Be Still, My Love

by Deborah J. Hughes

  Kade turned his head, saw me and lifted a brow in surprise. “Now that was quick. You needn’t have hurried.” His eyes roamed over me, resting on my damp hair and I touched my head self-consciously.

  “I usually blow dry it but I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”

  “I like your hair down like that, Tess. You have pretty hair.” He frowned as if displeased with himself for saying anything and gave me a rueful shrug. “Not that I’m telling you how to do your hair. I would never presume to tell a woman what hairstyle to use.”

  Pleased for some reason that he liked my hair, I turned away before he read that reaction in my eyes. “Want some coffee? I still have to make it but I really could use a cup about now.”

  Kade followed me into the cottage. “Why’s that? Rough night? Did you have any ghostly visits?”

  “Not really.”

  “Not really? What exactly does that mean?”

  “My dreams last night were all about … well, about what’s going on here. And … I dreamed of Mike.” When Kade made no reply, I turned to find him leaning over the center island, staring down at his clasped hands. His expression told me that he was disturbed about something and I found myself wanting to do whatever I could to help ease whatever was bothering him. “Are you sure nothing is wrong? There isn’t something you aren’t telling me?” His direct gaze met mine and we stood for several moments looking at each other. There was so much that I wanted to say, so much that I wanted to share and so much I felt I must hold in check.

  “Do you have prophetic dreams?” Kade’s question broke the spell and I turned away to finish making the coffee.

  “Sometimes I do but it isn’t very often and I certainly cannot summon such dreams at will. I do, however, believe that Mike was indeed visiting me in the dream state. It’s the easiest way for those on the other side to make contact with us.”

  “So what did he tell you?”

  I watched the coffee brew for a few seconds, using the time to try and decide what to tell him. Finally, sighing, I turned and leaned back against the counter. “He’s warning me about something, but I haven’t been able to figure out what. It has something to do with apples, though.”

  “Why so cryptic? Why can’t he just come out and tell you what he means?”

  It was a question I asked myself all the time. Why indeed? It was most annoying to have to guess the symbolization used in dreams and spirit communication. “I haven’t been able to figure that one out. It sure would make things easier for us if they’d just come out and tell us things. Instead we have to play this guessing game and it’s frustrating.” More than anything, I wanted to tell Kade I was feeling a little afraid. But I didn’t want him to think I was in danger. I was not afraid in that way. It was more a fear of the unknown and not having the ability to do anything. But if I told him, would he tell Nancy and Jack? They would not allow me to stay here any longer if they were told of my concerns. I didn’t want to leave. What I wanted to do was trust Kade. It is a lonely world when there is no one in it to trust. I missed that when Mike died … having someone I trusted to take care of me, to hold my secrets, listen to my worries and my dreams. Something must have conveyed itself in my eyes because suddenly Kade came around the counter toward me. My heart kicked up speed and my breath caught in my throat. Heat washed over me as he neared and then he was pulling me into his arms and holding me close. I buried my head against him, grateful for the contact.

  “Why are you trembling, Tess? What are you not telling me?” He spoke softly in my ear sending little shivers along my scalp and down my neck.

  “If I tell you, will you promise not to tell Nancy and Jack?”

  He stilled, then pulled away just enough to look into my eyes. His own were dark and concerned as they bored into mine. Once again we stared at each other for a long silent moment, and I felt so much pass between us. Finally he nodded slowly, his eyes telling me that I could trust him. “I promise.”

  Relief washed through me and I rested my forehead on his broad chest, thankful for this moment, cherishing it more than I should. “Nathan and Abigail have both warned me away. I don’t really believe it’s because I’m in any real danger, but I think they are afraid of something and they don’t want me involved in it. I feel something else besides the haunting is going on here. I sense another presence–other than Nathan’s and Abigail’s–and it is that presence which is giving me some cause for concern.”

  Kade’s frown deepened the more I talked. “This other presence, is it real or another ghost?”

