Be Still, My Love

by Deborah J. Hughes

  Instead of walking the shoreline, I meandered around the resort’s main building, taking more time to explore the area where the fountain and cellar doors were located. Concerns and worries naturally fell away as my mind soaked in the sights and sounds surrounding me. I could never tire of listening to the ocean’s waves breaking against the rocky shoreline. It was great background music for all the other sounds conducting a pleasant assault on my appreciative senses: the light wind blowing through the willow trees, the bees buzzing about the colorful array of flowers I couldn’t even begin to name, and always the birds. So relaxed and content was I that I almost forgot my initial intent. Until a slight shiver made its way along the skin of my back. A gazebo had been built on the highest rise in the lawn just off to the right of the resort’s main building and a comfortable swing with thick yellow padding beckoned from within. The tingle of excitement beginning to race through me told me I should take a seat and relax so I headed for the swing. Whoever wanted to make contact was obviously draining some of my energy for I felt lethargic as I sank back on the cushions. As usual, my heart was racing slightly for I always experienced a small thrill of excitement when making contact with the Tri-State. And why would I not? It was a unique thing and it always brought into my life the most interesting tidbits of information.

  I sat there for no more than ten minutes when I felt compelled to get up and walk over to the spot where Abigail most likely landed when she fell to her death. The time of day had the area in deep shade so the temperature was naturally cooler but the chill I felt went deeper than the surface of my skin. Immediately I went still and waited.

  A sound began to whisper within the recesses of my mind, coming from within and headed out. It was a strange process and one that kept my attention. The sound became an internal whisper that was clearly audible to my ears though I couldn’t quite make out the words. And then it was a voice behind me, no longer coming from within.

  “Tess. Turn around.”

  My heart pounded so hard my throat ached. Oh God. I knew that voice and I wasn’t ready to face it. I shook my head and closed my eyes, calling up all the strength I had within me to deal with what was happening.

  “Tess.” That gentle whisper of my name was my undoing. I began to cry silently and wished I had the strength to face him.

  “Don’t.” His voice was like a soft caress and I drew in a deep breath to savor it.

  I shook my head to let him know that I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to be weak. But, I didn’t want to face him either. “Why now?” How I managed to get those words out past the lump in my throat, I don’t know. Two years ago I had wanted this with all my heart. I begged for it, prayed for it and then railed at God for denying it. Finally I had arrived at a point in my life where I accepted what happened and was at peace with it. So why was he here now? Was it because of Kade? The very fact that I let thoughts of Kade slip into my consciousness made me feel like the worst kind of betrayer. No, don’t think about him … not now, not now.

  “I’m sorry.”

  A whispered apology and it burned into my soul more than anything that had happened to me up till now. “I know.”

  “You should go, Tess. Go home.”

  I had to bite my lip to keep myself from protesting. Part of me was so sure he wanted me to leave so that I would be far away from Kade and another part of me worried that he wanted me to go because it wasn’t safe for me to be here. Neither explanation sat well with me. The first one, though, had me more concerned than the other. If Mike didn’t want me to be with Kade, could I ever be happy with him knowing that? And that question right there told me where my mind was heading in regards to Kade. I was thinking of him as being part of my future. For how long and in what capacity I didn’t want to contemplate. Not yet. “Why?”

  “There’s more going on here than you realize. I want you safe.”

  I did turn around then and it was all I could do not to fall flat on my face as my legs gave out from the shock of seeing him. I managed to control my fall so that I sank to my knees, my arms wrapped tightly about my waist. He looked so real. He looked alive and well. He didn’t look like a ghost. He didn’t look dead. “Why now, Mike?” There were so many things I had to ask him and I was wasting it on trivialities. Did it matter why he waited until now to appear? Getting an answer to that question was not going to make me feel better or do anything for me other than spur more nonessential questions.

  “I’m worried for you.”

