Redemption

by Alla Kar

  I slung my headset down on the couch and grabbed a ten from my mom’s purse on the way out.

  ***

  Tears streamed down my face and clung to my skin. “When I got back our house had burnt to the ground. My parents didn’t make it out because the smoke detector in the kitchen didn’t have batteries,” I whispered. “Because I’d taken them out.”

  I hadn’t wanted to talk about it. I didn’t want the girl I loved to see the real monster inside. Or bring up those emotions that would take hours to hide. I had planned to love her that night. Love her for wanting to save me so much. But then I couldn’t imagine her still loving me after hearing that. “Rage you can’t blame yourself for that, it was an accident.”

  My throat constricted and it hurt to speak. “An accident that killed my parents, Neveah. I’m a murderer.”

  “No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “You’re not. You were a kid. Kids mess up. Your parents wouldn’t have blamed you.”

  “I wish that were true,” I said. “But it was my fault. Whether it was an accident or not, I was the one that took the batteries out. I was the one that let them die.”

  Desperation filled her face. “Rage don’t let this eat at you anymore. You need to forgive yourself.”

  I wanted to. I’d hoped for years that all the pain would vanish but it never did. “You’re not scared of me?”

  Neveah smiled and a tear trailed down her face. “No, Rage. I’ll never be scared of you. No matter the things you’ve done. I’m helplessly in love with you. Can’t you see?”

  I did see, and I felt it. “I just can’t believe it. I never thought I’d find a woman that loved me no matter what. Hannah was the one that always believed in Disney movies and fairytales. I never thought I’d have my own.”

  “Me either,” she whispered. “I never knew that they could come true.”

  I gathered her into my arms and held her against my chest. Knowing that I had her made my heart swell with pride.

  I stroked her hair. “Now tell me what you were thinking going into the mall, Angel.”

  She gave me a soft smile that melted my bones. It was like she understood my pain. She understood that I couldn’t talk about my parents anymore. Just letting her know was a huge hurdle for me.

  “I didn’t go to the mall to see her. It was a coincidence, and I wanted her to understand. I wanted her to come with me. To leave but he’s blinded her.”

  “Did you see him?” I asked, hoping she’d say no. Praying he hadn’t laid his eyes on her. The fact that he’d even glimpsed at her made my insides crawl.

  She nodded. “I did. He said hi to me when I walked past him, but I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t.”

  Knowing he was close to her fueled the fire inside of me. I wanted to gauge his eyes out for looking and break his jaw for speaking to her. “Neveah, fuck,” I whispered. “What if he caught you? What if my sister tells? I won’t let anybody fucking touch you!”

  Neveah dropped her head and held her face in her palms. “I’m sorry, Rage. I just wanted to help. I hate seeing you so sad. And now I know how much sadness you keep in your heart and it’s breaking mine.”

  “Did you think about how sad I’d be if something happened to you? Do you understand that he will kill you? Dammit Neveah, think before you do, please. I can’t lose the only two people in my life that I give a damn about.”

  She lowered her gaze. “I’m sorry, Rage.”

  I swallowed the scream in my throat. I didn’t want those beautiful eyes to look at me like that. I didn’t want to see sadness or pity, I just wanted her to be happy. I slammed my fists against the side of the wooden guest house. All the pint up emotion spilled out of me. Blood smeared against the wood. Splinters pierced my skin, but I couldn’t stop. Four, Five Six—

  “Rage, stop!” Neveah’s small fingers curled around my forearm, and she pulled. The next thing I knew I was on my back staring up at the starry sky. “I’m so sorry,” she squealed. “I had to make you stop.”

  What the—she flipped me over her back.

  I took her outstretched hand, letting her help me up. She stared up at me, mouth parted, her green eyes wide. “Are you okay? You’re bleedin—,”

  I cut her off with my mouth. Despite feeling a little emasculated, I was turned the fuck on. She opened her mouth willingly, her small hands clutched the collar of my shirt. The night hadn’t started out like I’d hoped, but we’d still be in my bed and that was all I ever wanted.

