No Way Back Today

by Eric Shoars

  ***

  April 14, 2018

  Can’t remember the last time I’ve been this anxious. Being at an Applebee’s doesn’t normally put me on edge but this isn’t a normal circumstance. Julie and I are sitting at Applebee’s in Ames, Iowa, and today is the day the band reunites though the two of us are the only ones who know it. It took some doing and some scheduling gymnastics but I was able to finagle my four past and future bandmates to join me. Each person thinks it’s a casual supper with Julie and me as we’re passing through the area.

  Applebee’s seemed like a safe choice. This Applebee’s smells and looks like any other. It’s decorated to fit the interest of the area’s sports fans. Every square inch of wall space contains larger-than-life photos of the local high school teams, the hometown college Iowa State Cyclones, and the Iowa Cubs; the Chicago Cubs’ Triple-A team in Des Moines.

  Five o’clock is the meet time but Julie and I rolled in at 4:30 to make sure we are here first and that all is ready when the others join us. I’d called the manager earlier this week to reserve a table for six which meant rearranging some small tables and chairs to make one long table with a chair on each end and two at the sides.

  Julie and I are positioned so we can see the door. My breathing is deep and slow in an attempt to keep myself calm. Pressure on my shoulders threatens to push me through the floor. All the work, the planning, the practice...it’s all for nothing if tonight doesn’t go well. Marketing is all about selling a story, having people identify with it, and closing the deal. Is a good story going to be enough for them to sign on for this particular rock and roll fantasy?

  Fantasy takes a flying leap when the first of my once and future bandmates walks through that door. The pressure on me comes down to one word: Rejection. If the others say no to my reunion tour idea, it’s over. My band dream rejected yet again for the last time. This final rejection will leave a wound open that has no hope of healing…just a constant ache, like arthritis of my soul.

  “It’s going to be okay, Eric. Just relax and stop putting pressure on yourself,” Julie says. We’ve been married long enough for her to recognize what my silence means. A nod is my only response. My eyes are fixed on the entrance. My heart jumps each time the door opens. The room feels warm. A voice in the corner of my head whispers, Get out of here while you still can.

  Then it’s too late to run. The door opens and Lorelei strolls in, her head doing a side to side sweep until she catches sight of my hand in the air signaling that her place is over here. She smiles and alerts the hostess she’s with us. We never break eye contact as she makes her way over. I rise to be ready to give her a proper welcome.

  “Lorelei’s here,” I announce to Julie.

  Julie looks up. “Wow. She’s pretty. Is she the one who lost her husband?”

  “Yes.”

  Lorelei is wearing blue jeans with a pair of black, knee-length boots, with a white, knit top, and jean jacket. Her thin-strap, black purse swings on her left shoulder like a pendulum about to fly off.

  “Eric!” Lorelei is a force of nature, throwing her arms wide as she gives me a hello hug. “You must be Julie! Hi!” She throws a hug on Julie who returns the hug in self-defense. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you!”

  “Eric has told me so much about you,” Julie says as each woman steps back from the embrace. “I’ve looked forward to meeting you.”

  “So excited to be here,” Lorelei replies, hanging her purse on the chair.

  She notices we’re at a table that’s not for three. Her brows furrow with a lack of understanding. “Seems like the party’s bigger than I was expecting.”

  “A few more friends will be joining us,” I confirm. “I hope that’s okay.”

  Lorelei smiles. “More than okay. Surprises are fun.”

  Heart’s still racing but the fluttering is calming down. Lorelei’s response is promising but three more people have yet to weigh in.

  “Please, sit down,” I invite; pulling out the chair she hung her purse on. I do the same for Julie with the chair next to the end. I seat myself to Julie’s right.

  “Eric tells me you have twin daughters,” Julie starts the conversation. “We have two daughters also.”

  “Yeah. They’re a handful, those two,” Lorelei says, pulling out her phone and locating a picture of her with the twins. “Hope and Faith. They’re my whole life.”

