Lia's files 2_Heading down south

by Kathrin Kilambya

  His fingers traced the lines of my face, his eyes burning themselves into mine.

  “But I realized then, that, should you reappear safe and sound, I would never again hesitate. I would speak out about my love. It was, it is, too precious. Before, in those months after we’d met at Kamene’s, I had thought about you a lot, coveted you, wondered how to get to know you better, win you over. But the perfect moment, the chance to let you know how I feel never seemed to present itself. And so I waited, fool that I was, and deliberated. Then, there, in those endless, dark nights in our shelter in Cambridge, I vowed that I would never let you go, should I get the chance to see you again. Maybe in the old world it had been okay to wait for a better opportunity, a more appropriate way to talk about my feelings. But now things are different, everything is different. And, I will never, never again hide my feelings, Lia!” He touched my lips with his fingers. And I felt tears in my eyes, though I was smiling at him.

  “I don’t know how much time we will have together, Lia. After all, there is a long and very dangerous way ahead of us. Whatever time we have together, I want to enjoy it, treasure it. You are my life, Lia. That you love me too, is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened. That we are together! That you survived your crazy stint. That we made it here. That we have been granted time together! I will savour every single second of it.” He was smiling at me now. “And I will never let you go!”

  “Ditto! And with all my heart.” I gently touched his temple and lifted my face to his. Our kiss felt like a promise. That he loved me. That this gorgeous person, with his brilliant mind and beautiful soul should care for me, love me, it still overwhelmed me. But I felt brave now, bold, ready to face whatever might come, with him at my side. Suddenly, I felt him grin, his lips still on mine.

  “What?”

  “You know, to be honest I admit that sometimes, just sometimes, I felt like murdering you.”

  “What!!”

  “You have to understand, I think it was a kind of physiological reaction of my body. In order to stay sane, I mean. A reaction to my despair. It’s difficult to explain.” When he saw my face, he quickly added. “I am trying to be honest here, Lia, sharing all my feelings with you, no holding back. So, yes, I have to confess, sometimes I felt that should I live to see you again, I would wring your neck. To run off without saying a word to anyone! To risk your life and to just disappear! The rage I felt in those moments , it was incredible, unbelievable!”

  His eyes blazed with indignation, even just at the thought of those moments.

  But I felt brave now. From the safety of his arms I reached out and pulled him close. “I am sorry, I had no idea then. All I can say is, I love you, Josh, I truly do.”

  He hesitated for a split second, then relented and kissed me in return before he pulled back, sat up and pulled me upright along with him.

  “Promise me that, Lia! That you will never ever do something like that again. Whatever risk-taking there will have to be done, let me be part of it. Never again leave me out. I want to walk whatever way lies ahead of us with you at my side, from now onwards and to the very end. Promise me!”

  “I do. I will not promise you, though …” he looked alarmed, but I put a finger on his lips, because this was important, “ that I will just sit back and watch. Let you, Paul, Rob and Nin take on all the dangerous tasks. We are in this together. You and me, and all the others. We will make it, of this I am certain. We will make it to Uncle Phil’s hide-out; we will see Mum and Nate, the twins, Uncle Phil and Aunt Kamene again. But we will do it together. You by my side, I by yours. Equal partners. Promise me this!”

  Josh smiled at me tenderly, his eyes blazing with love. “I do, Lia! You by my side, I by yours! Always!”

  Without taking his eyes off me, he reached into the pocket of his trousers and took out a handkerchief. Gently he unwrapped what was inside. He drew a deep breath, looked down on me with a look in his eyes that made my heart sing and flocks of butterflies take off in my stomach.

  “Lia, will you do me the honour of accepting this token of my love?”

  He held out his hand to me, a silver chain with a pendant in it. It took my breath away. The love in his eyes, the intensity of those dark eyes burning into mine. The gesture, the promise. I felt my heart beating wildly in my throat and an overwhelming tenderness rise within. I reached out and touched his cheek. “Yes, of course. Oh, Josh, it’s wonderful! Oh, thank you so much!”

