Cutter: Contemporary Romance Novel

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  Vanessa had a busy weekend ahead of her, working; she was still sleeping when Sophia left in the morning. It was a cloudy day as Sophia entered Ramona’s hotel. The girls had a quick breakfast in the restaurant and then they got into Ramona’s car. Sophia never learnt how to drive; she was going to have some lessons before the day that her mother found her, but after that everything fell apart.

  The journey wasn’t supposed to be long. Dublin was only a two-hour drive from Belfast, but the traffic was bad, so it was early afternoon before they got to Dublin. The girls checked in to the hotel and decided to spend all day walking throughout the town taking pictures. They visited a few museums and galleries, famous pubs, and Malahide Castle. Finally, in the early evening, they sat down and enjoyed a cocktail in a funky bar in the city centre. Ramona, as usual, ranted about what was happening in London, about the fact that she finally needed to settle down with someone. Sophia knew that this wasn’t going to happen anytime soon; her cousin always wanted to have fun and she’d never had a serious relationship before. She liked her freedom too much.

  “I’ve got to tell you something,” Ramon said unexpectedly as they were enjoying a quiet drink in one of the bars in the centre of Dublin.

  “What is that?”

  Ramona hesitated and Sophia looked at her intensely. She never hesitated to say anything.

  “Your father came to see me the other day.”

  Sophia instantly felt that she needed more air. Her father had never spoken to Ramona about Sophia, but he knew that they were close. Ramona brought back some unexpected, bad memories from the past for Sophia.

  It had been three months and twenty-one days since I was brought to the hospital. My days were filled with stupid and pointless exercises that weren’t helping. My doctor thought that I was making progress, but I felt empty all the time, even though my body was filled with drugs. I couldn’t think straight. I felt dizzy and unwell.

  I didn’t have panic attacks anymore, but my anxiety came and went. Mum still pretended that we were all a big happy family, but Dad didn’t visit me at all. He was probably ashamed of me. I was not sure what to say to my mother when she came to see me. My mind was filled with thoughts about afterlife, about the place where I could breathe. I was treated like some kind of freak in a cage. I kept asking my mother when l would be allowed to leave but she never responded.

  During a session with my doctor I aimed to open up about what went wrong. I told him everything. He knew about the pressure and the grades, and he knew that I was not happy. I’m not sure if he mentioned anything to mum or dad. I didn’t blame them for what had happened to me because they wanted to be the best for me.

  Doctor Williamson asked me to work on breathing exercises, but instead I locked myself in the bathroom, stripped, and stared at my scarred body for several minutes. I heard the other girls in the ward; they were whispering that I made myself look ugly so that no one would ever want me. Deep inside me I wanted to do it again, because I knew when I would be allowed home my mother would want me to get back to a normal life. She probably filled her rich friends with lies about me; she wouldn’t tell them the truth. Dad didn’t even acknowledge that I had a problem. Mum kept saying that he was busy in the office.

  Some nights I dug my nails into my skin, and when I saw the blood, everything was perfect again, but in the morning the nurse just shook her head and said that I had to start all over.

  “Why would he want to see you?” Sophia asked finally, but her voice was husky. She had to push away those memories. The past didn’t matter anymore.

  “I’ve got to tell you this, Soph. He behaved like he knew everything,” she muttered, tossing her red hair behind her.

  Sophia’s heart was pounding in her chest. Her father was in London. He had no idea what she was up to.

  “What do you mean that he knows everything?”

  “I don’t know how, but apparently he knows that you met that prison leaver outside the office and he doesn’t like it. He told me to tell you that you have to stop embarrassing yourself.” Ramona paused and finished her drink in one go. “I asked him straight out about this, but he just told me that he always keeps an eye on his girl. Then he laughed and left. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Soph.”

  “I can’t believe this,” Sophia breathed out, clenching her fists. “Someone must have said something to him. I bet he hired someone to follow me.”

  Her mind was racing and her palms were damp with sweat. How else could he know that she’d seen Harry outside probation? She was miles away from home, so the only logical answer is that her father had hired someone to keep an eye on her. Her father was capable of doing things like that.

  “I don’t get it. Why would he waste money on that? He knew that you were fine. Maybe he knows someone who works with you and they saw you with your prison leaver?” Ramona smiled, but Sophia wasn’t laughing. Suddenly her body felt numb and the hair on her skin shot straight up. Was it possible that her father had a contact in Probation?

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” said Sophia, pushing away the food. She’d completely lost her appetite.

  “Don’t be sick, mon cheri. I told him that if you are seeing someone then it’s progress for you. Oh, and also I told him to keep his big fat Arabic nose out of your business,” added Ramona, looking proud of herself.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “Oh my God, you didn’t?” hissed Sophia.

  “Of course I did. He got slightly mad and told my mother that I was crazy,” she chuckled. Sophia covered her face in her hands. If her father knew that she was seeing the offender who she was supposed to be working with, this was the end of her.

