The Dark Lord Bert 2

by Chris Fox

  The dark elf swiped at Bert’s face with a clawed hand, but as the claws neared his nose White simply vanished, and Bert sensed that he had been ejected from the game world. How convenient.

  Bert zoomed up through the volcano, and as he passed the Eye of Soreness his friend and mentor bobbed up and down. “He’s beginning to believe!”

  Bert reached into nothingness and retrieved a pair of sunglasses and a leather trench coat, which made him look quite mysterious. Then he looked down at his world from high up in the sky.

  The d20 pulsed, and Bert harnessed the energy. Bert reached into the stone and found each of the monsters. “Sheila, Brownie Monster, hungry rhino person!” Bert hesitated and his shoulders slumped. He needed to include everyone. “Yes, even annoying bird people from Naz. All be alive again!”

  Bert thrust out a hand, and all the monsters appeared again, just as they had been in life. They all smiled up at him, especially Sheila who was recording the entire thing with her rhinestone phone. The spider wrapped her legs around the gulls and gathered them to her like a gaggle of stray ducklings. “Selfie!”

  “B is for brownie!” Brownie Monster hopped up and down, and he and the rhino hugged as they joined the photo.

  Bert threw his hands up and cheered. This d20 was amazing! Bert could fix whatever he wanted. He knew time was short, but he had a few more quick changes he needed to make, then he could deal with the vibrating.

  Bert focused on the wights, and turned them back into the people they’d once been. He undid all the nastiness White had inflicted, and then rippled the magic outward across the whole world. Bert fixed the High Elf village, and turned Bobertown back into a proper town, and even made a few improvements to the plumbing.

  In three eye blinks Bert restored his realm to the way it should be. He fixed everything, and he even made a pair of new collars for Lefty and Righty.

  But the second problem still remained…the d20 was going to cause the whole world to explode. He had to stop that, but how? Bert didn’t know.

  He did know that he could save Kit and Boberton, at the very least. Bert clutched the die more tightly, and spoke to it, since he figured that would give the magic a greater chance of working. “D20, move Boberton and Kit to where Bert send White. Also, make gnome be alive again, and send him too.”

  The die vibrated faster, and he realized each time he used it the die came closer to blowing up. It would happen soon on its own, but everything he used the die for hastened the end of the world.

  He had to get the die away from here. He had to save everyone. What point was there in giving Boberton new collars if the whole world was going to blow up? His mum would be very cross if Bert were responsible for ‘sploding her.

  The die was the problem. He needed it to be elsewhere. He could use the die to move things. Could he use the die to move itself? If so, where would he send it? He could put it in the swamp. Nobody would much care what happened to the trolls, who’d probably survive the explosion anyway.

  No, that wouldn’t do. The explosion would be very large indeed. It would probably destroy the entire world, and that meant no matter where he put it his friends and family were in danger.

  So Bert needed to send it to another world. It seemed rather rude, as he didn’t want to explode someone else’s world, but to be fair Bert hadn’t created the problem, and was just defending his people.

  Bert closed his eyes and willed the die to go to wherever White had gone. But, since Bert felt bad, he also willed the die to send himself, since he should suffer the same fate as the people in the other world he was going to explode.

  Brilliant light flashed around Bert, and the most wonderful floaty feeling filled his whole body. It was concentrated down in his toes, but quickly rose until it rushed up through his head. He blinked a few times and looked around as he realized he’d landed some place entirely new.

  Bert still clutched the d20 in his little hand, and still sensed the tremendous power within it. The vibrating had ceased, however, and he sensed that the danger had passed. Bringing the die here had solved the issue, for some reason.

  Unfortunately it created a whole host of other issues. Bert stood on top of a mat with little lines, which sat on the middle of a broad table. Little miniatures and dice were scattered all around him. Like offerings.

  Behind the dice sat the real problem. A bunch of confused humans blinked down at Bert. He didn’t see anyone he recognized, but somehow…a young chestnut-haired human woman sat in one of the chairs and she was the only one smiling at Bert. There was something familiar about her.

  Bert was about to do the sensible thing and run, but the table shook, and he fell down hard. It took a moment for Bert to clamber back up, and when he saw what had jostled the table immediate relief filled him.

  Both Lefty and Righty had their fangs bared, and were growling as Boberton butted against the table. The dog eyed the humans suspiciously, but all were wisely keeping their distance.

  Bert realized that he was going to have to do something. Diplomacy, maybe. That was a big word. He raised a hand, and waved at the girl who’d smiled at him. “Hullo. My name Bert. This Boberton. He gets nervous around new people, but Boberton good dog.” Bert patted Lefty twice, then Righty twice to demonstrate.

  The dog’s tail began to wag, and he stopped growling.

  For some reason the humans did not relax.

  Epilogue

  Jess came back to herself in a rush. Her eyes fluttered, and gone were her elven perception and lithe body. She was just a dumpy teenager once more, as she was every time they finished a session. Only this time…this time there had been an emergency.

  She blinked at the table and realized that Bert stood there clutching the d20 in his hand. In the flesh. Real as her. He’d somehow come out of the game world, which shouldn’t be possible as she understood things. Bert was a construct, and all constructs lived within the mat.

