Mom's Perfect Boyfriend

by Crystal Hemmingway

  please don’t

  Lisa

  i’m at work

  Lisa

  thank god i’m the one who caught your email

  Lisa

  “OIL BATHS”??????????

  Crystal

  i’m so so sorry

  Crystal

  this was all my fault

  Crystal

  you’re not going to get in trouble are you?

  Crystal

  is there someone i should email to explain?

  Lisa

  NO

  Lisa

  that’d just make things worse

  Lisa

  we have to keep this quiet

  Lisa

  there’s still a chance that i can fix this

  Lisa

  adam’s handler seems like an ok guy

  Lisa

  maybe i can make some sort of arrangement

  Crystal

  i’m really really sorry

  Lisa

  i can’t believe i didn’t see this before

  Lisa

  after ten years, the perfect guy for mom just appears out of nowhere

  Lisa

  of course he’d be one of ours

  Crystal

  i’m so sorry

  Lisa

  it’s not me you should apologize to

  Lisa

  how do you think mom is going to feel when she realizes that she’s in love with an android?

  Crystal

  :( :( :( :( :(

  Crystal

  i can be the one to tell her if you want

  Lisa

  no

  Lisa

  i’ll figure this out

  Lisa

  we just need to buy some time

  Lisa

  but not a word about this to mom, promise?

  Crystal

  promise

  Crystal

  oh hey, lisa

  Crystal

  hello?

  Crystal

  i know you’re probably busy right now

  Crystal

  but for the record, i’m really, really, really, sorry

  Crystal

  ok i’m going to go now

  Crystal

  i love you

  Crystal’s Journal, December 15

  I think I messed up pretty badly with the whole Smart Companion thing. Adam is still hanging out with Mom, as if everything is normal, and Mom is as smitten with him as ever. But Lisa has been distant ever since Monday, and she takes forever to reply to my messages (if she responds at all). It’s mostly one-word answers, too.

  I wish there was something that I could do to help, but Lisa wants me to lie low. It’s hard to watch Mom with Adam though, knowing what’s coming. What if she’s furious with me? Will she ever speak to me again? Or worse, what if she cuts off contact with Lisa, too?

  A few months ago, that might’ve been the ideal situation. But now, I don’t know what I’d do if she goes into full meltdown mode. It’s probably inevitable that she’ll hate me, at least for a little while. But moms are supposed to be good at forgiving, right? I have to hope that it’ll count for something that I had good intentions. I wanted her to be happy, just for a little while.

  This was probably a bad idea from the start. I guess I really am selfish, and I probably deserve whatever’s coming to me.

  Text Messages, December 16

  Adam

  Hi, Margot! Just wanted you to know I’m cheering for you. Tomorrow is bound to be a great day at the farmers’ market for Margot’s Mallows!

  Margot

  Thanks, Adam.

  Adam

  Would you be interested in a celebratory dinner tomorrow night? I know a great farm-to-table restaurant that just opened.

  Margot

  I’d love to, but I can’t right now. I really need to focus on the HHHA fundraiser this weekend.

  Adam

  Of course, no problem. I’ll be here whenever you want a break!

  Margot

  Thx

  Text Messages, December 17

  Lisa

  mom was acting strange on the phone

  Crystal

  yeah she’s really overwhelmed

  Crystal

  she’s been doing all the party planning stuff, on top of the marshmallow business

  Crystal

  but we won’t have to worry about marshmallows again until after the holidays

  Lisa

  just be careful

  Lisa

  a meltdown at the fundraiser would be bad

  Crystal

  yeah for sure

  Crystal

  i’ll see what I can do to calm her down

  Crystal

  btw I’m really sorry about the timing of all this adam stuff

  Crystal

  i didn’t mean for it to get this far

  Crystal

  ok love you bye

  Margot’s Journal, Sunday, December 17

  Today was our best day yet at the farmers’ market! I finally got a chance to get back to the commercial kitchen on Thursday. Both Adam and Crystal came with me, so we were able to accomplish a lot in the three hours we were there. I’d already been experimenting with small batches of pumpkin spice marshmallows at home, so we were able to make over 500 of them! I was a little concerned when Adam asked if he could experiment by dipping a few in chocolate. I gave him 50 or so, and they turned out so well that we decided to dip the other flavors in chocolate, too.

  The new marshmallows were a hit. We completely sold out of pumpkin pie spice marshmallows – both regular and chocolate-dipped. Crystal was in charge of samples today, and the chocolate-dipped ones disappeared as fast as we could cut them. We still came home with a few boxes of lavender and matcha, but overall it was a great day.

  I expect some of it is due to it being the last market before the holidays (no market on Christmas eve, of course), but I also think that we might be on to something. Adam can be quite creative at times, and I made sure to promise him my next two boxes of chocolate-covered marshmallows as a token of my appreciation. However, I should probably think of a bigger way to thank him; perhaps a home-cooked dinner or a thoughtful Christmas present. I’ll have to meditate on it.

