Exploration

by Quinn Ward

  “It’s good for you,” he called over his shoulder as he looked for the next item on the list. “Keeps you young. Now, you gonna tell me why you’re all pissy?”

  “It’s stupid, really.” Frankie spun around, cocked out one hip, and glared at me. I laughed, immediately realizing my mistake. “Man, you’re not going to let me get away with anything, are you?”

  “Nope. Now, spill it.”

  “Yes, sir.” I gave him a playful salute and took over steering the cart so he could grab stuff off the shelves. “Okay, so I did something and I’m worried you’re going to be pissed when I tell you.”

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “It’s probably not as bad as I’m making it out to be, but I need you to remember I did what I thought was best for you,” I told him, wanting to make sure he went into the story knowing I hadn’t declined to invite him because I didn’t want him there. I did. “Marisa called and asked if we could celebrate Ryan’s birthday Thursday before we leave for the tournament. When she suggested that I invite you, I told her you had to work that night.”

  Frankie shrugged and stared at me with a blank expression. “And where’s the problem?”

  “I should’ve checked with you. A good boyfriend would’ve asked you if you wanted to go instead of assuming you wouldn’t.”

  Frankie put his foot on the bottom of the cart to keep me from rolling past him. With his hands on either side of the basket he leaned forward. “Let me ask you a question. If Tony or Max told me to invite you somewhere this weekend, would you expect me to ask you?”

  “Well no, because you know I’m going to be out of town.”

  “And you know my work schedule, yes?” He smirked as he waited for me to answer.

  “Fine. I see your point.” Hearing Frankie explain why I’d done the right thing, I allowed myself to relax. The rest of the shopping trip was almost fun. We joked around with one another and made plans to go out of town once I got back from the tournament so Frankie had something to look forward to while we were apart.

  Thursday afternoon, Marisa called to confirm our plans for that night. She’d never been an active participant in Ryan’s hockey but knew there was some gear he wanted, so she’d asked me to pick it up and we’d all sign the card. That was fine by me, because it saved me money since I’d already planned on getting him what he needed as a reward for making the elite team.

  I almost ended the call so I could finish up some work on my project when I realized there was a vital piece of information I was missing. “Hey, you think you might want to tell me where we’re meeting? Won’t win me any dad-of-the-year points if I’m late to my kid’s birthday dinner.”

  “Oh, yeah, I suppose that’d help.” Marisa giggled, apologizing for being so flighty. That turned into her rambling about wedding plans, which led to her wanting to make sure I was okay with Ryan staying at my place during the honeymoon. “Oh, my God! I’m doing it again. Seriously, you need to stop me when I do that.”

  “It’s okay, I have years of practice,” I teased. “I know you’ll run out of breath eventually. Now, I do have some work to do, so maybe you can focus this time and tell me where we’re meeting.”

  “Oh, yeah. He’s insisting on going to Marino’s. I was hoping for someplace closer to in between our houses since Jack has to be up early in the morning, but he swears they have the best lasagna he’s ever eaten.”

  I was so screwed. Now, instead of sparing Frankie the discomfort of having dinner with my family, we were going to waltz into his family’s restaurant where he’d get to watch us eating while he worked. Even I hadn’t imagined this as a possible outcome.

  “Calvin, are you okay?” I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. I hadn’t realized I’d zoned out on Marisa. “If you don’t like his pick, I’m sure you can text him after school and persuade him to go somewhere else.”

  “No, no, Marino’s is fine,” I assured her. I just had to get ahold of Frankie ahead of time and give him the heads up. There wasn’t a single dish Frankie had brought home that Ryan hadn’t devoured, even a few vegetarian entrees, which shocked the hell out of me. If he wanted to go to Marino’s for dinner, that was where we’d go. “Listen, I’ve got to get going if I want to finish the current phase of testing on the project I’m working on right now. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

  “Sounds good.” After we hung up, I stared at my phone wondering if I should text Frankie or admit I wasn’t going to get any work done today and go see him in person. As much as I wanted to choose the latter option, I had to be a responsible adult, so I fired off a quick text.

  When you get a chance, give me a call. Minor snag for tonight.

  Almost immediately, the phone rang. “Hey, I didn’t mean you needed to drop what you were doing.”

