A Garden Dream

by Jea Hawkins

  “That’s just all about honesty. I tell people what I see and that’s that. The truth is usually more interesting than fiction, anyway.”

  “If you could do a reading for me right now, what would you see?” Emma had always gone to Crystal for her intuition since her own clairvoyance didn’t seem to apply to her in the past. Now she wondered what Crystal’s tarot might add to the picture.

  Crystal sat upright and glanced at their suitcases. “Do you want me to get my cards? I brought them just in case.”

  Emma knew Crystal never went anywhere without a deck of tarot cards and, for a moment, she pondered asking Crystal to give her a reading. After all, it had been a long time since they sat down together for anything intimate – not just sex, but a reading or a ritual.

  “No,” she finally decided. “I mean, I would like one, but not right now. I think we’re still finding our footing and figuring things out, so let’s wait on taking an intentional peek into our future. What I got yesterday was completely out of the blue and I’d like to see how it plays out. What do you think?”

  Crystal’s shoulders fell as she let out a long sigh and her smile widened. “Yes and thank you. I was thinking the exact same thing. We just need to keep taking things slowly. I don’t know why, but I feel that too.”

  “Not following our intuition is what got us into this situation in the first place.”

  “Yeah, so let’s just listen to our innermost selves and go from there.” Crystal got out of bed and now Emma got a good look at her body – long and lean, firm with lines and shadows along her skin showing her muscle definition.

  Emma used to think she wanted to look like that, too, but as she matured, she became comfortable with her own body’s generous proportions. Her fuller figure looked better in dresses, while Crystal could pull off a peasant blouse and cut-off shorts like a modern Daisy Duke. Emma was just glad they didn’t live in Hazzard County.

  Once they were showered and dressed, they grabbed a quick breakfast at the hotel’s coffee shop. Then they wandered the convention center, clutching their cups of coffee and discussing the remaining workshops.

  “The conference ends at two,” Crystal said, “and I was thinking we could go to one of these workshops about the latest popular herbs. What do you think?”

  “That’s a good idea and there’s also the workshop on gardening for serenity. I think that would be a nice one to visit, but they’re at the same time.” Emma frowned. She was usually so good at making decisions, but in this case…

  Crystal hummed and glanced at the program in Emma’s hand. “Well, since you handle the herbs all the time, would you mind going to that one? The serenity garden stuff sounds like it could benefit the both of us, I know, but why don’t I go there. That way, we don’t miss anything.”

  What Emma didn’t want to miss was another moment spent with Crystal, she realized. The idea of stepping away from her made a cold shiver run through her, despite the hot coffee in her hand, and she bit back a sigh. “Sure. That’s the most practical solution.”

  Practical. Yes. She was supposed to like practical, wasn’t she? Except, lately, she wasn’t so sure. Once again, the very impractical urge to touch Crystal returned. She wanted to hold her girlfriend’s hand as they walked, to interlace their fingers and claim her affections.

  Emma kept her hands to herself, though, and grounded herself in hopes of evening out her emotions. Crystal seemed to pick up on them because she titled her head to nudge Emma’s shoulder. “We’ll get there,” she said softly.

  Yes, they would. How, Emma didn’t know, but she had to trust her vision and the path they were on.

  They wandered the vendor portion of the conference and finally purchased a few items. When they brought the items back to their room, Crystal took a moment to use the toilet and Emma stared down into her open suitcase. It felt so anticlimactic to her. They had gone on this road trip just as they were on the verge of breaking up and now… they weren’t breaking up.

  But nothing was getting better, either. All she wanted to do was stop thinking, thinking, thinking, but her thoughts raced. “Jeez,” she muttered to herself, pressing her hands against her face.

  “Hey, bathroom’s all yours if you want it,” Crystal said, approaching her and indicating over her shoulder with her thumb.

  Emma turned and kissed her.