  “Let me put it on then.” He was full of enthusiasm now and lifted his arms around my neck, fastening the chain, gently touching the pendant.

  “I made it myself, you know, not the chain, but the pendant. The stones I had found on one of the trips with Phil last year. Already when I found them I knew they were for you. But for a long time I didn’t know what to make them into. When you ran off on your hare-brained expedition, I suddenly knew.” He let go off the pendant and I finally managed to see what it was. A disk of a pale green stone with a miniature silver Baobab tree fastened to it! I gasped and Josh looked at me alarmed.

  “What’s the matter? You don’t like it?”

  “A Baobab tree! How did you know?”

  He looked at me confused, questioningly. “How did I know what?”

  “The Baobab tree! It’s my absolutely favourite tree, has been for years and years! That you should have made this for me! And with a Baobab tree of all! Oh, Josh! It’s the most wonderful, incredible gift I have ever been given!” I burst out in tears and he looked at me utterly confused now.

  “What’s the matter, Lia, why are you crying now? Speak to me! Tell me.”

  I was utterly overwhelmed. The joy of being with Josh, the intensity of his love for me, and now this totally unexpected and utterly wonderful present. I managed a smile and whispered, still tightly clutching the pendant. “Josh, it’s wonderful! You don’t know what this means to me. I have always loved Baobab trees more than anything. You don’t find them everywhere. They are special. They always seemed to me like a promise. A promise to life itself. Their wonderful thick stems. Their shape. The way they stand out in the semi-arid vegetation, like ancient testimonies that life will always thrive. And there is one, a huge one, remember! Very near Uncle Phil’s place. I always loved to go there, sit under that tree and just listen and smell nature. Because the air smells special there, and you can hear lots of birds. Oh, Josh! That you should have known this! That of all the things you should have made me this penchant with a Baobab! This is the most beautiful thing I have ever been given!”

  Crying and laughing all at the same time, overwhelmed by emotions, I hugged him close and buried my face in the hollow of his throat. It was incredible. Wonderful.

  “I didn’t know. It seemed an appropriate motive. In view of the fact that we are heading to Kenya. But it never occurred to me that it might mean so much to you. You like it then?” Josh seemed still quite confused, otherwise he would never have asked such a stupid question.

  “Do I like it? Josh, it’s the most wonderful thing you could ever have given me! It means the world to me! You by my side, I by yours! Always! And this token of your love, that you made for me with your own hands … it’s wonderful beyond words! Do I like it? I love it!!!” And with that I kissed him fiercely, feeling light-headed and elated with love, joy, happiness.

  “Wow, Lia!” Nin’s voice came from the door. “Never knew you to be such a passionate person, sis.”

  Well, it had been beautiful while it lasted. This two-some-ness with Josh.

  “Honestly, Nin.” Josh grumbled.

  “Sorry to disturb your bliss.” Nin grinned utterly unapologetically. “But we want to get going soon. It’s past eight and Paul wants us to get going. So get up and wake Alice.”

  I stuck my tongue out to him. He laughed and retreated.

  Then I turned to face Josh once more.

  “Before this magic moment is over and we will be with all the others, let me tell you just this Josh: I love you! With all of my heart and a
lways! And thank you a thousand times for this wonderful present. That you made this! For me! With your own hands! You don’t know what this means to me! Thank you! Josh! Thank you so much!”

  With that I kissed him and he gladly obliged, hugging me tight.

  The next one to disturb us was Alice. She had woken up by now, and, not finding me immediately on the usual side of the bed, she cried out. “Lia, where are you? Lia!”

  “I am here, tiger, right by your side.” I assured her, reaching out for her. She turned her head, rubbing away the tears and sleep, pulling a face.

  “You moved! It’s not fair! It frightened me!”

  Then she saw Josh.

  “Oh, it’s you, Josh! I almost forgot that you are here, that you came here yesterday.”

  Turning around to her other side, yawning and stretching herself, she asked. “And where is Paul? Iiih, did I sleep with him?”

  We had to laugh at the scandalized tone of her voice. Josh, me, Nin, even Paul who’d apparently heard everything. He came bounding into the room, lifting Alice up into his arms and swinging her around.

