Tomorrows Child

by Starr West

  “Like what?”

  “Well, none of you could sense the binding and the reality is that one of you should have. Even Phoenix didn’t know that something was wrong. Mum didn’t hide this only from you, Libby; she hid this from everyone.”

  “Yes, she did,” Libby said as she sat a little straighter in her chair.

  “Remember what Volante said,” I continued and the hair prickled on my neck as I spoke her name while the old wounds stabbed with pain. “She said that I was of no use to her now; the magick was useless. I think she knew something.”

  “Maybe Celeste knew you would have to face Volante one day. Celeste did have the sight. You said this yourself, Libby.”

  “She did when she was young and it isn’t something that goes away,” Libby said, as if this were common knowledge. But it was news to me; I didn’t know Mum had visions.

  “Libby, you thought Celeste left to take Psyche away from the magick and give her a normal life, but she brought her back, knowing what was expected of her.”

  “It’s a mystery, that’s for sure. Why did she come home after all these years? At the time, it seemed a sensible thing to do. But now, I think you could be right, there is more to this than we first realised.”

  “Well, that’s no mystery. At the time, we were running from the death and disaster. Mum said this was the safest place she knew.” It was the truth, there was no mystery here, Mum’s motivation was based purely on her instinct to survive. “I think she was hiding me and she did the only thing she could. If I had no access to the magick, then neither did anyone else.”

  “And it almost killed you!”

  “But it didn’t,” I said, surprisingly calm.

  “Libby, you know Mum. Try and think like her for a minute.”

  “I’m sorry, Psyche. I used to know your mother, but not anymore.”

  “She did this when I was little, either just before we left or just after. You knew her then.” Libby was the only one who could work this out; no one knew Celeste better than Libby did, except me.

  “I’m going to leave you to work this out. I’ll be outside so I can’t hear you talking about me.”

  I took my book of myths and went into the garden. I continued to read the story about Demeter and Persephone, but honestly, I didn’t expect reading myths to provide anything useful. It was purely a distraction.

  Zeus called a gathering of the gods and goddesses at a temple surrounded by gardens of unimaginable beauty. He sent the daughters to the gardens to play and pick fresh flowers. As the gods and goddesses entered, Hades, Lord of the Underworld, stood on the steps of the temple and was mesmerised by the beauty of one of the maidens. This maiden was Persephone, daughter of Zeus and Demeter. Beauty was her gift, but on that day in the garden, her love of nature was reflected in her eyes and enhanced her beauty even more.

  Unable to tame his obsession and driven by lust, Hades went to Zeus and begged for Persephone’s hand in marriage. Zeus refused, knowing that Demeter would never agree to her daughter spending life in the Underworld as Hades’ bride. Secretly though, Zeus told Hades where Persephone spent her days and that she liked to play in the meadow and pick flowers.

  Hades used this information to abduct Persephone and took her to the Underworld where he treated the maiden as a wife and kept her hidden. Zeus stood by and watched the abduction. He heard his daughter’s screams as Hades violated her, but he didn’t reveal any of this to Demeter.

  Demeter searched in vain for her lost daughter and as the months passed, she grew more depressed. Her loneliness grew and turned to anger and the land began to wither. Eventually, her anger grew so strong that she almost destroyed everything on earth until nothing grew. Finally, when drought and famine covered the land, Zeus arranged for Persephone’s rescue and for her to be returned to her mother. But the law stated that she could only come home if she didn’t eat anything while she was in the Underworld.

  Unfortunately, Persephone ate several pomegranate seeds in the Underworld and was unable to return. Hades knew this and refused to negotiate with Zeus. The reality was, the Furies controlled these matters and it had nothing to do with Hades. Eventually, they agreed that Persephone could spend part of the year with Demeter as the Maiden of the Spring and part of the year with Hades as Queen of the Underworld.