  My mouth twisted into a wry smile at that. “If by ghosts you really mean spirits, well they are real too, Kade.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly but his fingers were gentle when he brushed the back of them against my cheek. “You know what I mean. Is this presence something only you can deal with or is it something I can deal with?”

  “I’m not sure.” As I stood there in the circle of his arms and watched his face while he gave my confession some thought, all I could think about was his mouth and how nice it was. Sensual. Soft. A kiss right about now would be quite welcome. And what was I doing thinking about kissing when there was a real problem to be solved here? Honestly, I had no business thinking …

  “Your eyes say a lot, Tess. Did you know that?” Kade’s voice was low and gravelly and it made my stomach clench.

  “No.”

  His head lowered to mine, his eyes dropping to my mouth. “I want the same thing.” And then he kissed me just as I wanted and as soon as our mouths made contact, I pressed closer. I was beginning to feel like I would never have enough of him and it was a frightening thought considering I didn’t even know this man a week ago. How could someone insinuate himself into my life so fast? How could I have let him? What about Mike? No, I wasn’t going to think about him.

  Right now, I wanted to focus on what was happening to me in this moment. And in this moment it felt glorious to be held just so and to have someone’s mouth exploring mine so thoroughly. Not just someone’s mouth but Kade’s. The heat spreading through me grew more intense and I pushed closer, wanting as much contact as possible. Kade’s breathing deepened in response. I might have become completely lost in the kiss if it weren’t for the sudden shiver that raced along my spine prickling the skin at my neck. We were not alone. I pulled back and swung about in an effort to locate the source of the disturbance.

  Kade’s voice was hushed when he spoke, aware that I felt something and positioning himself to react should he need to. “What is it?” The temperature in my cottage dropped considerably and the light over the sink suddenly went out. We heard beeping noises and both turned to look at the stove. The oven’s digital control had come on and was clicking through temperatures stopping at 350 degrees. The distinct smell of baking apples filled the air. Kade sniffed, frowned then opened the oven. Of course there was nothing there. But the aromatic smell of baking apples grew stronger.

  What was it about the apples? Throwing my hands up in frustration, I spoke out loud. “Okay, I get it. I know you are trying to warn me, but can’t you give me another hint? Something besides baking apples?” I spoke with more impatience than was called for but part of me worried it was Mike trying to communicate and it bothered me to think he witnessed Kade and me kissing. I knew those in the Tri-State could not spy on private moments … they didn’t have carte blanch to become peeping Toms after all … but they were probably aware of a change in our feelings. They had to know something was happening, otherwise, how did they keep up with their loved ones? Unfortunately, no one in the Tri-state had bothered to explain how it all worked when it came to their continued awareness of what was happening to those still in physical life.

  So, here I stood feeling guilty, worried about how Mike was reacting, fearful that it would interfere with my forming relationship with Kade, and yet wishing I could get an answer to all the above. Negative feelings block spiritual doors and I knew that if I didn’t release my anxiety and worries, I wasn’t goi
ng to be able to communicate. So I stepped away from Kade, closed my eyes and took slow, deep breaths, my concentration focused in the release of negative energy and the absorption of loving spirit. Soon a positive glow began to emanate from within and it came to me that Mike would not resent my moving on. He would be pleased and happy to see me find another to love. Not that I loved Kade, but I certainly cared about him and my attraction for him was growing with each passing day. I had been told by those in the Tri-State that once they pass over, their attachment to loved ones here is not the same. They continue to love, of course, but not in a possessive way. I knew one of our greatest challenges as physical beings is to not develop strong attachments … to anyone or anything. Yet we all did it, with the exception of a few enlightened souls … Buddha, Jesus, Krishna and the like. I, however, was nowhere near those enlightened ones, so struggled with all the feelings attachments created within us. It was my attachment to Mike that was the problem here, not Mike’s attachment to me. Realizing that, I was able to let go of my fears and be comfortable with my growing feelings for Kade. It felt quite good to have all that anxiety melt away and leave me in a moment of contentment. It was the state I needed to be in for the best flow of communication with the Tri-State.