  When I got home, I found an email from Eric with a link to the commemorative video. It’s looking good so far. Eric has done a nice job with the music and the photo selection, but it’s still a work in progress. He said he needed a couple of days to finish the last five minutes (it is a 20-minute video, after all). It’s so nice of him to do this, but I wonder if he’s had a slow month, since he has time to do an HHHA video for free. He’s probably taking family Christmas photos around Northfield, and I can’t imagine that it’s very time-intensive. Exhausting, maybe.

  But I wonder if he’s really able to support himself with that kind of work. Maybe it’s ok, when you live in a place like Northfield. He probably has a sensible house and a practical car like a Corolla. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back to those kinds of cars, now that I’ve ridden in Adam’s Tesla. But I’m sure it’s probably fine for Eric’s new girlfriend. I guess I’m just a spoiled California girl now hehehe.

  I think Eric must have some free time, because he’s been asking questions about my business, and even looked over my website. He had some good things to say about it, which was nice to hear. He’s so sweet – he even said “you look just as beautiful as you did in high school,” after seeing my photo on the website! I doubt he’s that very interested in marshmallows though; he probably just looked at it to be polite.

  Even in high school, Eric was always a nice guy. Kind of a shame his marriage ended in divorce, really. He was always so warm and cuddly and comforting, like a teddy bear. He had the build to match, too, with a round stomach and scruffy brown hair. Not to be rude, but it’s honestly a little surprising that he found another girlfriend so quickly. Unless she was the reason why he got the divorce…

  No, Er
ic’s not that kind of guy. There’s probably just a shortage of nice 50-something men in Northfield, especially since a lot of older guys are interested in younger women. I guess I should count myself lucky that I have Adam, even if he is slower than a sloth when it comes to turning up the romance.

  I almost forgot! Adam and I went on another date yesterday. I must’ve told him how I always wanted to ride a motorcycle, because Adam asked me to go on a ride with him. He said that he had a Harley, and he liked to ride down the PCH on nice days. So of course I accepted, and the weather was especially nice Saturday, so he took me for a ride.

  I was a little nervous, but it turned out that there was really nothing to be nervous about, once you get used to the motion of the thing. It’s kind of like a normal bike, but just a bit heavier and bulkier. And once you get moving, balance isn’t really an issue.

  I might’ve set my expectations too high, because I had this idea of riding with my arms around his waist, with the wind whipping through my hair, and the sun warming my face. Well, we actually had to wear dark, heavy helmets (for safety, of course) and heavy jackets (also for safety), so I could barely feel the sun or the wind or even Adam though all of it.

  It wasn’t exactly a warm day, either, and it actually felt a bit icy. Adam was determined to drive the speed limit, so cars kept zooming around us, making me a bit uncomfortable. I think Adam sensed it, because we ended up pulling off at Torrey Pines and going for a nice long walk. The walk was much more enjoyable, but I’m glad I at least tried the motorcycle thing, because it’s good to have new experiences and now I know what I’m missing (or not missing).

  Gratitudes:

  I am grateful for all my customers at the farmers’ market today, including my first repeat customer, Autumn.

  I am grateful to Eric, for having the time to put together the commemorative video, and for being so sweet.

  I am grateful to Adam, for showing me that motorcycle rides aren’t that great after all.

  Text Messages, December 18

  Lisa

  we’ve got a rough extraction plan

  Crystal

  oh good

  Crystal

  what can i do to help?

  Lisa

  nothing

  Lisa

  we’ve got this

  Crystal

  just so you know

  Crystal

  i just wanted mom to have some fun for a bit

  Crystal

  i didn’t mean for her to fall in love with him

  Lisa

  yeah i know

  Crystal

  i’ll try to find a way to make it up to you

  Lisa

  it’s fine

  Lisa

  gotta go

  Crystal

  ok good luck

  Crystal

  sorry again

  Crystal

  love you

  Crystal

  ok bye for real this time

  Email, December 20

  From: Jennifer Smith

  To: Crystal Hemmingway

  Subject: Re: Novel feedback?

  Hey Crystal,

  Are you kidding? I’d love to read your novel. I’m more of a technical editor than a novel editor, so I can’t guarantee my comments will be useful. If that works for you, I’d be happy to share my feedback.

  Let’s start with the first few chapters and let me know if there’s any specific feedback you need. I’m pretty busy until Christmas, but after that I’ve got some time off. So hopefully I can get it back to you before the new year. :)

  Merry Christmas!!!

  Jen

  Return to the Tower, Page 243

  Rapunzel hurried back to the tower, heart pounding. After all this time, she never thought it possible, but William had arranged to meet her – tonight!

  Of course, there were no promises, no offers of marriage, but the letter he’d sent had been warm and cordial, like the William she knew and, despite her best efforts, she still loved him as much as ever.

  Rapunzel rounded the bend in the path. She took a quick glance at the tower, and did a double-take. Because the tower was half its height, and surrounded by a smoldering pile of rubble. Her home was completely demolished. And there was no trace of her mother – the only sorceress in the kingdom powerful enough to tear their tower apart.

  Rapunzel’s heart clenched as she ran forward.