  When Persephone returned to her mother, the drought was broken and each year the pattern repeats. The snow melts and spring brings fertility to the earth and then Persephone returns to Hades, and the earth returns to a less fertile time as we head into winter.

  Several essays followed the myth and its relevance to our lives. The lessons were about a mother’s love and how there is nothing stronger or more powerful, but it’s also about deception and trust. The lessons I learnt from Demeter and Persephone was “keep your daughter safe,” “protect her from her father” and “don’t leave her to wander alone in the dark.”

  Mist was rolling in through the trees as the myth played in my mind. A spark of an idea grew, a connection between the myth and the secret of the binding and my gift. I could almost connect the characters in the myth with the people in my life. If the witch was Hades and my father was Zeus, then my mother becomes Demeter and I become Persephone. Of course, this wasn’t my story, but if Mum knew that Volante would lust after my gift just as Hades lusted after Persephone’s beauty and if she saw my father’s betrayal, then that would have forced her to do something.

  Knowing the future can be a scary thing, I guess. Mum could have invoked a goddess when she bound my gift. If she saw the same connection between this myth and our lives, perhaps she went to Demeter to ask for help. She could have gone to her as a mother wanting to protect her daughter. Hades lusted after Persephone, abducted her and then violated her. Volante did the same to me, only it wasn’t my beauty, it was my gift. With the gift bound, it wasn’t desirable or accessible.

  I slammed the book shut, which is not very satisfying with a tiny paperback. This was it. This was the answer. The worn pages of the old paperback were folded and creased. This was the book. This was the myth. This was how she created the binding! I ran to the house, almost tripping in the doorway as I sprung over the neat row of pine needles. I took deep breaths, trying to get it together so I could tell the others. “Demeter and Persephone …” I breathed, I took a final deep breath, smiled and threw the book at Libby. “Sorry!” The book scooted across the table, knocked her cup and almost spilled its contents across the table, but it wobbled for a second and stayed upright.

  “What on earth are you on about? Sit down before you pass out.” The book opened at the exact page I had last read and sat in front of Libby on the table. Waiting.

  I explained my theory, “You said it was more than simple magick. You suspected she had called on a goddess to assist with the binding. You said…”

  “I know what I said, but did you read the rest of the myth? Demeter gave up her daughter for half of the year to Hades. She spent half the year walking the earth with her mother and half the year as the Mistress of the Underworld. If the myth follows through, then you need to think about the sacrifice that Persephone made. Do you think your mother would have traded something to protect you? She wouldn’t have saved you only to give you away.”

  I thought about that too and I knew it was an issue. “She did give me up. I think she traded her life for mine, but instead of half a year, she gave up half her life so that I could live.” I was right and I knew it. I watched the faces around the table change from amusement to the realisation that I had stumbled on the truth. “She knew the price, she had to know. And that’s why we came home.”