  “Gorgeous,” Julie admires. “They look just like their mother. What do they do?”

  The conversation between the two moms is off and running. Julie pulls out her phone to show Lorelei pictures of Nicole and Ashley and they start trading proud mom stories. I’m not necessary for the chat at this point and that’s fine by me. The conversation calms me and lets me focus on watching the door open and close till the next guests arrive.

  Minutes pass before I recognize that my right leg has been pounding like a jackhammer. Guess the heart flutter traveled south. If the ladies to my left notice my nervousness, they don’t let on. A flash of light reflecting off the glass door as it opens catches my attention. Laurel and Seth walk in and are greeted by the hostess.

  Popping out of my seat, I move to greet them. Julie and Lorelei notice my abrupt movement and turn their heads toward the door. “Laurel and Seth are here. Be right back.”

  “Do I know them?” Lorelei asks Julie as I dart off.

  “I think so,” Julie says. “I know them from Eric’s class reunions.”

  Laurel and Seth walk toward me as I approach them. Laurel is wearing a white skirt with a yellow sleeveless blouse. The neckline reveals a little cleavage. Seth is wearing a pair of khaki shorts, an untucked Hawaiian print shirt, and sandals. Seth, who was in the class behind the rest of us, has aged well. His hair shows no hint of gray...still as dark as when we were in high school.

  “Laurel, Seth! Great to see you!” I give Laurel a hug and Seth a firm handshake. “Come on, we’re over here.” Laurel and Seth follow me to the table.

  As we get closer Laurel says, “Oh, who’s with Julie?”

  Julie and Lorelei stand up. I announce each to our two new guests. “Laurel and Seth, you know my wife Julie and this is our friend Lorelei.” The four greet one another. Laurel has a look on her face that conveys she should know who Lorelei is but can’t place her. And the reverse is true too.

  “Laurie!”

  “Lori! Oh my gosh!”

  There is a gleeful hug once the respective light bulbs go off. My heart is flutter-free for the first time since Julie and I arrived at Applebee’s.

  “How long has it been?” Laurel asks, backing away but each woman keeping their hands on the other’s upper arms.

  “I moved away after fifth grade so,” Lorelei’s eyes go up toward the ceiling when one is trying to mentally grasp information just out of reach,”...too damn long ago.”

  The five of us start laughing, one because it’s funny and two because it’s true. Leave it to Lorelei to put everyone at a state of comfort. There are smiles all around.

  I guide Laurel and Seth to their side of the table with a sweep of my right hand. Laurel and Julie sit to Lorelei’s left and right respectively. Seth and I sit across from one another. Hmm. Apparently it’s women at one end, men at the other. The next few minutes are spent catching up. It’s what have you been doing, talk of kids, and sharing of photos on phones.

  A reflection flash catches me in the eye and causes me to flinch. My attention goes to the door. The flutter comes back.

  “Excuse me, one more party to join us.” Four more sets of eyes go to the door as I get up.

  Laurel turns back toward the table and asks, “Is that Todd Kane?”

  Julie nods. “I’ve never met him but Eric has shown me pictures. That’s Todd.”

  Seth says just before I’m out of earshot, “This is not the evening I thought it would be. What’s next?” His tone
is not cheery.

  Todd scans the room and sees me heading straight for him. He’s wearing a pair of blue jeans, short-sleeved plaid casual shirt, and cowboy boots. His hands are on his hips, non-verbally communicating he’s spent enough time here already and is fine if he turns around and goes home.

  “Todd! Hey, man, great to see you. Thanks for coming.” I reach out for his hand and we exchange a hearty handshake.

  “I didn’t have anything else going on so why not?” Todd stays non-committal to the evening. The hope is the positive vibes currently at the table are greater than the negative one in front of me.

  “Table’s this way, come on.”

  Todd is a stride behind me till we get to the table and he sidles up beside me. All eyes look up with a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty about all of this.