  It was the quiet sobbing that led her to Dame Gothel, kneeling in a crumpled heap near the familiar apple tree.

  Rapunzel wrapped her arms around her mother, who was swaying and muttering. She was weeping inconsolably, and her gaze was fixed on a single point in the rubble. Rapunzel followed her eyes to a gleaming gem in the rubble – one of the crystals that served as the golem’s eyes.

  “Potatoes,” she muttered. “Why couldn’t he just peel the potatoes?”

  Rapunzel’s plans evaporated. There was no way she could leave her mother – not like this.

  “It’s alright, Mother,” she said. “I’m here.”

  The Prince was never going to marry her anyway.

  Margot’s Journal, Thursday, December 21

  I’m flying out to Minneapolis tomorrow, but I haven’t even started packing. I really don’t have time to journal right now, but there are some things I just can’t tell Crystal. I’ve been completely swamped these last few days working on the fundraiser, and I haven’t even had time to think about Margot’s Mallows. There won’t be another farmers’ market until the new year, but the fundraiser is just three days away now, and I still have so much to do. I don’t know why I ever agreed to do this. It’s hard enough to plan a party in your own town, but Northfield is half a dozen states away. Between the garbled messages from vendors and the two-hour time difference, it’s been a huge pain.

  I hope Mother realizes how much I’m putting in to this. I think that she does, because she seems to have such high expectations for the party. But if I get there and she says something about the party being “fine” or how “it’s not as nice as last year’s,” I may have to have a stern talk with her. Hip replacement or no, she’s been sitting in bed for weeks, and I still don’t understand why I have to do all the work for an organization that, technically, I shouldn’t even qualify for anymore.

  The HHHA might be a swanky club in San Diego, but in Northfield, it’s mostly blue-haired widows. They’re nice people, but not exactly my crowd, if you know what I mean.

  I don’t think this would be getting to me so much if this whole Adam thing wasn’t so confusing. He cooked me dinner last night, and the whole setup was very romantic. There were candles and a beautifully-set table, and nice jazz music. He cooked a very nice meal (parmesan-crusted tilapia with roasted vegetables), and he even made a gluten-free chocolate mousse, with fresh berries.

  It was quite a lovely meal, but it all felt so romantic, that I couldn’t help but wonder if he was expecting us to have sex at the end of the evening. We’ve only known each other for a little over a month, but it feels like so much has happened, and we really connect. Although he still hadn’t gone further than a cheek kiss on our previous dates, there was a part of me that just wanted to grab him by the collar to get things rolling.

  So you can imagine my surprise when, after finishing mousse and tea, it was, “I’d better let you get going, you’ve got a big day coming up.” And not two minutes later, I was out the door, driving back home.

  It just doesn’t make sense. Why go to all that trouble to set up such a romantic dinner, and then throw me out the door as soon as it was over? Was he waiting for someone to come home? It certainly didn’t look that way. His house was decorated nicely, but it had a very masculine feel. Not a lot of knick-knacks, and there weren’t any obvious signs of a wife or roommate (I looked).

  Do you think he might have intimacy issues? He doesn’t seem to say much about himself, and he tends to steer the conversation towards me a lot. I th
ink I’ve been very patient with him, and at first it just seemed like he was being a gentleman, but now it’s feeling a little strange. I had hoped that he was just shy, and that maybe he had a secret wild side that he only reveals in the bedroom.

  Maybe I should’ve seen the truth earlier. I doubt even a part-time bad boy would drive the speed limit on a Harley. And Adam, despite his good looks, isn’t the most decisive person. He always asks me what I want to do, but sometimes I just have to say, “I really don’t care either way, just pick something.” I have to make so many decisions each day, especially when it comes to the fundraiser. I’m tired of making choices, and sometimes I just want him to choose. I just want to be with him, and not have the pressure of making the right choice all the time.

  There’s a part of me that thinks it might be a bad idea for him to come to the fundraiser. What if he really does have some sort of intimacy issue, and it’s something very serious? What if he turns out to be gay and just wants to be friends? It would be embarrassing for everyone if Mother gave him the marriage pep talk. What if she scares him away? Or worse, what if he has some other woman, and just wants to keep me as a mistress?

  I’d ask him about it, but I don’t feel like we’re at that level yet. I could make up some excuse about the fundraiser and tell him not to come, but I don’t want to lie to him. He doesn’t deserve that. It’s probably too late now. There’s no real graceful way to ask him to back out.

  I’m flying out at the crack of dawn tomorrow, with Crystal. We have to leave for the airport at 4:30 am, which is only a few short hours away. But all I have to do is get to the airport parking garage. I can rest on the plane, and maybe ask Crystal to help with the drive to Northfield. Oh, but she doesn’t really know the city like I do. I should probably drive, especially since we’ll only have one name on the rental car. No sense paying extra money for an additional driver.

  Time to get packing, I suppose.

  Gratitudes:

  I am grateful to Crystal, for coming to Northfield to help with party prep.

  I am grateful to Adam, for the lovely gluten-free chocolate mousse recipe.