Annaka

by Andre Fenton

  “Nan, I am so, so sorry about what happened,” I began. “I didn’t mean for that to go down. I was so scared. I freaked out, I froze, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  She didn’t respond. She just looked out the window at the stars above the lake. I let out a breath and as my shoulders dropped, she turned to me

  “I keep seeing you in the strangest places.”

  She didn’t remember any of it.

  As much of a relief as it was, it only made coming to terms with my grandmother being gone even harder. I closed my eyes and took a breath. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I kept thinking to myself. But then I remembered what Clay had said: Nan didn’t have a healthy grasp of her memories. Maybe he was the one holding them together like a bridge and when he let go, it all collapsed…and so did her memory. It never would have been a permanent fix. Magic isn’t medicine.

  “Look at you, always looking upset. Come over here,” Nan said as she pointed towards the chair beside her bed. I walked over and sat down. She grabbed hold of my hand and spoke softly.

  “Young lady, I believe you told me that your name was Anna last time we spoke.” She remembered my name. But how? “My memory isn’t what it used to be,” she continued. “That’s what they keep telling me anyways. Now, if I had to put money on this, the reason why I think I keep seeing you is because you used to be a part of my life to some degree. Is that correct?”

  Wait. She wouldn’t have been able to piece that together before. Something had changed, shifted. Maybe reliving the memories didn’t work the way I thought it would, but she had held on to something. It seemed like she at least remembered me from the last little while.

  But I didn’t speak on it; I just nodded, still feeling awful about the entire situation. What changed? I knew if I spoke I would burst into tears. I just sat there. I just sat there and I listened.

  “I see, hon.” She nodded as she held on to my hand. “I feel like I met you before, but I fear that was a lifetime ago.”

  It was a lifetime ago, but I still felt awful after she said that.

  “Those memories we shared, I’m afraid they’re too far gone from me,” she continued. I looked away—I didn’t want her to see me cry anymore. Before I could get up and turn, I felt her squeeze my hand and she said to me, “I think the biggest problem we have is being too afraid to let go. We’re so afraid about what happens when we release our grip. We’re afraid that we’ll be left in the dark, we’re afraid that we’ll be alone. But dear, believe me when I say it isn’t the end. Things only end so we can start something else. Do you want to create something new with me?”

  She didn’t remember our past, but she remembered me here, now, in this moment. That wasn’t possible until Clay did…whatever he did. I could hear the genuine warmth in Nan’s voice. It was warmth that put me at ease. I didn’t want to let Nan go. I didn’t want to just leave her behind. Being around her hurt a lot at first. But she was right. We could create new memories together, if the old ones were too far out of her reach. She still had so much fight in her, and I had to hold on. That’s the only thing I could do. Hold on.

  She smiled. “My name is Tanya.”

  “I know your name.” I cracked a smile

  “Then how were we connected, Anna?”

  “Because I’m your granddaughter.” I smiled through tears.

  “Ahh, I always wondered when Jayla would give me one of those.” She gripped my hand even tighter.

  “You always had one.” I laughed. She laughed too.

  She held on to my hand for a while, and I gripped hers back. Sure, she didn’t have the same memories from the time we shared together, but I would create more with the time she had left. I didn’t think that would be a hard task; she was the most timeless woman I’d ever known.

  Chapter 15

  I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I awoke to someone poking me.

  “Woah, cut it out!”

  “Shhh! Anna, it’s me. Tia.” She put a hand on my shoulder.

  I looked over to see Nan still asleep. She looked comfortable. “What time is it?”

  “Three thirty in the morning.”

  I rubbed my eyes and sat up straight. “Why did you wake me up?”

  “Because I got tired of waiting, duh.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t thinking straight. I reached for my phone. “Oh, shit.” I had ten text messages and six missed calls from Mom.

  “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.”

  “Don’t worry. I called her,” Tia assured me. “I told her Tanya was okay, but she’s still coming. She should be here soon.”

  Thank God for Tia. I felt like I could catch my breath. But then I thought of Clay. Was he okay? I had to get back home, fast. Once I got to my feet, Tia locked eyes with me.

  “Anna, I think it’s time to talk.” She crossed her arms.

  She was right. I must have broken the “how long can you hide your imaginary friend” record. I always thought I could keep Clay a secret forever. But eventually, forever ends. Forever ended now.

  “Okay,” I said.

  Tia followed me out of the room and closed the door. I turned around to face her.

  “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Dude, what was that thing at your grandparents’ place?!” Tia was trying to piece everything together. “You said that was Clay? Clay isn’t real, he’s just some imaginary friend you made up when you were a kid.”

  “To be fair, I did tell you about him when we were kids. You didn’t believe me.”

  “Of course I didn’t. Everyone had an imaginary friend. And that’s exactly what they were—imaginary!”

  “He’s more than that,” I replied. “He always was.”

  “What does that even mean?” Tia raised her arms in the air.

  “It means…Clay was never just an imaginary friend. Clay was always real. He always ate too many of Nan’s cookies, and I blamed it on Grampy. He was always afraid to sleep alone, so we shared the bed in my room. He always thought you sounded really cool, and wanted to meet you someday,” I told her. “But he was afraid. He was afraid of being caught because he was afraid of being taken away.”

