Rebel Dreams

by Patricia Rice

  Instead, he donned his cloak and strode to the deck.

  ***

  With a sinking heart, Evelyn heard Alex leave the main cabin. She had thought to stir his jealousy with Thomas’ attentions, but Alex’s hardened heart couldn’t be stirred by anything she did. Even though she had reconciled herself to the annulment for his sake, she had quit fooling herself long ago that she desired any such thing.

  Her arms felt empty knowing they would never feel Alex’s embrace again. She knew now that she did not bear his child, and that brought hot tears to her eyes.

  “Has he ever told you the names of the smugglers his investigation uncovered?” Henderson asked idly, throwing a card down on his solitaire game.

  Evelyn shook her head numbly in reply. Perhaps she ought to relieve her mother of nursing duty for a while. It must be her turn by now.

  “It seems odd that he would keep such information a secret. Do you think the evidence might in any way incriminate himself?”

  Evelyn gave him a blank look. “Alex would be a trifle foolish to investigate himself, wouldn’t he?”

  Henderson shrugged. “Perhaps there isn’t any evidence. He’s just aroused my curiosity. I fully understood him to say he had sufficient information to free you from all charges. It seems odd that he has not presented it.”

  Evelyn vaguely remembered her own worries on that subject, but the matter did not seem so pressing as before. She watched the passageway for some sign of Alex’s return. “It scarcely matters now, does it?”

  Thomas glanced at her with surprise. “You could very well be a countess before long. If this smuggling scandal comes to light and others know the details, you could be blackmailed to keep it quiet. I should think it would be in your best interest to destroy anything connected with the scandal, or at least give me the information to protect you. That packet could be essential to your defense.”

  Evelyn frowned. Could the contents of that packet be used against her? Surely Alex would not do that. The annulment would be sufficient to buy his freedom.

  Shaking her head, she dismissed the subject, but her curiosity was whetted. What could Alex hope to do by keeping the evidence secret? He had called it explosive material. She didn’t like the sound of that at all.

  By the end of November, with the worst of the journey behind them, the earl was no better. Alex found that a brandy bottle eased the anxious hours at his cousin’s bedside. Everett regained consciousness occasionally to frown at his heir’s occupation, but fortunately, he lacked the strength to scold.

  “Where’s Evelyn?”

  Startled from his reveries by this croak from the bed, Alex set aside his glass and checked the compress on his cousin’s forehead. “Sleeping. It is that time of night.”

  “You should be sleeping with her. It is your responsibility to produce heirs now. Or can you tell me there is one already on the way?”

  Alex knew there was not. His one single flickering hope had been doused when he came upon his wife washing out the cloths proving their coupling had borne no fruit.

  “Produce your own heirs, Everett. That ought to be incentive enough to get you out of this bed. I have no need of a weeping plump wife and sniveling brats to entertain me,” he said callously as he helped his cousin to sit up and drink from the cup at his bedside.

  “Deirdre might be a trifle annoyed should I try.” The earl took a drink, coughed, and leaned back upon the pillows. “She is past childbearing age, and well you know it. The title and the responsibility will be yours. You cannot have one without the other.”

  “You never seemed overly concerned about the matter. It took you how many years to come back to see if the estate still existed?” Alex wasn’t certain what made him taunt his cousin, but he regretted it instantly. Cranville suddenly appeared older and grayer as his thoughts turned to those lost years.

  “Divided loyalties make life difficult. You do not have that problem. You have a lovely wife and the entire future ahead of you. Make the best of it, Alex. Someday you will be old like me. Make your memories pleasant ones.”

  There was deep sorrow in his voice, and Alex had to turn his head away to hide the wetness in his eyes. Cranville had been lost from his home and family for twenty years by a twist of fate that married him to one woman while the one he loved bore his child half a world away. Not until both women were dead did he learn of his daughter Alyson or know that he was heir to an earldom. The loss of so many loved ones and so much time grieved the earl, although he seldom spoke of it. Alex wondered how his own life might have turned out had his cousin been there to claim his estates all along. There was no point in speculation, but he liked to think they might have been friends.

