break through the defences she’d reconstructed with double reinforcement.

  “You’re a mess, man. First of all, get a grip. She’s just a woman. Look around you; there are so many of them to choose from. Why don’t you do Gifty? She’s got a pretty face and a tight body. She’s not as classy as Ora but I heard she’s great in bed,” Adam replied.

  He moved to get up from the table.

  Adam reached out and pulled his arm, forcing him to sit back down. “Sorry. I just don’t see what’s so fascinating about one woman.”

  He’d done nothing but think about her. He’d never admit it to Adam, but he’d cried because the pain she’d caused him had been too great to contain.

  “She’s not just a woman. She’s special. We’ve had this discussion before and I don’t want to get into it again. All I want is to get her back.”

  Adam shook his head. “It doesn’t seem as if she wants you back. It’s like she has some sort of block when it comes to you.”

  “Everything was going so well and then that damn Gifty....”

  “From what you told me, it sounds like more than Gifty sent her packing. I don’t know her all that well, but I’d say she has an issue with commitment.”

  “I came to the same conclusion.” Jason had difficulty keeping his head from lying on the table. It took so much of his energy just to sit up straight. When not working, his thoughts were consumed with how to get Ora to see reason. Her behaviour made no sense, but she wouldn’t explain where it stemmed from.

  He would have set up camp in front of her house, but realized it wouldn’t help. He’d thought about going to Esi for her support, but she’d been useless that night. He couldn’t expect anything from her.

  Adam shrugged. “I know all about commitment issues, my friend; I’m proud to admit that I’m the president of the club. There’s nothing you can do except be in her face letting her know you won’t go anywhere and you’ll be willing to take her back when she’s ready. You have to be supportive and wait.”

  Jason had to man up about the situation. One way or another, they’d be together. “I won’t let her go like I did in South Africa. I need her. She’s the love of my life.”

  Adam held up both hands and moved his seat back. “Now you’re getting into some freaky shit I know nothing about. I don’t want to go down that road with you, but have some patience and everything will turn out just fine.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye and sniffled. “No problem, Chale. You need a tissue?”

  Jason laughed with his friend.

  Adam shook his head. “If this love thing is contagious, I’m going to have to get a vaccination as soon as possible.”

  ***

  Ora couldn’t face going to work the next morning and having to deal with seeing Jason’s sad, handsome face torturing her by replaying the same conversation they’d had for the past two days. She’d become fragile and wouldn’t be able to handle the confrontation.

  She’d arranged with Grace to work her day shift; the nurse had no problem doing this favour.

  Ora left for Takoradi at four in the morning so she could talk to her mother face-to-face. It had been at least a month since she’d gone to visit and she missed her. They’d always been close. After Esi, she considered her mother her best friend. She’d know what to do.

  When she reached the house, the childhood memories washed over her. Her life had been filled with a lot of good times. She’d been blessed to have been loved so abundantly, even if not by her father.

  Ora opened the door with her key. “Mama. I’m home,” she yelled while walking into the hall.

  She heard footsteps and smiled when she saw her mother. They hugged and Ora clung to her. Being at home and in her mother’s arms brought down her constructed defences. The fear and sadness she’d experienced for the past few days poured out in the form of tears.

  “What’s wrong, Aurora?”

  Her mom’s beautiful face scrunched up with concern. Her cousin, Esi, had been named after her mom. Esi, meaning a girl born on Sunday in the Akan language, was a popular name. Her cousin had been born on a Wednesday and her mother had broken tradition to show her love and respect to her older sister, Esi.

  Her mom led her into the hall and sat her on the couch, holding her while she cried.

  “I…am�
��so...rry.” Ora’s words were separated by deep gasping breaths.

  “What’s wrong?” her mother asked when she’d calmed down a little.

  Ora blew her nose and hiccupped before answering. “I broke up with Jason.” Hiccup.

  “But why? I thought you were getting along well. Did he do something?”

