Be Still, My Love

by Deborah J. Hughes

  He led us out via another door in the back of the room. We went up a set of stairs I hadn’t used before and entered the upstairs hall from the opposite end of the front stairs. The door to the turret staircase was almost at the other end of the hall. He pulled out a set of keys, unlocked the door and then motioned for us to follow behind him. Kade went next, then Nancy and me. I could tell from Kade’s quick intake of breath that I needed to be prepared for whatever I was about to see. Then I saw for myself and gasped in shock.

  The room was in complete shambles. All the furniture was wrecked. The sofa cushions were shredded, the stuffing laying all about the room as if someone had pulled it out in absolute frenzy. The rocking chair lay on its side, the cushions pulled off and ripped apart. The pictures that were hung on the walls now lay on the floor shattered to pieces. Even the curtains had been pulled down. The evident violence shook me to the core and I covered my mouth in an effort to calm myself. The residual energy left from such actions was so overwhelming, I felt sick to my stomach. What surprised and worried me was the sense of fear that permeated the room. Why fear and just who was afraid?

  There were times when I sensed that Abigail and Nathan were afraid but this was different. The energy charging the room’s atmosphere was overpowering in its intensity. It stifled the air, making it difficult for me to breathe. I couldn’t stay here any longer. Without another word, I backed from the room and raced down the stairs. I couldn’t get to the second floor hallway fast enough and when I did I had to suck in deep breaths of fresh air. It felt as though I’d just run a marathon.

  The others came down to join me, though their pace was not quite as hurried as mine had been. As I turned to watch them file out of the door, I could only stand there in complete bewilderment. What, I wondered, was that all about?

  Kade came straight to me and put his arms around me. “You okay?” The soft deep timbre of his voice made me close my eyes just for a moment. I did enjoy this closeness with him. I felt safe when he was near.

  “I’m fine. I just couldn’t stay up there any longer. The energy in that room is so strong.”

  Nancy and Jack stood quietly behind Kade and waited. Kade’s arms tightened for just a moment before dropping away. I missed the contact and made up for the loss by moving closer to him. I then turned to give Nancy and Jack a reassuring smile. I needed to be strong here and I needed to keep them calm. “I’m okay. Really. Whatever happened up there was quite recent so the residual energy from that act is overpowering. I just couldn’t breathe.”

  “What does it mean, Tess?” Nancy’s face was so pale I was glad to see that Jack had a supporting arm around her. She was terrified. “Are they angry? They must be angry. Why would they do that? I’ve heard of hauntings but this is getting scary. Like something right out of a horror movie.”

  Before I could say anything, we heard voices coming up the stairway. Jack drew out a key and opened the door nearest him then ushered Kade and me inside. “Wait here. I’ll reassure the guests, then come back to get you. I don’t want them to see us all standing in the hallway, they might realize that something more serious has happened and I’m not quite prepared to discuss this with outsiders just yet.” He shut the door and then moments later we heard him address the people who had joined him in the hallway.

  I turned to look around me and saw that we were in one of the bedrooms. A large four-poster bed dominated the spacious room. A brick fireplace with a black marble mantel was located on the wall opposite it. At the foot of the bed was a bench cushioned in gold velvet. A high-backed leather chair was placed near the fireplace and a braided rug completed the cozy picture. The dresser on the wall to my left looked antique as did the armoire that dominated the wall across from where I stood. The room had a masculine feel to it although the bedspread was a pretty lacy white creation covered in a small blue flower print that matched the sheer curtains hanging in the large window next to the armoire. The bedroom faced the ocean side of the resort. A door to the left of me next to the dresser was open and revealed it to be a very modern looking bathroom as compared to the antiquity of the bedroom. I couldn’t help but wonder if this used to be the master bedroom at one time. On each side of the bed were oak end tables holding what looked like hurricane lamps. I walked over to the bed and touched one of the carved posts on the headboard. Grief. That’s the emotion that came over me. I pulled my hand away and rubbed the silky coverlet to rid myself of the memory. Kade was still standing just inside the door and I was fully conscious of the fact that he was watching me carefully. It made me suddenly aware of the fact that we were in a bedroom together. And I hated where my mind was going with that.