  The earl slept again, leaving Alex to his brandy and his own morose thoughts. The title meant very little to him, but after Everett, he was the last of the Hamptons. If nothing else, he had a responsibility to the people on the estate. The lands would be forfeited to the crown if he died without heirs.

  The weight of responsibility sat uneasily on his shoulders. He had thought he had chosen Evelyn out of lust more than anything else, but as he considered his marriage, he realized he had chosen a woman with the strength to stand by his side and share this burden. He needed her a great deal more than he had realized.

  And he had given her permission to leave him. Damn, but he was a bigger fool than he had thought! The one woman in the world who would stand up to him and call him fool when he needed it, and he would be rid of her. Why?

  Of course they fought. They would probably always fight. But they were not battles of hatred or lack of respect, but genuine differences of opinion that could be worked out did they but take the time to try.

  They had not fought once since coming aboard because they worked for a common goal. Evelyn had stood by his side as they changed linens and fed broth and bathed their semiconscious patient. She had held his hand, understood his fear, and said nothing when he ignored her, shunned her, and tried to cut her out of his life. Did she know he could cut off his arm easier than he could be rid of her? Just imagining a future without Evelyn left him empty and aching.

  When in hell had that happened? He had never needed anybody. He had learned that lesson long ago, at his darling mother’s knee. Love meant pain. So perhaps he didn’t love her, but he sure as hell needed her. And he’d be damned if he would let her go.

  Making certain that his cousin slept, Alex left the captain’s cabin. Knocking at Amanda’s cabin door to signal their change of shifts, he listened with surprise to voices coming down the corridor and the snapping shut of a door. Looking across the open main cabin, he saw Henderson just returning to his room. Suspicion born of long years of hard experience caused Alex to stalk to the Evelyn’s cabin. He didn’t bother knocking.

  The lamp flickered on the washstand, giving him light enough to note she had just come in from outside. The cramped space of the tiny cabin scarcely had room for both of them to stand. His gaze scornfully swept over the cloak she was just discarding and the dinner gown beneath. He had not been able to keep his eyes off the revealing décolletage of that gown all evening. Apparently Henderson had not only shared his fascination but also taken advantage of it.

  Alex’s lips turned up in a snarl. “At least you are still dressed, my dear. I’m surprised you still cling to your Puritan modesty. Haven’t I taught you that a lover’s caress is much more satisfactory without the hindrance of clothing?”

  At his rude stare, Evelyn yanked the cloak back over her shoulders. Alex stayed her hand, catching the heavy material and flinging it to the bunk behind her.

  “Have you gone mad? What is wrong? Is it Lord Cranville? Has something happened to your cousin? Alex, don’t scare me this way. Let me go to him. He shouldn’t be left alone.” She tried to edge around him, but Alex blocked the door.

  “Everett is sleeping peacefully. Your mother agreed earlier to look in on him so I could get some rest. Didn’t she tell you? That’s a pity. Had you known, you might not
have risked my wrath by seeing Henderson behind my back. It’s too late for regrets now, isn’t it?” Dark eyes regarded her insolently as Alex began to shrug out of his coat.

  Evelyn retreated a step until her legs hit the bunk. She raised a hand to her mouth as she read the fury on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Captain Oliver wanted us to see the whales playing in the moonlight. There is nothing improper in Thomas escorting me to the deck.”

  “How often in this last month has he escorted you on deck? How often have you come back down to be warmed in his embrace? The two of you always have your heads together. Do you think I am a blind fool? Whatever the case may be between us, you are still my wife. I will not be cuckolded by a lying scoundrel like Henderson.”

