Indelible You (Imagine Ink)

by Verlene Landon

  When the laughter wound down and they had a hold of themselves, Francis announced that talk could wait, but dinner couldn’t. Breaking her cardinal rule, she allowed them eat in the living room, forgoing the formal dining she insisted on every meal. Frank leaned in and gave Erika a quick squeeze as soon as Francis exited to retrieve the pecan pie. “I’m going to like having you around, my girl, and not just because of the grandchild. But, a man can get used to this. First time since I met my Frannie that I’ve got to watch T.V. and eat at the same time.”

  Just then, Francis entered with the most mouthwatering smell known to man trailing her in. “Don’t get used to it old man. This is a one-time deal, because I need Erika relaxed so she can tell me the whole story, including what an ass, I mean expletive, I raised.”

  Over dessert and more chamomile tea, Erika spilled her guts. Holding nothing back, except the graphic sexual details that is. She described every text and exchange between her and Walker, and Walker and Andy, as she knew them anyway, and ended the story with the last text she’d gotten on the flight in. Francis and Frank poured over the text and fawned over the ultrasound pictures.

  Finally, Francis slapped Frank’s knee. “This is all your fault you know?”

  Rubbing the sting, Frank blurted, “How in the he…,” cutting his gaze to Erika, “expletive, is this my fault?”

  “Because, you dropped that boy on his head one too many times, and now he obviously suffered some sort of brain damage. They say he’s a genius, but I say he’s a bleep bleep idiot.” She wasn’t serious, that much was clear, but she was obviously confused and disturbed at the way Walker had acted.

  “Oh Erika darling, I can’t figure out that boy of mine. This is completely out of character for him. He may have screwed up in the past, but he’s a good boy who’s learned his lessons and family is everything to him, everything.”

  “I know Francis. I was hurt at first, but it was my fault. Then I was angry, but more at myself than Walker, then at Walker for not letting me explain. Finally, after months of crying, it all just went away. The anger, some of the hurt, and I just felt kind of nothing. That’s when I refused to let Walker pretend I didn’t exist. I was determined that all the facts be available to him. I didn’t care what he did with them, but I refused to let him ignore them. That’s when I flew in and left the folder for him. In it was everything he needed to know. About me, Andy, and an ultrasound picture of the baby identical to the one I just gave you.”

  Erika took another sip of tea and continued, “I left the folder with Augusta and went back to North Dakota and waited for Walker’s anger or his anything, as long as he felt something. But it never came, and then the hurt started building again. Andy finally told me that Walker just opened the folder for the first time last week, but he still doesn’t acknowledge the baby, not to Andy either. Even the texts to me were vague, at best.

  “Awe, honey. You are lying to yourself if you believed at any time you were over the hurt. You just ignored it the way my expletive son is apparently dealing with your night together. Now, I don’t know why, or if there is an explanation for it, but my gut is telling me that he doesn’t know.” Francis looked at Erika as if she could see the protest bubbling up to Erika’s mouth. “You just shush and let me finish. I’m not accusing you of not putting the picture in there, I’m just saying there is a possibility it got stuck between some pages or something and he hasn’t seen it for whatever reason.”

  “You’re right Francis. The Walker I know, or knew, would never ignore a child. There has to be an explanation for it. Andy believes the picture got misplaced somehow, and I argued against it. Even though I don’t want to, I’m starting to believe it did. I think I’ve known it all along, but it was easier to embrace his hatred instead of his love after what I did. Then, the hurt and anger just kept building inside of me to the point that I’m not sure if I can separate the justified anger from the perceived hurt, if that makes any sense?”

  Depositing herself next to Erika on the couch, Francis took her in an embrace, guiding Erika’s head down to her shoulder. Not an easy task with their height difference, but they managed. “It makes perfect sense child. It doesn’t matter why you felt this hurt for so long, but you did feel it. Nobody can deny that. It affects us woman, to feel so strongly. My question is, can you forgive and still love him? Because if you can, then there’s hope. It is as plain as daylight he still loves you, which means he has forgiven the hurt he felt that he laid at your feet. That’s huge for Walker, you know? He is not the type of man to forgive lightly. He’s stubborn like his old man that way.” She winked at Frank.

