Indelible You (Imagine Ink)

by Verlene Landon

  The guys cleaned up while Walker sat on the couch and digested, his mind drifting to Erika, as it always did. So lost in his daydream, he missed Dio’s scream at first. Not an easy thing to do, either. He’d set the text tone a while back just for fun. Four seconds, which is way too damn long for a text tone, but it annoyed so many people, he decided to keep it for a while. Of course, the simple fact that it’s Dio is reason enough to keep it, but pissing people off is all gravy, his hobby even. One he’s damn good at. So, bonus when you can have something you enjoy and annoy the piss out of the masses.

  ERIKA: I was thinking we could talk over dinner if that works for you? My place 7? We can grill steaks.

  What the fuck? Her place? Erika’s here. Sharing the same space. Walker was stunned. There was a sense of rightness about her being just 8.3 miles from him, as the crow flies. However, right in the same fucking house would be better.

  How long had she been in town? Surely not long, he would’ve sensed it, he was positive.

  WALKER: Sure babe – anytime – anyplace - I’ll be there - I’ll bring the steaks - when did you get to town?

  ERIKA: Yesterday. I’ll see you at 7.

  That explains his total weirdness yesterday. A lazy smile overtook his face as a realization set in. He had sensed her presence, he just didn’t know what it was at the time, but now he did. They were connected. That was a good start to winning her over.

  WALKER: I’ll be there with bells on - love you

  Walker knew he was pushing her with all the “babes” and “I love yous,” but he couldn’t help himself. It was how he felt, and he was never holding back with anyone ever again. Feelings are meant to be shared, and damn it, he would share them from this day forward.

  ERIKA: I’ve missed you & I love you too.

  Dio screamed once more and those beautiful words leapt off his phone screen and burrowed deep into his soul. Walker Aaron Reid was grinning like a damned idiot and didn’t care one fucking bit how goofy he looked, nothing could possibly send him higher or drag him low. Erika still loved him. He’d known it all along. She wasn’t fickle, but he was afraid she’d never say it, never allow it. She hadn’t said she forgave him, but she admitted loving and missing him, that was a start, a damn good start. One he planned to exploit to the fullest tonight.

  ***

  ERIKA

  Sleep had evaded her like Bigfoot does cameras. She’d gotten up and brewed coffee at the butt crack of dawn. Of course, she didn’t drink it, she sipped herbal tea instead. But, she’d poured a cup and buried her nose above the mug until it stopped steaming. God, how she missed her coffee.

  That was the first thing she would do the minute the baby was born, drink a huge cup of coffee in the biggest mug known to man. That, and smoke a cigarette. Sure, she’d quit years ago, but something about not being able to have one made her crave it.

  Oh, and look at my feet. She was going to stare at those ugly things for hours.

  Finally, as the morning wore on, she made herself breakfast and mulled over everything she’d learned, adding Francis and Frank’s assessment to Andy’s, and what she knew to be true of the man she loved. Eventually agreeing with everyone else that something didn’t add up, she decided to work from that perspective instead of the one where Walker was a big bag of dicks, the one where she didn’t trust in the man that meant the world to her. She would trust him, damn it, even if that left her vulnerable. Better that than doubting him for one more minute.

  Sure, the potential pain and heartache would be record-breaking, but so would the payoff if it turned out everyone was correct and Walker for some reason was clueless. If that was the case, then she had no reason to be pissed at him, he was the one who had sex with a married woman he didn’t know was married. If he honestly didn’t know about the baby, then he hadn’t wronged her at all. The things he said that night were anger fueled, nothing more.

  Since then, he had done nothing wrong, neither had she, other than not give him the benefit of the doubt. They were both reacting based on the other’s behavior. The difference was the assessment of the cause of that behavior. If you take that factor out completely, just like Andy suggested, then she had wronged him and he reacted, period. There wasn’t malicious intent on the part of either party.