  Swallowing her moans, I lifted her to my waist, careful to keep my mouth slow and deliberate. I needed her slick and ready. “More,” she mouthed.

  I smiled into our kiss while I opened the door and took her to my bed. I lowered her to the mattress, her soft curves pressed against me. “Not yet, Angel.”

  She squirmed against me, but I pinned her down with my hips. “I owe you my life.”

  Her brows pulled down in the middle. “You don’t owe me anything, Rage. All I want is you.”

  I nodded, trailing her neck and jaw with my fingertip. “You didn’t freak out like I thought you would.”

  She braced herself on her elbows. “Freak out about what? About your parents? Rage—,” she touched my cheek, “,—it was an accident. Your sister is just hurting. You both need to let it go.”

  Let it go. I watched Neveah’s eyes search mine. She’d lost her mother and knew exactly what I went through. “How did I get so fucking lucky, Neveah?”

  She smiled, her heavy lids at half-mast. “You? I’m the lucky one. I’d been searching for you all my life, and I had no idea. I needed someone stronger than me. Finding that condom wrapper in Heath’s jeans was the best day of my life. It freed me from a life I didn’t realize was bad for me.”

  “No, baby,” I whispered. “You needed someone as strong as you, not stronger. You’re the rock I need to get through this, I know it. I felt it in the woods that day. I’m not a true love kind of guy, or I thought I wasn’t. You’ve brought out every good piece of my blackened heart that’s left, and I’ll love you forever because of it. You’ve changed my life and accepted me for who I am. The prison number on my back never phased you. You’re my forever, Neveah.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks, her bottom lip trembled. “And when I get my money right, I’m going to marry you. I want to be the man you need me to be.”

  There wasn’t any more to say, and she knew it. Both hands clutched my face and I diminished the space between our mouths. Everything around me vanished but her. The spots where our bodies touched felt like lava, and her whimpering mouth drove me insane. I had planned to finger-fuck her ass but it didn’t seem like the time.

  I’d make love to her instead. Show her how certain I am about her.

  Her soft cries into my mouth made my self-control stagger across the line. “Please,” she begged. “More.” Her small hand slid down between our stomachs to my erection.

  Dammit. “Neveah,” I whispered. “I’m going to fuck you like you’re already my wife tonight. Please don’t test my self-control.”

  Neveah released her grip, and her eyes softened. I pressed my lips to each eyelid, then her soft cheek, and then the corner of her mouth. I’d tasted plenty of women but none of them compared to her. None of them drove me to a higher high.

  Her mouth searched for mine, her tongue sliding against the seam wanting entrance. I gave her what we both wanted and molded my mouth to hers. Her arms clutched my neck, trying to pull me closer, but I didn’t want that yet. She moaned when I pulled her wrist to the bed above her head. “I’m not going anywhere. Stop rushing me. I want to show you how much you’re worth.”

  Desire flared in her eyes, but she slowly nodded her head. I leaned down again, reclaiming her mouth, tightening my grip on her hands, and pushing my erection into her spread thighs. I muffled her curse with my tongue, driving deeper into her mouth, keeping my pace slow and deliberate.

  After several minutes of sucking her lips and nibbling her mouth, I reached for the zip
per of her jeans. “Oh, finally,” she whispered, her lips puffy and eyes heavy.

  I chuckled into her mouth, removing her jeans with one good yank. She slipped from the legs. “Please,” she whispered. “Just please touch me.”

  Sitting back onto my knees, I dipped my head to her pussy, spreading her legs wide with my palms. Her head popped up, and confusion lit her face. “What are you doing? My panties are still on.”

  I grinned up at her. “I’m aware.”

  “What are you doin’ then?”

  I lowered my head until I was an inch away from the damp cotton. “Lay back, Neveah. I’m going to tape your lips shut if you don’t shut that pretty mouth.”

  She lowered her head, and her fingers clutched the comforter beside her. When I knew she couldn’t take the anticipation anymore, I lowered my mouth to the fabric and sucked her into my mouth.

  “Holy fuck,” she shouted, her fingers finding my hair.