  “Alex!” Horrified by his accusations, Evelyn attempted to avoid the strong arm whipping out to encircle her waist. “You cannot believe this of me! What have I ever done to make you think—”

  His mouth cut off her words. She caught the rich brocade of his vest as Alex bent her backward, threatening to unbalance them both when her knees buckled. His proximity overwhelmed her, and his demanding kiss burned across her lips until she succumbed to his pressure.

  Alex lifted her against him, stealing her breath away with the demands of tongue and lips until she had no choice but to respond. And respond she did, whether willingly or no, it did not matter. He wanted her. And she so desperately wanted him.

  The joy of his arms around her again erased all the doubts and fears, easing the emptiness of these long, lonely weeks. She offered no protest as he pushed her down against the bed and crushed her beneath his masculine weight.

  “I’ll have you bearing no bastards with my name, madam. If it is heirs I must have, then they will be my heirs, born of my loins. I have been a fool before, but no longer. Open for me, my wife, and we shall begin our dynasty.”

  Evelyn smelled the liquor on his breath and knew he labored under some drunken misapprehension. Had she room to fight him, she might have, but the bunk was narrow and Alex had all the strength and leverage. There was nowhere to turn to or flee. She might beat him about the ears for his obtuseness, but her screams would bring her mother and Jacob and Henderson running to her door. The embarrassment of such a scene was greater than the humiliation of his accusation. In truth, she wanted him too much to fight him.

  Alex forced her bodice down, and he suckled at her breast while his roving fingers hiked up her skirt. Evelyn rose eagerly to the hunger of his mouth and denied the shame as he ripped off her petticoats and cast them to the floor. She was open to him now, just as he had wanted, and she buried her face against his wide chest as she felt the heat of desire rise up in her.

  He wasn’t long in unfastening his own clothing, nor did he waste time in preparing her more. Evelyn muffled her cry against his shoulder as he plunged in, stretching and filling her and then retreating just as she felt she would surely burst.

  In her ear he murmured, “Nine-hundred and ninety-eight,” and then he plunged again.

  She gave in to his haste, to the urgency of her own body, and wished to scream her frustration at a quick rap on the door. Her mother’s voice interrupted them.

  “Alex! Come quickly! He’s calling for you. Hurry, please.”

  Alex cursed and tore away. Evelyn gasped as he left her cold and uncovered while he stood to adjust his breeches.

  Without a word to her, he strode out.

  Chapter 25

  They avoided each other for days. Alex had his hammock hung in the captain’s cabin, where he could hear his cousin’s call throughout the night. He slept little, ate less, and sought solace in the brandy bottle until supplies were gone.

  During the day, Alex sat broodingly in the main cabin while Evelyn retreated to the sickroom. There he could be certain Henderson stayed away from her. The nights were what ate at his innards.

  Drink and anger and lust were a fatal combination, Alex concluded by the third day without a brandy. Instead of sealing his marriage, he had cut his own throat. He hadn’t even done a very good job of that because he seemed to be slowly bleeding to death instead of dying outright. Every time Evelyn averted her face and hid in her room at the sight of him caused him another stab of anguish.

  The worst of it was that they had no place to fight it out, no privacy to air their grievances and shout and scream until they understood the extent of the damage and might try to mend it. Their argument was too private to be vented in front of a crew of sailors on deck or within hearing of family and friends below. They could only put a lid on their accusations and let them simmer to a boil.

  Everett’s health did not improve with time and devotion. They took solace in the fact that it did not worsen either. Alex privately decided that his cousin was clinging tenaciously to consciousness just to see Deirdre and his daughter again, but to admit that aloud would be to recognize the other side of the coin. Once he had achieved this one goal, would the earl then give up the fight and slip away from them forever?

  Evelyn watched Alex’s grim sadness as he left the sickroom early one morning and marveled at the changes carved into his once haughty, cold face. The lamplight caught on a streak of silver in his thick dark hair, and the lines about his mouth were those of grief. She longed to take him in her arms and hold him, but she understood his pride prevented that.