  The sobbing started again. “I don’t know. It hurts so badly sometimes, I fear I can’t breathe through the pain. I do love him. Heaven help me, I do. Even through all the anger and what he said, I loved him. I just don’t know how to get over it.”

  “Shoot, if you love him that much, the rest is easy as pie. You know, I see the depth of your love mirrored in the depth of your pain. It’s only the ones we love like crazy that can rip us apart. But here’s how we fix it. You talk to him. Face to face. You rail at him if that’s what your heart tells you to do, but you look at him through it all. That boy never could lie, it’s in the eyes. Why do you think he went to prison? Because he couldn’t be deceptive, even to save his own hide. It’s why he has the anger issues, he expresses his emotions right out in the open. I don’t agree with that part of him, but it’s true. He can’t lie, and he can’t hide what his true feeling are.”

  Erika turned to Francis’ loving face with a question mark written on hers. “Yes child, it’s that simple. Every answer you want, is right there in those black-as-sin eyes of his. You’ll know the truth of it then, and can act accordingly. His words may say one thing, but the eyes are where the truth is.” Francis took Erika’s face in her hands and let her serious gaze speak volumes.

  “But I want you to know, no matter what my son threatened, we will not allow him to take this child from you, so put that worry out of that head of yours. And no matter what he does or doesn’t want, we want to be a part of her life you understand? If we have to choose between our child and our grandchild, we will chose the latter. Any man who doesn’t want his own child is not a man at all.”

  Just as quick as Francis went serious, she lightened up again. “Besides, that’s not going to happen. My boy was raised better than that, and he loves you to pieces. He’ll pull his head out of his ass, I mean expletive, you’ll see. And because of you two stubborn kids, I’ll have to plan the quickest wedding in Reid family history. I’ll have you married quicker than Elvis in Vegas. Can’t have my first grandchild enter this world outside of marriage.”

  Francis and Frank gave her the new outlook she was searching for.

  She said her goodbyes, promised to call or text every day with a baby update, and made her way to the car. After getting fastened in and starting the engine, she decided to text Walker and set up a meeting, face to face as Francis suggested. As she brought up messages to type, Walker beat her to the draw.

  WALKER: Babe - I know I said I’d give you a week - but I really need to fucking talk to you - it can’t wait - text me /call me/let me know when I can call you OR I’ll ride my ass all the way to ND as soon as I finish this tat

  Erika responded immediately, before she lost her nerve.

  ERIKA: You’re right, we need to talk. Sorry I’ve been avoiding you. We should work out a good time. Tomorrow?

  After she hit send, she remembered he didn’t know she was in town. Composing a text to explain she wanted to meet him, not call, her phone dinged in reply.

  WALKER: Contractors tomorrow - work out details later - gotta run – thanks - love you

  Too late now. If she knew Walker, he was short on time and immediately cut and run after he said what he needed to. No big deal, tomorrow after the contractors left would be fine. She needed time to prepare her nerves and be ready for his reaction to her state. Besides, his text was what was needed to ta
ke the seed of hope Francis had planted and cultivate it to full-grown. She drove home under the canopy of hope, praying Walker’s reaction wouldn’t crush her beneath it.

  ***

  WALKER

  The uneasy sensation in Walker’s stomach was compounding as he was about to take off for the parlor. He couldn’t shake the feeling he was missing something. It had been tickling the back of his mind since he’d caught a glimpse of taillights as Erika pulled away from his house the day she dropped off the folder, and had increased in intensity with every week that passed. Pulling up his messages, he tried to determine what it was.

  ERIKA: I can’t do this Walker. My emotions are all over the place right now. Just another month, maybe I’ll be ready to talk, after.