  “Yes, little tiger, we slept in the same bed! But I think, you slept very well, didn’t you! So don’t pretend otherwise!”

  Eh, how would she take that? She being normally rather grumpy in the morning?

  But apparently she’d fallen big for Paul, because she squealed with delight and demanded to be lifted up once more.

  “He really has a way with people, you know.” Josh murmured into my ear. “And, he really likes Alice! I think she reminds him of his little niece. So, don’t you worry.”

  “You saw that?” I whispered, a bit taken aback that I had been so easily seen through.

  “Because I love you and anything concerning you is of utmost importance to me.” He replied happily, pressing a kiss on my hair.

  It made my heart skip a beat and I felt myself beaming at him. “Love you!” I whispered.

  “I sincerely hope that we will be granted some alone time one of these days.” Josh grumbled as he got up, pulling me up with him.

  I just smiled at him and walked into the central room, past Yuki and Nin who both gave me a wide grin. Yuki looked positively radiant.

  Winter and Rob had been up for a while and were preparing breakfast. The smell of coffee and chocolate milk filled the room and my stomach grumbled in response.

  I summoned Alice and we went to brush our teeth and get a quick wash. In order not to let the others wait too long we decided to do the hair brushing in the bedroom. Alice wanted a pony tail with her favourite pink ribbon. I obliged her, then quickly braided my hair into one long braid, easy to do and comfy to wear.

  Then Alice saw my new chain and pendant.

  “Oh, Lia, this is beautiful! Is this a present by Josh?”

  She carefully touched the pendant. “It’s a Baobab tree, isn’t it? It is beautiful!”

  “Josh has made it for me. Isn’t it wonderful! Look, it’s just like the Baobab tree at Uncle Phil’s place. Do you remember it?”

  She nodded. “Lia, will we be there soon? Will we be with Mum and the others soon? I miss her sooo much!”

  I pressed her tight. My little brave tiger!

  “Yes, Alice, we’ll get there soon. It’s a long way, but we’ll get there. Isn’t this gift from Josh a good omen for our journey? It’s like a promise. That we will get there. Soon. Safely. And all together.”

  I kissed her and she leaned in on me for a moment as if to confirm what I had said.

  “Ah, there you two are.” Josh came into the room, a question in his eyes. I silently shook my head. No need to talk about this too much. We were bound to get going. That was enough. He bowed his head and smiled.

  Alice wanted to know how Josh had made the pendant for me. He told her and then inquired about Piglet and Malinda and she gladly showed him. I left them discussing what Alice should pack for them and went to help Winter and Rob.

  About ten minutes later, everyone was ready and dressed and we finally sat down to have breakfast. We ate mostly in silence, except for Alice who lectured Paul and Josh on the things she meant to show them, the ways and places around our house and shelter, the farm with the chickens and everything. I would have stopped her, but Yuki motioned for me to be silent. And, after all, she was right. Alice innocently rambling on about everything normal and harmless was kind of soothing. Reality and truth would hit soon enough, let us enjoy this dream while it lasted.

  And so I sat back and enjoyed the closeness with everyone I cared for and loved. Josh sat next to me, of course, his leg touching mine, his hand every now and then searching for mine. Several times he glanced down at me and smiled his gorgeous smile that made me weak and incredibly strong and confident at the same time. I was still kind of incredulous that he was here. After all the waiting and anxiety. And I had to touch him every now and then, too, to make sure it was real. He liked it, I could tell, because every time a smile would flicker over his face.

  “So, we’ll go to the airport today, won’t we?” Rob asked when everyone was done. “Are we all going, or are some of us staying behind?”

  “I opt for all of us going down there.” Nin answered. “That way we can discuss the details of the get-away there and then and come up with a feasible plan how to transport everything over to the airport.”

  Everyone agreed and Paul asked him to show him our weapons and ammunition so that they could decide what to take along on this trip.

  Josh and Winter went with them to the fitness room to have a look at our weapons.

  Rob remained with Yuki and me and we quickly tidied up the breakfast things.