  She hadn’t meant for it to happen, but there was no stopping it, either. In less than a heartbeat, her mouth had somehow planted itself atop Crystal’s, lips meeting lips. A low moan came from her throat as she wrapped her arms around Crystal to hold her close. They hadn’t kissed in such a long time and now Emma was helpless to stop it. Whatever hunger was leading her now, she followed it.

  Crystal stiffened at first and then melted against her, her arms encircling Emma’s neck. Encouraged by this, Emma curled her fingers into her girlfriend’s back and massaged it with long, firm strokes. It felt so good to hold Crystal in her arms again, to touch and embrace that athletic body against her own softness.

  Emma drew her hands around Crystal’s sides, along her breasts, shoulders, and neck, and then cupped her face. They parted, placing only a few inches between their faces, and Emma regarded her through half-closed eyes.

  “Hey there,” she whispered.

  Her girlfriend’s eyes narrowed. “That’s my line. Don’t you go stealing my lines.”

  “Maybe it’s our line.” Emma gave her another gentle kiss on the lips and then stepped away from her. She needed a moment to process what she had done. Once again that telltale tingle buzzed along her inner thighs and she backed away.

  “Where are you going?” Crystal asked, her body turning and leaning toward her as if she wanted to follow.

  “I’m going to the bathroom. I should use it before we go back downstairs.” Even though the words came out measured and even, Emma knew Crystal would hear the fear behind them. She was a water witch, after all.

  Crystal nodded once. “You do that and then we’ll grab lunch and get to those workshops.” She turned away, looking down at her own suitcase, and Emma fled. She didn’t need to see the expression on Crystal’s face to know she was close to tears.

  As soon as she was in the bathroom, Emma locked the door and took a deep breath. It wasn’t fair of her to let Crystal think there was a chance they were going to jump right back into a normal relationship, especially after this morning when they both agreed they would take it slow.

  But she couldn’t help herself. The last time she touched Crystal intimately was in February. It was in celebration of the doctor declaring Emma’s mother cancer-free, but before Crystal confessed to her about the one-night stand. Even then, Emma knew something was off. She hadn’t seen it with her clairvoyance, though, so she ignored the feeling. Something about her mother’s illness had numbed her to emotion.

  Or maybe, just maybe, she had numbed herself to it so every time the oncologist said words like “cancer” and “tumor” and “stage,” she wouldn’t find herself in pain. When her mother suffered hair loss and became too weak to perform even the simplest of tasks, it had fallen to Emma and her father to take care of her. And then when her father broke down in tears one night and cried that he just couldn’t bear to lose his wife?

  Yes, of course Emma hadn’t felt anything because she forced herself not to. Instead, she hugged her father as he sobbed in her arms and told him they were in it together.

  That breaking point was it. Emma thought about her parents twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. She thought about them and their needs in the face of that horrible illness that was trying to steal her mother’s life from everyone who loved her.

  And Crystal had seen every moment of that.

  So why, during the absolute worst time possible, did she cheat? Why at the most crucial time in Emma’s life did the person she loved and trusted the most betray her? And why was Emma over it one moment, but very much not over it the next?

  “Fuck…” Emma gripped the bathroom
countertop, only slightly shocked at herself for swearing.

  For almost forty-eight hours, she had almost believed she had actually forgiven Crystal. Apparently, forgiveness wasn’t as easy as she thought. It was going to be work, work she didn’t even know how to do.

  “Trust the vision. Right.” She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. If only she knew where that vision was going to lead them.

  Chapter 11

  “What’s going on with you? You’ve been so quiet.” Crystal glanced at Emma as they walked along the main street in Sedona, looking at the shops’ window displays.

  Emma grimaced and kept her face turned away from Crystal. Now that the conference and expo were over, they had decided to spend the rest of the day seeing the town. There were other sites Crystal wanted to visit, but Emma wasn’t so sure she wanted to now. They still had to figure out where they were going to have dinner, but Emma’s stomach was tight. The last thing she wanted was food.

  “Oh no, don’t tell me – even though it just ended, you already have the con blues.”

  “The what?” Emma jerked her head around to look at Crystal.

