Worth The Risk

by Carly Marie

  I couldn’t figure out how to respond to that, so I focused back on the game. When it finished, Seth’s team barely having managed to hold on to the lead, it was nearing seven thirty. Despite having eaten leftovers before we came to the game, I had a starving ten-year-old to deal with as well as an eight-year-old who didn’t want to let Jeff leave any time soon. “Dad, please. I’m hungry,” Thomas begged as soon as the final buzzer sounded. “Please, can we get something on the way home?”

  I really wanted to go home. After spending an afternoon worrying about how I’d treated Jeff and agonizing over the evening with him, I was exhausted. I wasn’t in the mood to go to a restaurant. I could maybe handle a carry-out pizza or a fast food restaurant but not a sit-down one.

  “We’re going to the Chinese restaurant down the road,” Jenna mentioned, barely looking up from her phone.

  Thomas’s eyes brightened. “Chinese. Yes! Please, Dad?”

  “Yeah!” Eli agreed.

  My insides twisted up. I’d already caused Jeff enough discomfort for the day; I didn’t want to cause him more, especially by intruding on family time. “I think we should let Jeff and his kids go out to dinner alone. We’ll stop somewhere fast on the way home.”

  Jeff looked between my boys and Jenna, then made a decision. A far more mature decision than I would have made at the time. “We’d love to have you all join us. There’s always room at the table.”

  I took a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders. I hoped I looked and sounded relaxed, not like I was jumping for joy on the inside that maybe I hadn’t fucked everything up beyond repair. If he was willing to be civil to me, my shot at being friends with him, maybe even something more, might not be gone. “Are you sure? We don’t want to intrude, but we all love Chinese.”

  Jeff nodded with more certainty that time. “Yeah. Really. We’d love to have you. And Sunflower is the best Chinese unless you go into Nashville.”

  “As long as you’re sure.” I tried to sound hesitant. Jumping on the offer after giving him the cold shoulder earlier would do nothing but confuse us both.

  Jeff pulled his lower lip between his teeth, and I had to fight the urge to reach over and tug it out with my thumb. “Sounds great. I just need to tell Annie goodbye and wait for Seth to get changed, then we’ll head over.”

  I got stopped by at least four moms and even a few of the dads on my way to the car. They each had nothing but amazing things to say about Jeff after they’d seen us sitting together. More than one person commented on being thankful he was spending time with me because his life always revolved around his kids. Would they say the same things if they knew I’d kissed him? It took far longer than it should have for the boys and me to make it to the car, but we eventually got there.

  I used the car ride to the restaurant to help clear my head. If I could get my sexual attraction under control, I’d be able to talk with him without making a fool of myself. That was the first step in earning back the friendship we’d built. I felt like I was on a more stable footing by the time we parked the car. That was until I saw Jeff leaning against the brick exterior of the restaurant. He had one leg bent with his foot on the brick while he tapped at his phone screen as he carried on a conversation with his kids.

  He could have been in the middle of a photo shoot with his thick curly hair poking out from under a faded ball cap, perfectly fitted jeans, and his shirt snug on his arms. He must have unbuttoned the top few buttons since we’d left the gym because I could see wisps of chest hair poking out of the top that had not been there minutes earlier.

  And of course my dick decided to take notice.

  As if the gods of attraction were working against me—or maybe that was with me—the hostess sat us at a cramped booth toward the back of the restaurant, two chairs shoved at the end of the table for Seth and Jenna to sit in. The boys decided they wanted to sit next to each other so they could work on the word search games on the back of their place mats. That left Jeff and me squeezed into the booth across from them, our shoulders touching and our bodies pressed together from hips to knees. Thank god it wasn’t a buffet and I had the entirety of dinner to get the situation in my pants under control.

  Once we had our meals ordered, Jeff relaxed noticeably. The prickly, slightly standoffish demeanor he’d had at the basketball game faded, and the man I’d grown to know over the last week returned. We chatted about our Christmases, and I took the time to thank him again for helping wrap gifts. He’d brushed me off with a wave of his hand before stretching his arm along the back of the booth as we continued to talk.