  “Are you getting any impressions about this room?”

  Kade’s question made me smile. It was inevitable that he would test me. Everyone did. I would do the same were I to meet someone who claimed to have the ability that I have. “I’m thinking this used to be the room of Abigail’s father.”

  Kade nodded that I was right but didn’t look particularly impressed. “It has that feel to it doesn’t it? I told Jack when he showed me this room that he should change out the furniture. Even though, personally, I like this furniture.”

  “Nancy tried to lighten it up with the bedspread and curtains.” Why were we talking about such inane stuff? Because we were nervous. If it weren’t for the atmosphere of the room, I’d be thinking things I shouldn’t be thinking. There was no way I would even consider getting on that bed. Not with the prevalent emotion of grief absorbed within it. Honestly, I needed to get my mind busy or I’d be thinking the braided rug wasn’t so bad a place to lie down.

  “The chair isn’t an original piece. You could probably sit there okay.”

  Was he reading my mind? I did have an expressive face. What if he caught on to my other thoughts? Oh God. “How do you know that?”

  “Jack told me about each and every piece of antique furniture in this house … what was here when they bought the place, where he found the other pieces and any history involved that he was aware of. He and Nancy are both into antiques if you haven’t already figured that out. They are quite fanatical about them. Don’t ever let them get you on the subject; they’ll talk your ear off.” Kade walked to the window and looked out. “Nice view.”

  Instead of sitting in the chair, I joined him at the window and pulled back the curtains for a better look. I could just make out part of the turret wall from this angle. The spot where Abigail would have landed was not visible. Where had her father been the night she died? Here in his room? I put my palm on the window pane and felt … nothing. What I did feel most acutely was Kade standing close beside me. I could smell his unique scent and I liked it far too much. It was a snuggly masculine scent and I wanted to bury my nose against him and breathe him in. Okay, time to do something to occupy my wayward mind.

  “Where did the chair come from?” I walked over to it and sat down. The worn leather was still in pretty good shape and I rubbed my hands on the arms to get a feel for it. The overall impression was that of … peace. Good. I needed some peace.

  Kade made himself comfortable on the bench at the foot of the bed and watched me expectantly. He was expecting me to go into trance. I hid my smile at that realization. Mike would have warned me by this point to not do “any of that crazy stuff”. Though he allowed me to practice my abilities, he didn’t like me to do so in his presence.

  I closed my eyes and relaxed. The complete quietness of the room made it easy to do. The thing about communicating with those in spirit was to calm the mind. The constant chatter taking place there made it impossible to be fully aware. Mediumship ability was like that of a radio tuning into a particular frequency. Raising my vibrational focus allowed me to make contact with the Tri-State, which existed in a higher vibration than did that of physical matter, which existed in a lower vibration. To achieve a higher vibrational awareness, one had to meditate and quiet the conscious mind. Such a state then allowed the subconscious to take over. Since
our subconscious minds operated within a higher vibrational frequency, it was relatively easy for it to pick up on Tri-State activity. The trick was to be consciously aware while in a subconscious state.

  Okay. Calm. Peace. Quiet. I don’t know how long I sat there, but suddenly I heard a gunshot and my eyes flew open. The one shot was then followed by more rapid fire, like that of a machine gun, and then a distant explosion. Once I realized the sounds were coming from another realm of existence, I settled back in my chair and waited for more to come.

  The vague impression of a man in battledress uniform, flak vest and helmet, began to appear in front of the fireplace. Okay then, this was for Kade. My heart pounded in excitement and I worried I’d lose the contact because of it. Calm. I needed to be calm and open. I could tell he was saying something and I had to really concentrate to hear the words. They didn’t make sense but past experience taught me not to ignore what I heard.

  “Slam it. Slam it.”

  Kade came up off his seat, his eyes wide in shock, his mouth open in disbelief. “What did you say?”

  “It’s a dam, sir. A dam.” The words obviously meant something to Kade but to me they made no sense and I had to force myself not to speculate. Kade would explain it all later. Right now I just needed to let it be.

  “Tess, can you see who is talking? Can you describe him to me?” Kade’s voice was hoarse with emotion. Pain, certainly, but also hope.

