The Climb

by Damien Benoit-Ledoux

  “You’re leaving me?” Skyler asked with mock surprise, clutching his heart with his left hand.

  “Shock, awe, horror. I know, it pains me as well,” Tracy said, clutching her heart with the same theatrical agony as Skyler. “I don’t know how you’ll survive, but you will. I have faith in you.”

  “Awww, you mean I don’t have to have that conversation with him?” CK teased.

  “Leave that to me,” Tracy said. “Unless of course, you want to.”

  “Done,” CK said. “It’s yours.”

  “Did you want to go over there?” Tracy asked optimistically, nodding to the Gay-Straight Alliance tent. “We can go check it out. I bet it would be fun just to look, even from a distance.”

  “Uh, no, not tonight. I’m not ready for that. I think this is a good distance.” Skyler said. I feel like I’m disappointing her.

  “We’ll go with you if you want,” Tracy urged, ever hopeful.

  “Thanks. But no.” Skyler swallowed. I’m not ready for people to know yet.

  “What are you guys up to?” Kalin asked, sidling up to Tracy. He had changed out of his swim suits into some beige, slim fit shorts and his blue tank top.

  “We’re talking about how I will be leaving our newest student—I mean friend—in your capable hands when my family leaves for vacation next weekend.” Tracy let go of Skyler’s arm and he turned to watch them.

  “You make it sound like a bad thing,” Kalin teased. Then he paused and quickly corrected himself. “The vacation part, I mean. Having Skyler around isn’t the bad part.” Then he looked over to Skyler and winked at him. Skyler smiled and turned his head left to watch the crowd.

  So, yeah, this guy, Kalin totally likes me. He’s made a point to hang out with me since Annika left and here he is again, flashing that gorgeous smile and his beautiful brown eyes at me. And he’s just so…calm, and at peace. I really like him, but what does that mean? Does that mean we’d date? Go out? Can I really have a boyfriend here? I know they’ve said they’re cool with everything, but are they? No, don’t be an idiot. You’ve got nothing going for you right now. Kalin could be with anyone he wanted. And what’s up with a gay group at school? If I were at Cornerstone, they’d replace it with a booth sign that read Welcome to Hell. I don’t even know what to think about that. I’m glad I have a couple of weeks before Tracy talks with me about it. Okay, Sky, stop. You’re supposed to be having fun. So, relax, and enjoy. It’s okay if another boy likes you. Just take it slow. Protect yourself, and you’ll be fine.

  Cody and Tommy walked over from another group of students and stood next to CK. “And now,” Cody said, faking an announcer voice, “I give you the Fourth of July fireworks.” As if on cue, a low boom sounded in the distance and the crowd cheered. Skyler looked up and followed a faint trail of smoke high up into the air as the first firework gained altitude and then exploded into a starburst of white and blue.

  “How did you do that?” Tommy asked, his eyes glued to Cody’s face.

  “Tommy, my boy, it’s a mystery. And like the greatest mysteries of the universe, they are not to be explained, only wondered at.”

  Tommy wrinkled his red eyebrows with amusement and smiled. “Uh-huh, if you say so.”

  “I do. Ready for another one or two?” Cody asked. He waved his hand into the air and several soft booms echoed across the athletic fields.

  CK looked at Skyler and rolled his eyes, laughing softly. “Poor guy.” A moment later, above them, several fireworks exploded with brilliant color.

  On his right, Skyler felt Tracy’s bare arm gently lean against his. When did Tracy get so tall? He turned to smile at her, but it wasn’t Tracy. She and Kalin had swapped places. Kalin nonchalantly ignored Skyler’s gaze and watched fireworks explode in the sky above them, the corner of his mouth barely hinting at a smile.

  Wow.

  Skyler smiled and didn’t move away. Instead, he turned his gaze upward and enjoyed the evening as the fireworks went off.

  13 | Slow Down, but Keep Going

  A FEW DAYS LATER, SKYLER went running with Tracy and CK to get ready for track practice, which he figured he’d join if he had to. During their morning run, they talked about Annika’s unexpected arrival and the commotion she created at the party.

  “I seriously can’t believe she had the balls to pull that crap in front of everyone at the party! What was she thinking?” Tracy asked. “Invite the guest of honor to leave his own party. I mean seriously, who does that?”

