The Uncertain Years

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Do you enjoy driving us around?’ he asked, breaking the silence.

  ‘Yes, very much, Colonel. Do you enjoy working in London?’

  ‘No, I damned well don’t. I’m a soldier, not a diplomat or politician. And we’re the only ones in the car, so you can stop being so formal for a while.’

  She nodded. He was not in a good mood, and no matter what he said, she wasn’t going to get careless. If she started to be too informal with him, she might slip up when others were around, and that would never do. She intended to keep her record clean.

  ‘Will we be in London for long …?’ She left off the ‘sir’ with difficulty.

  ‘You will probably be needed all day. The major general will give you your orders when we arrive.’

  ‘Very good, sir.’ Blast!

  ‘What did I just tell you?’

  Now she was getting cross. ‘Well what am I supposed to do? You’re an officer and I’m on official duty. I can’t treat you informally in this situation. I just can’t, sir!’

  ‘I’m sorry, you’re quite right. That was thoughtless of me.’

  She was so hurt. It was very clear that a relationship between them – even friendship – was fraught with difficulties. She was beginning to be sorry she had visited his family after they’d seen Will’s letter. She should have stayed away, but what could she have done? They had asked to see her, and she hadn’t seen any harm in it at the time. Of course, it was always easy to be wise in hindsight, and becoming so friendly with his family had been a mistake. She was a naive fool to have allowed herself to fall for him – and that’s what she had done.

  ‘You can talk to me,’ he said gently.

  ‘The Japanese attack on the American fleet took everyone by surprise,’ she said, choosing a safe subject.

  ‘It was, and that’s why the casualties were so high. Your brother’s on his way there now.’

  ‘What? How do you know that?’

  ‘I know a great many things since they tied me to a desk job.’

  ‘If you dislike it so much, can’t you get a transfer?’

  ‘I’ve been trying, and now the tide of war has taken a dramatic turn, I’ll have more chance of getting back to active duty. By the way, I bought Sara two more charms to go on the bracelet you gave her. We have a job to get her to take it off even when she goes to bed.’ He laughed quietly.

  ‘I’m glad she likes it.’

  ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’

  ‘I’m on duty.’

  ‘Your parents will be disappointed. Would you like me to see—?’

  ‘No, sir!’ She stopped him quickly. There was no way she was going to allow him to try and get her a pass for the holidays. His recommendation that she be sent to a transport division was in order because he had interviewed her at the recruitment office, but this was different. ‘I’m quite happy to stay in camp this year. Some of us have to stay behind and I did have last Christmas at home. Will you be able to spend time with your family?’

  ‘For a couple of days, as long as another part of the world doesn’t erupt into war.’

  Becky was relieved when she pulled up outside the HQ. She had been looking forward to the journey this morning and seeing David on his own for a while, but it had been awkward, to say the least. She got out and opened the door for him.

  ‘You’d better come in and find out what your orders are for the day. They will have been left with the reception.’

  She watched him take the stairs two at a time, and then turned to the man on duty. ‘I believe orders have been left with you for me. I’m Major General Villiers’ driver.’

  He handed her the written instructions, then nodded towards the stairs. ‘Your last passenger’s a brave man, from all I’ve heard.’

  She didn’t comment, but studied her duties. ‘I’m going to be needed all day, so is there anywhere I can wait?’

  ‘There’s a room set aside for drivers.’ He pointed to his left. ‘Wait in there and I’ll call you when you’re needed. There’s sandwiches and tea provided.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  She didn’t get much chance to enjoy the facilities, and it was a very busy day as she drove various officers, and even civilians, from one meeting to another. By six o’clock she was tired and hungry as she brought the major general back to the HQ.

  ‘You won’t be needed again today,’ he told her. ‘You can return to Aldershot.’

  ‘Yes, sir. Will Colonel Hammond be returning with me?’

  ‘No, he’s staying the night.’ He started to walk away, then turned back to her. ‘You have performed your duties well today. You know your way around London.’

  ‘Thank you, sir. I was born and bred here.’