  What the fuck was in another month? After what? His fingers flew with rapid determination across the touchscreen of his smartphone.

  WALKER: Dude - what am I missing with Erika? I know it’s something & I know you know so spill

  Waiting for a reply was an agonizing eternity. Walker knew Andy would shoot straight if he asked the right questions, but he wouldn’t volunteer anything that might get him in trouble. Seems Erika asked him to butt out, and Andy would never betray her, but a lawyer is a lawyer. Andy wouldn’t betray her, no, but he would jump through any loophole given to him. Walker had discovered this when he realized Andy was on his side. Not for Walker’s sake of course, but because he felt Walker’s side is Erika’s side.

  Since then, Walker had engaged in a text game of twenty questions, but until now, he hadn’t really gone for the major answers. Somehow, it had felt wrong to seek them behind Erika’s back, but now he was desperate. His sixth sense was pinging like a fucking sonar. There was no reasonable explanation for his sudden onset of freak-the-fuck-out-itus, none that he could pinpoint anyway. There was just an urgent need to be with Erika clawing at his guts.

  When his phone sat silent in his hand, it registered that no answer would come from Andy.

  Crap, the honeymoon cruise, they left everything behind, even cell phones. Shit, what now?

  Fuck, he was late for his client. Needing a clear mind to do his job, he put the phone in his jacket, centered himself, and decided he would deal with his questions tomorrow, after he did this ink tonight. He could play at being a PI later, his client deserved his undivided attention. Grabbing his helmet off the hook, he headed toward his bike. Bruce Dickenson’s voice rose up from his pocket just as he was getting on his gear.

  “Hello”

  “Hey Walker, just wanted to remind you that we’ll be there in the morning at six sharp. Got any furniture we need to move or are we ready to jump right on it? I know you want it done ASAP.”

  “No man, we emptied that part the house when it first flooded. The only thing is the monster coffee table in the center of the living room. It’ll take a couple of guys to move it, weighs a fucking ton, but you won’t be able to get your equipment in around it. You’ll just need to move it a few feet into the dining area and you should be able to get your gear in then no problem.”

  “All right son, we got it covered and we’ll have your house good as new by the deadline. See you in the morning.”

  “Yep, morning.”

  Pressing the end call button with more force than necessary, Walker screamed to the empty garage, “When it rains, it fucking pours. Argh”

  He probably wouldn’t finish this sleeve start until well into the morning and then he’d be lucky to log three or four hours of sleep before construction sounds prevented any further rest. Walker really needed to talk to Erika, and yes, it was a need. Almost at the biological level, but he couldn’t call her in the middle of the night and he damn sure couldn’t spill his heart with a crew of men pounding in the walls.

  Straddling his bike, he pulled his phone back out of his riding jacket to send a quick text to Erika.

  WALKER: Babe - I know I said I’d give you a week - but I really need to fucking talk to you - it can’t wait - text me /call me/let me know when I can call you OR I’ll ride my ass all the way to ND as soon as I finish this tat

  Walker started his bike, but waited to see if she would respond. He wasn’t holding his breath, she never seemed to respond on the quick, so it shocked him when he heard Dio coming through the Bluetooth in his helmet. His eyes went to the screen in tense anticipation.

  ERIKA: You’re right, we need to talk. Sorry I’ve been avoiding you. We should work out a good time. Tomorrow?

  The screen indicated she was still typing, had more to say, but he was late, and her willingness was enough to lift his spirits.

  WALKER: Contractors tomorrow - work out details later - gotta run – thanks - love you

  He returned the phone to his jacket and tore off out of the garage like a man with a renewed sense of hope, because he was.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  WEDNESDAY EARLY/MID AM

  WALKER

  Construction time came way too fucking early for Walker. Dragging his ass out of bed, he slipped on the pair of ripped up jeans he wore last night and trudged to the coffee maker on auto-pilot. The sleeve he was working on hadn’t reached a good stopping point until 3:00 a.m., so he was spent. Waiting for the coffee maker to emit that tell-tale slurping sound which meant the sweet nectar of life was forthcoming, he opened the front doors and stoppered them open, screens too, just as George and crew were pulling up.