  She resisted the overwhelming urge to lay her head on her mother’s lap and stay there for the remainder of her life. “No.”

  “Then why did you break up with him?”

  Her mother listened while Ora told her what had happened with the tramp Gifty.

  “But I don’t understand. He’d been entrapped. Why did you break up with him?”

  Ora looked into the confused eyes of her mother and had difficulty understanding the reason herself. That night had passed in a blur of emotions she hadn’t let herself feel since she’d been eight years old when she’d latched onto her father, begging him to stay. Of all the feelings, rejection sat heaviest on her chest. But Jason had never rejected her. Could it be possible she’d projected her father’s rejection onto Jason?

  “Esi says it’s because I have commitment issues, because I haven’t dealt with when my biological father abandoned us.”

  Her mom nodded. “I see.”

  “Isn’t that absurd?” She held out for her last source of support, but even to her, in the warm light of day, gazing into her mother’s kind eyes, so much like her cousin’s, she knew Esi’s assessment had been correct.

  “I don’t think so, Aurora. It makes perfect sense to me.”

  Before her talk with Esi yesterday, she would have been aghast at the answer. Right now, the truth stood like a lit path in front of her.

  “You didn’t have a father in your life for eleven years and I think that him not being around affected your view on relationships.” She shook her head. “I take responsibility for it. I should have explained it all to you so that you understood.”

  “Understood what?”

  “The relationship I had with your father.”

  Ora looked at her mother with anticipation. She’d always been curious about what had happened between them, but didn’t have the courage ask.

  Her mother appeared lost in thought for a long time, and Ora waited, not daring to speak, just in case she changed her mind.

  “Your father and I met in teacher training college. He’d been one year my junior. We ran into each other one day at a mutual friend’s party and got along well. We dated for a few months before we had sex. My actions were so stupid. I should have used protection but pregnancy hadn’t crossed my mind. And looking back, I was lucky not to have contracted a sexually transmitted disease.”

  She shifted in her seat, unaccustomed to hearing her mother talk about sex in regards to herself. She recalled how her mother had initiated their first sex education talk while braiding her hair. She’d had no way to escape.

  “When I learned I’d become pregnant with you, I was excited. I had three more months to finish school and get my certificate, so I knew the pregnancy wouldn’t affect my education. Your father didn’t share my enthusiasm. He didn’t think he was ready to be a father or a husband. He still had a year left of school and had no need to be tied down with the responsibility of taking care of a family when he could barely afford to take care of himself. He suggested I abort the baby.” She reached out and held Ora’s hand. “I started loving you as soon as I knew you were growing in my womb. It would have been impossible for me to kill you.”

  Tears welled up in Ora’s eyes as she smiled.

  “He started showing his true colours, then. He beat and threatened me, trying to force me to get an abortion, but I said no. I broke up with him, telling him he had no responsibilities when it came to me or you. From that point forward, I treated him as if he had never existed in my life. When I first saw your beautiful face, I knew I’d done the right thing.”

  “You left him?” Ora raised both eyebrows.

  “Technically, yes. But when he tried to make me abort you and maltreated me, he left me first.”

  Ora laced her fingers in her lap and nodded with true understanding. All of her life, she’d thought her father had been the one to leave. She couldn’t imagine the psychological turmoil she would have gone through if she knew he’d wanted her dead. A chill went through her at the thought of not existing. “I see.”

  “I never stopped him from seeing you. I always thought it important you knew each other. But he never had an interest in being a father and for this, I apologize. I don’t regret getting pregnant with you. Having you without being married was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” She squeezed Ora’s nose and made a honking sound like she used to do when she’d been little girl. Ora giggled. “The experience will forever remain one of the best in my life. I wouldn’t trade it for all the money in the world.”

  She laid her head on her mother’s shoulder, bursting with love and gratitude for the sacrifices the woman had made for her throughout her life. “Thanks, Mama.”

  Her mother kissed her head. “You are infinitely welcome. But it looks like you’ve inherited the commitment issues from your father.”