  “I think I should go back to London, otherwise he might even show up here to –”

  “No,” said Ramona, raising her voice. “You are staying here and introducing me to the guy that made you come during your first sexual experience.”

  Sophia went completely red when a woman that was sitting next to her looked at her, raising her eyebrows with disgust. Ramona just didn’t care that people could hear her, and Sophia wanted to bury herself under the table.

  “We are no longer seeing each other and there is no way I’m going to introduce you to him after what happened in the lobby. We are meeting Mason for dinner on Sunday and that’s the end of this conversation,” said Sophia firmly, trying to calm down. She looked around, feeling paranoid that someone was watching her.

  Ramona pursed her lips together, looking wound up. Her cousin was living on the excitement. She got into trouble last year because she was caught having sex in the toilet cubicle of a coffee shop. She never cared about the consequences.

  “Oh, mon cheri, you are so boring, I think he could be the best person for you. This Mason sounds so plain.”

  “Then why do you even hang out with me?”

  “Because I love you and you need a great friend like me. Besides, let’s forget about what I said and let’s hit a club tonight. I read in the guide that this city has an awesome dance club,” continued Ramona. Sophia wouldn’t even try to change Ramona’s mind about going out later. She couldn’t miss that kind of opportunity to have fun.

  After a meal and some more drinks, feeling slightly tipsy, the girls went back to the hotel. Sophia had a shower anxiously, wondering if her father was really doing what she suspected. Then she got ready, straightened her hair, and put make up on. Ramona, as usual, had a very short ivory dress on, with her red hair was styled in a bob. They didn’t know much about the Irish city, so they went to the city centre and found a few clubs that Ramona wanted to check out more closely. Once they were inside, she kept buying Sophia shots of vodka. They had a really good time, dancing and getting drunk until late. Sophia didn’t remember much of that night. Her head felt heavy and her mind was buzzing when her head touched the pillow.

  In the morning she felt worse than she had ever anticipated. The summer daylight was pouring into the room and she felt sick and dizzy. She needed a drink; h
er throat was burning with thirst. She got up and dragged herself to the shower.

  Sophia couldn’t believe it when she left the bathroom and her cousin was already sitting on her bed looking glamorous. She’d always wondered how Ramona always managed to look so good even during the worst hangovers.

  “There you are! I thought you were going to drown down there.”

  “How can you be ready? I thought you were dying in your room. I feel like shit,” she complained, looking for her clothes.

  “I have trained myself well. Besides, I wasn’t that drunk last night. It’s a shame that we didn’t see any handsome Irish meat.”

  Sophia grinned, shaking her head. She quickly put on her underwear and her maxi dress. Her hair was sticking up in every possible direction and it was impossible today to brush it, so she put it in a ponytail.

  “What time is that dinner?” asked Ramona, not lifting her head from her mobile phone.

  “At five in some restaurant in Belfast. If we leave now then you might have a chance to meet Vanessa.”

  “Yeah, definitely. I need to know who my favourite girl in the world is living with.” Ramona beamed, and sent Sophia a quick wink.

  “Vanessa is cool. She should be at home. I’ll text her.”

  “To be honest I’m not in the mood for anymore sightseeing, so let’s just pack and get the hell out of here.”

  Sophia nodded; she wasn’t feeling well enough to walk around galleries today, so she was glad that they were leaving. She was exhausted and was trying to figure out Ramona’s secret. It took them more than half an hour to pack everything. They checked out after twelve. On the way back to Belfast, Ramona stopped and got a coffee. They reached Vanessa’s apartment early in the afternoon. Her housemate was already waiting for both of them. The introduction went pretty well, and surprisingly Ramona got on with Vanessa really. They both picked on Sophia who just waved her hand.

  “I think you should join us for dinner with Sophia’s new date,” suggested Ramona, smiling.

  “Yes, I don’t know why I haven’t thought about this earlier. I’m going to introduce Mason to Ramona, so why don’t you come as well?” asked Sophia, feeling silly that she hadn’t already invited Vanessa.

  “I’m off tonight, so I guess that shouldn’t be a problem,” beamed Vanessa. Ramona clapped enthusiastically.

  “That’s settled then. First we are going to meet Mason and then we can hit a club. I need to end this trip in the arms of some hot Irish guy,” cheered Ramona. Vanessa giggled and Sophia rolled her eyes.

  “So do you also think that Sophia is stupid for ditching that hot, naughty boy for Mason?” asked Vanessa.

  Oh boy, they are already starting, thought Sophia.

  “Have you seen him?” asked Ramona in disbelief. Sophia was going to say something, but Vanessa was already worked up.

  “He has amazing tattoos on his arms and his eyebrow is pierced,” smirked Vanessa.

  “Vanessa, please shut up! Seriously, I thought that you were my friend.”

  “Stop talking, Soph. So tell me, how does he look? Oh my God. I want to know everything!”

  “Well, you can’t,” muttered Sophia, but Ramona wasn’t listening to her. She still wanted to know everything.