  “Hey, everyone, it’s Todd Kane.” All seated at the table rise making me feel I’m the bailiff and Todd is a judge just entering the courtroom. Individual introductions are made starting with Julie, then Lorelei, Laurel, and Seth. The two of us then head to our end of the table.

  “While you went to escort Todd here the server came over and we ordered two servings of the sampler platter appetizers,” Julie tells me.

  “That’s fine by me.”

  “I think the headline is that Eric is Todd’s escort,” Seth teases. Todd smacks Seth’s arm with the back of his right hand. Seth and I beam. Todd actually smiles. Oh, the humanity.

  The women shake their heads. “Sometimes I don’t get guys,” Laurel states.

  “What’s with the hitting?” Lorelei chimes in.

  “And the Three Stooges? What is so flippin’ funny about the Three Stooges?” Julie laments.

  “Nothing!” the artists formerly known as Laurie and Lori respond in unison.

  Seth’s joke brings the mood back to upbeat all around. This is what I envisioned. Childhood friends gathered together sharing a meal, memories, merriment, and - God willing - music.

  “Has anyone asked what the heck this is all about?” Todd refocuses on the table. “Anyone else think it was going to be just you and these two?” Todd gestures in Julie’s and my direction.

  Seth is the first to answer Todd’s inquiry. “We sure did. Thought it would be just us and them for dinner. Not upset about the extra people but curious why the deception.”

  Laurel and Lorelei say nothing but their expression and body language concur with Seth and Todd. Julie is in the corner of my eye looking at me waiting to see what the answer is. The word I didn’t want to hear – deception – stings me.

  I nod in understanding. “I know, I know. Please forgive me. I wasn’t sure how to do this without it getting weird.” Julie tenses up beside me. She doesn’t have a sense of where I’m going with this and it’s making her nervous. “Earlier this year it hit home about turning 50 and I got nostalgic, remembering childhood and our times in elementary school.”

  “And you wanted to get us back together,” Lorelei puts the pieces in place.

  “Exactly,” I confirm. “It would have been tacky as hell to just reach out to everyone and say, ‘Hey, remember how we used to be friends as kids? Let’s all get together’. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to handle it but the only thing I could think of was to reach out individually to re-establish our friendships. I figured everyone here knows me so there are no strangers.”

  Silence. This is when everything could unravel. They could tell me to take a flying leap and walk. Seconds pass and more seconds. In all, probably five but it feels like an eternity.

  “You went to a lot of effort to make this happen,” Laurel observes.

  “I did.”

  “Let me guess,” Todd says, “the day you stopped for coffee you weren’t just passing through, you had coffee meetings with all of us.”

  “Yes. Although, I did stop by the comic book store I told you about.”

  “You did all this so the four of us could reunite?” Lorelei says seemingly to herself. “I think it’s sweet.”

  Julie relaxes.

  “Thanks for understanding. Nostalgia is a strange motivator,” I say, poking fun at myself. “Julie has been very supportive through the sentimental journey.” All eyes move from me to my wife and look at her warmly save for Todd who maintains emotional distance.

  Lorelei puts her hand on Julie’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Thanks for supporting Eric in finding us. Not every wife would do that.”

  Julie smiles. “Getting to know his childhood friends again and learning about you all through him has been a joy for us both. You all have led such interesting lives. He told me how you were as kids in elementary school and now as adults...it’s like I already know you though I haven’t met all of you before now. I’m so happy it worked out for all of you to be here. I know how happy this makes Eric.” She reaches out and takes my left hand.

  Our server slides in with our appetizers, setting them in the middle of the table. Todd and I lean in opposite directions to give the server easier access. I catch a glimpse of her nametag.

  “Thanks, Heather,” I tell her.

  “Are you ready to order?” she asks. “Or do you need some more time?”

  “More time,” Todd answers for the group.

  “Oh,” Heather realizes, “I need to get your drink orders. Not all of you were here when I first came up so you all just have water. Can I get anyone anything else?”

  “I’d like a glass of unsweetened iced tea, please,” I start us off.

  “I’d like a McGolden Light with three olives in the bottom of the glass,” from Julie.

