Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  I remember being a child afraid of the dark. Similar to most children, I would pull the covers over my head because nothing says Monster Protection like a market-ordered bedspread. I’m not a child anymore, but the urge to hide under the covers was almost overpowering.

  Being afraid in my own quarters had the bizarre effect of pissing me off. I was supposed to be safe here, so long as the transport wasn’t under attack. I was free of Finiuld’s ship, where there had been only fear. I was home. Nothing had the right to terrify me, not in this space that I had claimed until I reached Kalquor.

  The spike of anger spurred the moment’s courage I needed to shout, “Lights up full!”

  In the bare second it took for the panels in the wall to respond with illumination, the dark shape moved. It knocked against my shelves, sending a couple of hair clips, a lipstick, and my half-drunk cup of water crashing to the floor. A hint of a blurred form streaked towards the door that led to my sitting room before the lights came up well enough to see by. Then it disappeared, a smear of black nearly seven feet high.

  I saw it. I know I saw it. But I don’t know what it was.

  My brief burst of bravery disappeared with that dark entity. I’ve been sitting in my bed for the past few minutes, listening over my own gasping breath for any sounds in the sitting room. I’ve heard only my own breathing and the soft rustling of me moving against my bedding. I finally grabbed my handheld to write all this down in case something comes for me from out of that other area.

  I am trying to convince myself to be strong and that I don’t have any reason to be afraid. Yes, I witnessed a strange shape...maybe even otherworldly. Candy and others have witnessed it too, and no one has been hurt. It’s freaky. Freaky is not dangerous. That is why I haven’t commed Betra yet.

  First, I’m going to stop shaking. Then I will tell him to come. When I’m certain he is on his way, I will get up out of this bed, and I will check my entire quarters to discover if my visitor is still around. I will face this head on. If what I glimpsed is a ghost, it may be searching for help – someone to help it find peace. There is no reason to be scared. Once I can com Betra and ask him to come without sounding hysterical, I will prove that to myself.

  It’s hard to be calm when I’m staring at the hair clips, lipstick, and water spilled all over the floor. It’s hard to be brave when I have proof that something came in here, that can appear and disappear at will. Damn it, what if the ghost isn’t some poor lost soul? What if it is that murdered soldier Candy told me about, eager for vengeance on the living? How the hell do I fight off that?

  April 4, early

  Well, Betra now thinks I’m crazy. However, Candy is thrilled to have a kindred spirit (pun intended, ha-freaking-ha) when it comes to believing in ghosts.

  I pulled my act together soon after my last entry and put my plan into action. I commed Betra from my bed. His sleepy, “Liaison Betra here” gave me a pang of guilt, which helped to steady my nerves so I didn’t sound like a big baby.

  “Betra, weirdness just happened in my quarters. Can you come over?” I asked.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  I allowed myself no opportunity to second-guess any actions. The moment I clicked the com off, I threw aside the covers and got out of bed. Calling for the sitting room’s lights, I marched boldly in.

  There was nothing to see. No moaning and wailing specter in chains awaited me. Well, I’d watched the damned thing disappear. I knew it could be there, invisible to the eye.

  I decided to act as if it was present. “If you’re here, I want to discover who you are. Maybe I can help you. Is that what you’re after? Are you looking for help?”

  I waited. The silent seconds spun out as I turned in a circle in the middle of the space.

  Yet I felt as if I could sense something there. I freely admit that it could have been my overactive imagination. I’ve never had any evidence that I possess ESP or telepathy or can commune with the dead. Why would I start now? It was more likely I was feeling what I wanted to feel.

  I tried again. “Listen, you’re freaking people out by showing up in their rooms, walking the halls, all that stuff. You’ve given me a couple of bad scares now. Stop playing games. Tell me your name. Tell me what you need.”

  “Open the door, Shalia.”

  I jumped a mile if I jumped an inch at the disembodied voice. Then I cursed when I realized it was Betra talking through the door announcer. Sheesh.

  “Door open,” I said after filling the air with dirty words.

  Betra came in, ready to fight with his armored formsuit on. Maybe I had sounded more panicked than I realized when I commed. So much for my brave front.

  “What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked. He appeared relieved to find me standing there in one piece. Bless that man.

  “Come look at this.” I grabbed him by the hand and tugged him into my bedroom to show him the stuff the ghost had knocked over.

  As he frowned at the scattered things, I told him what had happened. The crease between his brows grew deeper and deeper as I spoke.

  “There was no one else in your sitting room. It’s only us in here.” He went and peeked in my lavatory before re-joining me. “We’re alone. You did not accidentally bump into these shelves? You’re sure about that?”

  “I said so, didn’t I?”

  “Yes,well...” Betra hesitated, gazing at me with trepidation.

  “What?” I kept checking all around us, wondering if the ghost would appear again.