  “It’s cool. I just finished up a meeting with a vendor and now I’m waiting on Freddie to get done berating the kitchen staff before they walk out on him.” Frankie groaned and I could practically see him wringing his hands through his hair.

  “What’s going on with Freddie?” I kept my tone light, hoping it’d be enough to settle him down until I could see him. With any luck, I could wrap things up in my office in an hour or two of hard, focused work and we could spend some time in the office before the rest of the family got there.

  “You tell me and we’ll both know.” He sighed heavily and something, probably his head, thumped against something solid. “He’s been growlier than usual for the past few weeks, but today he’s almost unbearable. I swear, if we had anyone else who could cover for him on a busy night, I’d send his ass home. As it is, we have four big parties coming in on top of our usual business.”

  “Wow, that’s great!”

  “Yeah, it is. Don’t get me wrong, I love that we’re all working together to make improvements that are paying off, but I’m worried people who are used to walking in are going to be upset when they have to wait for a table.”

  Well, at least that gave me an opening to break my news to him. “If that’s the case, I’m glad I called. Don’t be upset with me, but Ryan requested Marino’s for his birthday dinner. Apparently, he’s been talking you up to Marisa and Jack, so she didn’t try and talk him into someplace closer to their house.”

  “Man, you really have no faith in me, do you?”

  “It’s not that, Frankie,” I assured him. I pinched the bridge of my nose to stave off the headache I felt coming on. If there was a way to botch this situation, it seemed I was going to find it. “I just don’t want to make things weird for you.”

  “Then quit assuming I’m going to be pissed off because you’re spending time with Ryan and his mom. Is it just the four of you? Tell me what time you’re going to be here and I’ll take care of the rest.” A door slammed in the background and, with another exasperated sigh, Frankie apologized for cutting our call short before hanging up. That didn’t sound good at all. I tucked my phone into a desk drawer so I could finish up this last little bit of work. Once that was done, I was going to Marino’s so I could see for myself that Frankie wasn’t stressing out.

  Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. One incorrect character in a single line of code killed the entire project, so instead of taking Frankie lunch to steal a few minutes with him before dinner tonight, I had to backtrack and find my mistake. By the time I got to the restaurant, there were no open parking stalls within a block.

  I debated leaving Ryan’s gift in the car rather than lug his new gear through the streets, but that seemed pretty shitty. The host at the stand outside the entrance sneered at the gift bag. Sure, it resembled a garbage bag, but it wasn’t.

  “It’s my son’s birthday,” I explained.

  “Do you have reservations?” the host asked. If I couldn’t see his chest expanding and contracting with every breath, I’d have thought he was some high tech robot with his monotone voice and lack of facial expressions.

  “Yes, Davidson.” I checked my watch, cringing when I realized I was
nearly twenty minutes late. “The rest of my party is probably already inside.”

  “Yes. Right this way, please.” I didn’t want to tell Frankie how to run his business, but if this was the first impression they were making to guests, the food had to be out of this world to keep people coming back.

  “I’ve got it, Gage.” I tensed at the sound of Frankie’s voice. We’d technically said our goodbyes this morning because Ryan and I were hitting the road as soon as dinner was done and having him so close to me, I wanted to drag him into a dark corner for one more kiss goodbye.

  “Do you want to put that in the office until it’s time for you to give Ryan his presents?” Frankie offered as he led me through the bar. There was something mischievous about the tone of his question. Maybe I wasn’t the only one wishing for a little more time together. Too bad there was no time for me to bend him over the desk and pound into that ass while everyone went about their business. Another time…

  Frankie opened the door and ushered me into his office. No sooner had I stepped over the threshold when the door slammed behind us and he spun me around.

  “Glad Ryan has good taste in food,” he told me before his mouth crashed against mine. I grabbed his ass, shoving him against the wall. “Fuck, I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I’m sorry,” I began to apologize, but Frankie cut me off with another searing kiss.

  “Don’t be. You’re a man of integrity and I love that you’re helping Ryan achieve his dreams. Doesn’t mean I won’t miss you while you’re gone.”

  I curled my hand around the back of Frankie’s neck and stared into his dark eyes. Bad move, because he was practically begging me to do everything I’d been thinking about a minute earlier.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t go out of town when you get back,” he suggested before I could get my brain to remember how to speak. “You can fuck me senseless at home just as well as you can in an impersonal hotel room.”