  When the bitter smell of coffee made its way to his dull senses, Walker almost tripped over his own two feet in his mad dash to get to it. George was first in the door, “Morning Walker.”

  He spun from the appliance, steaming mug in hand and downed half before returning the greeting, “Morning George. I see you brought a full crew with you?”

  George tossed a look over his shoulder as his crew made their way inside. “Yep, thought a full size crew could cut a week off the job. Assuming, that’s still your main goal? To finish as quickly as possible.”

  “It is, but I’m not looking forward to the start this morning, man. I’ve gotten less than three hours of sleep and a whole shitload of woman trouble. So don’t mind my grumpy ass, I’m really glad you’re here, regardless.” The two men shared a laugh of camaraderie even though there was a good twenty-five years between them.

  “Tell me about it, don’t we all.” Taking the offered cup of brew from Walker with a thankful nod, he took a gulp or two before finishing his thought. “Women, can’t live with ‘em, and they don’t let you fuck ‘em if you don’t live with ‘em.” Giving a lazy toast with his mug, both he and Walker finished their first cups and refilled before talking business.

  Walker followed George through the house nursing his second dose of caffeine and listening to his explanation of precisely what was to be done. George was a good friend of his dad’s, actually he was Walker’s Godfather. He’d known him all his life and they’d always shared an easy bond. Walker had inked him twelve times and, because of their relationship and the discount Walker gave him on his tats, George was really hooking him up with these repairs. He thanked God for the connections he had with George, because if had to pay full price, he wouldn’t be able to afford it just yet. As it was, he had busted into his savings and made a huge dent. George could only discount so much, the people he hired got paid what they got paid, they didn’t care about his relationships or favors. Who could blame them?

  “So, anyway buddy, that’s it. It’s not as bad as it could have been, but it’s not as good either. The crew and I will have a quick bite in the trucks, then get started. Like I said, there are lots of little, quieter things to do around here before diving into the major stuff. You should be able to catch a couple more hours, then take a shower before we start banging around and cut off the water.”

  Walker took the mug from his hand and deposited both on the counter. Shaking one hand and clapping George on the shoulder, Walker thanked him for doing him a solid, more than one actually, then turned toward his room.

  George grabbed his mug back off
the counter and went for a refill, shouting after Walker, “Don’t worry about it man, if you gave it to her good, she’ll come back, they always do. A smart woman will never leave a man who knows how to use his dick.” George chuckled as he drank down his third cup and headed for his crew.

  “Don’t you worry about my cock, you perv. I know how to use it, but there’s more to it than that.” Walker retorted with a mix of levity and sadness.

  “There always is Son, there always is.” George patted him on the back as he passed and they went their opposite directions. There was a sense of lightness and heaviness in their wakes. Light because of the joking, easy manner and heavy because the weight of the subject.

  Walker managed four more hours of sleep before he was up and showering. His stomach was demanding more than coffee, something of substance. Besides, the crew needed to get started in earnest. As long as they were letting him sleep, that wasn’t going to happen.

  Emerging from his room, he ran into George in the living room getting ready to move that coffee table. “Hold up a minute. Leave it there so the crew has somewhere to eat lunch. I’m starving, so if you give me a ride to Milton’s, I’ll buy lunch for you and the guys and y’all can get started as soon as you woof down your cheeseburgers. Deal?”

  The entire crew answered, “Deal.”

  It wasn’t long before the whole crew sat around the coffee and dining tables moaning and belching with full bellies. Milton’s has the biggest cheeseburgers in the state, not to mention the best fries anywhere. Walker had yet to personally finish an entire burger and fries in one sitting, but it looked like George’s crew didn’t suffer from that affliction.