Cutter: Contemporary Romance Novel

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  This wasn’t over, Harry thought. She was going to be mine, no matter what. At midday he changed and went to do some food shopping. It was Sunday, so he needed to hurry up. In his mind, he was constantly going over and over the events of that night.

  After he was done with the food shopping, he went to see his cousin, Mark, to find out if there was any job that he could hang on to. The rumours about his company weren’t good; apparently people were talking about redundancies. The unemployment in Belfast was high and Harry knew that it was going to be difficult to find something, especially with a criminal record. Harry had been looking, but he couldn’t leave his mother alone to go to work. He left Marks’s house at quarter to six in the evening, and he decided to drive through the old neighbourhood where he and his brothers used to hang out. It was one of those dangerous areas filled with drugs and gangs. He parked his car by the supermarket and decided to find his old mate, Calvin, who normally knew people on construction sites.

  The streets seemed deserted today. Harry nodded to a few guys that he knew. He knew where to find Calvin; he was normally drinking outside of his local pub. Harry decided to take a short route through the main estate, walking between the houses. He knew this area like the back of his own hand. He just had to stay away from junkies that were scraping for some blow. He walked in through the road between the houses, thinking about short construction contracts. He needed the money, but there were some other things that he had to consider.

  “Hey, Harry,” someone called from behind him. Harry turned around, seeing Patrick with two other guys that he didn’t recognise.

  “Patrick,” Harry nodded, tensing his shoulders and turning around to face the man that he wanted to avoid. The street was narrow, and the group approached Harry. Patrick was scanning him with a calm, reserved expression. He smiled, but there was something in this smile that Harry didn’t like.

  “We just wanted to ask you a question, you know, about the other night,” said Patrick with a smirk, twisting his jaw. “I wanted to know why you decided to bail on us?”

  Harry’s eyes darted around. Every muscle in his body was on alert. He didn’t like the way the two large guys were looking at him. He was quickly surrounded and he knew that the only way out would be to fight for his life. Patrick stopped smiling and clenched his fists with rage, his pupils dilated.

  “You know the answer. I don’t do shit like that, Pat.”

  Patrick was shaking his head, stepping in front of Harry who didn’t move. He couldn’t show them that he was intimidated or afraid. He could take Patrick on his own with one swift movement, but there were two other guys with him and he could have sworn that he recognised one of them. They called him Big Jonny, because no one ever challenged him, although whoever did never saw the light of day again.

  “I thought that you were more like your brother. He never complained and did what I asked him to,” said Patrick, sounding disappointed.

  In a split second, he nodded, looking at the guys beside him. They stormed towards Harry before he could react, before he could defend himself. He wasn’t ready for the first punch, but picked himself up and swiped the larger man off his feet before he was obscured by the complete darkness. He felt a crushing pain in his skull and then passed out.

  ***

  It was Monday – the day Sophia was ready to see Harry. It had been a few weeks since she saw him last after the incident in the lobby. She wasn’t sure what she was going say to him. Her phone was still silent and Harry hadn’t come back to the apartment. Ramona was going back to London in a few hours and she wouldn’t have a chance to see her again until September. Sophia had a really good weekend and managed to forget about Harry for a day or two.

  She quickly packed some lunch and then she was on her way to the office. The rain was pouring on the streets of Belfast when she left her apartment. She felt slightly tired and her stomach was tight with anticipation. Mason sent her a text message, wishing her good luck at work.

  She went through the list of offenders that she was going to see. Harry would be with her at two o’clock, so she had some time to prepare. One of her colleagues brought her coffee and started to complain about her busy day. Sophia listened and nodded politely. At nine o’clock, her day began as usual. She was trying to stay on top of things, but in the back of her mind she kept seeing Harry walk through the door.

  Then at twelve, the phone rang and Sophia picked it up.

  “I’ve got a Mrs O’Donaghue on the line for you,” said Mary-Ann with a sleepy voice. Sophia straightened her body and swallowed hard. He isn’t going to make it today, otherwise why would his mother call? she thought, trying to stay calm.

  “Sure, just transfer her. Thanks,” she said with a small voice. She waited a few seconds for Harry’s mother to be put through.

  “Hello, Mrs O’Donaghue,” said Sophia.

  “Sophia, I’m afraid that my son isn’t going to see you today. He is in hospital,” explained Mrs O’Donaghue, breathing heavily. The colour drained from Sophia’s face as she held the phone tighter.

  “What’s happened?” she managed to ask. There was silence on the other side of the phone for a while, and Sophia wanted to scream to find out what was going on. Her heart pounded fiercely in her chest.

  “He was beaten up badly last night, but apparently no one saw anything at all. Someone found him. He was lucky that he survived.”