  “You’ve sleepwalked these past few weeks since you returned. It’s possible you were dreaming about this threatening shadow, and that you got up and bumped into the shelves yourself. Then you woke, positive you’d seen something, when in fact, it was a dream.”

  I gave him all of my attention. Betra didn’t believe me. He thought I was still suffering from the trauma.

  Speaking carefully so he’d understand I wasn’t going loony again, I said, “I was wide awake. I know that for a fact, Betra.”

  His concern didn’t go away. “You’ve had hallucinations recently.”

  His continued disbelief in my powers of sanity pissed me off. “This was no figment of my imagination, damn it! I saw something in here! It was real!”

  “Okay, okay. I can see you believe something was in here. I’ll report it to Oses first thing in the morning, and he’ll check the corridor’s security vids to see if anyone entered your quarters.”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “I told you, it disappeared! That thing turned invisible. Why aren’t you getting that?”

  Betra held his hands up, trying to placate me. “I heard you. On the off chance someone broke into your quarters, it needs to be checked out. You want to find evidence of some sort, don’t you? You have to admit, it’s a strange story, Shalia.”

  He didn’t believe me. Betra thought I’d been dreaming or was still taking trips into La-La Land.

  I understood his position. After all, I’d found Candy’s story of a ghost was pretty silly a few hours ago. Plus I had been dealing with all the trauma of my abduction, what with nightmares and hallucinations. Betra had a point.

  At the same time, I felt horribly betrayed by my lover. Betra was my safe harbor, a man who had given me strength and security when I needed it. The bit of me that relied so much on him was hurt to be dismissed as hysterical. I know what I saw, and I needed him to accept my account as truth.

  The hurt came out as anger. “Fine. Tell Oses to look. I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “Don’t be,” he said. “I’m always here for you.”

  “Sure, as long as I’m being sensible,” I spat. “Good night, Betra.”

  “Don’t be mad.” He moved towards me with his arms outstretched.

  I edged away. “It’s too late for that.”

  “Come on, Shalia. I’ll stay until morning so you’ll rest decently. Or you can come to my quarters if you’re uncomfortable in here.”

  I wasn’t having it. “No. Get out an
d leave me alone.”

  Betra gave me the kicked puppy look he does all too well. “I just want to help you.”

  “Start by taking me seriously.”

  “I take everything to do with you very seriously.”

  I’d had enough. “Get out. I don’t want you here.”

  My liaison finally saw he wasn’t going to placate me. “All right. I’ll have another look around and go. Com if you need anything.”

  “I won’t.”

  I’d turned childish with my pouting, but the hurt was growing. I just wanted Betra to leave. He went over my quarters and then did so, shaking his head.

  I failed to get back to sleep. I felt pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen for the remainder of the night. Instead, I dressed and went to the rec room to wait out the hours until others began to stir. I kept myself busy with games and using a Kalquorian language program Oses had installed on my handheld. The hours refused to fly by, but they went faster than a crawl at least.

  At last, people began to wake. I heard voices here and there calling out good mornings. Liaisons, maintenance, and housekeeping personnel began moving about the corridors, along with the occasional Kalquorian who had enjoyed a sleepover with one of the gals.

  I’d already availed myself of the coffee dispenser in the rec room, but I poured myself a fresh cup along with a second. Thus armed, I walked a short distance down the corridor and stopped at a door. I bumped the visitor announce with my elbow. When seconds ticked by and I received no answer, I bumped it again, a little longer.

  Finally, a sleepy voice called, “Who is it?”

  I had to smile. “Good, you’re here. Are you alone?”

  “Hey. Come on in, Shalia.”

  The door hissed open and I walked into the sitting room just as Candy entered it too from her bedroom. She wore a snuggly robe over a barely-there slip of lace. She blinked at me uncertainly. “What time is it?”

  “Too damned early. Yell at me, and then have this coffee and wake up. I want to talk about the ghost.”

  Her blue eyes widened. “Did you see it?”

  I went over to the lounger and sank into it. “I think it’s been in my room twice now.”

  Candy’s mouth dropped wide open, and she gasped with excited horror. “Twice? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I believed I was having funky sedative hallucinations. The first time still might have been nothing. Last night was a different story.”

  Candy sat down and grabbed the coffee I’d brought her. Her rapt gaze never left my face, “Tell me the whole thing from the first encounter.”

  I did so while my friend sucked down her morning beverage at a record pace. I’m surprised she didn’t scald her throat and guts. Candy was riveted during the entire tale, gasping and muttering things like, “Oh my God,” throughout.

  “You poor thing,” she said with real feeling at the end of my story. “It’s awful to have something like this happen and the person you count on most doesn’t believe you.”

  I squirmed. Until only a few hours before, I hadn’t put any stock in Candy’s ghost either. Now I felt bad about that. At least I hadn’t outright ridiculed her or questioned her sanity. Betra’s attitude had hinted at him being worried for my state of mind. He had probably already commed Feru to report I was coming apart again.