  I’d let the move go basically unnoticed until I felt his thumb brush against my shoulder. It was so casual I wasn’t convinced he’d realized he’d done it, but the tingles that radiated from that spot down my arm and back had me fighting to stay still. I was reading way too much into his every movement, comment, and touch, and I was going to go insane before the end of dinner. Or cum in my pants.

  His hand relaxed and his fingertips touched the outside of my shoulder. And yeah, I leaned into the contact. It felt damn good. His touch was strong and secure, something I could easily sink into. I was concentrating on the feel so much, I missed what was being said around the table.

  A strange silence fell over our group that even my wayward mind couldn’t ignore. I blinked back into focus to find five sets of eyes staring at me. Jeff had even twisted his body slightly and was looking at me like he expected an answer, and I had to admit I’d been checked out. “I’m sorry. I missed that.”

  Thomas shook his head like he was embarrassed by me. Wasn’t he too young for me to get those looks from him? “Can we get tickets to go see Grease?”

  “Grease? As in the musical?”

  Eli nodded. “Jenna’s playing Sandy in the school play. It sounds cool.”

  “It’s fitting for her,” Jeff added. “She’s been obsessed with it since she was little. I think she has every line memorized without cracking open the script.”

  I’d missed a lot of the conversation. Instead of dwelling on how long I’d been lost in my thoughts, I turned my energy to congratulating Jenna. “Oh, wow. That’s great. We’ll need to figure out when the show is, but we’d love to come.” No sooner were the words out of my mouth than the conversation turned to other topics and my brain went back to Jeff’s hand.

  I was thankful when our food arrived only a few minutes after we’d ordered it. I didn’t know how much more I could take of Jeff’s arm draped around my shoulders. My brain refused to function properly, and I found myself struggling to keep up with the conversations we were having. Once his hand moved so he could eat dinner, I finally felt like I could breathe again. I caught myself right before I sucked in a deep breath, managing to turn it into an awkward cough-thing that had Jeff checking to see if I was all right.

  The sexy first kiss and the awful end to it seemed to be forgotten about, at least for dinner. I was still going to have to apologize to Jeff at some point, but in front of the kids wasn’t the right time. Hopefully, I could make it right before I saw Annie again because I was scared of her after seeing the disdain she had for me.

  Relief swept over me as I headed to my car after dinner. Conversation had flowed easily for the second half of the meal, and I hadn’t cum in my pants like a teenager while watching Jeff eat his dessert. It had been touch-and-go there for a few minutes as I watched him lick the last crumbs of chocolate cake off his fork. Yay for small victories.

  CHAPTER 11

  Jeff

  I collapsed on my bed just minutes after we’d arrived home from dinner. I had no idea what was going on. Annie had been worried enough about me when she came back from lunch to find my meatloaf sandwich in the trash that she hadn’t let me go back to work until I’d told her everything that had happened.

  Within ten minutes of them leaving, Mark and I had flirted, he’d panicked and almost run, I’d stopped him, we’d kissed, and then he’d panicked again. The second time, there was nothing I could do about h
im running. To say it had fucked with my head a bit would have been an understatement.

  And talk about mixed signals. He kissed me, told me that it was good, that he wasn’t sorry we kissed, that he was attracted to me. Then in the next breath he told me he couldn’t do this. That there were too many obstacles, that he was new in town, and he had kids.

  Bringing up his kids hurt the most. How many times had my own kids been used against me? I’d started believing I wasn’t meant to have a man in my life because I had kids. But apparently, not only was I not boyfriend material because I had my own kids, I must not have been boyfriend material for anyone else’s kids either. In the end it was what had stopped me from going after him and telling him that I was willing to try to make it work or give him the space he needed to figure it out.