  “Oh my God. Is he conscious?”

  “He is in coma at the moment, but the doctor said that he should wake up soon. He has a broken leg, four broken ribs, and a concussion.”

  Sophia sank back into her chair, imagining Harry. The world around her spun.

  “I need to see him. Which hospital is he in?” she asked, almost whispering.

  “Belfast City Hospital. I don’t think you would be allowed...”

  “I’ll figure it out. Thank you for letting me know, Mrs O’Donaghue,” she added and hung up.

  She covered her head with her hands, trying to breathe and gather her tangled thoughts. She couldn’t possibly go and see him. She was risking too much. She knew if he picked a fight, the police would call probation straight away. She wondered why no one informed her. The dread crawled through her chest down to her stomach.

  When she looked at her computer screen, her breath was ragged. Her diary was clear for the rest of the day. She had a lot of paperwork to go through, but that could wait. Margret was in charge today, and if she told her that she wasn’t feeling well, she would let her go home. She had to see him; she couldn’t stay in the office knowing that Harry was in the hospital. It was so stupid that she’d decided to keep his secret. Maybe this attack had something to do with the fact that he was still dealing. God, she didn’t even want to think what would happen if he died.

  She got up and rushed to the toilet. Her stomach was churning and she wanted to throw up. She wanted him to be all right. A nervous hit ran through her body, the pulsing pain in her forehead was crushing her from inside. She rinsed her face under the cold water and made a decision. She was going to see him and tell the doctors that she was his girlfriend if they asked.

  She left the bathroom and went to Margret, making some excuse, telling her that she wasn’t feeling well. Her colleague believed her, muttering something that Sophia looked awfully pale. No one was paying much attention to her, when she picked up her belongings and vanished. She couldn’t think straight. She could only hope that there was no police involved, but they would probably have called her in probation; she would have been the first to know. She left work and decided to go home first. She needed some time to come up with a plan.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Twenty minutes later, she let herself into her apartment. Logging onto her laptop, she checked the directions to the hospital. She was lucky that Vanessa wasn’t at home, so she could spare her the explanation. Her brain was working fast, thinking about all the possible scenarios. She had to hope that his mother wasn’t going to be there. She was still
ill and weak, but she had to prepare to face her just in case.

  She got to the hospital a few minutes before two o’clock, feeling that her heart was going to jump out of her chest. When she thought about him lying there, lost and battered, her legs were going to give out. She had no idea where to go and what to expect. Nothing was clear when she got into the reception desk. Finally, after a very long wait, someone told her where he had been taken.

  Sophia was praying for him to be all right, but she felt strange. She didn’t want to be an intruder; after all, she wasn’t his family or even his friend. She reached the second floor, and after walking for about twenty minutes, she found the right room. With all her strength and with good acting skills, she convinced the nurse behind the desk that she was his girlfriend.

  “So, how is he?” she asked, feeling nauseous. She didn’t care that she’d broken all the possible rules. She needed to see him, touch him, and listen to his heartbeat.

  The nurse was a short woman with dark black hair and blue eyes. She wrinkled her forehead, staring at Sophia with unease.

  “He is stable at the moment, but when he was brought to us, we thought that we were going to lose him,” explained the nurse.

  “But he is going to wake up?” asked Sophia, squeezing her fists behind her.

  “We don’t know yet. The doctor is hoping that he will eventually wake up, but it’s hard to say. He needs to have a few more tests done. He was beaten very badly.”

  Sophia nodded, thanked her, and walked towards Harry’s room. When she opened the door and saw him, her heart stopped beating. She couldn’t move; her limbs were rooted to the spot. His face was swollen, battered, with a mixture of purple and red bruises. There were tubes coming out from his mouth, and a large scratch running across his cheek. She swallowed her tears, trying to stay calm, but her legs were like jelly.

  After a long moment she approached his bed, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Harry was alone in the room. The white walls made Sophia claustrophobic; it reminded her about her own small hospital room. She wasn’t sure if she could breathe. All these forgotten feelings came back and haunted her. She felt her muscles tightening, making it impossible to think straight. She shut her eyes and concentrated on good memories. She was here for Harry, so she had to forget about everything else. It wasn’t important that she wasn’t comfortable being in his room. She flopped on the chair next to his bed and pushed away the anxiety. Her heart was throbbing and her T-shirt was clinging to her back.

  “Harry, I know that you can’t hear me, but I want to tell you that I was just afraid of being close to you,” she began. He wasn’t moving and she didn’t expect him to, but she felt better when she was talking.

  “I felt so alive for the first time in my life being with you during that day on the beach. I just want you to know that you are special and you have done nothing wrong. It’s me that has a problem. That day in the lobby I was just afraid that you would see the real me. You are perfect and I’m so angry with myself that I ran away from you that day. It was so stupid and selfish, and I did it because I didn’t think that you would understand.”