  “You know when you go somewhere and have a great time, and then feel depressed when it’s over. It happens a lot with conventions and conferences.”

  It was an interesting assessment and Emma supposed she might feel that way if she had enjoyed herself. But it was the muddle of emotions bubbling just beneath the surface that kept her from feeling anything but disappointed that it was over. The road trip and event seemed to have served as a distraction, not a solution. It certainly was that step out of the mundane, everyday life she and Crystal lived, but that was it. There was no magick in that.

  “Here, turquoise makes everything better.” Crystal grabbed her hand and pulled her into one of the shops. Emma got a quick glance at the door with the feathered dream catcher hanging off it before she was whisked into the store.

  In a way, Crystal was right. Stones and crystals made everything better, especially for Emma. Like plants, they were part of the earth and each had its own unique energy that Emma could sense and work with. Maybe holding onto a soothing rose quartz would help. After all, who didn’t need peace and happiness when it came to relationships?

  Emma plunged her hand into the deep wooden bin holding assorted stones and looked at what she withdrew. Turquoise after all. How funny that Crystal had mentioned it before dragging her into the shop. The greenish-blue stone with gray-gold flecks in it sat in the palm of her hand comfortably. Emma had never worked with turquoise before, so she let it tumble back into the bin and tried again.

  When it came to her own customers, she generally did not like to select a stone and say, “Here’s what you need – it promotes healing.” No, she preferred to let them reach into a bin and take out whatever found its way into their hand. Then she would explain the energy of that particular stone to them.

  In this case, she knew she didn’t want turquoise. It was too close to Crystal at the moment. Yet when she removed her hand and looked, the same piece of tumbled turquoise was in it. That didn’t seem possible, considering she had dropped it on top of the assorted stones and then plunged her hand to the bottom of the bin, but there it was.

  “I don’t think you can deny your need for it,” came an unfamiliar voice from behind her. “Do you?”

  Emma turned to face the woman who spoke. She looked old enough to be her grandmother, with lines creasing her bronzed skin and white hair in a long braid. The long dress she wore was also a turquoise color, with gray-gold flowers in a spiral descending around it from neckline to hem.

  What is it with turquoise all of a sudden?

  “It’s because you need the courage and the healing. Take it.” The woman folded her hand around the stone. “Carry it with you. It won’t solve your problems, but it will help you through them.”

  “I appreciate that,” Emma said evenly, and turned the stone in her hand to get a better look at it. With her gaze lowered, she also tried to determine just what kind of witch the woman was. Water, maybe. The energy radiating from her was palpable, yet indistinct and Emma couldn’t pinpoint its overriding element.

  “Here. For while you’re in Sedona.” The woman offered her a card and then whispered, “Stop thinking so hard about everything.”

  Emma accepted it and looked at the white rectangle of cardstock. There was an address, but no other information.

  “Come by tomorrow at six,” the woman instructed.

  “For what?” Emma asked. She thought her intuition would have sharpened by now, identified the woman’s ability, but no. It remained just out of reach.

  “For anything you need.”

  Emma nodded and narrowed her eyes. Even though the woman didn’t give off any discernible elemental energy, Emma could certainly tell she wasn’t an ordinary person. “Should I bring…” When Emma looked up, however, the woman was gone.

  With a small sigh, Emma turned and looked around the shop. Crystal was speaking to another, younger woman in the opposite corner. This woman also appeared to be Native American, with long, glossy black hair, bronzed skin, and dark eyes. They were looking at turquoise necklaces and talking about their energetic properties. Emma sauntered toward them, pocketing her stone.

  “What do you think?” Crystal asked, turning and holding a necklace up to her neck.

  “It suits you,” Emma said. The stone enhanced the color in her girlfriend’s eyes and looked brilliant against her warm complexion.

  “What did I tell you?” the woman assisting her asked. Now that Emma was closer, she could see that the woman looked like a younger version of the white-haired one she had spoken with only moments ago. Her rich brown eyes dropped to the card in Emma’s hand. “Oh, I see she’s invited you tomorrow night.”