  His voice, his body, and yet something was missing. That connection we used to share. I didn’t have it with him anymore. I had it now with Kade. I stood then and faced him with more emotional control than I ever thought I would have in this situation. It was comforting to know that Mike still existed and that he was okay. He looked well, healthy, happy. He was here to warn me and that was fine. I loved him and always would, but he wasn’t in my world anymore. He moved on and so had I. “I’m not going anywhere, Mike. But tell me why you think I should go?”

  “It isn’t safe, Tess.”

  I nodded in understanding but smiled in a way that told him I wasn’t going to take his advice. “Am I going to die, Mike?”

  He frowned and my heart did a little skip. I used to love that little frown of his and often rubbed my finger along the crease that deepened so adorably between his brows. I didn’t try to touch him and he didn’t expect that I would. “I don’t know, Tess. I may be … in a different place now, but I didn’t gain any powers of insight. I never had the gift you have, Tess, and I don’t think I really ever believed in it.”

  “You had many gifts, Mike.”

  He gave me that crooked smile of his that I also loved and again I felt a stab of sorrow squeeze my heart. All these little nuances of his that I had forgotten until now were things that had endeared him to me when he was alive. I would miss all that made Mike the person he was. But I had moved on and it was such a freeing thought knowing that. “We all are gifted in some way, Tess. You always said that and I didn’t question it. Now, though, I understand it and know it as a fact.” He took a step closer to me and it was all I could do not to take a step back. A fact that surprised me because I would have thought that seeing him like this, I would have flung myself into his arms. “I want you to be happy, Tess. Staying here, helping these people … I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Have you made contact with Abigail and Nathan, Mike?” I always wondered how it worked in the Tri-State when it came to their interaction with all other departed souls.

  “They aren’t really here yet, Tess. You know that.”

  “Shouldn’t I help them cross over then? Isn’t that what I should be doing with my gift?”

  Mike merely smiled in response and began to walk. Not yet ready to lose him again, I fell into step beside him. It soon became apparent he was headed back to the gazebo. He indicated I should take a seat and did so gratefully for I found my legs were still weak from the shock of seeing him. Mike walked to the edge of the gazebo steps. He stood looking out at the ocean and I gave him that moment, knowing that when he was ready, he would talk. I was feeling quite tired at this point and figured it was quite likely he was draining my energy as he manifested his presence into my conscious awareness. Finally, he spoke.

  “You always do what you feel moved to do. I always understood that and accepted it. But I was never really sure if you should be talking to them … us.” He indicated I should lay down on the swing and once I was settled, he hunkered down next to me. “I don’t want you crossing into my world any time soon, Tess. I want you to live a long time and be happy. Staying here in this place … it isn’t safe. Maybe some things are better left unstirred.”

  My expression told him I didn’t agree and he sighed. “Mike, Abigail and Nathan are trapped in a place they shouldn’t be. You said yourself they are not with you … wherever that is … and they are too much in our sphere of existence where they no longer belong. They deserve to move on, Mike, and I’m going
to do whatever it takes to help them. I’ll be careful. I have help.” I wanted to ask him what he thought of Kade but couldn’t quite bring myself to do so.

  “I can’t protect you anymore, Tess. I can only do what I’m doing now. I know it’s your choice and I guess I expected you to make the one you have. Please be careful. Use your feelings. Don’t ignore them.” He hesitated for a long moment and then said in a solemn voice, “I had a feeling that day … when I pulled out of the driveway, I had this feeling, and I almost pulled back in. I almost didn’t go. But then I ignored those feelings and I went. I knew seconds before … this sense of knowing came over me and in that split second I didn’t react. I saw the car coming and I knew … just knew … it was going to hit us. I can’t explain to you how I felt just then, Tess, but I can tell you that I was okay with it. I didn’t think about leaving you. I just thought, “Finally. I’m done.” And it was such a relief. You know what I mean?”

  Tears blurred my vision and though I tried to blink them away, more just took their place. I was annoyed with them because I wanted to see him clearly, without obstruction. “I think I understand, Mike.”

