Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  I woke sobbing. The monitors had already alerted Feru, and the psychologist was at my bedside seconds after my eyes opened. It was good to see a kind, caring face, particularly after what I’d dreamed I’d done.

  “I’m dreaming the It’s memories again,” I wept as he blotted my tears with a soft cloth. “It takes so much pleasure in killing others. It’s almost a religious ecstasy. How can any thinking, feeling creature get joy out of these atrocities?”

  “Tep is sure it was created in a lab,” Feru said. “Its makers programmed it to be a certain way, to be a weapon of no conscience. There may be a silver lining to this, however.”

  I gave him a disbelieving look. “You must be joking.”

  “Not at all. Based on what you’re telling me, I’m wondering if this creature sleeps when you do. If it is dreaming because you dream.”

  I saw a problem with his theory. “It didn’t sleep when I was sedated.”

  Feru considered. “It knew it was in danger. It has some control over your brain, so it activated what it could...or what it needed...in the attempt to defend itself. We’re supposing that as long as the It doesn’t feel threatened, it lets your body heed all its natural functions.” He glanced at the guards that stood at my room’s door and lowered his voice. “Monitors show Matara Candy’s brain is having some spikes of activity. She’s experiencing brief periods during which she is close to waking up.”

  “The It was right. She can pull out of full stasis.”

  “Perhaps. For now, it’s the sedation that she’s overcoming. However, it does bode badly for containing the organisms. They are nothing like we’ve ever seen before. Staying ahead of them is going to take tremendous effort.”

  “You still haven’t explained how my dreams of this device’s probable past have a silver lining.”

  Feru’s expression filled with optimism. “Security is checking into your story about the destruction of a Barinem village from those first nightmares you reported. Once it has been confirmed that such an event happened, we’ll know for sure the nightmares are this organism’s memories. We can gather information about its weaknesses through your dreams.”

  The little bit of hope I’d felt died. “It has no weaknesses, Dr. Feru. None. It is the perfect killing machine.”

  “Maybe not. You remember it as a fully armored creature, which tells me it took over another person at some point. Something happened to make it revert to what you saw as a bracelet, probably the state it takes on when not in use...perhaps that is a form of stasis or hibernation when it has no host.”

  I saw what he was hinting at. “What made it give up its host then? Was it defeated or damaged somehow?”

  Feru nodded. “My questions, exactly. It doesn’t seem to be a weapon that quietly waits to be used if it has a choice. Not if it’s as enthralled by killing as you say.”

  I frowned. “The It hears all that I do. It’s aware of your theory now. If you’re correct, what’s to stop it from blocking me from sleeping and dreaming?”

  “It doesn’t have control of all your brain. The overwhelming majority of you is still Shalia.” I could see Feru was excited about his theory. “As a human, you require sleep. Tep says the part of your brain that governs normal sleep, as well as the portion that controls dreaming, are not invaded. We think the It can’t control that.”

  It was a bit of hope—but only a mote of it. “I have to hope it shows me that piece of its background in order to discover what could destroy it. Or at least knock it off of me.”

  “Fortunately, it’s a computer program despite its organic nature. It has steps that it takes in order, a start to an end. It could be that it will continue to dream a sequence of events as they happened.”

  “Dreams are almost never so literal though,” I groused. “It hasn’t had me running around naked in front of an assembly or showing up to class unprepared for the final exam. That’s usually the way dreams go.”

  Feru had an answer for that too. “It’s biological, but it’s still a machine. This is not an entity that possesses creativity. It exists to fulfill a mission, nothing more. I have hopes it will continue to give you factual data.”

  Feru’s theory is slim shit to hang hopes on, if you ask me. Outside of Tep’s tests yielding answers, playing spy to the invader’s dreams is pretty much all I have. I pray he’s got this right.

  The next phase of fighting the It rolled around. Tep was determined to run his tests. I was determined to help him do so.

  Tep decided to perform a little experiment first, though he wouldn’t tell me – and therefore the It – what he was up to. We knew sedation was out when it came to dealing with my changing body. Another way had to be found to hold the It at bay.

  Tep started by bringing the stasis field as close to full power as he could without putting me out. Then the medi-bed panels were removed long enough for me to be restrained with physical straps. I enjoy bondage, but this was no fun at all. Then the panels came up, offering another physical barrier.

  “Local anesthesia, from neck down,” Tep ordered the computer. The It started to stir restlessly in my mind when I heard that.

  “It’s not happy,” I said, even as my body went numb. “It’s thinking about resistance.”

  “Do your best to not lose control to it,” Tep encouraged me. “It’s overcome sedation, so it may have some defenses when it comes to fighting off the spinal block. Liaison?”

  I was startled when Betra appeared at my side. He and Oses had stayed close, but while medical stuff was happening, they kept their distance. I couldn’t imagine what an administrative type could do to help with medical tests.