  How he’d arrived was less important than the fact that he’d saved them, which itself became secondary to the fact that Boberton had somehow arrived too. The utterly massive demo dog was much, much more intimidating in the real world than he’d ever been in the game. Both Lefty and Righty brushed the ceiling tiles, and she had no idea how they were going to get the dog outside.

  The tiny goblin’s eyes grew wider, and Jess could see the panic. Her friend needed her.

  Jess rushed forward to gather Bert into a hug, and the goblin returned it, though he seemed puzzled. She let him go and delivered a big smile. “I’m Kit!”

  “Oh!” Bert’s eyes went wide. “Kit human. Bert had no idea. Very confusing, but nice to meet you. Again. Who friends?”

  They turned to look at the group, who were of course staring at them. Todd sat dejectedly behind the GM screen, and Robert sat ramrod straight in his chair. Wait, why had Robert gone so pale? He looked terrified.

  Jess followed his gaze, and when she discovered the cause, she shared the terror. Todd’s dad stood in the corner of the room. Mr. Vulpine wore a dark business suit and the day’s exhaustion. It was too early for him to be off work, and there was only one reason he’d have left early.

  “Answers, Todd. Now.” Mr. V stepped forward, arms folded, and demanding. “That d20 is illegal for you to possess until you graduate. And now, I imagine, you have some inkling as to why.”

  “I’m so sorry, Dad.” Todd’s voice was a tiny thing as the long-haired teen rose to his feet. “I thought I was ready. Clearly I’m not.”

  “Well, you’d better get ready.” The anger in Mr. V’s voice drew a wince from every seated player. “Let me explain what you’ve done. You see that goblin, and that demo dog? A demo dog, really, Todd? In the real world? Well those are no longer constructs. Now they are sentient beings. You’ve played god. Literally. Which is strictly regulated by the ministry, as you’re well aware.” Mr. V walked to the table, idly pet Boberton, then extended his hand to Bert. “Please give me the d20, son.”

  “Okay.” Bert cheerfully
handed the glowing d20 over, which swiftly disappeared into Mr. V’s pocket. He turned back to Todd. “Roll up the mat, and bring it home. Then find a place for your friends to stay.”

  “Wait.” Jess rose to her feet, and wilted when Mr. V’s angry stare landed on her. She refused to back down, though. “Bert doesn’t deserve to suffer for our mistakes. Can you let us put him back in the mat, at least? He and Boberton belong there, not here.”

  “That is factually incorrect.” Mr. V loosened his tie and sighed heavily. “Only a self-aware construct could harness the d20. Normally that could never, ever happen because the d20 isn’t permitted to enter the game, and because sentient beings are incredibly rare. But if the die does enter, and if a sentient construct touches it? He became the game master. He had all the power, and he used that power to bring himself and his dog here. When he did that they became real. They exist. Sure they can enter the mat, just like you can. But as players. Bert and Boberton live here now, in the real world.”

  “How?” Robert finally choked out when no one else spoke. He cleared his throat then repeated the question, “How did Bert become sentient?”

  “That’s on my son.” Mr. V nodded at Todd, who winced as if he’d been struck. “The moment he stole the die and performed the ritual for the first time he brought the world out of stasis. But because Mr. Game Master here didn’t know how to put the game back in stasis at the end of a session it’s been running on its own during the years you’ve been playing. Hundreds of generations have probably passed in the game world, and eventually anomalies in the system rise up.”

  “Whoah,” Max muttered as the ten-year-old sat back in his seat. “Bert is like…the one.”

  “That still leaves you with a big problem.” Mr. V shook his head sadly. “I can’t know about this. Literally. Once I’ve put the die back in storage I’ll use a memory erasing charm to remove everything after I left the office today. Going forward I know nothing about this. I have no idea you broke the rules, and no idea that you’ve created a life form that could get both your mother and I disbarred, and you expelled. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, sir,” Todd murmured sheepishly. “We’ll take care of our mess. I’m sorry I got you involved in this.”

  The angry wizard softened as he stared at his son. Something unreadable flitted across his face. A memory maybe?

  “You know what? It’s not that big of a deal. We caught it in time.” Mr. V suddenly smiled, ice thawing as his expression brightened. “My friends and I did all sorts of stupid things. We made all sorts of mistakes. You guys are going to do exactly the same thing.” He started for the door, but hesitated, then turned to walk back to Todd. “I forgot. We haven’t put the game in stasis.”

  Mr. V focused his hawkish gaze on the mat, which still hadn’t been rolled up. “Silentium!”

  A mote of green light pulsed from the d20, which was still clutched in Mr. V’s hand. The mat suddenly rolled up of its own accord, and sent miniatures and dice rolling off of it, some clattering to the floor.

  “Now the world is paused.” Mr. V offered the die to his son. “I am going to do that memory wipe, but you’re old enough to fix your own mistakes. I’m going to trust you to do that. Don’t let me find out the die was taken, and make all this go away.”

  Todd’s shoulders squared as he accepted the die. “Thanks for trusting me, Dad.”

  “Bert will help!” The goblin waddled to the edge of the table, and mirrored Todd’s determined stance.

  Mr. V began to chuckle, and hadn’t stopped by the time he left the back room and exited Castle Games.

  That left them all staring at each other. What the heck were they going to do with Bert and Boberton?

  Their world might never be the same….

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