Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series

by Kelly, D.

  I don’t give anyone an opportunity to say anything; I just give them all a determined look and they each nod at me. This is going to be an awful night. Just when I was finally looking forward to something my life had to crash down on me once again.

  Connor escorts Jess back to the guest house. I rein my feelings in close and ignore the searing pain that is slashing through my heart. I lace my fingers through Daniel’s and we start walking with Michael following behind us. He looked so surprised when I told him our parents are getting married; I guess he still hasn’t talked to his mom. I can’t help but wonder if this is going to be the last night Daniel and I hold hands like this. I won’t think about that now or I’ll lose it. I have to keep my thoughts on the party only. Daniel has a really tight grip on my hand the look on his gorgeous face is one I’ve never seen before. I have no idea what he’s thinking right now but I really wish I could.

  The party is in full force and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Linda and Beverly are the first ones we see when we walk in. Michael says a quick hello and excuses himself to the bar.

  “The two of you are absolutely stunning! Beverly, we are going to have the most beautiful grandchildren one day!”

  Linda grabs me in a hug. “I’m never going to stop hugging you, darling. Seeing you again and having you in my life after all this time is the best gift I could have ever received. Where are Connor and Jess?”

  Daniel answers for me and I’m grateful. “Jess got an eyelash or something in her eye. They ran back to the house to flush it out. Her eyes were running like crazy and she wanted to fix her makeup. Both of you look beautiful tonight. It’s a good thing Dad and Bryan are here to keep a close eye on you before someone tries to snatch you both up.” It’s so nice to see a man flatter the older women in his life, especially when one of them is his mother.

  “While we’re waiting for those two, why don’t we go take some pictures? I can’t wait to get the two of you up on the wall. We have to get pictures with Kate and myself to put next to the pictures of me and Lila. Daniel, grab Mike; he hasn’t taken his shots yet and you know I need all you boys together.”

  Anger flashes through Daniel’s eyes, but he plays it off well so no one can see anything is bothering him. This is such a mess, but it’s only one night and we will all be okay to pretend for one night. Jess and Connor join us soon afterward. Jess laces her arm through mine and I lay my head on her shoulder. It kills me to see her so sad and I know she’s thinking the same thing about me. I put my head to hers and whisper, “It’s all going to be okay, right?” She nods her head, but I know she’s just as uncertain as I am.

  After a long round of pictures, I order a double vodka tonic. Getting my two drinks in one will make it easier to loosen up, and if I need to make a getaway later I’ll be sober enough to drive. Daniel and his parents take me around and introduce me to all of their friends. Linda and Bryan join us. Turns out my mom knew a lot of these people. I’m happy to meet more people who knew my mom. I wish I was in a better frame of mind to ask questions and really enjoy the conversation. We’ve been asked multiple times about my promise ring; everyone seems to think it’s an engagement ring. After assuring them the only wedding in our immediate future is Jake and April’s they seem to let it go. The D.J. announces dinner and requests everyone go to their tables. This is going to be interesting.

  The place settings at the table have Mike next to me, but Daniel quickly swaps them and puts Mike between Connor and Ben. Now he’ll be directly across from me. Not much better, but now I don’t have to worry about accidentally brushing up against him under the table. When we’re all seated, we’re introduced to Ben and Callie. Ben is very sexy in a rugged way; he has piercings and gauges and I’m sure he has some tattoos under his tux. Callie is absolutely adorable; she’s tiny and blonde with a perfect body, and I’m shocked to find out they have three kids. I quickly learn that Ben owns a tattoo shop nearby and the conversation turns toward tattoos and piercings.

  “I’ve been thinking about getting my eyebrow done for a while, or maybe a small diamond in my nose, but I keep putting it off. It may not look appropriate once I open my practice.”

  Connor has something to say about that, “Seriously, Kate, don’t worry about that crap. You want to pierce your face? Ben’s the guy to do it. You have more money than you know what to do with and you’re opening a free clinic. I think the last thing you’re going to have to worry about is offending someone with a well-placed piercing.”