  Mum had sacrificed everything to save my life. I just had to work out how to undo what she had done and change it back.

  ~~~

  The implications of the binding didn't change my mind about training with Navarre and Ruben. We might never work out how Mum was so successful in keeping it a secret from everyone, even Libby, and we may never successfully remove it, but
I could learn how to fight and fire a gun and shoot a bow. And maybe even hit my target.

  Since the episode with Volante, my aim was much better. My shot perfect if I imagined her face as I focused on the target. Sometimes I pictured my father, but as much as I hated him, those shots were less than perfect.

  I took a deep breath, pulled back the bowstring, expelled half a breath and held it, releasing the arrow and watching it twist its way toward the target. It didn’t miss, but it didn’t hit the exact spot I was aiming for either.

  “It’s okay to let the anger direct your aim, but you need to be able to shoot straight without channelling your emotions,” said Navarre.

  “I know, but do you have any idea the things floating around in my head? I can’t think straight most of the time, let alone see straight.”

  “When we go hunting, we leave everything behind. I’m not angry at the rabbits, I just shoot straight. There is no emotion. If there was, I probably couldn’t do it,” he said.

  “How?”

  “How what?”

  “How do you leave it behind?” I said.

  Navarre thought for a minute and looked to Ruben for the answer. Ruben shrugged but his smile told me he knew the answer.

  “We run, I think,” said Navarre.

  “Running helps,” said Ruben, “but it’s more than that. When you’re a soldier, you can’t take anything onto the battlefield. Not your family, not your anger, nothing, but it takes discipline and training. It’s not something you can learn without a lot of hard work.”

  “Can we try?” I felt a little desperate and was willing to beg.

  “Libby would kill me if I trained you like a soldier,” Ruben said, shaking his head. “It’s not that I don’t think you have what it takes, but it would take hours out of your day, every day for weeks. And that’s just to get the basics instilled in you.”

  “I already get up early and wait for dawn. I could do this and my stuff with Libby and my jobs around here. I know I could.”

  “Even if you could, I don’t have the time. I wish I did, honestly. I wish I could train everyone. But the simple truth is we’re already pushed to the limits.”

  “She can come running with us in the morning, and do patrols sometimes,” said Navarre. “And we can still do the weapons training and target practice. I can teach her how to track and not get lost.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m on your side. I am happy for things to go on as they have been, but there just isn’t any extra time. As for your head, you’re going to have to deal with that yourself. Maybe when things settle down a bit, we can adjust the schedule and spend more time with everyone.”

  It wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. I didn’t really know if I had what it took, but I was desperate to try. I was sick of being a victim and I already knew self-pity was no solution.

  Chapter 22 ~ CONSECRATION AND RENEWAL

  We waited for the moon to wax and wane, and on the night before the dark moon, Libby announced that the time was right. The unbinding would take place at midnight tomorrow.

  Libby and her coven of seven would prepare the ritual, allowing me to focus my intention on the outcome. Technically, I wasn’t part of the coven and until recently, I didn’t know the women even considered themselves a coven. I had never witnessed a ritual. This was mostly due to Trinity’s suspicion of my aura and my disconnection to magick, but I didn’t need Trinity to tell me this.

  Normally, rituals were for worship and blessings. Seldom did the women invoke a goddess and persuade her to intervene in the earthly affairs of the coven members. You could talk to the goddesses all day if you wished, but in the sacred confines of a circle, it was different, so they approached the preparation for the ritual with reverence.

  Emily explained that they didn’t want to “piss off” a goddess, especially Persephone, as Goddess of the Underworld. The goddesses were notoriously temperamental, at least according to mythology. However, none of the women really believed in the wrath of the gods and the goddesses so the reverence was out of respect, rather than fear.

  My role was to fast and meditate, so I woke up starving. Isn’t it ironic that the one day I needed to limit my food intake was the one day eating wouldn’t leave my mind? This made focusing on the unbinding and the goddess especially difficult. As I forced my mind in one direction, it quickly returned to food. By lunchtime on the day of the ritual, I was visualising the goddess and I visiting McDonalds, followed by a very satisfying Romanesque feast. The goddess had grown plump and round, her cheeks rosy and full to the point where I thought she would pop. If anything could piss off a goddess, it would be my imagination and me.

  The house bustled with activity, which also made the isolation difficult.

