Annaka

by Andre Fenton

  Clay didn’t say anything. It must have been weird for him to suddenly have someone new know of his existence. I thought it was about time he met Tia, and I knew it was weird for him, so I wanted him to adjust at his own pace.

  “You’re not going to tell anyone about me, are you?” Clay asked Tia.

  “I don’t think that would be the best idea.” Tia wiped up the coffee on the floor. She seemed to be taking it pretty well, all things considered.

  “So, what happens now?” she asked . “Will you two try to find those pages? Are you going to try to find your dad? Are you going to try…that…again?”

  “We are not trying that again,” I said with confidence. “It was a stupid idea to begin with.”

  “You’re not the only one who took part.” Clay rested a hand on my shoulder.

  “Yeah, but I should have been smart enough to listen to you. You know yourself more than I do, and I took advantage of that.” I looked him in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

  Clay sat down beside me. “We all have some learning to do.”

  We all sat there silently and watched as the sun began to break through the stars. It had been the longest night of my life, but at least I could say I was in good company.

  “Do you think they’ll be home soon?” Clay asked.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “They might keep her for a bit longer.”

  Tia looked at me. “So you’re looking for those missing pages, eh? You’re hoping those pages could solve a mystery.”

  “It’s not about a mystery; I guess I’m just looking for clarity.” I picked at a loose thread on my grandmother’s couch. “All my life I feel like I’ve been aimless. You know what my grandmother said to me in the hospital?” I looked at Tia and she shook her head. “She didn’t remember me as a kid. I told her I was her granddaughter. She told me she always wanted one of those. Well, I always wanted a dad.” I shrugged. “I always wanted to know what Grampy went through when he came to Canada. I wanted something. Everything has always been so far out of my reach, but I can feel it close, and I want to latch on to it.” I spoke softly.

  I always felt alone in my journey. Even though most of the time it was by my doing; I always held a barrier between me and my friends. From Tia, from Clay, even from Mom. I don’t know why I was so afraid to let everyone enter my world. Maybe it was because everyone in my world wouldn’t let me into theirs. There was so much I didn’t know about Mom, there was so much I didn’t know about Grampy, and then there was my dad.

  “Clarity isn’t a journey you have to go on alone.” Tia put a hand on my shoulder. “Anna, you were always so distant, but now I see why. Our experiences—the good, the bad—they form us and make us who we are. You’ve been living alongside mystery your entire life, and somewhere along the line you became one. But we’re your friends, and we’ll walk with you every step of the way.”

  Tia embraced me.

  “She’s right.” Clay put a hand on my shoulder. “However we move forward, we can do it together. Maybe the worlds colliding isn’t such a bad thing.” Clay sat down, and rested his head on my shoulder.

  They were right. Having my worlds collide wasn’t the worst thing. We were just there, holding onto each other. I think that’s what I needed most. The reassurance, the love, and the support. I thought my worlds would collapse when they met, but now I felt stronger than ever.

  I was ready to move forward.

  I was ready for clarity.

  Chapter 17

  “Where are those damn pages?” I asked, navigating through the basement again. We were still deep into the night, and I wasn’t ready to stop.

  “There’s a lot of clutter down here,” Tia observed. “Who knows if they’re still here.”

  “They have to be,” I said, opening boxes of books and taking everything out.

  Tia was looking through Grampy’s desk for stray papers.

  “Score!” I heard her yell.

  “You find them?” I looked back.

  “Oh. Uh, no.” She raised a paper to show me what she was holding. “I just saw I passed my essay.”

  I shook my head and smiled. “Weirdo.” I looked around. “Clay, a little help would be nice?”

  “It would,” he said. “If they were here. You already searched this place for a week.”

  “They have to be here,” I said, wiping dust off my face. “Unless Mom threw them out.”

  “I doubt that,” Clay replied. “And besides, if they were here, you know I would have found them by now. I think if he tore them out, he wouldn’t leave them for someone to find. If your grandfather wanted you to find them, you would have.”

  “He’s right,” Tia said. “Something about this sounds too easy. And Anna, we’ve been up all night. You should get some rest.”

  “I can’t, we’re so close. I can feel it,” I pleaded.

  “We can always come back to it,” Clay said gently.

  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, they were right. I was exhausted and should have gotten rest hours ago.

  “We can come back to this later, I promise,” Tia said.

  Tia went home shortly after that; took off into the sunrise. I was still wide awake even though we had been up all night.

  I texted Mom looking for an update, but I didn’t expect to hear back until later that morning. I went upstairs to my bed, and when I laid down it felt like gravity kicked in full force. God, that felt good.

  Clay tucked me in as Grampy usually did.

  “What’s this about?” I laughed.

  “Oh, uh,” Clay stammered. “I’m sorry, it—”

  “Feels like routine, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah, yeah it does.”

  “Maybe it’s part of him living inside of you.”

  “Maybe.” Clay sat down on the chair beside my bed. “Are you gonna go to school tomorrow?”

  “It’s like six a.m.,” I said with a laugh. “We’ve been up all night. Was that him, too?”

  “No, I can assure you it was me.”

  “Why do you care, anyways?”

  “Because it’s important,” Clay said. “It was important to you in Halifax, it should be important to you here. Besides, you need to get out of the house.”

  “That last part was him.”

  “I’ll give you that.”

  I laughed, and Clay laughed too.

  My phone buzzed and I saw Mom’s name.

  Mom: They want to keep her for a bit longer

  Me: How is she doing?

  Mom: She’s asked me when I planned on telling her she had a granddaughter. I don’t know, what’s going on, but she seems to remember your name, says she sees you around the house. What happened? That wasn’t the situation before.

  Me: A lot, Mom, we had a talk.