  Rob inspected our food stock and wanted to know where we got fresh things from.

  “We go over to the farm house where our cars are hidden.” Yuki explained. “There, we get apples, potatoes and eggs, some carrots as well. They have quite a stock in their cellars. And the people who lived at that farm have left, or are dead, we don’t know. We are just using up their produce. But, we are running out of fresh things. We haven’t had fresh milk for ages; or any other dairy products for that. And also vegetable-wise I wish we’d have more and a greater variety. I start to loath the smell of carrots, you know.”

  Rob grinned at this. “At least you have fresh eggs. That’s a delicacy we haven’t had for many weeks. I think we should take quite some food with us. Not just the bare necessities, but actually a stock of food, whatever we can take with. We don’t know what we will encounter, how quickly we will find food or water, wherever it will be that we will land. Looking at your stock sure comes as a relief. You have a lot. And quite a variety of things. If we can load half of it we should have enough for the length of our trip, even if it were to take two to three weeks. Good.”

  “It seems almost unreal.” Yuki replied. “I mean, that we will actually leave within just a few days. I have been longing for this moment. But now, frankly, it scares me a bit.” She looked almost apologetically. “Don't you think so, too, Lia?”

  “Yes, a bit. I understand what you mean. Though, I am really looking forward to get going now.”

  But there was something else I wanted to ask Rob while the others were over in the fitness room. I turned to face Rob. “Rob, is Paul really reliable?”

  This drew a shocked, “Lia!!” by Yuki.

  But Rob was just calmly scrutinizing me from across the kitchen, leaning on the counter. “Go on, Lia, what do you mean by this question?”

  “I mean. I don’t want to be rude, but …” I heaved a big sigh to get the tension I suddenly felt off my chest. “I guess what I really want to know is whether Paul is a show-off or a dare-devil? I can’t quite get the measure of him. No offence intended.”

  “None taken. And I guess what this really boils down to is ‘Is Paul like your Dad or not’, right?” He was watching me with an almost amused expression on his face now.

  I hadn’t expected that. And now it was my turn to feel taken aback. That he should have read me so easi
ly! But then again, and come to think off, Rob had a point here.

  “Yes, I guess, that’s what it boils down to. You know my Dad?”

  “Yes. Not closely, but I’ve heard a lot about him and I’ve also seen him in action. Enough to see why you’d be concerned and to spot the difference between him and Paul.”

  He beckoned at me and folded his arms in front of him.

  “I have known Paul for as long as I can think, Lia. Him, Josh and I, we’ve been friends since we were kids. Josh and I a bit longer than with Paul, but it doesn’t really matter, not after all the things we’ve been through together, the three of us. And to answer your question: there’s no one I’d rather be in this situation and on this trip with than Paul. He’s a dare-devil, no doubt about that. He loves a challenge and an adventure. He certainly does. And, he’s probably a bit crazy. But utterly trustworthy and straight. He’s in it for the friendship, not for the show or himself or some other grand delusion. Understand?”

  Yuki looked a bit helplessly from me to Rob and back. She obviously didn’t feel comfortable with our conversation. Though, why this should be the case, beat me. Unless she felt, we’d both bad-mouthed my Dad more than was decent. I, though, liked what Rob said.

  “I see. You’ve certainly gotten the measure of my Dad. I guess, you understand then why I asked about Paul?”

  “Absolutely. And, as I said earlier, no offence taken, none whatsoever. Just believe me when I say that Paul and your Dad are two entirely different pair of shoes, will you?”

  “Absolutely. I liked Paul from the beginning. I just needed to make sure I had gotten him right. There’s no room here for a show-off. There’s far too much and far too many people’s lives at stake. Don’t you think so too?”

  “I couldn’t agree with you more, Lia.” Rob slowly smiled at me. “And I really appreciate your question. It shows your dedication. To your family and your friends. I am glad we are in this together, Lia. You’re another one to be trusted implicitly. And I don’t say this because of Josh. I am really glad to have met you and that you are part of our group. It sure comes as a relief to me.”