  Almost immediately, I knew it was not Mike causing the current disturbance. It was Abigail. I reached out and touched Kade’s arm, gaining his attention for he was busy watching the stove as if he expected it to do something more. “Abigail is with us.”

  Kade nodded his acceptance and it warmed my heart that he wasn’t closed to what was happening. “What does she want?”

  “Tell me, Abigail. What are you afraid of? What is the message you are trying to tell me?” It is a difficult thing to not put ideas in my head when trying to communicate with a spirit. I want what comes through to be an authentic communication and not something made up from my own mind, but keeping my thoughts at bay is a challenge. It took a lot of discipline, learned through yoga and meditation, to train the mind to be still. It took a strong belief in my abilities. For me, I found that communication was best when I gave my consciousness something to focus on, such as my breathing pattern. Keeping my attention busy in that manner allowed those in the Tri-State to come through without hindrance of mental and emotional blocks put there by my own ego.

  I was so focused on my breath that I almost didn’t notice I was speaking. I had to quickly turn my focus back to my breath so as not to interfere with the contact and leave it to Kade to deal with what was being said. Speaking in trance was not something I normally did but it was the purest form of communication. I don’t know how much time passed before I suddenly felt myself deflate, and I sagged at the sudden loss of support. Kade caught me in his arms and helped me to the couch. We sat down together and I leaned against him as I gathered my strength and grounded myself back to full consciousness. Kade gently rubbed my arms and I found the repetitive motion most soothing.

  “You okay, Tess?”

  “Yes. What happened?”

  His gentle stroking ceased as he twisted slightly to look at me. “You don’t know?”

  I met his concerned gaze and smiled in reassurance. “I was too busy focusing on my breathing to focus on what was being said. Can you tell me?”

  “How odd. Are you unaware of everything when in that state?”

  “No, I’m aware of everything and yet I am not focused on anything. It’s a strange state to be in, most relaxing actually and very peaceful. I felt loving concern from Abigail. I sensed that she is protective of us. I felt safe.” I didn’t tell him that Abigail was responding to us because of our growing relationship. She probably felt close to us because of her own love for Nathan. It was natural, was it not, for happy couples to want those around them to be just as happy? Abigail’s relationship with Nathan ended in tragedy; she did not want such a fate for anyone else specifically, Kade and myself. Having such a thought enter my head made me distinctly uneasy. I’d already had one love affair end in tragedy; I couldn’t go through that again. Maybe it was my own sad past that was helping me connect with Abigail? Until just now, I hadn’t even thought of that possibility. Was that why I was getting the warnings? Abigail knew I’d been through one loss and she didn’t want me to go through another? Did that mean it was Kade who was in danger? The very thought of it made my heart pound.

  “Tess? You aren’t listening to me are you?”

  “What? Oh, sorry. Go ahead, I’m listening now.”

  “What were you thinking about so deeply? You aren’t communicating with the ghost again are you?”

  I laughed softly and shook my head. “Believe it or not, every time I go silent, I am not always communicating with spirits. I’m more often than not, lost in my own silly thoughts.”

  “Why are they silly?”

  “Just an expression. Tell me what happened earlier while I was in trance. What did I say?”

  Kade hesitated for just a moment and I braced myself. Whatever he was going to say, I knew I wasn’t going to like it. “You said that it wasn’t safe for you here and that you needed to leave. Now. For such ominous words, you spoke them without emotion. You also said something about love not going away when you cross over. Whatever that means.”

  My heart skipped a beat at that. Oh, God. Was it Mike then communicating with me? Was he telling me that he still loved me? Did he remind me of that because he was distressed over the embrace Kade and I were sharing when he showed up? I was so sure, though, that it was Abigail’s spirit who communicated with us, not Mike’s. Was she then warning me that Mike was upset? Would he be upset over such a thing? He was no longer among the physically living. Didn’t that matter? What do I do now? One thing I knew for sure … I was not leaving.