  Jess snorts. “Yeah, Kate, maybe you should stick with well-placed visible piercings from now on.” Mike chokes on what he’s drinking and Daniel looks like he wants to kill someone.

  “Maybe we can get off the subject of my piercings and talk about tattoos. That might be a topic you’re a little more familiar with, Jess.”

  “I don’t know why you haven’t gotten one yet; you have no problem with piercings. You just need to loosen up a bit.” I let out a sigh. Being frustrated with her doesn’t make me feel any better. I know she’s on edge because of Mike, so I just wrap up my end of the conversation.

  “Jess, you know I haven’t gotten one yet because I haven’t found the right design for what I want. You already know what I’m getting and where I want to put it, so let’s drop it, okay?” I see the lights flash in her head; she knows that she screwed up. I want a memorial tattoo for Lila Hope, but the last thing I want to do is let Mike know about her this way.

  “Fine, I’ll drop it. They’re bringing the food anyway and I’m starving!”

  During dinner I catch Mike looking at me; he’s been very quiet tonight. I can’t get over how handsome he is. Whatever he’s been doing has really agreed with him. Daniel keeps constant contact with me by either rubbing my thigh under the table, holding my hand, or just leaning close to ask if I’m okay. I know he’s worried about me and stressed out himself. I smile at him and assure him I’m fine. We chat with Callie and learn all about their high school years. Callie teases Mike about settling down but he just shrugs it off.

  “Maybe someday, Callie. I’ll never say never.”

  After the tables are cleared, the D.J. makes an announcement that the dancing will begin and to feel free to ‘Bust a move’. Jake waves me and Jess over, so we excuse ourselves to go get our performance out of the way. Neither of us is in the mood to sing, but there’s no way we would let Jake down; this is too important to him. Jake already had three stools set up on the mini stage for us and grabs his microphone to make his announcement.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, if I can have your attention for a moment, I would like to thank you all for coming on behalf of April and myself and our amazing families. We are truly honored and touched that you could all make it here tonight to celebrate with us as we begin the next journey of our lives. I have been in love with April from the first moment I kissed her at a high school football game when I was fifteen years old. I could tell she was a little shy, and it took a lot of convincing to get her to agree to go out with me, but it was worth it. April had perfect attendance in school, and once we started dating so did I, because I wasn’t about to miss a day that could be spent with her. The past twelve years have been the best of my life, and I hope we have at least another sixty years ahead of us. There will never be a day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that she picked me to love, cherish, and spend her life with. I only hope that you know how much I love you, April. You’re the only one for me, forever and always.” April is right up front watching us tears, streaming down her face. Jess and I are both about to cry as well; that was beyond beautiful.

  “Before we get started with the dancing, I’ve recruited my god sister and my brother’s girlfriend to sing a song with me that I hope you will all enjoy. I know that my singing isn’t bad, but next to these beauties I will probably sound tone deaf. I apologize in advance for my own voice, but trust me when I say these ladies will knock your socks off.”

  While we perform, I notice an almost identica
l look of love and pain in both Daniel and Michael’s eyes. I wish I could stay in this moment forever. Anything to avoid what I know is coming tomorrow. Utter sadness. Somehow I have to make a decision on how to move forward and someone is going to get hurt. My thoughts are interrupted by thunderous applause; I guess we’re a hit. The D.J. starts Matt Nathanson’s Come on Get Higher. Connor and Daniel swoop us up off the stage, each of them spinning us around.

  “You two were incredible!” Jake slaps Connor on the back of the head.

  “What about me, douche nozzle, wasn’t I incredible, too?”

  “No, you were just okay. Sorry, but you’re a dude and my brother; it just doesn’t have the same effect. Your voice doesn’t make me want to have my wicked way with you.” Now it’s April’s turn to hit him over the head.