  “Taken away?” I had never seen Tia’s eyes wider than they were right then. “I…I don’t even know what to say right now.”

  “Neither do I.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “But this is where we are.”

  Tia looked like she was about to say something, but then we heard footsteps from down the hall. I looked to see Mom. Her eyes were wide open and her hair was falling out of her elastic.

  “Mom!” I ran towards her. She wrapped me in a hug and held on tight. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry,” I said.

  “Shhh,” she cut in. “None of this is your fault.”

  If she only knew.

  I looked back at Tia, and wondered if she was going to tell Mom. We locked eyes and I could see the tension, confusion, and distrust in hers. But eventually Tia sighed, which was somewhat reassuring.

  “Where is she?” Mom let go.

  “She’s in there.” I pointed to the door.

  “I’m gonna go in, you coming?”

  “No. I was in there all night, I think Tia and I have to talk.”

  “It can wait, really, Anna,” Tia cut in.

  “No. I don’t think it should,” I replied.

  “All right,” Mom said. “Be safe.”

  “Always.”

  Mom gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek then slipped into Nan’s room.

  I grabbed Tia’s hand, and rushed to the lobby and out of the hospital. I took a big gulp of fresh, nighttime air. I was happy to get out of there.

  I rushed towards the truck when we got outside. I had to show Clay to Tia, and explain everything. She was going to think I was out of my mind…and maybe I was. But she wanted to
solve my mystery, and this was it.

  “Anna, slow down.” Tia grabbed her hand back. “Where are we going?”

  “I have to show you how it works.”

  “How what works?”

  “Clay, the time travel, the memories—”

  “Okay, we’re going a mile a minute here,” Tia cut me off. “Time travel?” She sounded worried.

  I didn’t know how to explain it, so I had to show her. “Tia, just trust me, okay? You said it yourself: I am a mystery you want to solve.”

  The ride back was a bit awkward. We didn’t say a word, but I knew once we got back to the house then I wouldn’t have to say a thing. Clay would reveal himself. Hopefully Tia wouldn’t freak out, and we could reassess everything from that point. I counted the street lights we drove by to break away from the anxiety. I pretended that I was a kid walking from Tia’s house to mine, if only it were still that easy. I put on music to cut the tension, but for once in her life, Tia didn’t want music to fill the lack of conversation.

  “Anna…,” she eventually said. “I don’t even know what’s going on.”

  “I know, but I need you to trust me.”

  “I think we’re beyond that, honestly. This is something you’ve never told me about, ever.”

  “I know, and from here on out, I won’t be keeping any more secrets. I promise you.”

  She didn’t say anything. I didn’t blame her; promises from me didn’t seem to hold much weight as of late.

  “Thank you,” I spoke over the silence. “If you didn’t show up when you did, I—”

  “Don’t mention it,” Tia replied. “You saved me one time. Not sure if you remember, but when we were kids, I ran off from dad and ended up—”

  “—getting your leg caught in the warehouse just off the waterfront,” I finished. “Yeah, I remember that like it was yesterday.”

  “Keeping score?” Tia laughed.

  I smiled. “No. Just keeping the memories close.”

  “Guess we’re even,” Tia replied as I turned up the path towards the house. The lights were still on, but I could feel the emptiness. I parked outside of the garage, turned to her, and said, “Come on.”

  She didn’t move, and it was clear she still wasn’t completely convinced I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown.

  “He…should still be inside.” I tore the key out of the truck and made my way towards the house. Tia followed.

  I walked inside and everything was the same as we’d left it: lights were on, the TV was static, and an eerie calm settled over everything. I could see the journal on the floor, so I picked it up gently and flipped through. Poor Clay, I thought. He didn’t deserve any of that. He had been so scared, and being seen by Tia must have only added to the dumpster fire of this night.

  “This is my journal,” I explained. “Clay lives in here.”

  “That’s the journal your grandfather gave you, right?”

  “Right. I used to write in it a lot. It’s where I first wrote about Clay, on our first day of school. You were in a different class so I created my own friend, I guess. Then after some time he, well, walked out of my closet. And the rest is history.”

  “I guess…. Where is he?”

  “I’ll show you.” I held on to the journal with both hands, and spoke softy. “Clay? Clay, it’s me. Please come out.” I paused. “It’s safe, I promise. Everything is okay.”

  There was no reply, and I looked back to see a frown on Tia’s face. I let out a nervous cough and tried again.

  “Hey, Clay. Everything will be okay. Nan is going to be fine. Tia is here, and she wants to meet you.” I looked at Tia and smiled. “It’s okay, she won’t tell anyone. Remember when you told me that you always wanted to meet her? Well, here’s your chance.”

  There was still no reply. I let out a nervous laugh when I looked at Tia and her arms were crossed.

  “Okay, Clay. You’re making me look a bit silly here, you’re supposed to have my back, remember?”