  “He is tall, muscular, with dark hair, and he has that look of a bad boy. I bet that he must be amazing in bed.”

  Vanessa and Ramona were raving about Harry. Vanessa was right. Harry was perfect, but not for her. She had to force them both to stop talking about him and threatened to go out by herself. They finally shut up when they were approaching the restaurant. Mason had suggested Indian food. Sophia spotted him straightaway. He was sitting in the far corner, drinking a beer.

  “Sophia,” said Mason, getting up and kissing her on the cheek.

  “This is my cousin, Ramona, and my housemate, Vanessa.”

  Mason gave them a charming smile. As Sophia suspected, Ramona didn’t like her date already. She could tell from the look on her face. She wasn’t rude, but she wasn’t overenthusiastic either. Mason was pleasant, ordering drinks for everyone straight away. He was holding Sophia’s hand under the table, caressing her palm with his thumb. He was making an effort, trying to impress her friends.

  They had a starter and then the main course. The food was delicious, and after a second glass of white wine, Sophia ignored Ramona’s bad mood and concentrated on having a good time. She hadn’t thought about Harry at all, but she knew that she could not avoid him on Monday.

  “So, Mason, what are you going to do when Sophia has to go back to London?” asked Ramona in a sweet voice, smiling. Sophia kicked her under the table, but Ramona ignored her.

  Mason ran his hand through his hair and placed his hands together.

  “I don’t want to push Sophia into anything right now, but I have been planning to go back to the UK for a while now,” he explained in a calm, steady voice. Sophia swallowed hard, hoping that Ramona would finally let it go.

  “So you would move with her to London? That’s quite a serious statement. After all, you haven’t been going out for that long,” continued Ramona, smiling flirtatiously. Mason arched his eyebrow and wrinkled his forehead with effort.

  He shrugged. “I’m aware of that. I don’t really want to dwell on this right now. It’s still early days.”

  “Of course it is. So have you got any family left in Bristol?”

  “Yes, my parents are still alive. My sister lives in California.”

  For the rest of the evening Ramona was trying to find something that she didn’t like about Mason, but she failed badly. Vanessa was on her phone most of the time, probably texting Timothy. Sophia kept a straight face, but she wanted to kick Ramona. She wasn’t going to make a scene with her cousin. Mason was responding to all her questions really well. In the end Ramona insisted on having a quiet drink in the bar and told Mason straight that it was only girls this time. Sophia gave Mason an apologetic look and promised to call him later.

  “I don’t like him, mon cheri,” said Ramona once they sat down in the bar. Vanessa went to get drinks.

  “I didn’t expect you to like him. I’m the one that is dating him,” snapped Sophia. She was really annoyed with her cousin.

  “Oh come on, don’t be a wimp. I’m just giving you my honest opinion. He is just too perfect and we both know that perfect people don’t exist.”

  “I don’t even know him that well yet. I’ll make my own choices, Ramona. Sometimes I wonder why you treat me like a child.”

  “I’m just worried about you, that’s all. Your parents locked you up in a mental institution for a year, isolating you from everyone. You don’t know how guys are. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just wanted to get into your knickers.”

  “Can we change the subject? I really have had enough of this. I’m fine, Ramona. I might be damaged inside, but I got over it.”

  When Vanessa came back with the drinks, the atmosphere was less tense and Ramona finally let go of the conversation about Mason. Sophia kept thinking that she was making the right choice. Mason was the guy that her parents would accept. He would look after her and maybe with time he would even understand her scars.

  Sophia had a few more cocktails, and at midnight the girls decided to call it a night. Ramona was lost in the company of a blond Irish dancer and she said that she was all right to stay.

  “Your cousin is crazy, but I like her,” remarked Vanessa when they both finally went back to the apartment.

  “She is insane and she drives me mad, but I can always rely on her,” said Sophia, remembering when Ramona came over after therapy and kept telling Sophia that she still had a lot ahead of her, that her life would get better. Her parents didn’t want Ramona in their house. They kept saying that she was a bad influence on their daughter, but Ramona didn’t listen and never left Sophia alone.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Harry couldn’t sleep. He had been tossing and turning all night, beating himself up over what he had done. He wa
s so angry with Patrick for not telling him what he was signing himself up for. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. He had never ever crossed the line. He became a man that took part in an armed robbery, a social outcast. He wasn’t better than any other guys that came to see Sophia in probation. He didn’t do anything to prevent beating up the security guard; he just bailed out and left like a coward. The greed blinded him. He went against everything that was right and failed. Someone used that battered warehouse for storage – all the items inside were expensive. It was no wonder why Patrick wanted Harry.

  He didn’t think about the consequences. Patrick and the rest of the group were probably furious that he bailed out on them. He finally dozed off in the early hours of the morning. When he woke up, he took a shower and gave his mother her medication. She looked better than most days, but still not right. He needed to make himself busy. Tomorrow he was going to see Sophia. He was hoping to speak to her in a private room so he could finally asked her about the other day and about that prick that she kissed.