Cry For You

by Candy J. Starr

  Every pore in my body throbbed to the sound of the music. I'd be buggered if I'd stay in this lousy taco van when the man I loved was playing my favourite song just metres away

  I stepped out of the van. Fred frowned at me.

  "I'm running to the toilet, okay? It's not like there are any customers."

  I didn't want him to regret hiring me so I waited for him to give me a nod before running off.

  I headed in the direction of the toilets but, once I was out of sight of the vans, tried to find my way up to the stage area. If I got the chance to see him on stage up that close, my life would not have been lived in vain. I thought I knew the way to the stage but that backstage area was a labyrinth. I could hear them and I seemed to be getting closer to the sound but there were all these big temporary fences between me and the stage. I thought I was going the right way but then I'd end up heading into a band area or a dead end. Bloody hell, how did anyone ever get onto the stage? Surely, if all these dumbass bands could do it, I could. I just had to settle down.

  Then FORSAKEN stopped playing.

  What the hell was happening? I tried to get closer. Surely they'd start playing again. They had to. I wanted to be close enough to see Tex's face while he played, to actually see the expression, the sweat that beaded on his forehead. Maybe I would even catch his eye. Not that I wanted to distract him. But some eye sex would make my life complete.

  I broke into a run. They'd only played half a song. They had to play more than that. Maybe they were just adjusting the sound mix or had a technical hitch. I saw a sign with an arrow pointing to the stage area and ran even faster. I had to get there before they started again.

  There was definitely something going on. I could hear raised voices. I got to the steps leading up to the stage and some fancy looking woman with blonde hair pushed past me.

  "Yo, bitch, watch what you're doing," I yelled.

  She could've really hurt me if I'd fallen down those steps. But she didn't pay any attention to me. She was on her phone.

  "He's stormed off... I have no idea. Yeah, he'll play tomorrow. I swear he'll play tomorrow... The rest of the band are happy with the mix."

  I inched closer to her to listen but she'd hung up. "He stormed off," she'd said. Had she meant Tex? There was no music from the stage area.

  She was definitely talking about Tex.

  Shit, was she Tex's manager? I recognised her from my internet stalking. She was going out with that guy from that other band. I never understood that. When she was that close to Tex, how could she look at anyone else?

  She’d said he'd stormed off. I'd missed him. I ran back the way I'd come, hoping to get a glimpse of him before he left. My feet flapped against the black rubber mats laid out on the ground as I picked up my pace. I had to get to him. Maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he needed support. I'd be there for him.

  Then I spotted him.

  I nearly tripped over. It was him. It was really him.

  He headed towards the exit. My feet spun on the dusty ground as I rushed towards him. I had to catch up to him. I had to touch him and speak to him. When destiny comes a-knocking, you have to grab that opportunity with both hands – and when that is a Tex O’Malley-shaped opportunity, you definitely wanted to grab it.

  I gained ground. It was definitely him. He was like no other man alive. My heart felt like a jackhammer in my chest and I wasn't sure if it was from the running or the closeness of him. I could run. I could fly if it meant I would be with Tex.

  Then I stopped dead in my tracks.

  He wasn't alone.

  A woman clung to his arm. A bitch. A skanky bitch. Who was she? Where had she come from? I knew nothing about her. Suddenly the jackhammer in my chest turned into a vice, crushing my heart in its grip. I thought I knew everything about Tex O'Malley but she wasn't even on my radar.

  I sank down on my heels, my arms folded on my knees and sobs rising up in my throat. I wouldn't let those sobs develop into full-blown crying. This was way beyond tears. This was curling up on the ground and dying.

  I couldn't see that manky bitch properly but she hardly seemed like she was Tex’s type. I didn't know what his type was but I figured it'd be someone like a model or that chick who managed the band. Slick and polished. The woman with him was short and had a big butt and wild red hair. She was most certainly not good enough for Tex.