  Betra suddenly darting down towards me, his mouth wide open and fangs showing, made me scream. The bite came to the side of my neck, just above where I’d gone insensitive to all feeling.

  Tep stroked the top of my head. “Easy. We couldn’t let the organism suspect what we were up to, so I didn’t dare warn you about this. Perhaps we can make the It as susceptible to the intoxication as you are.”

  The pain of the bite had vanished almost immediately. Silky tendrils of happiness were already beginning to weave in my brain. “Shit, guys. You scared the hell out of me, Betra.”

  Tep smiled wearily. “It was necessary. Shalia, this will make you feel serene, but try to remain in command over yourself. Let the intoxication reach a point of balance between the two and then tell Betra to stop.”

  “Okay.” The other piece of my brain, the bit that wasn’t me, became aware of what was going on. I sensed it struggle to assert itself, but it couldn’t seem to figure out what it should do. It was a weird sensation; one moment it attempted to move this way in my mind, and the next it tried to move another. I caught glimpses here and there of its consciousness. It felt as if it were trying to find its direction through the densest fog ever.

  I became so bemused by the It that I didn’t realize how under the influence I was until a stab of pure lust shot between my legs. Well hello, Libido. I thought I was supposed to be numb down there.

  “Sstop,” I slurred. “Oops, I think I let you go too far.”

  Betra immediately released me, rising up to gaze into my face. He stood over me, as gorgeous as a man could be. Look at me, surrounded by men. Here I was, tied helpless. Mmm, nice.

  “Ah, hell,” I lilted, delighted despite having messed things up. “Yep, I’m stoned. Sorry, Doc.”

  Tep’s mouth quirked, as if he had found the humor in the situation. “How is your passenger doing?”

  “The It iss confused,” I reported, still drawing my words out in a languorous tone. Except for the sensation of struggle in my head, I felt warm all over. “It can’t seem to figure out what'sss happening.”

  “That’s a start.” Tep nodded to his team. “Let’s take some samples.”

  I smiled up at Betra. I knew what I wished was happening. “Stay?”

  He chuckled and glanced up at Tep. The doctor nodded. To his team, Tep said, “Please try to close you
r ears to whatever she might say. Matara Shalia doesn’t possess full power over her – feelings.”

  “But my feelings are in full control of me,” I giggled. I gave Betra a wink. “Guess where and what I’m feeling now?”

  Betra snickered. “Behave yourself.” To Tep he said, “The block isn’t doing its job.”

  Tep was red, whether from embarrassment or the effort to keep from laughing, I don’t know. “They say that 95 percent of that kind of excitement takes place in the brain. Perhaps that’s what’s happening.”

  I grinned happily. “And Betra is a smart guy. He gives good brain.”

  The room erupted in snorts and chuckles. A few of the guys gave Betra what I would call 'come-hither' looks. Tep called them to order as Betra went magenta with embarrassment.

  We had about twenty minutes of me humiliating myself and my liaison in that manner while Tep’s team worked. I felt none of the tests or sample taking. Then the It began to crawl out of its hole.

  “Hey, get back in there,” I told it. “We’re high and happy. Be a good invader and do what we tell you to.”

  It snapped at me, a bad-tempered dog. Even through my intoxication, I sensed I needed to get serious.

  Betra leaned near, filling my vision with his beautiful visage. “Is it fighting?”

  “It’s trying.” I noticed I wasn’t slurring quite as I'd been before. Betra’s venom was wearing off. The It must have been taking advantage. “It wants to stop the testing.”

  “Be strong, Shalia,” the Imdiko urged. He glanced at Tep. “How long?”

  “Another 15 minutes, if we hurry. With the anesthetic, stasis field, and restraints, we should be okay if she loses to it.”

  “I’m afraid to lose charge.” I had the overriding terror that sooner or later, the It would destroy my consciousness. That fear pushed the intoxication aside.

  “You’re doing fine,” Betra encouraged me. “Fight to stay in control. I’m right here with you.”

  I fought, all right. Little by little, the It battled free of the venom. I had to resist it and the intoxication. I began to think the bite had been a huge mistake.

  That was confirmed when the It barreled over me for a moment, leaving me staring into blackness where Betra had just been. For a horrifying second, I couldn’t see or hear anything. The It had all power, and my first thought was for my daughter.

  I shoved at the alien consciousness with a scream. “Get away! You can’t have me! You will not take my body!”

  Tep’s voice was a beacon in the encroaching darkness. “It’s okay, Shalia. We’re done for now. All right people, shut it down.”

  Then Betra was over me again, his shoulders sagging in relief. “Easy, love. They’ve finished. You’re okay. Shalia?”

  An inhuman snarl left my lips. In that instant if Betra had come close enough, I would have tried to bite his face off. I could visualize it; my teeth sinking into his nose, biting through, crunching cartilage, blood spurting, his screams ringing in my ears...and then the It subsided into its little corner of my brain.