  “This was always the plan, you know.” He stood and looked away from me, watching the ocean’s soothing movements before turning back to me. “Nothing is written in stone.” He gave me a smile in acknowledgement of all the times I used to say that very thing to him. “We always have a choice and that day, I chose to stick to the plan. Where you are now, Tess, this is where you are supposed to be. I’m talking emotionally. Your presence here at this place is maybe enough to change the course of things. Now that actions are set in motion, you can leave. Go home and … and live your life. Be safe.”

  “And you don’t think my staying is also part of the plan?” My tears were under control but now my eyelids were drooping with drowsiness. It was a struggle to stay awake.

  “Maybe. I don’t know it all.” He again turned to grin at me because I used to tell him in frustration that he didn’t know everything. It would come up during one of our arguments about my gift and what I wanted to do with it. “Trust your feelings, Tess.”

  “Can you tell me what it is that is putting me in danger?”

  He didn’t look at me this time, he just shook his head. “You know I can’t. I can’t do anything to make your decision definite. I can only make suggestions. In the end, it’s up to you.” He took a step away from me toward the shoreline. “I’m glad you picked the ocean, Tess. I always wanted us to come to a place like this.” He turned then to give me a wink and then he started walking away. I lay there and watched him, wanting to go after him, ask him more questions but too sleepy and lethargic to do so. Just before my eyes closed, I saw a spaniel come racing across the lawn toward him. Mike held out his hand to her and she jumped up and pushed her nose into his palm. Tootsie. Tears blurred my vision and when I blinked them away, they were gone.

  I closed my eyes and thought about the beautiful gift I’d just been given. How many people got the chance to see their loved ones again after they passed on? How many wished for that opportunity, that one last chance to say goodbye. It was my last thought before I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. One from which I was all too soon awakened.

  “Tess? Hey, Tess, you okay?”

  I opened my eyes to see Kade’s concerned face hovering over me. A little confused by his sudden appearance and still groggy from sleep, I looked around and saw that I was laying on a swing. Then I remembered and all tiredness melted away as excitement set in. “Kade, you’ll never guess what happened.” He gave me a hand as I struggled to sit up and then sank down on the seat beside me. I started to tell him about my meeting with Mike but saw that we were not alone. Nancy hovered nearby, her face pale, her green eyes dark with worry. Soon as we made eye contact, she came forward.

  “Hank said he saw you crying and came right away to get us. What happened?”

  I scooted closer to Kade so Nancy could sit beside me and as soon as she sat down I gave her a reassuring hug. “I’m fine, Nancy, really.” I glanced at Kade and though I wished we were alone to discuss what happened, it was to Nancy that I directed most of my focus. “Mike came to me. He looked … so alive … so well.” Tears welled in my eyes again and annoyed with myself for tearing up, I quickly brushed them away. “I even saw Tootsie.”

  “How wonderful for you, Tess!” Nancy gave me a quick hug and though I knew she was genuinely happy for me, her body was stiff with tension. I pulled back and started to ask her if something was wrong but she spoke first. “What did Mike have to say?”

  Something more had happened. I sensed it and wanted to address it straight away but first to get my own experience out of the way. “We cleared a few things up between us. I’m really at peace now. I thought I was before but now, now I really am.” On the other side of me, Kade was silent. I glanced at him to see his reaction but his face was unreadable. Closed. He wasn’t even looking at me. Although he was staring out toward the shoreline, I don’t think he was really seeing it. His mind was obviously preoccupied with something. I figured I’d find out soon enough what that something was. For now I would focus my attention on Nancy, so I turned back to her. “He did tell me that Abigail and Nathan are trapped here. They haven’t crossed into the light yet. Or, as I believe, they have not become fully conscious of the fact that they have passed on.”

  “Can’t he just tell them and be done with it? Has he spoken to them?”