  She did not blame him for what had happened that night, but he blamed himself. She questioned her own sanity in believing that he could change, that with time and love he would learn to trust and return the feelings she had for him. She didn’t know what drove him to these impulsive, rash actions that hurt him as much as anyone.

  She could scarcely meet Alex’s eyes without revealing her need or blushing. Better that she avoid him and keep him from knowing how foolishly she had fallen. He didn’t need any more pressures in his life. Let him think he was still free if he wished. He was free. She was the one who was bound and chained by her own heart.

  They arrived in London in mid-December and a collective sigh of relief must have blown the winter clouds away as the Neptune sailed up the Thames. Evelyn pulled her cloak tighter against the whipping wind and watched as the sunbeam caught at the Tower of London. Farther down the river would be the Houses of Parliament, where the future of their home would be decided. She prayed the sunbeam was a good omen.

  Beside her, Jacob was staring in awe at the towers and spires. His head swiveled to marvel at the huge bridge ahead and the towering sailing ships all around. As they neared the dock, his eyes grew round at sight of the massive brick warehouses stretching as far as the eye could see. Theirs was nothing in comparison. This was London, and it was just as frightening to Evelyn as to her little brother.

  Alex joined them after his discussion with the captain on the quarterdeck. He apparently read the fear her eyes and rested his hand reassuringly on Jacob’s shoulder, though not Evelyn’s.

  “It is like a dozen different towns all built together. Once you know which is which, it won’t be so overwhelming. You’ll learn Fleet Street is our publishing district, and banking is done around Cheapside in old London. The theaters are found near Drury Lane between the old districts and the newer ones. We will be going to St. James, which is one of the newer suburbs and has a large park similar to your Common, although we don’t graze sheep there.”

  Evelyn heard the encouragement in his voice. The buildings and the streets didn’t frighten her. It was the people she feared. How would his family accept a Yankee wife who was not a wife? Would Alex tell them that he meant to have their marriage annulled as soon as possible? How would she face their scorn, if so?

  He stroked a straying strand at her nape. “We will be going to Cranville House, Evelyn. Everett and his wife reside there and keep a suite of rooms for me. There is sufficient room to house your mother and brother also, but not in the same suite that we must share. Deirdre will be distraught at Everett’s illness. I don’t wish to disturb her with our problems. She would find it
odd if you did not stay with me.”

  He had read her mind. She shivered, not from the cold, but she nodded her understanding. She stared out at the dirty water and wished Alex would wrap her in his arms and hold her close and prove that everything would be all right.

  A carriage was sent for when they docked, and Evelyn hastened below to help her mother. Alex had insisted that his cousin would wish to be appropriately garbed when he arrived home, and he had enlisted several crewmen to aid in the process. By the time the carriage arrived, Lord Cranville was fully roused and coughing harshly, but alert to the fact that he was going home.

  The polished landau with its glass windows , gleaming brass lanterns, and discreet coat of arms would have impressed Evelyn at any other time. As it was, she was more concerned with seeing the weakened earl resting comfortably on the plush cushions. Jacob accepted a seat beside the liveried driver, and a footman in immaculate black uniform assisted Amanda and Evelyn inside.

  As she settled on the seat across from him, the earl opened his eyes and gave her a solemn wink. His voice cracking, he commented, “Not quite the same as the colonies, eh?”

  “It would be quite dull if everyone lived alike,” Evelyn agreed. She saw the flame of hope leap to Alex’s eyes at this sign that his cousin had improved, but soon after, the earl closed his eyes and drifted off again. They rode the remainder of the way in silence.

  Warned in advance of their return, Deirdre and a host of servants swarmed down the steps to greet them. Evelyn stared in awe at the immense monument of cut stone that was Cranville House. The carriage had halted at the foot of a wide expanse of steps that led up to a building grander than any she had ever seen. She had rather thought Westminster might look something like this. The State House in Boston could fit in one corner of this palace.