No Way Back Today
Page 12
“You had no right! I ought to beat the shit out of you for this!” Todd isn’t speaking so much as growling. His face is red. His carotid artery is throbbing. His knuckles are white as a sheet. His nose is almost touching mine. I can smell what he had for lunch three days ago.
“Hey!” Julie springs from her seat as do the rest of our not-yet band. She tries to separate us. Seth grabs Todd trying to keep him from following up on his threat. He cannot get Todd to break his grip.
“What is wrong with you?” Laurel accuses. “Have you lost your mind?”
“Let him go, Todd!” Lorelei implores.
“Is this all some sort of sick game to you? Screwing with people’s lives? Screwing with our lives? My life? Is it?”
Todd’s reaction doesn’t shock me. His ferocity does. In the meantime, four servers – all men – run to us. People at nearby tables and booths try to distance themselves. Those people who aren’t nearby lean toward us. Seconds later, two servers have my shoulders and two – plus Seth - have Todd’s. I take note that five grown men are on us and can’t budge Todd. I may be in a little trouble here. For my part, I’m not resisting. I get why he’s angry with me.
“Sir, sir! Stop! Let go!” says a server whose nametag reads “Dan”. Todd can only see me in this moment. All around him doesn’t exist, only his rage at me. A woman I haven’t seen before approaches and identifies herself as the manager.
“Break it up! Break it up! Hey! I’m talking to you!” She is now almost nose to nose with both of us. “You take this crap out of my restaurant now or I’m calling the cops and you can take it up with them!”
Todd relaxes enough to let go of me in the form of a shove, pushing me away. Anyone with a grip on someone else lets go simultaneously. Julie is about ready to go for Todd’s throat. I place my hand on Julie’s arm to keep her where she is. Everyone takes a breath. The service staff isn’t confident that this is over.
“Get your things and get out now,” the manager demands. Heather approaches cautiously and hands me my card and receipt.
The six of us grab our stuff from the table. Todd spins on his heels and is headed toward the door. Seth, Laurel, Lorelei, Julie, and I keep our heads down and exit as quickly and quietly as we can. The greeters usher us out into the Saturday evening. They don’t tell us to have a nice night.
Lorelei races toward Todd. “What was that all about? You’ve been questioning Eric’s sanity but you look like the madman here.”
Todd doesn’t back away from her accusation. “Did you read what’s in here?” He holds up the business plan. “Did you? It’s all here...our lives for everyone to see in these damn lyrics.” Todd looks around Lorelei and points a furious left index finger at me. “You’re a bastard!”
“Calm down, Todd,” Laurel tells him and then turns to me. “What is he talking about? Why is he so upset?”
“It’s the songs!” Todd answers a question he wasn’t asked.
“Shut up and let Eric answer the question, you jackass!” Julie yells back at him. She has had enough of him this evening.
I gently take her arm and say softly, “It’s okay, boo. I don’t blame him. It’s okay.” I turn my attention to Laurel to answer her question. “I told you all earlier that the songs are based on our lives, our experiences. They’re not meant to be biographical but can certainly be taken that way. The songs are personal...”
“Very personal!” Todd punctuates.
“...and I don’t blame any of you if you’re upset with me. This is a personal journey for me too.” I look over at Todd and address him directly. “And if it would make you feel better to beat the crap out of me, here I am. I won’t stop you.” Julie gives me a look that says anyone who wants to take a shot at me goes through her first.
Laurel raises her right hand that holds the business plan. She places in on her left hand and flips to the back of the packet where the lyrics are. “Well, then maybe we should read them.”
Lorelei nods.
Seth looks back toward the door and catches sight of four servers and a manager staring daggers at us. Kicking us out isn’t enough for them. They want us off the property. “Uh, I think maybe we should take this elsewhere. I think they’re close to calling the cops on us.”
“Agreed,” I reply. “Any suggestions where we take this? Are we taking this anywhere?”