  “What are you doing?” Emily was in the kitchen with bundles of willow branches. “You are supposed to be relaxing, renewing your strength and focusing on a successful outcome.”

  “How can I renew my strength when I’m not allowed to eat? I’m starving! Let me help so I can think about something else,” I said.

  Yale and Trinity arrived with a box filled with candles of various colours. The largest was a black candle, at least twice the height of the others. The scent of beeswax was comforting. I reached into the box, intent on touching the black candle and rubbing my fingers over the smooth oily sides, but before I even got close to it, I felt a stinging snap against my wrist. Trinity had slapped me!

  “Don’t get me wrong, Psyche, but please don’t touch anything. I know you’re not evil, but you do seem to attract evil things.” Trinity had always been a little short with me and was not especially friendly, but I never expected that she thought I brought evil with me.

  “But I thought all energy was the same, neither good nor evil.”

  “That’s true,” said Emily, “but people mould it however they want and use it in ways that are considered good or evil.”

  “Like attracts like, Psyche.” Trinity held the candle box close to her chest, adding, “and so far, you’ve only attracted evil.” There was no compassion in her eyes and Trinity looked more like a wicked imp today than a playful pixie.

  I stared at her in disbelief, unable to find any words to defend myself. She was right. I did attract evil. Did this mean that I was evil? Like attracts like, evil attracts evil. My lips began to quiver and my eyes filled with tears, threatening to overflow. “Psyche, don’t be upset,” someone yelled as I ran from the kitchen.

  Phoenix hadn’t come to visit and wouldn’t be at the ritual tonight. He had promised to walk me into the forest where the ritual would take place so I didn’t have to walk alone, but that was hours away. I needed to see him now. He was splitting firewood when I stepped out of the forest and into the clearing at the edge of their yard.

  “Hi Psyche, I’ve been expecting you,” Phoenix smiled and wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to spend the entire day locked up in your room.”

  I tried to smile, but my lip quivered, causing my smile to fade, while my tears followed. “I’m evil! Trinity said I only attract evil,” I sobbed, “She’s right. I know she is.”

  “She’s wrong, Psyche. You have to choose to be evil. It’s not something that just happens, it’s a choice you make.”

  Even if this were true, I knew there was also some truth in what Trinity had said. “Come on, come with me.” Phoenix reached out, took my hand, and led me to his house. Libby and Tahinah were inside doing something with coloured stones and bowls of water.

  “Psyche is going to have lunch.”

  “But…”

  “But nothing, she’s starving and needs to eat. A twelve-hour fast is long enough anyway and if the goddess isn’t happy with that, then she can take it up with me.” The women didn’t argue with Phoenix and went back to cleansing their crystals.

  I ate bananas and bread. I wasn’t allowed coffee or milk in my tea, but my stomach was full. My mind was clear for the first time today, though I could still imagi
ne a fat goddess reclining on a lounge, smiling up at me.

  “I’ll spend some time with Psyche, make sure everything is going the way you planned,” Phoenix announced as he led me to his bedroom. I hadn’t been in Phoenix’s room before although he had been in mine dozens of times.

  “How are you going with the meditation?”

  “Good, really good,” I lied and then told him about the fat goddess and the feasting. It was somewhat funny now that the hunger was gone.

  “I’ll help if you like. Lay back and get comfortable, but don’t get too relaxed or you’ll go to sleep.” Phoenix’s bed was big and cosy. The quilt was handmade and similar to the crazy patchwork pillows we sent to Libby every year, but the colours were all manly and there wasn’t an embroidered ribbon in sight.

  “Remember when we were in the forest and I told you to find your peaceful place?” I nodded. “Close your eyes and find that place.”

  I nodded again, “Good,” continued Phoenix. “Do you see a door?” At first, there was only darkness and then, as if by magick, a door appeared. “Go through the door. Behind the door is a magnificent garden.” Phoenix went on to describe the garden in glorious detail until I could smell the jasmine flowering and a cool breeze touch my face. Nothing else mattered: it was just the garden and me.

  “Now it’s your turn. The goddess is here, Psyche. Look for her, ask her for help and tell her what you want. Tell her you want to be free of the binding.” Phoenix’s voice had faded into the background behind the noises of the garden. The goddess stood on the bank of a fast-flowing creek, looking toward the hills in the distance. For a while, I stood there silently and tried to see what she was looking at. Eventually, I spoke to her. I told her what I wanted. She was silent. She never spoke to me. I stood by her side for the longest time and finally she turned, smiled and faded, surrounding me in mist. At first, the mist was cool against my skin and sweet against my lips before it faded and darkness enclosed me.