  He studied her intently for a moment, and with a slight nod of his head, he walked away.

  ‘You’ve impressed him,’ the soldier on duty told her. ‘And he isn’t easily pleased. He got rid of two drivers because they didn’t come up to his expectations.’

  She rotated her stiff shoulders. ‘It’s nice to know he’s happy with the way I do the job. Can I get a cup of tea and something to eat before I head back to camp?’

  ‘Just go and help yourself. You know where it is.’

  With her hunger satisfied and feeling more relaxed she headed out of London. She hadn’t seen David at all during the long day, and it seemed lonely to have an empty car. She’d certainly had an assortment of interesting passengers, but as much as she’d enjoyed the day, it was good to be going back to camp. She was looking forward to having a beer and a laugh with her friends.

  Chapter Twenty

  After the attack on Pearl Harbor on 7th December, events moved with speed. On 8th December President Roosevelt made a speech, calling the attack ‘a day of infamy’. Britain, Canada and the Allies declared war on Japan, and on 11th December Hitler declared war on the United States, which, in response, declared war on Germany and Italy. In just a few days the whole picture of the war had changed.

  During this time Becky had been called upon to drive Major General Villiers twice, but there had been no sign of David. She hoped he had been able to return to his regiment. It was what he wanted.

  The mess was filled with chatter and laughter as she arrived to enjoy a festive meal on Christmas Day.

  ‘Over here, Becky.’ Pete was waving and holding out a seat he’d saved for her.

  ‘Oh thanks.’ She grimaced. ‘What a racket.’

  ‘Everyone’s in high spirits. We’ve had a hard fight to stop Germany adding Britain to its list of conquests, but we held out, and now we’re no longer alone, Becky. The tide has at last turned in our favour.’

  ‘You sound as if you think the war is as good as over,’ she laughed.

  ‘Far from it. We still have a long battle ahead of us, with defeats as well as victories, but with our combined efforts we’ll have a greater chance of defeating the Nazis.’

  ‘I’ll drink to that.’ She raised her glass in salute, and everyone around her did the same.

  At the end of the meal the camp commander called for quiet. ‘I’m sorry to put a damper on the festivities, but we have just received news that Hong Kong has surrendered to the Japanese.’

  There were groans all round and Becky nudged Pete’s arm. ‘It didn’t take long for a defeat to happen, did it? What next, I wonder?’

  ‘Well, brace yourself because I hear that the Americans will start arriving here at the end of January. Boatloads of them.’

  She couldn’t help bursting into laughter when she saw the differing expressions around the table. ‘That’s good, isn’t it?’

  ‘Good for you girls, but how on earth are we going to compete with them? I’m told they’re better paid and better dressed. We’re not going to stand a chance.’

  ‘Pete! You’re a happily married man.’

  ‘I know.’ He gave a comical leer at her. ‘But I can look, can’t I?’

  That broke the gloom of the bad news about Hong Kong, and had everyone la
ughing again. It was Christmas and they were all determined to enjoy it.

  Once the tables were cleared, one of the men played the piano and they all sang at the tops of their voices, determined to make the most of this festive season in camp. Many of them not on duty that night had a little too much to drink, but Becky kept her intake modest. Only once she’d had too much and hadn’t liked the feeling at all. It wasn’t something she was going to repeat.

  It was around midnight when she finally made it to bed. She missed her family, but it wouldn’t have been right to allow David to wangle her a pass.

  She drifted off to sleep, thinking of all those she loved, and hoping they were safe and had been able to celebrate Christmas in some way, wherever they were.

  The next day Becky was given a driving assignment. She wasn’t surprised, for with so much going on it was doubtful if many of those in charge had time to enjoy the festive season.

  ‘You’ve made quite an impression with your driving,’ the duty officer told her. ‘Colonel Hammond has asked for you. You are to collect him from his home and take him wherever he needs to go. It will be a long day, and you will be his driver until he dismisses you.’

  ‘Yes, sir. Will Major General Villiers be there as well?’