“There’s a park nearby,” Laurel announces. “Let’s drive over there. You all can follow Seth and me.”
“Fair enough,” Lorelei agrees. “We’ll all go.” She turns back to Todd and steps into him. “Won’t we?”
A grunt of agreement from Todd.
“Okay, then,” I say. “See everyone there.”
Five minutes later, safely away from the withering glares of the Applebee’s manager and staff, we are gathered at the pavilion of the local park. It’s a beautiful Spring evening spoiled by the tension that could be cut with a chainsaw. We have reassembled at the picnic table. Todd and I are at opposite ends. Lorelei and Laurel are on his right and left while Seth and Julie are seated to my right and left. Julie is holding my hand.
“Now, then,” Laurel starts off like she’s calling a board meeting to order. “I think the way to go is for us to read the lyrics. Let’s go song by song and see what we think. Sound like a plan?”
“Yes, I like that idea,” Lorelei endorses.
Todd grunts.
Laurel proceeds. “Let’s turn to the back of the packet and start with the first song. We’ll read it and then exchange thoughts before moving to the next.” She takes a deep breath. “Okay. First song, Take The Day.”
With that the reading begins. Seth reads over his wife’s shoulder. Julie has my copy and reads along. I am a statue. Don’t need to read the packet. I wrote it.
“Cute song,” Lorelei breaks the silence. “I like it. Very hopeful.”
Laurel tosses a glance my way. “Get the inspiration and motivation you’re going for.” She then turns to her right. “Todd?”
He only nods.
“Next song. 1986.”
The next round begins. There is a refreshing breeze. It’s a beautiful night but I’m not enjoying it. I knew there might be some blowback but not we got kicked out of an Applebee’s blowback. What the hell is Todd’s problem? Has he changed that much since we were kids? Did I do something I’m unaware that has him carrying so much rage towards me?
“I remember doing that!” Lorelei says. “Totally did that.” She turns my way. “This brings back fun memories.”
“I was a town kid so I walked to school but I recall seeing the busses come in to school and there being these numerals all over the frosty windows,” Laurel adds.
“I did this. So did he. Your eights were always fat on the bottom and skinny at the top,” Todd says not taking his eyes off the page.
His comment goes unacknowledged by me. Don’t give a damn how he thinks my eights looked.
“Moving on,” Lorelei says. “Happy Ever After up next.”
My stomach knots itself over and over. If Todd was pissed about his song, well, let’s see if Lorelei wants to kick my ass. Still silent, I read faces. The lyrics play in my head almost in time with the reading speed of the others. Lorelei’s eyes well up. Laurel’s eyes widen. Todd’s expression softens. Tears run down Julie’s cheeks. Seth is as expressionless as I am.
Laurel pulls her eyes off the page and puts them on the woman across from her. “Oh, Lorelei, I am so sorry. How awful.”
Tears are in the corner of Lorelei’s eyes. “It’s okay. As I said at supper when you and I were talking about Dom, I’ve had my time to mourn.” Her eyes come around to mine. “I see what you did, that my story was inspiration, not biography. I’m fine with it.”
I nod at her in thanks for understanding.
Julie reaches out and puts her hand atop Lorelei’s. “I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I can�
��t even imagine.”
Lorelei pats Julie’s hand. “Thank you. Actually, what Eric wrote was lovely. Think it captures my feelings accurately whether that was the intent or not. It actually makes me feel less alone.”
Todd looks at Lorelei and says the first words since wanting to drop me at Applebee’s. “I’m sorry too. But, seriously, don’t you feel violated? Doesn’t this piss you off?”
Lorelei shakes her head. “In getting to know Eric again, I think I know him well enough to know there’s no malice in these lyrics. He wants authentic and, from what I’ve read thus far, that’s what it is. Laurel?”
She nods. “It’s very authentic. I can see people identifying with what we’ve read so far. Shall we continue?”
“I don’t have to read the next one. Don’t really want to,” Todd announces staring at me. I engage the stare down and neither of us blinks. I’m about ready to go after him. I’ve had enough of his bullshit.