  Skyler shook his head and smiled, “Apparently, the crazy girls CK has dated.”

  “Ha!” CK exclaimed. “You’re an ass.”

  “No, she was the ass!” Tracy emphatically corrected. “Let’s go lay out in the park for a bit,” she suggested, not waiting for the boy’s agreement. She changed direction, crossed the street, and headed for the park.

  Skyler and CK looked at each other, shrugged, and followed Tracy’s lead. As they entered the park, they slowed to a walk and found a grassy spot in the sun. CK rolled onto the grass and laid flat on his back.

  Tracy laid down next to CK, and Skyler laid down next to Tracy. CK and Skyler were already shirtless so it was easy to start soaking up the warm sun. Birds chirped and the smells of grass and a hot summer day filled their nostrils. Tracy and CK started talking about something school related, so Skyler started to daydream. He put his arms behind his head and started thinking about the barbecue and the fireworks, and how he and Kalin remained close together despite the heat of the evening and the excitement of the fireworks.

  It was so wonderful to be near him, and to be connected like that. He’s so different from Cam. Is that a bad thing? Cam and I had something special together, but this is something new, something I’ve never experienced before. Aw, shit, I think I like him. Is that okay? What about Cam? I still have feelings for him. Why does this have to be so confusing? Just stop, you know Kalin doesn’t need to get involved with this hot mess.

  “Earth to Skyler, come back,” a voice called out. Skyler turned and looked at Tracy. “And just what, or who, are you thinking about, mister?”

  “Probably Kalin,” CK said in a lovey-dovey voice.

  “What? No.” Skyler exclaimed, blushing a little. He propped himself up on his elbows. Beads of sweat rolled down his head, arms, and torso.

  “So, I’m right,” CK proudly declared. Tracy clapped her hands and squealed with glee. Skyler flopped on to his back and let out a sigh.

  “Someone has a crush, someone has a crush,” Tracy teased, singing the words with a silly tune.

  “Oh stop,” Skyler said. But really, go on.

  “Don’t think I didn’t see you two flirting at the party.” Tracy said. “And don’t even try to deny how close you guys stood together during the fireworks.”

  Skyler tried to speak, but he exhaled a short laugh instead.

  “Well, I think you have a chance with him,” CK said. “I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s gay, so that’s in your favor, right?”

  “He’s really cute, too, Sky,” Tracy said.

  “And dreamy,” Skyler added. Tracy let out another yip of glee.

  “Okay, calm down, you,” Skyler said, laughing and clapping his hands together.

  “Clearly,” CK teased, “You haven’t met Tracy yet. She doesn’t calm down.”

  “Hey!” she said, gently smacking CK’s shoulder.

  “He probably wouldn’t want to get with me anyway.”

  CK and Tracy whipped their heads in Skyler’s direction. “Why not?” they asked together.

  Skyler stared at the sky. Lost for words, he tried to answer them. “Well, I just, I…” he paused. “I…” I don’t have anything going for me right now, that’s why.

  “Skyler Phoenix, are you the only one who doesn’t see how amazing you are?” Tracy asked. “Listen, we all have issues. That’s what being a teenager is all about. We’re all hormonal and screwed up to some degree. None of us are perfect, and we have lots of shit to figure out. You are not
some horrible example of a messed-up kid. Like I said, we all have issues. I have issues! CK has issues. Kalin has issues, too! You’ll have to figure out if you can accept and work with them when you guys start dating.”

  CK choked and cleared his throat. Skyler recognized it as a poor attempt to stifle a laugh as he silently considered her words. She’s right, of course. Still, I don’t think someone as handsome and wonderful as Kalin would give me the time of day. Kalin is too perfect. Skyler thought back to the pool party. Kalin was sexy and cute when he arrived, but when he pulled off his blue tank top to jump in the pool, the image of his toned abs had fixed itself permanently in Skyler’s mind, along with his stunning brown eyes, his styled hair, and his cute smile.

  “Besides, we all know you guys clicked at the pool party and fireworks,” CK said.

  “Oh, totes,” Tracy agreed. “There was some major flirty-flirty going on between you two.”