  “Shut up, Connor, he was amazing and so were the two of you. Thank you both for doing that; you have no idea what it means to me. That is a memory that will be forever etched in my mind. I will treasure it always. It seriously does make me want to have my wicked way with Jake, too.” April giggles as she pulls him down to her for a long, loving kiss. Rick and Beverly make their way over to us and give me and Jess hugs.

  “Girls, you were amazing! Linda and Bryan filled us in about your karaoke night, but we thought they were exaggerating.” Beverly pulls Mike in from the crowd and gushes to him, “Don’t you think they were amazing, Mikey?”

  Oh god, I almost forgot he’s like her adopted son; my heart falls a little deeper into its hole.

  “Yeah, Bev, they were amazing; they sing like angels, but they always have.”

  Everyone exchanges confused glances, but it’s April that asks, “You know each other? I thought tonight was the first time you were going to meet?”

  I answer carefully, “Yes, we’ve known each other for years, but after high school we fell out of touch. Our parents are actually engaged now. We never put two and two together because Mike is Michael in our house and my family refers to me as Katherine.”

  April squeals excitedly, “That’s awesome! Our families are all just coming together! We’re all going to be the best of friends. Let’s take some group pictures to celebrate.” The guys groan and convince her to take a thirty-minute dance break before pictures.

  “Come on, beautiful, dance with me. I want you in my arms.” The smile on his face and the look in his eyes is one hundred percent panty-melting; there’s no way I can refuse him. Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran is playing, but I barely hear the music; I just want to focus on being in his arms.

  “Kate, I’m so sorry. I know tonight isn’t how we’ve imagined it.” I cut him off by placing my fingers on his lips. I remove my fingers and kiss him gently.

  “Daniel, I can’t. I’m in a zone and I can’t talk about this tonight or I will break—tomorrow will be fine, but please not tonight.” He nods his head and pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly. We dance the next few songs, holding onto each other. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone my entire life. I feel it in abundance in this moment; it’s a surreal feeling.

  April eventually gets all of us for pictures, and once Linda catches wind, she wants some other shots she didn’t get earlier. Unfortunately, that leaves Mike and me watching. I walk to the bar and get a glass of water; I need to be thinking with a clear head. Daniel’s eyes haven’t left me all night, and I know he’s watching me to be sure I’m okay. I flash him a smile to let him know everything is fine. It’s a fake smile, though. Things are far from fine and he knows it.

  “Katherine, will you do me the honor of dancing with me, please?”

  I know I must look like a deer caught in the headlights because the last thing I was expecting was for him to ask me to dance. I nod my head because it would look very strange if I declined him. I feel Daniel’s eyes focused on us as he leads me to the dance floor.

  As soon as we start to dance, the song changes to Lady –Antebellum’s Wanted You More which has always reminded me of him.

  “Katherine.”

  “Michael, we should probably get used to calling each other our preferred names.”

  “Fine, Kate I don’t want to make tonight hard for you. I really just wanted to know if you got my letter.” His letter?

  “When did you send me a letter?” He looks relieved that I haven’t read it.

  “I brought it to your house on Wednesday and left it on the door.” The only thing I have is the letter from the homeowner’s association. Now it makes sense; it wasn’t from them. Michael would have used my full name and the HOA would have mailed a notice.

  “I’m sorry, I haven’t had a chance to read it yet. I thought it was from someone else; it’s in my purse in the guesthouse.” The song is ending and Daniel’s walking toward us.

  “Please read it when you have a chance, Kate. I’d really like a chance to talk. I miss you so much it’s killing me.” My anger flares. How dare he miss me? He’s the one that left; he doesn’t get to miss me!

  Daniel eases in smoothly, separating us. “Is everything okay with you two?” We both nod and Mike walks away. I have to see that letter. I need to know what’s in it.

  Everything important has been done. Although it’s still relatively early, and I really want to spend some more time with Callie and Ben, I think I need to go lie down for a bit.

  “Daniel, do you think we can just go to the guesthouse? I’ve got a headache, and apparently I have a letter from Mike waiting for me.” Recognition flashes across his face, followed by a sad, knowing look.