“Let’s see what got us kicked out of Applebee’s,” Laurel says. “Everything Changed.”
The only sound is that of page flipping as all are examining the song lyrics that caused Todd to lose his shit. Julie has never read the lyrics so she’s reading them off my copy. Julie gasps as she reads. Seth puts his hand over his mouth and looks at me out of the corner of his eye. Not sure if he needs to be added to the list of people at this table who want to take a poke at me.
“Wooo,” Lorelei says. “I had no idea, Todd. I can understand why you’re upset. But it’s no more personal than the song about me losing my husband.” Laurel’s head jerks up off the page to look at the other female member of the about to be extinct band if things don’t improve.
“You lost something you had,” Laurel observes. “Todd lost something he never had. And maybe never will. That’s so personal.” She turns to look at Todd. “I get it.” She pauses, looks over at me, and back at Todd. “But I still think you overreacted.”
“Maybe,” Todd replies. “See if you think that after you read a song about your pain.”
“Fair enough,” Laurel tells him. “I’m guessing No Way Back Today must be mine.” Laurel’s eyes meet mine. I slowly blink and tilt my head forward as a confirmation. My breathing is slow and deep. Hope is dwindling with the daylight and it will be dark soon. Tonight has painted a picture that I’ve wasted my time on a pipe dream.
“Okay, people,” Laurel announces, “this is totally taking a situation and using creative license. Supposedly, this is my song but the only similarity is that soon Seth and I will be empty nesters and I’m not the basket case the woman in this song is. BUT I can tell you I know a lot of women personally who are the woman in this song. It is dead on.” She shakes her head in wonder. “Dead on.” She looks over at me. “This is amazing. You and your collaborator have done some impressive work.”
“I know I’m not part of this band thing but I have to say, this stuff is legit,” Seth echoes. “Impressive.”
Still not in the frame of mind to speak so I nod deliberately in response to the comments.
Lorelei takes in what I noticed moments ago. “We’d better finish this fast or we’re going to be reading in the dark.” The rest of the group takes the cue and continues reading the remainder of the lyrics as quickly as possible. A few crickets sing to us.
Minutes later Lorelei brings her head up. Her eyes sweep the rest of the group. “I’ve read all the songs and they’re exceptional. If we do this, I could easily sing them. What do the rest of you think?”
“I agree,” Laurel says. “I’m not committing to anything but the songs make a strong case.” She looks left to her husband. “Seth?”
“I’m not sold on the idea, yet. But if you decide to do this, you sure aren’t going to embarrass yourself singing this. I’ll support whatever your decision is, whenever you make it.”
Todd shrugs. No one asks Julie what she thinks but does anyone have to? Probably not.
The other four look at each other not sure what happens where we go from here. “I’ll ask it,” Laurel states. “What now? What’s next?”
Lorelei purses her lips. She taps her right index finger on them. “Hmm. I think the next step is to see how we sound together. Karaoke anyone?”
“Excuse me?” Todd says clearly taken off guard. “We’re supposed to sing together now?”
“No, no, that makes sense,” Laurel nods. “Eric has this vision that we can be an actual band. Karaoke was brought up earlier. Maybe we should sing together. Any suggestions as to where we can do that?”
“A.J.’s on East Court in Des Moines,” are the first words to leave my mouth since arriving at the park. “Apparently they have the best karaoke in the city.”
“Done?” Laurel asks Lorelei.
“Done.” Lorelei confirms. “Todd?”
“Seems like he’s got this all worked out,” Todd tosses a thumb in my general direction. “Let’s see where it goes.”
“Looks like we’re in agreement,” Seth says as we rise as one, “A.J.’s on East Court it is. We can all find our way there?”
We all assure Seth we can. The group leaves the table behind. My path takes me past Todd and I turn in to him and stand toe to toe. It takes a second for everyone else to realize what I’ve done and they freeze as they survey the situation.