  Erika weighed the risk and reward potential and decided it was so worth it. If he was willing to forgive her, then she was going to go for it, damn it. She’d loved him too long to lose him over her possibly faulty belief he was ignoring the pregnancy.

  Grabbing her phone before she changed her mind, she sent an invitation, an olive branch.

  ERIKA: I was thinking we could talk over dinner if that works for you? My place 7? We can grill steaks.

  If he didn’t know, she would get to see the surprise in his face when he realized she was pregnant, that he was going to be a father. A touch of apprehension tried to weasel its way in, telling her his reaction could be negative and break her heart, but she pushed it away. The Walker she knew, not the one she had tried to build over the last months, but the one she’d grown to love, would be ecstatic.

  WALKER: Sure babe – anytime – anyplace - I’ll be there - I’ll bring the steaks - when did you get to town?

  Babe.

  He called her ‘babe.’ Even with all the bullshit she assigned him, he continued to prove her wrong. Sure, he’d done it before, but this time she was receptive to it, and it felt good.

  ERIKA: Yesterday. I’ll see you at 7.

  WALKER: I’ll be there with bells on - love you

  There it was, his declaration, again. After everything, he still loved her. She had been such a blind bitch, burying her head in the sand like a big pregnant ostrich. A man ignoring a baby doesn’t text “I love you” to its mother. Something was definitely wrong, and she was finally admitting it to herself. She would have a lot of apologizing to do. It didn’t matter he didn’t know why, but she had thought terrible things about the man she’s supposed to love. Who does that? Letting her own insecurities rule her emotions almost cost her Walker, it still may when he finds out how little faith she had in him, and yes, she would tell him.

  Walker deserved honesty and devotion. She hadn’t shown him much devotion as of yet, but she would, if he would allow it. She had been pretty shitty showing it thus far, but she did love him more than life itself and she would spend the rest of her days making up for it. Letting him know how she felt was the priority and she’d start now. It must have been hell for him thinking she didn’t care, it was for her. No more, she would no longer be the source of his pain, damn it.

  ERIKA: I’ve missed you & I love you too.

  Hitting send before she could overthink it, his lack of reply was killing her. He was probably trying to figure her out since she ran hot and cold. Erika wouldn’t let it eat away at her when she could learn the truth of it tonight.

  The breakfast dishes were done and she’d cleaned the entire house, top to bottom.

  Shower—check.

  Text to Francis—check.

  Emptied out office—check.

  Everything was done. She was just waiting for Melanie to arrive with the truck to take the office stuff to storage. Then they were going shopping for baby stuff to fill the now-vacant office space that would become the nursery.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  WEDNESDAY LATE AM

  WALKER

  Lunch was done and the crew really needed to get started if Walker wanted them finished on time. They’d already wasted half the day for his sake. Letting him sleep, then having lunch with him because he genuinely just needed the company. Usually, when things were pretty heavy, he’d talk to his sis or Erika. Neither of those options were available right now. Tori was incommunicado and Erika, for obvious reasons, was not an option.

  That left his mom and Augusta. As much as he adored Gus, and as much as she’d helped him, Walker felt uncomfortable bothering her with minor stuff, for one. He liked her in reserve for his major melt downs. She was his big gun
. If he turned to her every single time he was edgy and needed to chat, it would be like pulling out the double-ought to kill a mosquito. And, for two? After what transpired—but didn’t really—recently, he was feeling she needed her space for a bit.

  Gus had never crossed a line, never, but something odd passed between them in the hall that day. She explained it, and it made total sense, but he was sure she still felt guilty about it. She was one of the most level-headed people he knew, but something in her eyes told him she got caught up in a way he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, label.

  Once he settled his relationship with Erika, for better or worse, he’d give Gus a call and they’d have a good, old-fashioned heart to heart. They’d clear the air and get rid of any lingering weirdness. She was an open and honest person who appreciated the same. Until then, he wouldn’t bother her, it was probably weighing heavily on her.