  “He looks quite young, maybe twenty. He’s wearing a desert uniform, helmet, flak vest.” I was glad that my cousin Brian had joined the Army a few years back and explained to me about desert camouflage uniforms and the purpose of flak vests or I wouldn’t have been as good about giving my description. It saved us time not having to determine such details. His image was becoming clearer and I knew that he was getting the hang of how it all worked. Those in the Tri-State had to learn to communicate with us just as much as we had to learn to communicate with them. They somehow had to draw energy from us because our energy operated at a lower vibrational force than theirs and they could not become known to us without lowering their vibration. Such communication drained those sensitive to it on an emotional level and it often drained any other forms of active energy in the immediate vicinity. Active energy like heat, light bulbs, electrical equipment.

  The temperature in the room began to drop and I knew that he was trying to manifest into something I could physically see. From the looks of it, Kade didn’t see anything. But Kade hadn’t prepared himself to do so either. His mind was too active to concentrate in such a way. Many people saw spirits. They were able to do so because in that split second that they saw something, their mind was idle, even if they didn’t realize it at the time. “He’s patting his body as if to show me that he’s fine. I think he’s trying to say that he’s amazed to be in one piece.”

  Kade made a choking noise and I turned to look at him. His dark eyes were glistening with tears and though I wanted to go to him, put my arms around him and comfort him, I knew that this contact was important, and I shouldn’t do anything to break it. “Ask him his name. Can you ask him that?”

  “I’m getting Humphrey.” It wasn’t a common name and I almost didn’t say it but again, I knew not to hold anything back. If I was wrong, I was wrong. I was never any good at names, for those living or dead.

  Kade sank down on the bench as if he’s knees had given out. “Oh my God. Jacob. It’s Jacob. We called him Humphrey because he sounded like the actor Humphrey Bogart. He did a great impression of him. We always said he was the reincarnation of the guy.” Kade ran his hand up through his hair. “Jesus. I don’t know if I can handle this after all.”

  “He wants you to know that he’s fine, Kade. He’s waving his arms around like he’s happy. Now he’s giving the thumbs up.”

  Kade closed his eyes, drew in a long, deep breath. “He was always doing that. Jacob had a great attitude and that made it extra hard when …” He opened eyes. They were dark with grief and my heart ached for him. “He died so young, Tess. A good kid like that. All of them … all the guys were too young to die.”

  “He says he’s not dead.” I had to smile then because I heard this statement quite often from the Tri-State. My own eyes filled with tears and I hastily blinked them away. Calm. Remain calm. “He says he feels more alive now than he did when he was here.” Again, sentiments I have heard many times before. It was difficult for those of us in the physical world to grasp that concept. Death was usually such a sad state of affairs for us–the ultimate tragedy–that we somehow expected it to be the same for those who passed on. Even for me, though I knew those that had departed were more than okay with their situation, it didn’t make the pain of loss any easier to bear. It was something we all had to deal with and it was the hardest of all emotions to get through. At least for me it was.

  Kade sat back down and dropped his head into his hands. He was silent for several moments and I gave him the time he needed to come to terms with this. Finally, he lifted his head and looked at me. The reluctance in his eyes made me wonder, until he spoke and I realized he was worried I would take his question the wrong way. “How do I know that you aren’t just telling me what I want to hear?”

  “You just have to trust me that I am only repeating to you what I hear. Remember, I am hearing this from a person I’ve never met. I don’t know what “it’s a dam” means or what he means by saying “slam it”. Yet you look as if you know exactly what those expressions mean.”

  He suddenly frowned, but I think it was because I just reminded him of something he didn’t particularly care for. “How about ESP then? Maybe you’re getting this from my mind.” Kade shook his head as if to dispel his words and stood up. “Forget I said that. I wasn’t thinking about any of this when you started talking. I was thinking that either Nathan or Abigail is pretty pissed off and wondering why. When you told me you had a soldier, I thought of Jacob but at no point did I think of him as Humphrey even though that is what we called him more often than not.” He began to pace the room. “How is this possible? I know you made contact with Nathan and Abigail, I saw it for myself. Yet, now that you are talking to Jake, I suddenly don’t know what to think.”