  Her heart raced. Of all the things she’d wanted to get from her dad, being unable to settle down with a man wasn’t one of them. She’d have been fine with his time and love. “Esi said I needed counselling.”

  She smiled. “My niece is a very smart young woman.”

  “You think she’s right?”

  “How many relationships have you been in that didn’t work, Aurora? Even the ones you never told me about.”

  She and her mom were close, but she squirmed inside before giving her the conservative answer. “About seven.”

  “That’s a lot to be in and have fail.”

  Ora told her mother about the pattern Esi had seen.

  “What do you think of her observations?”

  She hesitated. Looking back, she’d been the cold fish in all of those relationships and she’d never loved a single one of them, except Jason. Her heart tightened at the thought of him. “I think she’s right, but I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Is counselling an option for you?”

  She’d prefer to shave off all of her hair than to open up her mind so someone could poke and prod. But she couldn’t continue living like this, either. She had to make a change and she couldn’t do it on her own. “I think it might be. I love Jason so much, but I can’t trust that he won’t leave. I woke up everyday wondering if it would be the day he’d call it quits. The stress of uncertainty overwhelmed me.”

  “So you left him before he could leave you.”

  Heat rushed to her face to hear her mother say the words out loud. She’d been wrong, acting on feelings of fear instead of love.

  They listened to the sounds floating through the window from the street. Cars honked as children played, making more noise than necessary.

  “What are you going to do?” her mother asked.

  She chewed the inside of her cheek, coming to a decision she wouldn’t go back on once she said it out loud. “Pray over it, but I think I’ll go see the therapist Esi recommended.”

  Her mother smiled and nodded. “That’s a good decision. It will help you get a handle on your situation from an outsider’s perspective. What about Jason?”

  She needed a guarantee he would love her and never leave. Even to herself, it sounded ridiculous. No such guarantees existed in life. Ora shrugged. “I don’t know. I have to get myself sorted out before I can do anything about him.”

  “From the way Esi talks, she thinks you two were made for each other.”

  For the first time in days, she experienced a lightness in her heart. Thinking about him now made her grin. “He’s a good man.”

  “If you decide you want him back, don’t keep him waiting for too long.”

  “I will. Thank you for telling me the story about you and my biological father.”

  “You’re welco
me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you years ago. Are you hungry? I bought some acheke in anticipation of your arrival.”

  “Oh my goodness, Mama. How I’ve missed it. One of my co-workers asked me to describe it, and I said delicious.”

  “Next time, tell her it’s cooked, grained cassava.”

  “I’d move back to Takoradi to eat it every day.”

  “I wouldn’t mind having my oldest daughter closer. As long as you don’t cross the border to Côte d’Ivoire where we stole it from.”

  “Only if you tell me you grilled tilapia to go with the acheke?”

  “I know what you like.”

  “Then I’ll stay in Ghana. Let’s eat.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ora’s stomach had so many butterflies in it she’d probably vomit at any minute. She’d called and made an appointment with the therapist as soon as she got home from Takoradi because she would’ve lost her nerve if she’d waited another day. The therapist had an open slot for the next morning, which made life convenient because she’d switched with Grace to work her afternoon shift.

  Her knee bounced up and down of its own volition as she waited in the small area where a receptionist sat at her desk typing on a desktop computer. The office appeared simple and clean with modern furniture and beautiful paintings done by various Ghanaian artists. The artwork and cool, light tan colour of the walls should have helped to sooth her nerves, but had no effect.

  Jason had called and texted all day yesterday, but she ignored the calls and refused to read the texts. She wasn’t ready to deal with him yet. She didn’t know what to expect from counselling, but she hoped it would help give her some of the answers she needed about her life so she could move forward. Hopefully, with Jason.

  A woman who appeared to be in her mid forties came out of an office and gave the receptionist a piece of paper. “Can you please type this for me? It needs to be sent out by one this afternoon.” Her voice sounded soothing and clear, but had a stern, no-nonsense edge to it.