  “Invited me to what?” Emma asked, holding up the card for Crystal to read.

  The younger woman smiled slightly. “To find whatever it is that you want. This is a once in a lifetime chance. She does not choose lightly. Trust me – go and you’ll figure out the way to your heart’s desire.”

  ****

  “So that was weird…” Crystal sat on the bed with the plain white card in front of her and a take-out box in her hand.

  Emma agreed with a nod as she nibbled at the egg roll. The tiny table in their hotel room wasn’t big enough for two people to have a meal at, but Crystal had always been perfectly comfortable with eating in bed. It was another of her charming, unladylike qualities. Emma had lost count of the number of times she also brought oranges into bed and peeled them there. Or bunches of grapes and left the stem at the end of the bed after falling asleep.

  Whether it was a random stem or the smell of citrus, Emma would roll her eyes and carry on with her day without complaining. Some arguments just weren’t worth having.

  Because the small things didn’t matter, she told herself. They were together through thick and thin, for better or for worse. Even without celebrating a marriage, that was how Emma saw it. For the longest time, she thought that was how Crystal saw it too, but now she wasn’t so sure.

  “It’s back, isn’t it?”

  “Hm? What?” Emma looked up at Crystal.

  “This thing between us. My big mistake. It hasn’t gone away yet. Instead, I can feel the doubt in you. A lot of it.” Crystal turned to face Emma. “That’s okay. I’m not surprised and I don’t hold it against you. I understand that things won’t turn around overnight, but I feel like coming here was the right choice, even if we haven’t figured out yet why it matters.”

  “Well, I’m glad someone sees it that way because, yeah, I’m seriously doubting all of it.”

  Crystal let out a snort. “Yeah, I can tell. What did you expect, Emma – for us to wake up in Sedona and have everything figured out? That wasn’t what I expected.”

  Emma turned the question around. “Then what did you expect?”

  “For us to at least start talking to each other. Em, you spent months not talk
ing to me, avoiding me. Nothing was going to get resolved that way. At least you’ve stopped with the whole not looking at me thing. Do you know how that felt?” Crystal set the take-out box down on the bed and stuck her chopsticks in the noodles. She swung her leg over the box and scooted to the edge of the bed, so she could face Emma. “Seriously, you didn’t just give me the silent treatment. You acted for months and months like I didn’t even exist. It was heartbreaking.”

  Looking down at her Szechuan beef, Emma wondered if she could manage to take a bite of it. Her stomach was twisting in knots, a feeling so foreign to her. “I’m in a strange place, Crystal. You broke my heart and I still don’t know what to do about any of this.”

  Crystal slid off the bed and dropped to her knees in front of her. “Just love me. That’s all you need to do.” Her eyes were wide, shimmering with tears as she looked up at Emma. “Seven years together. I know people grow and change, but that’s not what happened to us. I screwed up, you hated me. It’s pretty straightforward. We both still know we belong together. We just have to figure out how to get past this one thing.”

  The way Crystal’s hands rested on Emma’s legs wasn’t sexual and Emma hated herself for wishing it was. She hated herself for wishing that hand would slide up and touch her elsewhere, between those legs, intimately. Why did every thought over the past twenty-four hours seem to cycle back to sex for her?

  Because it had been too damn long since the last time and she couldn’t help but set her food aside, place her hands on either side of Crystal’s face, and kiss her. Somehow Emma ended up kneeling on the floor with her, holding her. Crystal let out a hungry gasp and encircled Emma’s waist with her arms.

  Heart pounding, Emma kept kissing her, kept putting the pressure on her until Crystal was on her back and Emma was stretched out atop her. Her body ached for release and she straddled her girlfriend, grinding against her like an eager prom date. At that moment, it wouldn’t take much for her to come, even wearing her jeans.

  Her magickal energy was deeply connected with her sexual energy. If she didn’t use either, it built up until she couldn’t take it anymore. She knew Crystal felt the same way and, for just a second, she almost didn’t blame her for cheating on her. A girl needed to do what a girl needed to do.