  Then he still showed up at Seth’s game. He still smiled; he was still Mark. He was the guy that I’d gotten to know over the last week. And, because I hadn’t told Jenna what had happened, she’d invited him to go to dinner with us, and he’d accepted. Okay, maybe I’d pushed a bit. Or at least reassured. Because some fucked up part of my brain kept telling me there was hope. He’d said the kiss was good. He’d said he felt something going on between us.

  Dinner had been nice. The longer we sat together, the easier conversation had come and the less I felt like a teenager who had his first crush turn him down. And now that I was home, it left me with the same damn questions that I’d been struggling with earlier in the day. Where did that leave us? Was there any hope of an us?

  My phone chimed in my pocket and I pulled it out to find a text from Annie.

  How was dinner?

  I tapped the screen to life.

  It was fine.

  Thankfully, I hadn’t told her about how I’d nearly cum in my pants grinding up against him while we kissed.

  Not what I meant asshole. How was the jerk?

  I growled into the darkness that surrounded me.

  Mark’s not a jerk.

  No matter how much I wanted to believe he was. No matter how much easier it would be to push the feelings I had to the side if he were, he simply wasn’t.

  He was nice. He tried hard to act like nothing happened, and I tried to too. That’s the best I can say. I’m confused right now.

  The pause was longer and the bubbles started and stopped a few times before a text finally came through.

  I get it. And I’m sorry, Jeff. Don’t take it personally. I really don’t think it’s about you. If you want, I’ll find a way to get to the bottom of it.

  The last thing I needed was my sister getting involved in my love life.

  No! Don’t. I’ll figure it out.

  I tossed the phone on the nightstand, then rolled over and fell asleep, still fully dressed. I couldn’t say that my sleep had been restful, because when my alarm went off Friday morning, I felt like I’d barely blinked and my eyelids felt like sandpaper as I blinked.

  My morning routine was so ingrained that I could do it in my sleep. I showered, didn’t bother to shave, then stumbled down the steps to start the coffeepot and eat a quick breakfast. I’d made it halfway down the steps when the smell of coffee had me blinking in surprise. Who the hell was making coffee at this hour?

  My question was quickly answered when I came around the corner to see Seth in a pair of old jeans and a sweatshirt that had seen better days. He was sipping at a mug of his own coffee, an empty bowl beside him.

  I stumbled to the coffeepot and debated drinking straight from the carafe before deciding to settle on the largest mug we had in the house. It took almost a quarter of the pot in one mug, and I sighed as the first taste hit my tongue. “What are you doing up?” I finally asked Seth.

  “I don’t have school today. I thought I could go to the shop with you?”

  My heart swelled. My dad had never forced me to go to work with him as a kid or teenager. He’d told me he wanted me to follow my heart and choose a career that would make me happy. As it turned out, my heart led me directly to the garage. Despite him dying a few years before Seth and Jenna came into my life, I had always remembered his words and never forced the kids to come to work with me. Over the last year or so, Seth had begun asking to come with me more and more. Maybe one day he’d take over the shop from me or maybe he’d be out changing the world. To me, it didn’t matter what he did with his life as long as he was happy. But in the meantime, spending the day with him made me happy.

  I reached over and ruffled his hair. “Sounds great. I need food first, then we can go.”

  By lunchtime, Seth’s pale cheeks were barely recognizable beneath smudges of oil, dirt, and whatever else had brushed up against him that day, but he was smiling. “Go clean up. I think your aunt wants to take you out to lunch.”

  Seth looked over to see Annie watching us and pointing to her stomach, her hand miming how hungry she was. Seth grinned. “You coming, Dad?”

  I shook my head. “Not this time. It’s important you get some time alone with her. You don’t get to see her as often as I do.” I couldn’t sit down with Annie at lunch anyway. She’d been shooting me looks all day, and I knew she was dying to talk to me about what had happened at dinner.

  Seth ran to the bathroom to scrub off, and before long, they were out the door. I settled into Annie’s chair to eat the sandwich Seth had packed for me before I’d even made it down the steps that morning. The chimes above the door rattled to life and I swallowed.