  “Sure, sweetheart, let’s go figure all of this out.” Daniel holds my hand on the walk back. Once we get inside, he pulls me into the most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared. My knees are weak, my heart in being torn to shreds, and in this moment I wish I had never met Michael Matthews.

  “Kate, I love you, sweetheart, and I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

  God, the look on his face is heartbreaking. He thinks I want Michael back but I don’t; nothing could be further from the truth. I try and hold back but a single tear escapes and falls down my cheek, my love for him is all consuming now more than ever.

  “Listen to me, no matter what happens, no matter what is written in that letter, you need to know that I LOVE YOU. I don’t want Michael back; he’s not for me, he’s not who I want my life with, not anymore. I have to read this letter, and I want you with me, but I need to read it first, okay?” Daniel takes off his tie and unbuttons the top two buttons of his tux. Under any other circumstances that would be incredibly sexy. Who the hell am I kidding? It’s still really hot, but right now is not the right time to act on those feelings. I pull the letter out of my bag and sit down at the table to open and read it.

  Katherine,

  I know it’s been a long time since we have spoken, and I am sure you hate me more than you ever loved me. I’m so terribly sorry for how I acted all those years ago. I was brokenhearted, confused, and in unimaginable pain—all of which I took out on you. There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought of you and wondered how you are doing—wondered if today was better than yesterday for you because it wasn’t for me, not without you in it. I know I don’t have any right to reach out to you after all of this time, and I understand if you don’t want to finish this letter, but I hope with all my heart and soul that you find it in yourself to continue reading.

  Where to start? I guess that would be with my anger. When my dad died, I lost control. I didn’t realize that such an amount of rage and fury could exist within me. After hearing my mom’s explanation, I was in shock. I knew she had to be wrong about you, maybe not about your dad, but about you. I came to you that night for comfort. There was no one else I wanted to be with, but all night I stewed in my grief, anger, and thoughts of deception. When I woke up, I saw you and just snapped. I let everything get to me and took it all out on you.

  You have to know the things I said to you were out of a place of anger and I have never been sorri
er for anything as I am for the way I treated you. Katherine, I have never in my life met anyone as pure-hearted as you. Never have I known anyone capable of unconditional love who never expects anything in return. I had to distance myself from everything. I didn’t talk to anyone for months, not even my mom, not after the funeral. The day that Jessica came by to see me, I had just finished packing up my things. I was a broken man. I had to leave my home, where all my memories of my family and you were, just to try and move past the dark place I was living in. Unfortunately, her timing could not have been worse. I was looking for someone to lash out at and she was there. After Jessica left, I threw my phone away and replaced it with a new one and a new number. I didn’t want anything to remind me of my past life. I left everything behind, Katherine; I have not spoken to anyone from back home or to my family, not since the funeral.

  I met new friends and they are like family to me. I learned the construction business from one of the most respected and well-known companies in the industry. I have moved up faster than anyone in company history. I love it—the work is therapeutic and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I never told you this, but I never wanted to go to college. I only wanted to go so that I could be with you and take care of you. I would have done anything for you and still would. I thought the day I lost my dad was the worst day of my life, but I was so wrong, baby. My darkest, loneliest, nightmare filled days have been the ones I have spent without you. I have never loved anyone other than you. I have never made love to anyone but you. My heart, my soul, every single piece of me belongs to you. Without you, I just don’t make sense, my life doesn’t make sense, this isn’t how we were supposed to end up. We were supposed to have our Happily Ever After.

  Now the hard part. I haven’t adjusted well since that day I left you; I have become a person I don’t even know. I have spent a lot of time drinking and even more time trying to forget you. I’m not proud of what I have done. Actually, I am rather embarrassed by it, but I can’t take it back. I have spent three years sleeping with random women, using them for sex—rough sex, out of control crazy sex. God, Katherine, half of them I didn’t even know their names. Never once was it love, it was never someone I had feelings for. All I was trying to do was purge you from my system and all it did was make me want you, miss you, ache for you. None of them were you, none of them could ever compare to you.