  Nancy’s questions were good ones. I’d thought the same thing at one point or another. “It doesn’t work that way, Nancy. Mike cannot communicate with them because they are not consciously aware of him. He is in the Tri-State and aware that he is so, they haven’t figured that out yet. They still think they are here among the living. Although Mike is aware of them and knows their situation, I guess he isn’t in a position to do anything about it. I’m not really sure about all the rules those in the Tri-State must abide by so I can’t say what Mike can and can’t do.”

  “Well, aren’t there angels that could help them?”

  “I would imagine so but if Abigail and Nathan refuse to acknowledge them, what can they do? Free will exists in all forms of consciousness just as it does for us in the physical state. The angels will not overcome their resistance. Though I believe they eventually make contact, I feel the process would go much faster if I could help Abigail and Nathan myself. They are more in our world than the angels’ at this point.”

  “So why were you crying?” Nancy’s expression told me she was somewhat apprehensive to have me answer that question. Then, as if an idea suddenly came to her, she said, “Were you crying because you were happy to see Mike?” She seemed relieved at that thought and looked at me expectantly. “Hank said he saw you come to the gazebo and sit down and then a short time later he said you started crying. He said you looked upset. He didn’t think it was his place to come to you so he came to get me. As Kade was with me at the time, we both came.”

  “Why don’t we go inside and talk.” Kade’s voice told me that there was more to discuss than my meeting with Mike and he obviously didn’t want anyone to overhear us. I stood up at once and motioned for him to lead the way.

  We no sooner entered the back foyer when Modesta appeared at the end of the hall and frantically motioned for us to join her. She grabbed Nancy as soon as she was close enough and pulled her toward the office behind the front desk. Kade and I followed close behind, our hands clasping in mutual reassurance. Jack was sitting in one of the chairs, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin on his fisted hands. He looked quite upset, his expression grave enough to make my stomach clench in apprehension. Oh yeah, something else had happened all right.

  Soon as we entered the room, he looked relieved and immediately stood up. “Modesta, please keep the door closed and the guests far enough away that they can’t overhear us talking. We’ll come talk to you when we are through in here.”

  Modesta’s dark eyes glanced at me with disapproval before bac
king from the room and shutting the door. I turned to Jack and found him hugging Nancy. Whatever had happened, he was visibly shaken by it. Nancy pulled away and looked at him in growing concern.

  “What else has happened, Jack? Is it bad?”

  Didn’t Nancy already know? My impression out at the gazebo was that she was aware of something else having taken place.

  “We better catch Tess up with us first before I tell you … “He stopped himself, ran an agitated hand through his hair and waved for us all to take a seat.

  Kade and I both sat on the sofa while Nancy settled on the arm of her husband’s chair. She rubbed Jack’s back in a soothing motion and motioned for Kade to tell me what happened.

  Kade twisted around to face me and took one of my hands, his fingers playing with mine while he spoke. “One of the guests that checked in yesterday came to Modesta earlier today and told her that they heard a woman crying. They said they had gone to investigate and the sound was coming from the turret room. They tried to go up and check it out but of course the door was locked. Modesta told them she’d check on it for them. Of course she knew it was probably our ghost so she didn’t do anything. Then shortly before Hank rushed in and had us come to you, the couple who made the initial complaint, again went to Modesta and told her they heard a lot of noise coming from the turret room and that it sounded like they were doing a lot of damage. They were quite concerned and thought we should call the police. I had just come into the front foyer when Nancy was assuring the couple that Jack would go upstairs and check it out. That’s when Hank came in and told us he saw you crying out at the gazebo.”

  Now Jack took up the story. “I told the Jacobsons, the couple who heard the crying and the noises that I would go on up and check it out but that I was quite sure there was nothing wrong. I felt it only fair at that point to tell them about our ghost.” He glanced at Nancy. “I offered to refund them for their stay here last night and find them a room at another hotel but they were rather excited about the idea of our resort being haunted.” He shook his head as if he didn’t understand such thinking and then went on with his story. “Just to be sure, I decided to go on up there and check it out and well … I think you all better come with me and see for yourself.”