  “Hey, give me just a…” My words trailed off to nothing when I saw Mark standing there, looking runway ready as always. Gray wool pants hugged his legs. The black leather belt around his waist only served to accentuate his muscular thighs. A purple fitted dress shirt under a gray sports coat pulled the look together flawlessly.

  Mark chewed his lip, worrying it between his teeth before releasing it. “Uh, hey. Do you have a few minutes?”

  I pushed back the chair I was sitting in and opened the office door. “Yeah, come on back.” I wondered if I sounded as apprehensive as I felt.

  Mark came in and looked around for a moment, like he wasn’t sure where he should go. I gestured to an extra office chair and sat back down at Annie’s spot. Mark scrubbed a hand down his face, and for the first time, I took a moment to get a good look at him, not just the way his clothes were accentuating all the right places on his body. He looked tired. Dark, puffy circles rested below his eyes and a crease was etched in his forehead. He didn’t look like the same man I’d seen the night before. His sleep must have been as fitful as mine, but since Annie hadn’t mentioned me looking like something the cat dragged in, I must have been hiding it better.

  I didn’t know what to say or do at that point, so I sat and waited for him to find his words, ignoring the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of me. After a moment, he sighed and started talking quickly. “I’m sorry about yesterday. It was a dick move to kiss you, then run out of here like I did. I panicked. Plain and simple and I have no excuse for it. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything for anyone, and I was taken by surprise.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him it was okay and he didn’t have to apologize for it again, but he held up his hand. “Please. Let me get this out. My concerns lie in being so new in town. So new that the kids haven’t even had a chance to start school yet. I freaked out with all the transitions and how quickly my life is changing, but those reasons shouldn’t have been enough to make me run off like that. I haven’t even kissed anyone since my wife left. I don’t know I’m capable of juggling a relationship and my kids and the clinic right this second, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel something for you.”

  Mark growled, but it was to himself. “Jesus, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry I keep fucking up. I hear what I want to say so clearly in my head, but it’s not coming out right. I’ve been with two people in my life. My ex-boyfriend, who I was with for all of a few months back in college, and my ex-wife. Feeling anything about anyone took me by surprise. I got way ahead of myself yeste
rday. I can’t apologize enough.”

  He deflated as he sank into the desk chair. “I feel like everything is changing and I don’t even know where to go from here.”

  “How about to the movies?” That wasn’t too much, right? I’d listened to him. I could appreciate panic. I could see his panic. Knowing that he’d only been with two people before had been a shock. I’d known he’d said he’d not been with anyone since he and his wife divorced, but I struggled to believe just how few people he’d really been with. I could understand why feeling anything for me would take him by surprise.

  If there actually was something going on between us, I had no problem taking it slow and seeing where our feelings took us.

  Mark’s mouth hung open. “Movies?”

  I nodded. What I was about to suggest was not without risks. “We could go into the city this weekend and see a movie. Hell, bring the kids.” I tried to convey sincerity. “If you don’t want anything to happen, if you really aren’t ready, then we can go as friends. Friends go to the movies. You said that you felt like there was something between us. Well, I feel it too. I can’t explain it, but I feel it. So, if that’s the case, why don’t we see where this could go? Maybe… maybe make it a date?” Why did I have to sound so unsure?

  Mark’s eyes widened. “Date?”

  “Only if you want it to be,” I finished quickly.

  A smile slowly danced across his lips and his shoulders straightened. “I like that idea. But we have to go slow. I can’t confuse myself or my kids at this point. If I’m going to introduce anyone to them as a boyfriend—or girlfriend,” he amended quickly, “I need to know there’s something there.”

  That I could respect. “Slow it is. If it doesn’t work, we’ve tried it and we’ll know it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “Movie date, yeah. I like that. Want to go to dinner first?” His eyes clouded for a second as he thought of something. “Do you think Jenna would want to babysit tomorrow night?”