  I could taste her sweetness through the cotton between us. Her fingers tightened, and her back arched off the bed. “Please, holy fuck,” she panted. “Rage, please. Move them, I’m going to come.”

  I grinned into her, nipping her entrance to clit, palming her ass in my hands. Her body began to shake, her legs trembled against my arms. But I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to eat what she gave me like a madman. I felt completely undone at the sight of her stomach clenching, her fingers tightening in my hair.

  She clenched against me, her cry the sexiest thing I’d ever heard. Her wetness soaked through to my tongue, and my dick pressed tightly against my zipper. I climbed up her, watching as she came undone, her body holding me for support. After a few seconds a smile covered her face, and her eyes closed. “I’ll marry you, for sure.”

  I laughed, lowering my mouth. “Did Angel like that?”

  She giggled. “She did.”

  I smiled, slid her panties to the side, and stroked her slickness. “Does she like this?”

  Her mouthed opened. “Yes.”

  Smiling, I pressed my thumb against her clit. “How about this?”

  She rocked her hips and let her head fall back against the pillow. “God, yes.”

  I shoved another finger inside of her, stretching her wider. “Oh, you’re so fucking ready. This is what I wanted,” I whispered. “For you to know how I can make you feel. For you to feel so much emotion that you’re as addicted to me as I am to you.”

  Siting up, I unzipped my jeans and shoved everything down my legs. My cock sprang free, falling toward my thigh. Spiderlike veins crawled down my shaft. I’d never felt so damn hard in my life.

  “Put it in, Rage,” she whispered. “Put me out of my misery.”

  Devouring her trembling body beneath me, I pressed my tip to her entrance. When her eyes locked with mine, I slid into her tight pulsing pussy. She clung to me, her arms round my neck and legs tight around my waist. “You fill me up so much. You feel so good,” she whispered.

  The heat in her eyes sent warmth to my chest. “Because we’re made for each other, Angel.” I sunk deeper into her. “No other person will ever be between your legs again but me. Only me.”

  She smiled, her cheeks flushed a dark pink. “Only you.”

  Lowering my mouth to hers, I devoured her lips and tongue while sinking into her over and over. Her moans turned into cries, our hips meeting in synch with one another.

  The minutes turned into hours. I only knew because of the damn wall clock chimed every goddamn sixty minutes.

  She pushed against my shoulders, sweat racing down her face. “I’m so swollen,” she rasped through bruised lips. “Please come. Please come, Rage. I’m so swollen.”

  “One more second, Angel,” I plowed into her, bringing her hips up to meet my heavy thrust. Her helplessly tired body shivering and too exhausted to move. “Oh God,” I groaned, my fifth nut exploded inside of her.

  Her body shook again, her pussy clenched around me. I’d lost count of her orgasms after her eighth. Kissing up her belly to her lips, I stroked her side softly. We watched each other for a few seconds. I traced her perfect face like I’d never see her again. Seeing the passion I’d brought her made my dick ache. “I’ll be right back.”

  I pulled out of her and went to dampen a wash cloth under the faucet in the bathroom. I spread her legs and wiped her swollen pussy. After deposing the wash cloth in the hamper, I crawled into bed with her and tucked her into the curve of my body. There wasn’t much I could say afterwards. I’d said everything in the last three hours. There wasn’t a good part or bad part of my soul that she didn’t own. “I love you, Neveah.”

  I could hear her smile through her words. “I love you too, Rage.”

  Twenty-Two

  Neveah

  The moment my eyes fluttered opened, I remembered everything. From the sweet scent of his skin, to the desire in his eyes the night before. When I stretched my arms above my head my entire body ached from soreness. My pussy still felt swollen and my lips hurt.

  I dreaded to see myself in the mirror. How would I hide bruised lips?

  The clock read six thirty which meant Rage had another thirty minutes before he had to help my dad. I needed to get the hell back into my room. The sheets bunched around his waist, his shirtless frame all hard lines and sharp edges. His mop of hair was disheveled, and his mouth parted in a soft snore.

