Mom's Perfect Boyfriend
Page 22
It was strange seeing him again, after all this time. He looked leaner, a little more tan, and his hair was slightly different (longer, maybe?). Anyway we’ve been talking a bit since New Year’s so it wasn’t too awkward, but it did feel strange to be around him again.
He’d been interviewing for a lead game design job at a really swanky studio in NYC. It sounded like an amazing opportunity – a beautiful workplace, a lot of smart, talented coworkers, and a game that was more of an adventure, which is one of his favorite genres. The more he talked about it, the more excited he seemed to get, and I started to get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Because it was a fantastic opportunity, and I didn’t want to hold him back. It sounded like the studio was really courting him, and they made him an offer he’d be stupid to refuse. So I was sure that this would be the end, and that David was just trying to give me a proper goodbye.
So I asked him if he accepted, and he said that it seemed like the right thing to do, because on paper it was everything he wanted. But as they talked about things like the work/life balance, saying how they cap people at 60 hour weeks, the whole thing just started to feel wrong. Because working 60 hours isn’t a balanced lifestyle. It’s five 12-hour days or six 10-hour days, plus commute time. There’d be no time to exercise, or eat healthy. Then he laughed, and said that people on the PCT kept saying “the trail gets inside you,” but he really didn’t understand it until now. “I just can’t live my life like that anymore,” he said. “There’s no time to just ‘be.’”
He said that he had this idea on the trail, about creating a game that really captured the essence of an adventure, in the old-fashioned, romantic sense. There are dozens of “adventure” games on the market, but most of them are mostly just action games, or sandboxes. “I want to build a game that captures what it feels like to be in a forest,” he said. “Or how it feels to be alone in the desert, watching a blazing sunrise.” And he already had some ideas for how he can do it.
I told him that I thought it was a great idea, and that he should go for it. He said that most people would probably think he was crazy to attempt something like this, especially with almost no savings. But he plans to work part-time at an outdoor gear store, since he picked up quite a few tips about camping and hiking. He hasn’t decided where he wants to be based yet, but for his game project, he can live almost anywhere.
So then he asked about the banquet, and I told him that it was really nice, and that I really got along with the Steamy Reads people. I said that I was actually proud to get up on that stage and accept the award, even though it was a story I’d written as a joke that got me there. David was really encouraging too, which kind of surprised me. He’s such an intellectual and loves things like Tolkien. I didn’t realize that he’d take this kind of thing seriously. But he actually said he was proud of me, and it made me smile, because those words still remind me of Mom.
David had some free time before his flight back, so he suggested that we stop by this really cool vegetarian restaurant nearby. It was super tasty, and it almost felt like old times. But then David set off in a taxi to fly back to his parents’ place, and I was left wondering if it was all just a wonderful dream. For some reason, I had this foolish idea that we’d see each other, the sparks would fly and BAM! it’d be back to the way it was.
But we can’t go back to the way it was. We’ve both grown and changed, and for the better, I think. It would be really nice if David and I could be together again (if our pseudo-date was any indication, the sparks are still there), but I just don’t know if that’s possible. David finally found something he’s really passionate about doing, and I don’t want to hold him back. As for me, I’m still an amateur ero writer, living in a dingy apartment in the valley until I can make enough to quit my day job.
It’s probably hopeless, but I think part of me always imagined that, after all this, David and I would be together again. I know I’m alright on my own, but when I was with David today, the world felt a little brighter again.
Email, February 8
From: Peggy Hemmingway
To: Margot Hemmingway
Subject: Marshmallows?
Dear Margot,
How is San Diego? Still lots of snow in Northfield…mostly slush now.
Have you given up on marshmallows? Grace said you weren’t at the farmers’ market yesterday. Heard she and Alice had a falling out…hope they can patch it up soon.
Are Lisa’s little ones still in the oven?
Love you much.
Mother
Crystal’s Journal, February 13
Lisa went into labor last night. She said that she didn’t want anyone to fly in, but then she was having trouble reaching Mom, and sounded kind of panicked. So I called in sick at work and got on a plane, and managed to get there just as it ended.
Lisa and Bryan are now the proud parents of two healthy little babies, Quentin and Kayla Fontana. And for the record, they’re pretty cute (for babies). I’d still be more excited about kids if they were as cute as kittens, but that’s beside the point.
I’m an aunt now.
Hopefully that means I get to be a “cool” aunt, and not some cheek-pinching terror. But I guess that’s mostly up to me.
When Lisa asked if I wanted to hold one of them, I was pretty nervous. I’m not good with babies, and I’m always afraid that I’m going to drop them. But Lisa showed me where to put my hands and how to support Kayla’s little head, and she was actually kind of sweet. You know, for a pudgy little newborn.