  “Well, I guess so,” Skyler said reluctantly. If anyone was paying attention, then yeah, they’d have figured out there was major flirting going on between us.

  “We know so,” Tracy said.

  “Then why hasn’t he called or texted me?” Skyler asked. They didn’t answer. He looked over at Tracy who shrugged back at him while CK made a funny face and looked off into the distance. Sighing, Skyler laid down on the grass again and put his hands behind his head. The warm sun felt good on his bare chest.

  “Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have your number. But I have his. Let’s invite him over for a swim after lunch,” CK said. “I bet you’d like that,” he teased.

  “He’s probably got plans,” Skyler answered. “But, sure, go for it.” He closed his eyes and reflected on the fun they had at the barbecue.

  We really did have a great time. It was so easy to get along with him, and it felt great. It was like being back with Cam…oh, wow. Did I really do that again? So many wonderful memories, only to have them ripped from me because of what the church people would think…they love you until they find a reason to hate you. Sky, stop it. You’re being paranoid for nothing. It will be okay to hang out with Kalin for now. Besides, it would be fun to have a gay friend, if he is in fact gay. I’m pretty sure he is. Just remember, Sky, you don’t want to freak the Kelleys out by dating a boy.

  “Hey man,” CK said. “We’re gonna be chilling by the pool this afternoon. Wanna come over?”

  Skyler snapped his head to the right and looked at CK, who was holding his cell phone against his ear.

  “Yeah, that’s great, we’re at the park now, taking a break from running. We have to run back to the house and clean up. How about after lunch, say around 1:30?”

  Oh my god, you’re talking to him now? Skyler looked at Tracy with surprise in his eyes. She giggled and excitedly clapped twice.

  “Yep…definitely…okay, see you later,” CK said and he pulled the phone away from his ear. “Done,” he said, smiling at CK.

  “You’re an ass,” Skyler quipped.

  “Oh I don’t think so. He asked if you were going to be around today. So, if I were to put two and two together…”

  “Okay, okay, he’s interested. I get it.” But I don’t believe it.

  “Skyler!” Tracy exclaimed. “He likes you! If you like him go after him!” She poked him in the side and made him jump.

  “Ow, quit it!” Skyler said, annoyed but unable to wipe a huge grin off his face.

  “You do like him! I knew it!” Tracy exclaimed.

  CK jumped to his feet. “Okay, time to head back. We need to sweep the deck, skim the pool, grab a quick lunch, and make sure our boy here has enough time to preen and look all pretty for Kalin.”

  “You really are an ass,” Skyler said laughing, as he lifted himself off the ground.

  CK clapped his shoulder. “You love me.”

  “Um, boys?”

  Skyler and CK looked at Tracy. She sat up and extended her hands toward them, waiting for them to pull her up.

  The boys laughed. “Why yes, your royal highness, allow us.” CK teased, bowing and extending his hand.

  “Heaven forbid you strain a muscle during your workout, your majesty.” Skyler added, mimicking CK’s reverential bow. They pulled her up and walked toward the road.

  “Come on, slackers,” Tracy suddenly called out and sprinted away. CK and Skyler laughed and sprinted after her.

  * * *

  As they passed Tracy’s house, they said their goodbyes and then sprinted home until they reached the back deck. Skyler kicked off his shoes and socks and dove into the pool to cool off. He floated underwater until the sound of CK diving in after him broke the momentary calm. His elevated heartbeat pounded in his ears as his lungs began to claw for oxygen inside his chest. He swam to the surface and inhaled.

  “Man this feels great,” he said, shaking the water from his hair.

  “Yep, and it’s not too buggy either. Won’t have much to do for your man,” CK responded, splashing water at Skyler.

  Skyler glared at CK, who noticed. “Aw, come on man, I’m teasing you.”

  “Could you just…not do that?” Skyler asked. He let his voice convey annoyance even though he intoned it as a question.

  “Too much? Okay, okay, I’ll stop. But seriously, I’m happy for you.”

  “You don’t even know what you’re happy about, Colton.” It was the first time Skyler used his full name since their introduction. He swam toward the shallow water so he could stand.

  CK noticed and his face wrinkled. “You called me Colton.”

  No shit, Sherlock. “Yeah, because you’re pissing me off.”

  “Oh.”