  My eyes watered thinking about the night before. How he went from raging mad to loving me so gently my heart swelled. I’d been right when I said there was more he had hidden deep down. All he needed was someone to trust him.

  I slipped into my jeans and reached under his bed for my shirt. My fingers curled around something hard, and I yanked it out from the dusty floor. I didn’t know the book. I don’t even think I’d seen it before. It was a shiny purple kid’s Halloween story book.

  I checked to make sure Rage was still asleep before opening the book on the floor. The hardcover fell slowly to the hardwood when I turned the page, my eyes scanned the small handwritten note on the inside.

  The date was March 1993. A month before I was born.

  My Sweet Angel,

  I talk to you daily. I hope you hear me. There isn’t a kick or punch to the stomach that hasn’t put a smile on my face. I don’t tell your daddy because he’ll assume you’ll be a fighter. But as scared as it makes me, I think you will be a fighter. Even though I don’t wish it, I’d love you anyway.

  I can’t wait to start reading these stories to you. My mother read them to me growing up. I don’t like to think about you growing up because I don’t want to leave you already, and I haven’t even met you. Not really, but I understand you. I know I will.

  One day you’ll find a special guy to call you angel but for now you’ll be mine.

  Mommy loves you, Neveah. Because every angel comes from Heaven.

  I’d never seen the letter before. Not once. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I tried to keep the tears at bay. I folded the note into my pocket and climbed to my feet. Rage was still asleep. I made sure his alarm was set and left a note.

  I needed to go see my mom.

  ***

  I stood next to my dad’s truck in the cemetery. Mom’s grave was the third driveway from the right and the second row. On the very end sat a small headstone with my mother’s picture in the middle.

  The hairs on my arm stood on end. It was like looking into a mirror. The heart shape of our faces, the high-cheekbones, and green eyes. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen the picture hundreds of times before but that every time I saw it, I knew she loved me without knowing it.

  The wind was humid, but I sat down next to her grave and traced the engraved words on the stone, ignoring the sweat that’d gathered on my upper lip. That’s when I noticed the wings engraved into the stone beneath her birthdate.

  I chocked back a sob and rested my head against the smooth stone. I’d never talked to anyone about missing my mother because Aunt Shelly had stepped in, and I was glad she had. I loved her, but she was
more of a big sister than anything else.

  There are something’s only a mother can teach a daughter, and I felt I missed out on them.

  “I’m in love with someone,” I whispered, my voice small. “I love him and I haven’t known him long. I feel like a mother would tell me to not jump into things, but I feel it so deep. Would I feel this crazy with someone I just liked? Plus Daddy made him promise and we both know how he is about promises. I haven’t told Rage that I’m scared yet because when I look at him and see the fearlessness, I know it’s worth the risk.” The wind blew my hair off my shoulders, and I smiled into the warm breeze.

  After a few minutes, I brought out the book I’d found. Most of the stories were catchy little Halloween rhymes for kids. But there was a very small paperback tucked in the last page of the book.

  The pages were very fragile but it looked like a Cinderella type story. In the back of the book was a quote in my mother’s handwriting.

  “Some people are so poor that all they have is money.”

  A smile spread across my face. My mother had meant to teach me things. She’d meant to teach me to be strong and love someone for themselves and not money. She’d been a wonderful mother and part of me felt her there watching me. All the lessons I learned by trial was her guiding my way.

  I smiled down at her picture when something reflected against my eye. A dark SUV sat in the distance, the sun reflecting off the windshield. I had no reason to be scared yet something felt wrong.

  No movement came from inside but the windows were tinted pretty dark so it was hard to tell. After a few minutes, I kissed my hand and placed it against my mother’s picture. I gathered my things and got back into the truck.

  Instead of going forward and passing by the vehicle, I reversed out of the driveway and went the way I came. I pressed the gas down quickly when I found the main road and focused on not looking in the review mirror.

  My knuckles turned white from my grip. When the sight of their truck behind me caught my eye, I went cold. I knew I didn’t need to go home but something told me that whoever it was probably knew where we lived. We lived right next to where my dad worked. Our address was everywhere for advertisement for the gym.