  I shuddered over the awful urge that had possessed me until it felt like my own. I wept with relief to have myself back, to have returned from the brink.

  “No more,” I blubbered. “No more. I can’t do this anymore.”

  I knew for a fact that if I dropped my guard again, I would lose.

  May 24

  There has been good news at last. Dr. Tep gave Candy an infusion of my blood. The organism that has invaded her has been slowed in its progress. Not only is it taking over her body at a much slower rate, but those spikes of her nearing consciousness have stopped.

  Something in me actively fights the organism. My body may have the key to defeating this thing. But what?

  Tep has his theory on what’s going on. Obviously, he’s not talking about what that idea is in front of me, for fear of telling the It that we may have found a weapon. I have an idea too, though not the scientific details. I can’t speak out loud to my voice recorder because I don’t want the monstrosity in me to know either. Suffice it to say, there is a major difference between me and Candy...that has to be the key.

  It gives me hope and terrifies me at once. I have to guard my thoughts from the It. Especially given last night’s nightmare of the It’s memory.

  I and the Other One (as I’m now referring to the entity that has taken over Candy) had finally finished our extermination of Barinem for the moment. We returned ‘home’; a hidden research facility on the planet. It belonged to a cadre of Bi’isil scientists.

  We reported to the little gray aliens. That required a whole series of ritual cleansing, speaking the proper words, and bowing first. We were not impatient with these requirements. It was order and perfection, which was our mandate. Chaos was for lower, fallible creatures. There was no room in the universe for such. We were instruments of the perfect ones, clearing the path for order and civilization.

  At last we were allowed to meet with the team member in charge of us, who had told us he brought us into being. We didn’t have a name for him. We simply thought of him as ‘Maker’. I and Other One bent a knee to kneel before him. That put us at eye level with him. Maker stared at us, his huge unblinking black eyes fathomless in his bulbous head. He was not pleased with us, as he let us know through the telepathy the Bi’isils use for communication.

  You killed them all? I told you to bring me ten for research and study.

  Other One crossed his arms over his chest before speaking. “They were imperfect. They were flawed. They were not worthy of the Maker’s intentions.”

  Other One put both hands on the knee bent before him. We waited for Maker’s response.

  A flash of anger screamed through my skull. Of course they are imperfect. They are not of Bi’is, so they can never approach perfection. That does not change the fact you were to bring them here for experimentation.

  I crossed my arms over my chest this time. “They do not deserve the honor. They were not worthy.”

  I returned to the same pose as Other One. The matter was crystal clear in my mind. The Barinem had been inferior. No Bi’isil should even look at them, much less share space with such.

  Maker turned to another of his kind, who stood nearby punching data into a computer. Is this the first team in from the cleansing and gathering?

  The other Bi’isil glanced our way and nodded. We expect the rest of the teams to return in the next two days. It hesitated for a moment before adding, They have also reported that they found no specimens worthy of our consideration. Perhaps they are experiencing the same issue as these two?

  There was another rumble of anger from the Maker. It vibrated my skull. We have made a mistake somewhere. We will have to look into the programming before we proceed any further. Send out a regular collecting party for specimens tomorrow. I wish to see how well our weapon bonds with the Barinem as soon as we discover where our error lies.

  If it weren’t for the flawless acknowledgement of ritual, I would have looked at Other One. What Maker said bothered me terribly. It was the first note of anguish I had known since my awakening.

  Later, as we stood alone in our replenishment pods, Other One voiced the same concerns that assaulted me in his flat but growly voice. “Maker lied to us. He could not have created us if he is flawed, for we are perfection. Or he has been contaminated since that time of creation.”

  “Confirmed. We are the products of Bi’is, the world that stands against chaos. Mistakes are not made by those who brought us into being. We stand against all defect and disorder.”

  “There can only be organization. There can be no confusion.”

  “Confirmed. Protocol is at risk. Stability is at risk. Order must be restored.”

  It was an emergency situation that demanded all usual rituals be jettisoned. That was all right. We knew the steps to be taken when a crisis threatened. We were perfection as we left our pods and routed a secure channel to the other cleansing and gathering teams. When we expla
ined the situation to them, they agreed quick action must be taken. Once the matter was dealt with and our entire group was re-assembled, we would take the ships to Bi’is to report that the infestation had been eradicated.

  It was left up to Other One and myself to decontaminate the research facility. We immediately secured our weapons. In full emergency mode, we began to clean out the impurities. They would not be allowed to contaminate faultless Bi’is.

  Maker screamed in my mind as I pulled him apart limb by limb. Now that I knew him to be imperfect – he had admitted to that himself – it was as much a thrill to destroy him as the Barinem. The Tragooms they kept collared for personal security were even more exciting to kill. They put up a much better fight, worthier of my skills.