  Maybe she was a minder or someone who worked for the festival, thinking she could cling on to him. He didn't look like he cared about her that much.

  I stood up and dusted myself off. I didn't have to worry about her. She was hardly competition.

  In the distance, I saw Tex and the girl get in a van and drive off. No matter. I'd have a better plan for the next day.

  But, when I got back to the taco van, Fred was NOT happy. His face was puffed up and red, in a way that ruined his cool. Even his beard wobbled as he yelled at me.

  "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

  "I got lost on the way to the toilets." That was so close to the truth, it almost wasn't a lie.

  "Bullshit. You've been skivving off. I've had to pack up the whole van myself."

  "Sorry. I'll help. I'll do the rest..." I pleaded. I needed to be in his good books and I had no pride.

  "I've finished now. You're fucking useless. Give me the pass back. I'll get someone else." He ran his fingers through his beard.

  "No!" I clutched onto the lanyard around my neck. "You can't have it."

  I cried then. I really cried but nothing moved his stone-cold hipster heart.

  He lunged for me, grabbing at the lanyard. I struck out at him. I reckon I had about 20 kilos on his skinny little hipster arse and I had the fire in me. I whopped him up the side of the head.

  "Bitch!"

  A few heads turned to look. I glanced towards the exit, gauging my chances of making a run for it. I was still rat shit from running before. I never run so running twice in one day would kill me. I had no idea what he'd do though. Do hipsters run? He was wearing those tight skinny jeans.

  He lunged for me again and I backed away.

  He had hold of the lanyard but he couldn’t get it off me. Not without a knife. And he had no knife. I pulled back until he let go.

  "I'm getting security." He looked serious.

  Bloody hell. I ran. I ran for my life. I had to get away from his evil hipsterness. Hipsters never understood true fan devotion. They never knew real love. They only cared about being cool and wearing flat caps. I'd worked hard all day and I'd be buggered if he was going to take my hard-earned access pass off me.

  I dodged through people who just hung around getting in the way and knocked through a group of stoners.

  I ran out the exit then realised there was no escape. I'd got a lift there with Fred and the festival grounds were way up the country, nowhere near any kind of civilisation. I could try to hitch a ride with someone going back to the city but most of the bands had cleared out already and there was only the crew around. I didn't want any crew ratting me out to the security guys. Bloody hell, how would I get back to the city or even that one horse town we’d come through?

  The only thing around was bush. I had no idea where Fred was and I wasn't waiting around to get caught. I headed to the trees. I huddled down, shaking with fear that they'd find me. The ground was muddy and damp so I couldn't sit down. I was totally hidden from view and I didn't think he'd look for me off in the trees. I could just see the car park and I could keep an eye on his car. When he left, I'd come out from hiding.

  Hell. I'd left my handbag in the taco van with my money and keys in it. I didn't actually have much money and I'd taken out all my important stuff at home in case some shithead tried to steal it while I was hard at work. I did have a hoodie in there though and it was getting cold now I'd left the warmth of the taco grill. I leaned against the trunk of a tree.

  Next thing I knew, I woke up and it was dark. All that working on my feet and running had taken it out of me. Who the hell would even t
hink you could sleep leaning up against a tree. Fred's car was gone, so that was one thing, but then so were most of the other cars in the parking lot.

  Bugger me dead. What could I do?

  I went back to the festival gates. Thank heaven they were still open. I just flashed my pass and got back inside. No one even gave me a second look. The taco van was locked up so I couldn't get in there to get my stuff.

  All the bands had those enclosures set up in that rabbit warren of an area. I wandered around it until I found an enclosure that looked promising. There was heaps of rubber matting sitting around so I stacked it up to make a mattress, then I got some tarps to use as covers. It wasn't the most comfy bed but I could hide out until daylight. Sweet Jesus, they'd even left behind some food and beers. I didn't feel bad about stealing it because the bands all got free food anyway.