  Skyler picked his hands up out of the water and started counting. “First, you don’t really know if he’s gay. Second, you don’t know if I really like him. Well, maybe but that doesn’t matter. Third, I was kicked out of my last house for being gay, and fourth, I am not over Cam yet. Fifth, I’ve only been here, what, three weeks? My life has been turned upside down and I haven’t been in control since I was forced out of the closet. Everything has been swirling around me so fast and I’m struggling to get a grip on my life. And sixth, or finally, or whatever, I have no idea what it means to have a boyfriend and I don’t know if you guys can handle it. I’m scared out of my mind because you and Tracy might be right and…” Skyler’s voice was becoming very angry and loud. “And I don’t know what to do about it. And now I’m yelling at you. Shit.”

  Skyler slapped the water in frustration and wrapped his arms around himself awkwardly. Then he put the thumb and index finger of his right hand into the corners of his eyes to plug his tear ducts and avoid eye contact with CK.

  “I know you are trying to help, but you are unraveling me. I need to do things in my own time, not in yours, and not in Tracy’s. So please, quit pushing me, CK.” He was careful to use Colton’s nickname. He took a deep breath before continuing. “I want to trust you, and I want to open up more, but you can’t push me. I will push you back and blow up like this every time until I’m more settled.”

  CK swam toward Skyler on the shallow end. “I get it, and I’m really sorry. I thought it was all in fun. I didn’t realize how some of the things you shared…”

  Skyler’s eyes snapped up and pierced CK with a glare of anger.

  CK put both hands up in front of him as if in surrender. “What I mean is, I didn’t know how much you still cared for or struggled with losing Cam. The rest we can deal with, but, what am I supposed to do, Sky? I really like you and want you to be happy. I don’t want to sit around and watch you be all mopey or unable to move on. Trust me, I know Kalin and I know he’s a sweet guy. I know you two will get along famously.” He swam a little closer to Skyler. “Please believe me, Sky, I won’t force you guys together or anything. I’m not lame like that. I promise never to hurt you intentionally. I’ll even back off if you want.”

  Skyler nodded and sniffed. He could smell the pool water mixing with the sweat on his skin. “I just…” His words caught in his
throat as the emotions took over and the tears began to flow. He felt CK’s arms wrap around him. Crying in CK’s arms didn’t appeal to him, but the comfort of CK’s arms did. He let the tears flow for a few minutes as the emotions released and subsided.

  “Ugh, I wish that would stop happening,” Skyler muttered.

  CK gave him a squeeze before letting him go. “Yeah, well, the last time really seemed to help. Maybe you’re lucky like that. You can have a few good cries like that and then move on.”

  He’s right. “Move on,” Skyler echoed. He wiped his eyes. “That’s what I need to do. Cam’s gone, and I’m here. And…” he paused and smiled at CK. “Kalin will be here later.”

  “Yes!” CK exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. He fell backwards into the water and submerged his body up to his neck and smirked. “Unless, of course, you want me to cancel…”

  Skyler took a deep breath and laughed. “No, definitely not!” He scratched his head and looked around the yard. “We don’t really have much to clean up,” he commented.

  Something wet hit the back of his head. He pulled it away from his head and realized he was holding CK’s running shorts.

  “Gross,” Skyler said.

  “You wanna go skinny dipping with Kal later?” CK teased.

  “Of course,” Skyler said, laughing as he tossed CK’s running shorts back at him.

  CK caught them and started putting them on under the water. “Great, but let’s get a few things in perspective first, okay?”

  “Sure,” Skyler said. He sank down into the pool up to his neck.

  “Okay.” CK raised his right hand out of the water and started counting off like Skyler had done before. “First, you said you don’t know if he’s gay. We think he is, and we all saw him flirting with you—and you with him—at the barbecue and fireworks. And he specifically asked if you would be here this afternoon.”

  “Okay,” Skyler said. I see where you’re going…I think.

  “Second, I don’t know if you like him. But your face lights up and you get all fan-girly every time we mention him. So, even if you don’t have a crush on him, which I highly doubt, at least get to know him. Tracy and I really think you will click—if not as a boyfriend, then at least as a friend. He’s a good guy and he won’t be an asshole or hurt you at school. No offense, but you need your own friends here, too.”