“This goes beyond a song I wrote,” comes out with no set up. “What is your problem with me, really?”
Todd stares at me. The wheels are turning trying to determine if he’s going to tell me the truth or sweep the question aside. He takes a long slow breath in and lets it go in the same manner.
“You always thought you were better than me, smarter than me. I was always the sidekick, always in your shadow. It was suffocating. The best thing that ever happened was moving away from you.” Todd may as well have punched me in the heart because his words just did. He finally spit out the poison that has been festering in his heart all this time.
“How you felt and what I actually did are two different things. I never said I was better or smarter than you or anyone else. I sure as hell never treated you like a sidekick. You were my best friend.” I exhale like a bull that’s about to charge.
“It devastated me when you moved away. Even more so when you didn’t stay in touch. I felt abandoned. I’ve never had a best friend since because I couldn’t go through that again...to invest so much of myself in a friend only to be ditched.”
We engage in a stare down. Neither he nor I make a move. Anger and animosity between two former best friends is palpable. The others have the sense to stay back and let Todd and me resolve this.
“Would it help to knock the crap out of me and be done with it? Would that settle things so we can move on?” I offer.
The women gasp. Seth takes a tentative move forward in case he has to break up a fight. The only things missing are an ominous whistle, a dust cloud, and tumbleweed rolling past us at high noon. His hands and mine are fists at our sides ready to be thrown. Todd’s hands finally relax then mine follow suit.
“No. No need for fighting,” Todd answers. “You and I have some issues to work out but they can wait for another day. I guess I just needed to say what I said. The song you wrote hit me sideways and with all the other stuff between us, I...well, it didn’t get expressed the way it should have. Karaoke?”
“Karaoke it is,” I confirm with no emotion whatsoever.
With that, we’re off to A.J.’s on East Court.
***
Four cars pull into the parking lot of A.J.’s on East Court inside of 35 minutes. The ride over in our car was quiet as Julie left me to sort through my thoughts and feelings. I’m perplexed and disheartened. Todd’s buried resentment of me is inexplicable. Our friendship played over and over in my head on the drive over and I can’t for the life of me figure out how he can feel the way he does.
Lorelei and Laurel are giving thi
s idea a fair hearing despite the disastrous nature of the night. Even if the ladies sign on for this reunion tour, how much fun is it going to be if Todd hates me the entire time? Why bother to doing the tour if we’re not going to enjoy it?
The six of us step out of our respective vehicles silently acknowledging one another. The travel time and separation seems to have given all of us time to process and breathe a bit. Reading the body language of the others gives me a vibe that much of the tension has dissipated. Let’s see how long that lasts.
“Shall we?” Laurel asks. She extends an arm to usher us toward the entrance of A.J.’s on East Court. We make our way to the door and closer to our singing debut. Tonight may be the closest the band comes to being a reality. Excitement and dread form a nauseating cocktail in my gut as we step through the doorway. We are greeted by a place packed with party people. It is rowdy in all the right ways.
A.J.’s on East Court is a big enough bar with a neighborhood bar feel. The drop ceilings are ten feet high so it makes for an intimate, at-home atmosphere. Wainscoting on the lower part of the walls feature wood slats with a light walnut stain lined up vertically around the establishment. The walls are painted a deep red above the wainscoting.
We manage to squeeze ourselves past the masses to get further inside the room and a fuller view of our surroundings. Lorelei spots a sign above the bar and reads it aloud, “Be your inner rock star tonight.”
All eyes except Todd’s put themselves on me.
“What?” I reply defensively.
“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Todd mutters under his breath not taking his eyes off the sign.
“I see a table for us over there,” Julie alerts us. “I’ll go grab it.” She darts for a high top table that will fit six people comfortably.
We follow Julie, pulling up to the table that has a black top and six metal barstools with black cushioned seats. We’re fortunate to have found this table. Not much space to be found whether it’s a high top table or the traditional ones. Our seating arrangement is the same as it was at the park keeping Todd and I apart.