We’re still not sure what’s going on with Mom, but Eric was coming to visit this week, so I’m pretty sure that she’s just busy with…things I’d rather not be thinking about. It could be something simple, like if she lost her phone, but I was honestly kind of surprised that she’d drop out of touch at a time like this. The kids were a little early, but still.
Lisa’s been pretty calm today, and she seems quite a bit relieved now that the kids have arrived safely. It sounds like it was a lot of stress to get things set up at her new job (still at Boople, but a more senior position). Lisa organized it all so she could drop everything when the kids came. She’s got the next few months all planned out, like how she and Bryan are staggering their parental leaves so they can be together the first few weeks, and then alternate over the next couple of months.
I also casually mentioned how I finally finished Velocirapture, and how it happened to win the contest. Lisa was kind of miffed that I hid it from her until now, but once I gave her a printed copy, all was forgiven.
And then Bryan said Lisa had a visitor, and this tall guy walked in. He had blue eyes and blonde hair poking out of a baseball cap, with a scattering of stubble. There was something about him that looked startlingly familiar. He was middle-aged and quite handsome – not exactly someone I’d expect to be in Lisa’s inner circle of friends.
But Lisa introduced him as Dave, a barista at her favorite coffee shop. When we shook hands, he winked at me, and then recognition dawned in me. Of course I knew him. His hair was different, his clothes were more casual, but it was him alright: our Adam.
I gaped at Lisa, and she started laughing at me.
“Does Mom know?” I asked.
“No, we want to surprise her,” she said.
It was nice to catch up a bit with Adam. He and Lisa told the harrowing tale of how she and Paul had smuggled all the Smart Companions out (with the help of an intrepid distribution center employee). It was Lisa’s idea, but Paul insisted on taking the blame, since he claimed he was “long past the age where he should retire, anyway.” Boople went to great lengths to keep it under wraps, and they still don’t have a clue that Lisa was involved.
Lisa and Bryan took Adam in, updating his appearance with some hair dye and a new sense of fashion. They got him a job at the coffee shop through a friend of Bryan’s, and now Adam has a place of his own. But he’s not planning to be a barista forever �
� he’s been working on a new screenplay, and he plans to shop it around when it’s done. He knows it’ll be a long shot, but he’s going to try.
I’m so happy for Lisa, and her family. It’s great that they can see Adam now and then, and that he’s finally able to live for himself. But when I left the hospital today, I couldn’t help feeling a little down. Lisa has Bryan, and now Adam/Dave has a dream. Mom is off with Eric probably, and then there’s me, going home to an empty, crappy apartment. I might have a $10,000 check in the mail, but it won’t keep me warm at night, or pay my L.A. expenses for long.
I’m not depressed about it, but it just seems like everyone else is off doing what they do best, and I’ve got to claw my way up again. I’m really grateful that I get to publish Velocirapture, but it’s only the beginning of another long journey.
Email, February 14
From: Margot Hemmingway
To: Crystal Hemmingway
Subject: Congratulations, Lisa!
Hi Girls,
Congratulations, Lisa! I just saw a picture of darling little Quentin and Kayla. I’m so glad you are all doing well and couldn’t be a prouder Grandma.
Sorry that I couldn’t fly out for the birth – I left my phone at home – oops! I’m on the road with Eric, and we’re riding across the country, back to his home in New York City. We’re in Indianapolis now, and are about two days out. Once I get there, I’ll get straight on a plane to see the grandbabies!
I’ve got some big news of my own. Eric asked me to marry him! It was so romantic – he took me for a hot air balloon ride, and as we were flying over the city, he got down on one knee. He said that he “just knew” when we met again at Christmas, and didn’t want to let me get away. There were some happy tears, so that’s why my face is a little red in the photo.
See you soon, Lisa! Love you both!
Mom
Text Messages, February 14
David
hey crystal
David
how do you feel about weddings?
Crystal
like weddings in general or a hypothetical wedding in which i would be getting married?
David
the second one
Crystal
same as always
Crystal
they’re super expensive and planning one would be a PITA
Crystal
and there’s no way i could have one without mom being super involved
David
cool that’s what I thought
Crystal
?
David
ok look out your window
Crystal
is this some kind of joke?
David
just look
Crystal
OMG what are you doing here????
David
come outside and find out
Boople Chat, Feb 15 2:41 PM
Lisa
oh good you’re back
Lisa
did you see mom’s email?
Crystal
yeah
Lisa
at first i was like WTF
Lisa
she just met the guy
Crystal
well yes and no
Crystal
she dated him in high school
Crystal
for like two years i think
Lisa
that was decades ago
Lisa
and two years in high school is like two days in real life
Crystal
:/
Crystal
depends on the relationship i guess
Lisa
from the sound of it, they barely held hands before
Crystal
but they were compatible at least
Crystal
mom said they’ve been emailing
Crystal
sounds like he’s been giving her good business advice
Crystal
you saw that she got her marshmallows into that co-op, right?