  I woke up at sparrow's fart and tried to blend in. I didn't want Fred seeing me. I had hours to kill before FORSAKEN came on so I just wandered around backstage, looking like I knew what I was doing. I even used my pass to get free food. What a sweet deal.

  I debated getting up to watch bands before FORSAKEN came on so I’d be set up for them but didn’t want to be too obvious. I was still paranoid about getting sprung so I waited.

  When FORSAKEN came on to play, I rushed up to the side of stage with everyone else. I missed the start because there were so many people trying to crowd up the steps. Everyone working on the festival roster wanted to catch this show. All jumping on the bandwagon now. At least I could blend in with them all.

  There were about 200 people crowded to the side of the stage. Security kept telling people to get back but there was nowhere to go but forward.

  I got almost to the front of that crowd. That red-haired bitch was in front of me though. She didn't even seem to be that into it. Didn't know the words of the songs. Didn't even want to be there by the looks of her. I hated those kinds of people. Why be there, taking up other people's space?

  The show was amazing but, like I said, something had changed about Tex. Not in a bad way, just in a way.

  During the last song, the ginger bitch left. Why would you do that? Did she want to get out of there before the rush? Selfish hag. I knocked her as she left to teach her a lesson. Then I was up the front.

  The encore made my heart bleed. The pain that Tex put into that song. As he got to the final chorus, he turned in my direction and scanned the crowd. He was looking for me. Even though he didn't know me yet, he must've known that his destined person was there, waiting for him. And that song, it was about me. Like he could see my heart’s pain.

  I smiled and waved but he turned away before he saw me. I was so close to the moment. It'd only be a matter of time now. Tex and I were fated to be together one day and that day was getting closer.

  Chapter 3

  Ruby

  I don't know how, but I'd drifted off to sleep. Crazy that I could do that when my heart was all the colours of the nervous wreck rainbow but I'd just sat on my bed to check the internet and woke up with my laptop beside me.

  I shivered in the coldness of the room and tried not to move from the warm place I'd made in my bed. Images flooded my sleep-addled brain.

  I'd been at the festival with Tex. He'd been on stage and he'd been incredible when suddenly I got so overwhelmed, I had to get out of there.

  The thing between us had been nurtured in our isolation, alone and living in his music studio without contact with the outside world, like two plants growing out of the sun twisting around each other to gain strength. I'd gotten so used to it being just the two of us. Then he'd had the opportunity to get back to his music and I'd pushed him. I didn't want him living in fear and denial of that side of himself. I'd given him all the support he'd needed, pushing him to do this one thing he craved but had run from.

  Then Tex had gone back on stage and, while I'd been proud of him, I feared that the thing we'd had together would not survive. I wasn't the kind of girl who was a rock star's girlfriend. I wanted to stay in that dark place out of the sunlight.

  All these thoughts came back to me as I struggled to wake.

  It took a moment for me to realise what had woken me: the sound of the door slamming.

  Would he be angry with me or would he understand how I felt?

  What time was it anyway? How long had I been asleep? I fumbled for my phone, wanting to check the time. Then I looked up to see Tex standing in the doorway, blocking the light shining from the other room. I wanted to freeze time, leave him standing like that, because no matter what he said, it would change things between us. Change was like a huge rock in my stomach, weighing me down and threatening to destroy me.

  "Why did you leave?" he asked. "Shit, Ruby you hate that stuff don't you?"

  Before I could answer, he rushed into the room and took me in his arms. My happiness at that gesture seemed selfish though. He should've been celebrating his success not fussing about me.

  "I wanted you to be free to celebrate with your friends. You are doing it, aren't you? You are going on tour."

  He was being swept up in the tides of fame. It was a place for him, not me. I didn't know how I'd even start explaining my feelings to him. Even to me, they were a squished up mess. Like when you mix all the colours of the play-doh together and you end up with that disgusting burple colour. That's what my emotions were like.