  ‘It’s only the colonel this time. He has requested a driver because he is still recovering from injuries he received in France.’

  Becky nearly burst out laughing, but managed to control herself. ‘Really, sir?’

  ‘Don’t keep him waiting.’

  She took her instructions, tucked them in her pocket and marched out to collect the car, wondering what David was up to.

  He was stretching the truth more than a little, for as far as she had seen he was fully recovered.

  Within half an hour she was there, and when the maid answered her knock, she said, ‘Would you tell Colonel Hammond his car’s here, please?’

  Mrs Hammond immediately appeared. ‘Come in, Rebecca, and say hello to everyone.’

  ‘I’m on duty, Mrs Hammond, and ought to stay with the car.’

  ‘David said you were to come in and wait.’

  ‘Oh, in that case …’ Becky followed Mrs Hammond into the lounge and was greeted by the family. There was no sign of David.

  Mr Hammond gestured her to a chair. ‘We’re so glad you could make it, Rebecca.’

  ‘Er …’ She was confused. They were acting as if this was a social visit. ‘I was told to report to the colonel as his driver for the day.’

  They were all smiling, highly amused about something, when David strolled into the room wearing civilian clothes and an expression of innocence.

  It dawned on her what everyone was finding so amusing. ‘Oh dear, I’ve got a nasty feeling I could get into trouble. If you don’t need a driver, then I must return to camp at once.’ He was up to his tricks again, and she wasn’t going to have this. She turned to leave.

  ‘Stay where you are.’

  She spun back. ‘Look, it’s lovely to see you all, but this isn’t right. I like the army and love what I’m doing, and when this war’s over I might even consider staying in, so I will not do anything to put a blot on my record.’

  ‘Stop worrying and sit down.’ David stepped up and led her to a chair. ‘I am returning to my regiment, but my plans have changed and I’m not leaving until after lunch.’

  She stood up again, relieved. ‘Oh. In that case I’d better come back this afternoon. What time will you need me?’

  ‘You will stay here until I need you – and that’s an order.’ He was every inch the officer now.

  ‘Daddy, don’t tell Rebecca off,’ Sara protested, taking hold of Becky’s hand. ‘Please stay. I want to show you my presents, and I’ve painted another picture for you. I told Daddy I wanted to see you.’ She turned to her father, her little face worried. ‘This is my fault, isn’t it, Daddy? We mustn’t upset Rebecca, because it’s Christmas.’

  David stooped down in front of his daughter. ‘No, sweetheart, it isn’t your fault. We all wanted to see Rebecca, but she’s on duty over Christmas, and this was the only way I could think to get her here.’

  ‘Oh.’ Her face cleared and she smiled at Becky. ‘Please stay. Daddy will see it’s all right.’

  What could she do? It was silly being so paranoid about not breaking the rules, but if a full-blown colonel said she had to wait here for him, then that’s what she had to do. But she didn’t like him bending the rules to get her here. She unbuttoned her jacket, cleared the indignant expression from her face, and smiled at the little girl. ‘Where are these lovely presents you’ve had?’

  ‘You stay there and I’ll bring them to you.’ Excited now, Sara bounced out of the room.

  ‘Don’t forget the painting,’ she called. She sat down then and had to fend off the dog as it tried to sit on her lap.

  ‘Stop that, Becky!’ Mr Hammond hauled the animal away. ‘You’re far too big to go clambering over people now.’

  The dog gave a disgruntled huff and sat by the fire, never taking his eyes off her. ‘Now that’s settled I think we’ll all have tea and a piece of Christmas cake,’ Mrs Hammond said.

  Sara came back with her arms laden with parcels and a painting sticking out of her teeth. Becky took the painting from her and was rather disconcerted to see the little girl had attempted a painting of her father, in full uniform. ‘Oh, that’s lovely,’ she said, not daring to look at David. ‘Thank you so much, Sara.’

  ‘I thought you could put it with the other one,’ Sara suggested. ‘I’ll do Grandma and Grandpa next for you.’