Lisa
yeah it’s a start
Lisa
but seriously…marriage?
Crystal
i dunno, i really think this one is up to her
Crystal
if she’s not 100% sure they can always have a long engagement
Lisa
hmm true
Lisa
not to be nosy
Lisa
but how are things going with david?
Crystal
:D
Crystal
i was going to wait to tell you on the phone, but…
Crystal
WE GOT MARRIED :D :D :D
Lisa
WHAT?????????????
Crystal
yeah we eloped
Lisa
and you didn’t invite me????
Crystal
well if i did then mom would’ve felt left out
Crystal
so it was just me and david and barfbag
Lisa
barfbag?
Crystal
that’s his trail name, david met him on the PCT
Crystal
i don’t remember his real name, but he’s a justice of the peace
Lisa
you got married by a guy named barfbag and you didn’t invite me?
Crystal
i’m sorry but we just wanted to be married and not have all the hoopla
Crystal
you know what mom’s like
Lisa
yeah
Crystal
oh and one more thing
Crystal
mom seems pretty stoked right now and i don’t want to spoil it
Crystal
so do you mind keeping the whole elopement thing between us?
Lisa
she’s going to find out eventually
Crystal
yeah but just for a few days at least
Lisa
alright, but no more secrets, ok?
Crystal
says the woman with the renegade robot buddy
Email, February 23
From: No Goat Soap
Bcc: Margot Hemmingway
Subject: Save the Goats
Dear Conscious Consumer,
It is with great sadness that I must inform you that your favorite soap company, Grateful Goats Soaps, is a business built on lies and propaganda. The owner has led you to believe that her products are helping the goats of Nepal, and the soaps are produced by her own hands.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Grateful Goats Soaps are manufactured by underpaid children in China, and there are no regulations for how this goats’ milk is produced. Thousands of goats are orphaned – or killed – each year in the production of this supposedly “sustainable” and “organic” product.
Fortunately, there is an alternative.
When I learned of the cruelty behind Grateful Goats Soaps, I began an exhaustive search for a truly sustainable and organic bar soap. I came up empty-handed, so I began making my own soaps in my kitchen from the best ingredients I could find. After weeks of testing, I finally have created the perfect soap: No Goat Soap.
Created from coconuts harvested by generously-paid workers in Thailand, No Goat Soap has all the creaminess of a traditional goats’ milk soap without any of the negative consequences. It is organic, vegan, and gluten-free. Each batch is made with my own hands, and I have the burns to prove it. Absolutely no goats are harmed in the making of the soaps, and all proceeds from our sales benefit the Nepalese baby goat sanctuary.
As a conscious consumer, I know you will make the right choice.
-Alice
Owner of No Goats Soaps
Find us at the farmers’ market each Sunday, acr
oss from Grateful Goats Soaps.
Press Release, April 8
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ALEXANDRIA FILMS TO PRODUCE “HELP! MY GIRLFRIEND IS A ROBOT!”
Alexandria Films has announced plans to produce “Help! My Girlfriend is a Robot!”, a feature film starring Triston Hardy and Mia Murray.
In “Help! My Girlfriend is a Robot!”, Darien Sloan (Hardy) is a hardworking video game programmer who is tired of dating high-maintenance women. Suddenly, the girl of his dreams appears. Darien begins dating Poppy Jones (Murray), a naturally beautiful, intelligent, hardworking woman, who also happens to be the perfect housewife. The only problem? She’s secretly a robot.
“We produced a lot of gritty, emotional dramas last year,” said Sydney Patel, Director of Production at Alexandria Films. “We felt it was time for something lighter, and more fun. ‘Help! My Girlfriend is a Robot!’ has the perfect blend of romance, comedy, and action, while still remaining grounded in genuine character drama.”
“Help! My Girlfriend is a Robot!” is a feature-length romantic comedy, directed by Joe Black (“Fiddlesticks”) and written by newcomer Dave Gleason. Principal photography will begin in October in Los Angeles.
Email, May 2
From: Crystal Hemmingway
To: Debra Garza
Subject: Velocirapture Query
Hi Debbie,
I just completed my 65,000 word manuscript, Velocirapture 2: Tyrannosaurus Sex, as you requested. Velocirapture 2 is the tale of a sexually repressed young tyrannosaurus, who lusts after Stella the Stegosaurus, the saucy herbivore who sated her carnal desires with a fearsome velociraptor in the original novel. Stella is now an outcast from her pack, and, after the tragic drowning of her conquest, she wanders the plains defending herself from predators such as the great tyrannosaurus. With five steamy sex scenes and exotic settings including tar pits, salt flats, and volcanic hot springs, Velocirapture 2 is sure to delight dinosaur fetishists and general audiences alike.