  “Mojito, please,” Lorelei asks.

  “Strawberry margarita,” Laurel requests.

  “Glass of Blue Moon,” Seth orders.

  “I’ll have the same,” Todd brings the round to a close.

  “Sounds good, guys,” Heather chirps happily. “I’ll be back with those.”

  The evening goes as I’d hoped it would from then on. Among ordering our food, eating our meal together and the conversation that flavors it, this supper together is only slightly ranked behind the family meals with Julie and the girls in my level of enjoyment. This night feels very much like a family reunion.

  There is light conversation mixed with serious moments when talking of life’s happenings since we were last together. We have a mutual appreciation of the paths we’ve taken and the lives we’ve led that have brought us here.

  “Okay, hang on a minute,” Laurel brings a halt to the flow of the conversation. “Who’s 50...of the four of us?” She raises her hand.

  “Next week,” Todd answers.

  “June,” I say.

  “September,” Lorelei shares.

  “Oh, great, I’m it,” Laurel laments.

  “Sooo, one senior citizen at the table?” I tease looking around at the chance I’ve missed someone. I chortle having greatly amused myself.

  Julie gasps putting her hands over her mouth. Not supposed to joke about a woman’s age, I know. But why not live dangerously? Laurel glares at me but there’s a hint of a smile in her eyes so I know she’s not angry. Lorelei and Seth purse their lips together, holding back a snicker that is a forgone conclusion. Todd smiles. Don’t think I’m getting a chuckle out of him but any reaction is a victory.

  Laurel turns her attention to her husband. The effort not to snort is taking its toll; his face is now as red as the apple on the menu. “Don’t you dare, Seth. Don’t you dare.”

  Lorelei breaks first and all it takes is the first one. The table erupts and joins in even Todd the curmudgeon. It turns into that thing when everyone is almost calmed down and then one person starts guffawing and everyone is back to hysterics. I have to remove my glasses to clear the tears from my eyes.

  “Oh, stop, stop,” Julie pleads. “My stomach hurts.”

  “I think I’m going to pe
e my pants!” Lorelei exclaims.

  Our laughter has not gone unnoticed by our fellow patrons. No one seems to mind but no one gets the joke. Soon their attention turns back to their own tables. The six of us manage to regain our composure.

  “Inappropriate much?” Laurel fires across the table in mock disgust.

  “Oh, like every day of his life,” Julie steps in. “You should try being married to this guy.”

  “You have my sympathies,” Laurel deadpans.

  “Hey!” I protest briefly. “Okay, I earned that. But it’s okay. At your age, you probably won’t remember how I offended you.”

  The period of my sentence barely hit the air when Julie backhands my shoulder. “Eric! Stop that!”

  “Ow!”

  “That’s for Laurel,” Julie admonishes me. “Respect your elders.”

  Laurel’s eyes go wide as she is taken off guard by Julie’s sly humor. A pause. The table roars again. Laurel perhaps the hardest, appreciating her surprise at Julie’s humor.

  “Things must be very interesting at your house,” Lorelei says.

  “Oh, you have no idea,” Julie confirms.

  “True story,” I add. Scanning our group, spirits are high and the mood light. Everyone is enjoying themselves.

  Heather returns to clear our plates asking if we’d like refills of our drinks which we all answer yes. We are all quiet for a few moments, reflecting. We’ve been together for about 90 minutes and, thus far, tonight is exceeding expectations. This seems to be an acceptable time to unveil the grand plan.

  “Julie, would you get the picture out of your bag, please?”

  Julie nods, leaning toward me, her large bag resting on the floor between our chairs. She pulls out a twice-folded piece of paper in the shape of a square and hands it to me. The four others watch intently with the intensity I’m about to perform a magic trick.

  I begin unveiling the idea by first unfolding the paper. “The year was 1977. We were in 4th grade. Four kids had a vision of the future,” is how things get underway.

  “For crying out loud, get to the point,” Todd interrupts. “Spit it out.”