  “You’ve been looking into the soldier who died, right?” I asked, hoping Candy had persisted in her belief that the matter should be further investigated. “What was the kid’s name again?”

  “Nobek Frin. I’ve looked into other deaths on board this ship too, but his was the only one to have taken place in this vicinity. It was also the most brutal murder.”

  I stared at her. “By the prophets, Candy, how many have died on this tub?”

  “Close to twenty-five men.” Her blue eyes were wide. “Some were accidents, but most were from fights between young Nobeks that got out of hand. It’s common for that breed when they’ve been shut up in a ship for too long, especially those in their twenties. That’s why we have so many shore leaves scheduled on our trip. They need frequent breaks.”

  “Older Nobeks don’t do well in confined spaces either.” I thought of Oses on board the Little Creep’s ship. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be Nobek Frin stalking around, giving us the shivers. It could be somebody else.”

  Candy nodded. “It is a possibility. However, Frin fits the profile of a restless spirit the best. He was the victim of a violent, unjustified death—”

  “Is there any other kind?” I laughed with barely any humor.

  She kept going. “There’s been a great deal of recent emotional upheaval in the vicinity where he died. I’m talking about being attacked by Tragooms and your abduction, of course. Hey, they tore out your old quarters and restored those rooms to like new.”

  I shrugged. “My new quarters are fine. I’m not moving again. Even if they got the shit smell out of there, I’m in no hurry to live where Betra and I damned near died.”

  Candy was fairly bouncing with excitement. “You don’t understand. Re-decorating or renovating a place has been verified to disturb spirits. Maybe Frin’s death occurred in your old quarters.”

  “You have no way of knowing that.” I settled back on the lounger cushions and eyed her. “Where did you learn all this stuff about what makes dead people haunt the living?”

  “I told you, I had an experience living in a haunted house when I was young. I did a bunch of research into the spirit world later to try and get over being scared about it.”

  I gave Candy a smile. “I guess that didn’t work out quite how you planned. You keep getting freaked out over this ghost.”

  She blushed. “I’m silly, aren’t I? In most cases, they can’t harm the living. However, it’s one thing to understand that and another to not lose my shit when I’m face to face with the supernatural.”

  I laughed out loud over that. “What else could make a guy who’s died decide to scare the hell out of us breathing types?”

  “Revenge. A need for justice.”

  I mused. “I wonder if Frin’s killers were convicted.”

  Candy nodded, sending her curls bouncing all over her shoulders. “Three were executed and two received life sentences. It could be that Frin doesn’t realize that. If we could make contact and tell him, it might allow him to rest.”

  “Putting him at rest would permit me to do the same,” I said. “I hate that he seems to have become fixated on me. If I move to other quarters, will that throw him off?”

  Candy bit her lip. “Spirits occasionally attach themselves to the living and follow them. It could be your pain has attracted him.”

  Attached to me? I had a sudden, ugly notion. My hair abruptly felt like it was standing on end. “Candy, let’s say for shits and giggles it’s not Nobek Frin roaming around. Given your reasons for a dead person to manifest as a ghost, I could be haunted because I had something to do with someone’s death. If they blamed me for killing them in an awful manner and wanted revenge...”

  Her eyes went wide. “The Little Creep? Or his girlfriend?”

  “Maybe.” I swallowed. They fit Candy’s profile for restless spirits in the making, but I was thinking of someone else.

  There had been that Earther man Finiuld brought to me, hoping for me to exact revenge on the male gender for how I’d been treated on my home planet. I hadn’t harmed him, not directly. But because of me, Oses had tortured him. Because of me, he’d suffered an awful, unthinkable death. I didn’t even know that Earther’s name, yet my worst dreams were of what had been done to him...all because of me. If any soul had a reason to want revenge beyond the grave, it would have been that man.

  Candy’s words recurred to me: In most cases, they can’t harm the living. That would have been comforting, except for the items knocked off my shelves. If a ghost could affect the physical world that much, then he could potentially make things happen to me. Considering the revenge that nameless Earther was due, they would
be most unpleasant things.

  “We need to find out who the ghost is.” My voice trembled.

  Candy nodded. “I’ll get right on it.”

  April 4, later

  What a crazy day. We had another encounter with the shadow entity (Candy’s term), and it appeared in front of a lot of us. Candy and I are no longer alone when it comes to believing in the unbelievable.

  It all started at breakfast in our cafeteria. Candy and I had every intention of getting an ironclad identity on our unwanted presence afterward, but Katrina and a few of the other women had hatched a plan that placed ours on hold.

  “What’s up?” Candy asked as we sat down at the end of our usual table, which was unusually crowded. Women were clustered around Katrina. Conversation all over the room was louder and more excited than normal. Several of the women sitting with us were not from our group.