  “Tess? What’s going on in that busy mind of yours?”

  I stood and began to pace the room. The coldness was gone so I was pretty sure we were alone. No lingering spirits to interrupt us. “I’m not leaving so don’t even try to talk me into it. I already told you they were warning me away and it doesn’t matter. I’m staying.”

  “But there must be a pretty good reason for their asking you to leave. Maybe you are in danger. I don’t want anything happening to you.” Kade stood as well and watched as I moved agitatedly about the room. His handsome face was wreathed in concern and that worried me more than the warnings from Abigail.

  I stopped in front of him and placed a hand on his cheek, a gesture meant to reassure though, to be honest, I wanted the contact more for my own comfort. I drew strength from him. He was a strong man. Solid. Honest. “I’m not in any danger. I already told you, spirits cannot hurt us, if they could, you’d be hearing about it all the time. If I’m being warned away, it’s because my presence here is stirring things up. What things, I don’t know. But, I intend to find out. Obviously it is making the spirit activity more active.” And because I felt I needed to stress my next point, I gave a short pause for emphasis. “Not dangerous … active.”

  Kade frowned and my heart sank. What if I couldn’t get him to see it my way and he insisted I do as the spirits suggested and leave? “I have a bad feeling about this, Tess. I, too, have always relied on my hunches. It got me through some tough situations while I was on active duty. I learned not to ignore those feelings. I can’t ignore them now.”

  “You aren’t. We are doing something to figure out the mystery of this place. Once it’s solved … there will be nothing to fear, nothing to be warned against.”

  “But why the warnings in the first place?”

  I sighed in response because, honestly, I just didn’t know how to make my case. I just knew this much … I needed him on my side and I needed to stay here and figure this out. “Kade, I won’t make a move without you or Nancy or Jack. I promise.”

  “I don’t like you down here in this cottage alone.”

  My brows shot up at that one. What was he suggesting? My chest tightened in apprehension because, really, I wasn’t ready for us to move any further than we were at
this moment in our relationship. Seeing my response, he gave me a look that suggested I was way off the mark.

  “I think you should move up to the main house. What did you think I wanted? To move in here with you?”

  Now I did feel silly and I turned away so he couldn’t see the heat of embarrassment spread across my face. “I think that’s a great idea actually.” And it was. Where better to be than closer to the haunting? My cottage had no part in what was happening at Sea Willow and though it was a great refuge, I needed to be closer to the spirit activity.

  “Great. Let’s head on up to the house and talk to Nancy and Jack. We can get you moved in no time.” There was a long pause and I turned to look at him. His expression was grave as he pulled me gently into his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. “But what then? What’s our next move to be?”

  I closed my eyes and enjoyed the comfort of being in strong arms. If only I had an answer to that question. But I had no idea what was going to come next. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that kind of psychic.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Since Kade wanted to get some painting done and I wanted to do some meditation, we agreed to meet with Nancy and Jack after lunch and decide our next course of action. In the meantime, I was hoping a good meditation session and a quiet, reflective walk would help bring more information to me from the other side. Other than the incident with the stove, nothing further had happened.

  It was a quiet morning. A slight breeze coming off the ocean gave some relief from the intense sunshine and the litany of bird song helped to keep the atmosphere light and cheery. Sea Willow’s extensive gardens attracted all sorts of birds, bees and butterflies and it was a pleasure to walk the resort grounds after an uplifting meditation session. The mosquitoes were somewhat bothersome but Nancy had given me some cream to wear that she said repelled them quite well. It wasn’t a bad scent that one usually associated with insect repellents. It had more of a pleasant lotion smell so I didn’t mind slathering it all over my body. A large floppy straw hat helped protect my head and offered shade for my eyes.