  That left his mom. The thought of calling his mom gave him that warm and fuzzy feeling. No matter how many tattoos or years he collected, he was, and always would be, a mama’s boy at heart. He missed talking to her, but he’d been so screwed up and self-absorbed lately they hadn’t had a real conversation in forever. That’s what he’d do, he’d leash up Sixx & Mars and head down to the lake and call his mom. That was one benefit of all those fees he paid to live here, he could exit his back fence, walk a couple hundred paces, and practically get his feet wet.

  “Ok guys, time to get this show on the road,” George announced as he rose from the couch. “Thanks for lunch man, but now it’s time to work. We need to bring in our equipment so let’s move this beast over there out of the way. JC, Rocky, come help me.” George bent, testing the weight of the table.

  “Jesus H. Christ Walker, you weren’t lying were you? This thing weighs a metric ass ton.”

  “Told you. Dax carved that fucker out of a solid oak tree trunk. Even the feet. They’re not attached, he cut them in. It’s just a big hunk of wood that barely sits up off the floor. What’s that, a two inch clearing?”

  George nodded his agreement.

  “Yeah, I can’t even sweep under the fucker, there’s no telling what we will find under there this time, maybe even Hoffa.” Walker and the crew cracked up.

  “I did bring the leaf blower in once and blast under there. Found a condom wrapper, some jelly beans, forty-seven cents in change, and a dust bunny colony that was thriving.”

  The puzzled look on George’s face deepened as he looked at the feet and the intricate scroll work. “So you’re telling me Big Dax did this?” George questioned as he traced some of the more delicate details of the carvings. Walker confirmed with a nod of his head, and George continue, his astonishment clear in his voice. “That big mutha you work for? Bearded behemoth, more piercings than I want to know about and hands like Johnny Bench? That Sasquatch carved all this with those big mitts?

  “Yep, it’s a hobby. Says it relaxes him or some Zen shit. Don’t tell him I told you, but he knits too. Helps with dexterity, wants me to try it, and I just might. You’ve seen his work, he’s a fucking artist with a needle and obviously with a…whatever the hell you carve with.”

  Stroking and admiring the work, George replied, “Chisel. For this kind of detail, he would have to use a chisel. This is truly amazing. What are these, birds?”

  “Those,” Walker indicated the scroll work on the feet, “are wings. Dax said I had angels looking out for me or I’d have been dead by now. Either killed myself or someone I pissed off did it for me. He even inked identical ones on my back. But that,” Walker pointed to the design carved on top, “is the phoenix. You know, rise from the ashes and all that shit.”

  Walker leaned forward and traced the underside of the wing, appreciating the symbolism fully for the first time. Dax told him that someday, when Walker was finally ready to torch his past and burn it to the ground, he’d rise from the ashes a better man and find a bright future. Walker never saw that possibility for himself, but he didn’t argue. Dax was always saying deep shit like that. No one expected it of the giant, but he was a deep man, philosophical and shit, too.

  Walker stared into the eye of the phoenix and realized how right Dax was. He’d finally lit the match and tossed it behind him. His past was just a smoldering pile of rubble. It lost the ability to taint him, and his future definitely looked bright. He mentally added another number to his “to call” list, when he was pulled out of his own thought by the guys counting down to lift the table.

  Grunting and groaning, the three men managed to get the table out of the pathway so equipment could be brought in. George returned to inspect the hidden world underneath. “Well, looks like the colony rebuilt after your attempted genocide.” George laughed.

  Walker joined him and his eyes focused on the flourishing dust bunny community. “Seems like the little cleptos have stolen three socks, some chips, ninety-two cents, and bits of paper.”

  Walker claimed each item as he listed it, reaching last for the square piece of white paper. Turning it over in his hand, it took a second or two for him to figure out exactly what he was looking at.

  A Rorschach ink blot maybe?

  His other hand opened and the rest of the booty from under the table fell back to the hard wood floor, each making a unique sound on contact.