  Tears were streaming from Sophia’s eyes as she was talking. Her heart was in her throat. He had to wake up; he couldn’t just stay like this. He had his whole life ahead of him.

  She sat there just looking at him, the seconds, minutes and hours passed and she couldn’t move. Finally the doctor came in and Sophia realised the time. She left, afraid that Harry’s mother might come and see her there. She wouldn’t be able to explain anything then. She went back to the apartment in the evening, feeling exhausted and down. When she looked at her phone, she had missed calls and messages from Mason, Ramona, and Vanessa.

  “Where the hell have you been?” shouted Vanessa as Sophia walked through the door. Sophia couldn’t respond; she was still shaking, unable to say anything. Vanessa looked at her and added, “What is going on? Have you been crying?”

  “Harry is in the hospital. He was beaten up and he is in coma,” she whimpered, pulling her hair away from her face.

  Vanessa’s jaw dropped and she brought her hands to her lips.

  “In a coma? Oh my ...”

  Sophia couldn’t control herself anymore. She sobbed, thinking how stupid she was pushing him away from her for so long. Now Sophia wasn’t even sure if she could talk to him again.

  “Calm down and let’s sit down in the living room. Tell me what you know.”

  “I don’t know much. His mother called and told me that he was in the hospital. I panicked. I didn’t tell anyone about this in probation.” She sobbed harder.

  “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

  “Well, they will know about it eventually. I went straight there, and when I saw him I broke down. Oh, Vanessa, I was so stupid. I pushed him away when he felt my scars …”

  She couldn’t continue, and when she finally looked at Vanessa she knew that her friend didn’t understand. She took a deep breath and started talking about the incident in the lobby, not holding anything back. It was time for Vanessa to hear the whole truth. Sophia started telling her about self-harming, about the difficult situation with her parents and about the pressure in high school. Something broke inside of her and the words were just pouring out. Vanessa had gone pale; her eyebrow twitched when Sophia told her about the day her mother found her in her room. About the day when everything changed for the worst.

  “I think I went too far. I don’t remember why I did it. My mother was screaming and then I think I passed out. I don’t remember what happened then.”

  Vanessa was staring at her with shock and disbelief, her jaw hanging open. She swallowed hard, nodding for Sophia to continue.

  “Then I came to Belfast. My parents didn’t stop me when I was driving to the airport. I thought they wouldn’t let me go. I was crying on the plane because I was so happy to be finally away from them.”

  Then she told her about the first day when she met Harry and how much he disliked her. She was furious with him. Then he started talking to her and she found him appealing, then the attraction evolved between them. She told Vanessa about the first day when he kissed her and about their day at the beach. Then about how she pushed him away because he saw her scars.

  “When I heard his mother on the phone today, I couldn’t believe it. My whole world crashed and I couldn’t take a breath. I was suffocating.”

  Vanessa still wasn’t saying anything; she was drawing a long, deep breath, staring at Sophia in bewilderment.

  “Why didn’t you say anything? I thought that you were all right. When I hadn’t heard from you, I thought that you were busy or you didn’t want to talk to me,” she said, pacing around the room. Then she stopped and ran her hand through her hair. “Self-harm – my God, Soph, how could you do that to yourself? I mean, you were always so strong and aggressive about everything that you were doing!”

  Sophia remembered that person from years ago. It was before her parents wanted to have this perfect daughter, before they demanded that she had to up her grades. Everything was so much simpler then.

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but everything changed once you were gone. My mother kept looking up to my cousins. She was never happy with anything I was doing. She wanted to show me off to her rich friends.”

  “Are you all right now? I mean, you aren’t doing anything to yourself anymore?” asked Vanessa shyly.

  This was the worst part. Sophia wasn’t sure if she was able to tell Vanessa that after so many years of not needing that pain anymore she used Vanessa’s kitchen knife.

  “I was fine until the first date with Mason. He touched me unexpectedly and I just broke. I had a panic attack and I ...”

  “You harmed yourself again?”

  “I did, but I have stayed away from it since then and I’m in control now. I’m not going back to that dark place again.”

  “Because of Mason, or because of Harry?”

  “I shouldn’t have gone out with Mason
– it was all wrong from the beginning. After today I know that I made a terrible mistake,” she howled.

  “I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me anything sooner. Mason is probably a great guy, handsome with great manners, but I don’t see that spark between the two of you. However, I’m sure you have feelings for him.”

  “This is all wrong. I shouldn’t have even been in the hospital. I told them that I was his girlfriend, and if probation finds out about us, I’m finished.”