  ‘And one of yourself,’ Becky suggested, ‘then I’ll have everyone.’

  ‘All right.’ Sara beamed at the idea, and then began to show her gifts one by one, and they were all duly admired. It was while she was chatting to Sara that the tea trolley came in, and Becky could hardly believe her eyes. ‘Is that real icing on the Christmas cake?’

  ‘Yes.’ Mrs Hammond cut a generous slice and handed it to Becky. ‘I had the ingredients in my store cupboard.’

  The cake was delicious and she relaxed, telling everyone what Christmas had been like at the camp. David said nothing, and from the expression on his face she suspected that he was feeling smug that his ploy had worked.

  Finally, she just had to make him say something. ‘You must be pleased to be returning to duty. It’s what you said you wanted.’

  ‘I am, and it is. I’m considering having you transferred to Bordon as my permanent driver.’

  She choked on a mouthful of cake, and when she’d recovered, she glared at him. His eyes were shining with amusement. Damn him! ‘Don’t you dare. I like it where I am.’

  While he chuckled quietly, she turned to his parents, shaking her head. ‘I’ll bet you had trouble with him when he was growing up.’

  ‘Oh, my dear, the tales we could tell you.’ Mrs Hammond sighed in mock horror. ‘There was that time—’

  ‘Mother!’

  They all dissolved into laughter as he stopped his mother, and Becky knew then that he had been, and still was, a handful.

  ‘Tell me what Daddy did.’ Sara giggled, enjoying the fun.

  ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until you’re older. Some of the tales are not fit for little girls’ ears.’

  Sara pulled a face at Becky. ‘I’m always being told that.’

  David stood up. ‘I’ll take Rebecca out of harm’s way before my life history is aired. We’ll be in my study for a while. Call us when lunch is ready.’

  He waited for her to stand, and she couldn’t resist saying, ‘Are you ordering me?’

  ‘Of course.’

  She followed him and fell in love with the study as soon as she saw it. The room was lined with bookshelves and crammed with volumes she would have loved to browse through. There was a large oak desk with a dark green leather top, and matching leather chairs around the room. There was also a wood fire burning in the grate. As soon as the door was closed she faced him, determined to mak
e her position clear. ‘I’m finding it difficult to tell if you’re the officer I must obey, or a friend who’s intent on teasing me. You’re not being fair, David. I’m quite prepared to keep the two separate, but you must help me here. If I’m on duty then you are the officer, but otherwise I am a friend. Is that so?’

  ‘I would like to be more than a friend, Rebecca, but I agree that the blasted uniform keeps getting in the way. My parents, Sara, and even the dog love you …’

  She drew in a deep breath. ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘I’m not going to lie to you, but getting trapped in France made me see quite clearly that I might not survive this war. I was worried about my daughter growing up without a mother or father. I need a wife who will be a good mother to my daughter. I’ve been attracted to you since the moment you walked into the recruitment office. I know I’m older than you, but I can give you all the good things in life, and a ready-made family. It would ease my mind to know Sara had someone to love and care for her should the worse happen.’

  ‘You’re asking me to marry you?’ When he nodded she didn’t think she could hurt so much. Not a word of love or affection. Attraction, yes, but that wasn’t enough. ‘David,’ she said, her voice husky with emotion, ‘I appreciate you being honest about this, so I’m going to do the same. You are offering me material things, and the care of your lovely daughter. I agree that Sara needs a mother, but marriage without a true and abiding love on both sides wouldn’t do for me. I’m sorry, but I’m going to refuse.’

  He studied her expression carefully, and then took a deep breath. ‘I do care very much for you, but I loved too deeply the first time, and that ended in sadness. I’m not sure I want that intensity again, but we could be happy together. Does it worry you that I’m older than you?’

  ‘That doesn’t even come into it, David. But what does concern me is that I’m just an ordinary girl from Stepney with an elementary education. You need a wife who can stand by your side at important functions – one who has been brought up to mix and be at ease in the company you keep as an officer. I’d be terrified all the time that I was letting you down.’