  “It’s too personal. When we have an emotional investment in a situation, we suddenly become distrustful. It’s typical human behavior, Kade.”

  He stopped in front of me and scooted down to my eye level. “I don’t want to be a typical human in this situation.” His mouth twisted in a wry smile and then he took my hand. “Is he still here?”

  I looked over by the fireplace and saw that he was indeed still standing there. He was resting his hands on his hips, his head bent forward as if giving us a moment to have our discussion. Now that he had my attention again, he looked up and took a step toward me. I tried to refocus my undivided attention on him, despite the distraction Kade presented to me by being so close and holding my hand. “He wants you to pass on a message to his mother. He says she’ll listen and it won’t freak her out.” I had to smile at that because he sounded so clear to me in my mind. Though I didn’t know this man, I felt like I did and a fondness for him welled up inside of me. “He wants her to know that he isn’t ashamed and to take the flag out of the closet and hang it on the pole on the front lawn. He also wants her to plant a lilac bush in the garden where she has a small memorial located for him. He says that lilacs give her pleasure and he wants her to be happy when she comes out to visit him. He also wants her to know that he’s always there listening when she talks to him and he appreciates her love. He doesn’t want her to fuss over what’s happened anymore because he’s quite content right where he is. There are no regrets and he’s sorry if that is upsetting to hear.”

  Kade listened closely and nodded every now and then as if he would expect Jacob to say such a thing. When I finished, he let go of my hand and stood up. He looked at the spot he saw me concentrating on and then back at me. “Is he still there? Can you see him?”

  “Yes to both questio
ns.”

  “Ask him if the other guys are okay. They aren’t stuck in a place like Abigail and Nathan are they?”

  Jacob shook his head to indicate they were not and then I heard him speak again. His energy was fading, though, for the communication wasn’t as clear as it was before. “Everyone is fine. No one has any regrets. They are happy you made it through the explosion.” The next message made my face turn red and I was about to ignore it when Kade’s gaze sharpened on me and he gave me a look that said I better tell him. “He says you should hang on to me, that he and the guys approve.” I waved a dismissive hand. “He thinks we are a couple.”

  Kade’s mouth pressed together as if he was trying not to say something and then he gave up the internal struggle. “But we could be, couldn’t we, Tess?”

  Oh God, this was going someplace I couldn’t go right now. I don’t know what Kade interpreted from my expression, but now it was he that waved a dismissive hand.

  “That’s something we can discuss at another time.”

  I glanced at the fireplace but already knew from the drop in energy that Jacob was no longer with us. “He’s gone.”

  Kade reached down and took my hand, tugging me to stand and then he had me sit with him on the bench. “There are two messages that Jake gave that I think we need to discuss.” Although he kept hold of one of my hands, he used his other to run through his hair. “Tess, the military is always making up acronyms for just about everything. Some official, some unofficial. When you said “slam it” that expression threw me for a loop. The group of guys I was with when that bomb took us out … we used that expression to mean, “Suspend logical action momentarily”. When I gave him a look that said I didn’t understand, he went on to explain. “To a Marine living in a hostile area where people hate us and want us dead, it is a logical reaction when coming upon something suspicious to go into defensive mode. It’s almost instinct for us to preserve ourselves and each other. The media, though, likes to portray us in a way that makes us look like reckless killers. If they were living in constant danger of being killed, they’d react in a similar fashion. Of that I have no doubt. You know that some people would have us all greet our enemies with a handshake and try to talk things out. The enemy, though … they don’t think like that. When they get an opportunity to kill us or harm us in any way, they do. It is something they live for and celebrate. They do not respect us. They do not want to shake our hand and talk. The American soldier, however, cannot react to them as they do to us. So, when we came upon a person or a situation that felt, looked, or appeared to be hostile, I would tell the guys to SLAM it until I could determine actual malice … or DAM it for short. I think Jacob started his communication with SLAM it because I had to do just that to believe I was actually having a conversation with him. Then he said “It’s a DAM” and he said it twice. I think he was giving us a hint, Tess. What if he’s telling us we need to scope out this situation a little more and determine the malice taking place?”