  I opened up the journal, and flipped through for a bit. I found the page that would make Tia believe, and I whispered softly to the book. Tia couldn’t hear me. I didn’t want her to.

  “Take her back,” I whispered as I pointed to the page. I could see the blue energy manifest around the book, then near my hands. I could feel his hand against mine, but he was invisible. He didn’t want to be seen, not yet.

  I looked over to Tia—her jaw had dropped open.

  I smiled. I knew Clay was nervous, and that was okay. I extended my hand with Clay’s in front of mine. Tentatively, Tia extended hers, and as our hands touched everything disappeared. We were surrounded by darkness.

  “Woah! Anna, what’s going on?” Tia looked around in shock.

  “You’ll see.”

  The darkness began to fade away as a table lifted from the ground, and walls with decorations appeared. A banner across one of the walls read, “Happy Birthday Tia!”

  I could see the shock in Tia’s face as she began to age backwards. She was a little girl again, and so was I.

  “Breathe, Tia,” I reminded her.

  She took a deep breath and said, “Dude, you look like a kid again!”

  “So do you.”

  She looked at her hands and her eyes widened. “Dude!”

  Before she could say anything, Jonathan’s voice overshadowed everything.

  “Hey, birthday girl!” he called as he brought in the cake.

  “Dad?!” Tia screamed.

  “Aha, who else, Tia?” he replied as he set the cake on the table.

  Other girls ran towards the table.

  “Taylor, Lucy, and Laura,” Tia said in shock. Then she looked at me. “Anna, what’s going on?”

  “Come on.” I grabbed her hand and ran towards the table.

  There was no better way to show Tia how all of this worked. Maybe if she could relive something she remembered, she would understand.

  “This is so surreal!” Tia said, once we were seated at the table.

  “Not that surreal.” Jonathan cut a piece of cake and put it on Tia plate. “Birthdays happen once a year…at least!” He smiled.

  I laughed, and so did everyone else at the table.

  I leaned over and whispered to Tia: “Do you remember what I got you for this birthday?”

  Tia froze for a second, thinking. “Yeah,” she said with a smile. “You got me a slingshot.”

  “That you’re not going to use until you’re at least eighteen.” Clare walked into the room and crossed her arms.

  “She’s right,” Jonathan agreed. “We know you’ll accidentally take someone’s eye out with that thing.” He shrugged.

  “Wow. I remember this,” Tia whispered at me.

  Tia grabbed her fork, and dug deep into a piece of her cake. But before she could take a bite, it all faded into nothing. Darkness surrounded us again. She stood up, looking her age again, and stared at me, dumbfounded. Then she asked, “Is this what you’ve been doing? How do you do that?”

  “It’s not me,” I replied as our surroundings reverted back to my grandmother’s house.

  “It’s me,” a shy voice said.

  Tia and I both looked left, and Clay approached us; tall and grey, with a soft face.

  Tia froze.

  Clay extended a hand to shake Tia’s. “I’ve…heard a lot about you over the years,” he said to her. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  Tia gulped, and eventually replied, “What the hell is going on? And why do I feel so dizzy?” She stumbled and almost lost her footing, but I caught her.

  Clay lowered his hand. “Nice to meet you too,” he said in a low voice.

  “Tia, this is him. This is Clay.”

  “What did he do? Suddenly you just took me to a birthday party from my childhood?”

  �
��Yes, it’s a memory Anna wrote about in her journal years ago,” Clay explained.

  “Why were you writing about my birthday party?” Tia looked my direction.

  “I was a journal kid, okay?” I shrugged. “Grampy made me. It was a memorable time at least. And Clay can…recreate what was written inside the journal.”

  Tia’s eyes darted to the journal in my hands, then back to Clay. I couldn’t tell if she was shocked, scared, worried, or angry. Maybe a mixture of it all, but I could tell she was connecting the dots, because she finally said, “Oh my gosh…this whole time. You’ve been the mystery I wanted to solve. I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “I guess this explains me not returning your texts.”

  She rolled her eyes at me. “Explains, doesn’t excuse.”

  I looked over at Clay, he let out a breath and nodded his head. It was time we told Tia the truth.

  About everything.

  Chapter 16

  “Damn. So, you really saw your dad in there, huh?” Tia said, sitting on the couch in my grandmother’s living room, a coffee in hand. It was almost four thirty in the morning, but we were just getting started.

  I nodded. “I did.”

  “And you were curious because your grandmother mentioned another Annaka?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think that it was maybe just…rambling?”

  “No…I think it has something to do with Grampy. He used to write in it, and Clay can recreate his memories too. I can view them like a movie. I mean, it’s just a hunch, but maybe it has something to do with my Grampy’s past. He wrote about it, but I don’t know where those pages are; they were torn out a long time ago.” I sighed and looked at Tia. “I was hoping somehow Nan could bring some clarity. That’s part of the reason why we did that stupid thing.” I clenched a fist. I was so mad at myself.

  “I wish it never happened.” Clay faded into the room.

  Tia jumped back in her seat, spilling coffee on the floor. “Jesus! I hate that.”

  “Yeah, it’s kind of his thing,” I replied.