  His lips toyed with my earlobe.

  "Yes, I think so. But I can't do it without you there beside me. You'll stay with me, through it all, won't you? Even if you hate it, I'll protect you from it all. It can still be just us, in our private sanctuary, no matter where we are."

  Then he kissed me and I kissed him and I agreed but I had misgivings in my heart. How could this thing between us last? I would stay with Tex while he needed me but our love flourished in a quiet and secluded place. I wasn't sure it would survive if it was exposed to the bright lights and public gaze.

  But I would love Tex as long as he would let me.

  Our kisses became more intense until all the thoughts in my head were cleared away. I wrapped my body around his and his fingers toyed with my hair. I was wary of getting too tangled up in lust with him. Every time he'd started getting passionate with me before, he'd pulled away, leaving me crazy with frustration. I knew that he had issues that prevented him from going all the way with me – and they sure as hell weren't erectile issues because that was working fine – so I didn't want to push him too hard. I didn't want to end up with that emptiness in the pits of the Ruby Wonderland either.

  He reached into his pocket, fumbling for something.

  "I bought something on the way home," he said.

  He pulled a packet of condoms out of his pocket. Holding them up as a visual confirmation that he intended reaching goal this time. Thank God for that. There is only so much teasing of the sexy bits a woman can handle before going mental. Also, because of my previous sexual history, or more like lack of it, I wasn't on any birth control.

  At that signal, the floodgates opened. And those gates were definitely the gates to the Ruby Wonderland where his fingers were making fireworks explode.

  I lay in Tex's arms until I fell asleep. He woke me the next morning with gentle kisses all over my face.

  "Hey, Ruby, wake up. Make me breakfast."

  I kicked him. There was no way I wanted to get out of the warmth of my bed to make breakfast. It was freezing cold out there. I wanted to stay close to him.

  "Can't you make it?"

  "You're my housekeeper. It's your job."

  I nestled my head against his chest and smiled at him.

  "Well, I'll have to have you charged with sexual harassment then." I said it jokingly but that was another issue we’d have to address. What exactly was my role with him?

  I could've stayed there like that with him forever. My hands started working to convince him that staying in bed was definitely the better option.

  Before we could get any further with those thoughts though
, my phone rang. I ignored it. They could go away. It rang out but then rang again. I sighed and picked it up.

  "It's the builders," I said.

  Tex's house had burnt down and was being rebuilt. That's why we lived in the recording studio.

  "Do you want to speak to them?" I asked.

  "You do it. After all, it will be your house too."

  I slapped his arm. What a cop out. But a warmth spread through my body. It would be my house too? A long-term home with Tex. I couldn't even begin to accept the ramifications of that.

  The builder wanted to double check some of the specifications for the air conditioning system and how they would allow for them. I told him I'd be with him in a minute. Then I got out of bed and threw on some clothes.

  "Bring back food," Tex said. He was spread out under the covers with his bare chest and nipples visible. He had his arms folded behind his head. His grin had more than a trace of smugness and self-satisfaction. Like a well-fed cat. I ached to crawl back under the sheets with him and explore more of the pleasure he gave me. I promised myself that's exactly what I'd do when I'd dealt with this builder.

  I found the file of house documents and got out the air conditioning stuff. Then I pulled my boots on. It'd been raining and the ground would be mushy.

  Despite all my efforts to get away from the builder, he kept talking at me. Frustration bubbled up, threatening to overspill my body. It was okay for him to stand around in the cold talking. I had a hot man in bed waiting for me and I had needs, needs that I'd never really explored before. Now they threatened to take over. I gave a little giggle, thinking about those needs. The workman glared at me.

  "Are you listening to me?" he asked.

  I nodded, trying to look sombre. I didn't really take in much of what he was saying though. If he wanted to change things around to make the air conditioning more efficient, he should just do it without all this talk. I suspected he was bored and wanted someone to talk to. That talk cut into my sex time though.