  That now-empty hand made it’s way to the front of the paper, trembling as it traced the soft angles and sloping curves printed there.

  Walker eyes went from the picture to the information printed above and back again. Erika’s name was at the very top and twenty weeks. Next to that was a date about four months back and the name of a doctor. But the word that stole his oxygen and seized his heart was “GIRL” printed around the middle of the black and white image.

  Walker was shaking so hard, he was afraid he’d fracture something. The concern in George’s voice wasn’t enough to pull him from this plane of wonder, and terror, and love, and…realization.

  Everything came flooding back. The cryptic text’s from Andy, Erika’s pain, everything. No wonder she was distant. She thought he didn’t care about their child. Everyone thought he had this information, but for some reason it was under his fucking table instead of in his hands where it belonged.

  Oh God, what Erika must think of me. I’ve missed…he thought, looking down again and doing mental calculations.

  …almost her entire pregnancy. She must be close to giving birth to her child by now, my child. Our child, our daughter. Oh my God, I’m going to have a daughter. A dad, I’m going to be a dad.

  Walker was in awe. His thoughts disjointed and confused.

  “I’m going to be a fucking dad, a family. Erika’s pregnant, my Erika, my forever.”

  So lost in his own head, he didn’t hear the conversation going on right next to him, nor realize he was talking out loud. He couldn’t seem to stem to flood of thoughts.

  “A baby. Shit, my parents are going to freak thinking I kept this from them. Tori’s going to be over the moon. Erika, my Erika. I bet she’s beautiful and glowing. What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

  He traced the picture lovingly again. “My daughter, my beautiful…”

  Walker barely took notice of George looking over his shoulder and mumbling about pregnancy. Walker was in shock and wasn’t aware of much of anything outside of his tunnel vision on the ultrasound, except George’s voice, he must have been on the phone.

  “Hi Fran, it’s George, Walker needs you.” With that, George forced the phone into Walker’s free hand.

  “Snap out of it Son, it’s your mother.” The authoritative foreman tone was enough for Walker to lift the phone to his ear and choke out, “Mom? I’m going to be a fucking dad.”

  “Walker Aaron Reid, you mind your language boy or I’ll beat you six ways to Sunday. Of course you’re going to be a dad, that’s what happens when you do the dirty in the cab of a truck without protection. But I need to know one thing Son, how long have you known?”

  That was enough to pop him out of his trance. “How long
have I known? How long have you known? You don’t sound surprised. Wait, how do you know about the truck?”

  His mom’s tone went a touch more rigid, like when he was in trouble growing up. “Since yesterday, but I suspected from the minute your sister told me the highlights and then Erika ran off to the north. But, when I didn’t hear from her, I decided it was wishful thinking on my part. She’s not the type of girl to keep that kind of thing a secret, you know. I’m your mother and I should’ve known. That’s my grand baby. You never told me anything. Not about Erika, or Gus staying at your place, or even about the drinking and the fighting. I knew most of it, because I’m your mother and it’s my job to know, but you should’ve told me. You know your father and I would stand behind you come what may.”

  When Francis broke her words with a sob, Walker dove in. “I just found out mama, just now. We moved the coffee table and the ultrasound picture was under it. I didn’t have a fucking clue.”

  At her tisk, Walker apologized for his language and forged on. “That’s not 100% true, I had clues, I just didn’t see them until now, hindsight and all. I’m sorry I didn’t rely on you and Dad, but I was ashamed. Appalled and embarrassed at the way I treated the woman I love. I couldn’t expose that part of me to the light. I let the anger and the alcohol take over because I couldn’t accept myself, much less ask anyone else to.

  “And as for Gus, she saved me. I needed her here 24/7 so I could be healthy sooner rather than later, because I planned on going after Erika. But I refused to ask her to settle for me the way I was. I love her so much it hurts. If she doesn’t forgive me, then I don’t know what I’ll do. Especially now that I’ll have a daughter.” Walker looked down lovingly at the picture once more.