  “True, but our vacation isn’t only about having as much sex as humanly possible,” I reminded him. “You need to get out of the city for a while. Truly relax. And I’m looking forward to taking you out on a proper date. Are you sure you’ll be okay this weekend?”

  “Yes, Calvin. I’ll be fine.” He pointed to a bag next to the desk. “I’m heading to Tony’s tonight. We’re even going out for a drink after close. That’s still okay with you, right?”

  The insecure part of my brain wanted to tell Frankie I’d rather he didn’t, that we could go out as a group another time. I bit my tongue, because even though my worry was that he’d have some sudden realization that he could find someone hotter, younger, and less distracted than me, that wouldn’t be what he’d think. He’d assume I didn’t trust him. And I did. Implicitly.

  “Babe, I’m glad you’re going out with your brothers,” I reassured him. “You shouldn’t spend all your time here and at home. And I don’t want us to be one of those couples who has to be together all the time to be happy.”

  “You really are practically perfect.” He kissed me one last time, a sweet, innocent peck that had me longing for more. “And I promise I’ll text or call if I need to hear your voice. Now, if you’re satisfied that I’m not going to have another meltdown while you’re gone, you need to get to your table. Tony said Ryan was already digging into the second bread basket right before you got here.”

  “Tony’s serving us?”

  “Of course. I wasn’t going to leave you in anyone else’s hands. He’s the best we’ve got.” From what Frankie had told me about his brother, I didn’t doubt that for a minute. It seemed a waste for him to be on the serving floor, but according to Frankie, it was where his brother was happiest.

  Marisa gave me a sly wink when she noticed us approaching the table. Jack leaned in to whisper something in her ear before standing to greet me.

  “Calvin, it’s nice you could make it.” From anyone else, that would’ve sounded like a subtle dig, but Jack and I got along. The project I was finishing was for a buddy of his, so he knew what a pain in the ass my client could be. “Frankie, it’s nice to see you again. Are you joining us for dinner? I’m sure we can ask the waiter for another chair.”

  I reached out to Frankie when I heard the sharp intake of breath. I tried to pull his hand free from mine, but I held firm. There were no employees in the direct vicinity and I needed him to be okay. When I felt him relax, I released him.

  “Unfortunately, Frankie is still on the clock, but I might see if he can be persuaded to join us for dessert later.” I leaned closer so only Frankie could hear me. “Breathe. Your family knows we’re roommates. They won’t think it’s odd if I invite you to sit with us for a few minutes after the rush.”

  “You’re right, Cal.” Frankie took a few slow breaths. “I’m sorry I’m being so twitchy.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Now, go tell that brother of yours I’m in dire need of caffeine.” I resisted the urge to swat his backside as he walked away.

  “You two are adorable,” Marisa teased after Tony left with our dinner orders. Jack and Ryan were talking about this weekend’s tournament. While I usually jumped into any hockey talk, I wanted to give them some one-on-one time. Jack would be Ryan’s step-dad soon and it was important that they have a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, that left me open for Marisa to grill.

  “Ris, keep your voice down,” I warned her. I’d seen an older woman who could only be the Marino matriarch hovering near the edge of the room. “He’s not out to his family.”

  “Then I’m thinking it was probably bad for us to come here on a night when he’s working,” she continued. “Anyone who looks at the two of you can see how much you love one another.”

  “You just know because I used to look at you that way,” I argued.

  “No, you never did.” Talk about a punch to the gut. She held up a hand to silence me before I could protest. “Cal, I get it. And until now, I don’t know if I really did. You never could have looked at me that way because it’s not who you are. But I want you to know I’m happy for you. Seeing you like this… I’m proud to call you my first love and my best friend.”

  “Damn, can you two tone it down with the sappy stuff?” Ryan complained. I elbowed him playfully as Marisa laughed some more. Then, Ryan’s expression went serious. “But if this is the time for Hallmark moments, I want to say thank you to all three of you. A lot of my buddies have horror stories about their parents and step-parents, but I can’t relate to that. And Dad, tell Frankie that I include him in that. That’s why I wanted to eat here tonight. I know he can’t be with us for the meal, but I wanted him to be a part of tonight.”

  There had to be dust motes in the air, because I definitely wasn’t about to cry. Okay, I was totally on the verge of tears. I couldn’t help it. For so many years, I’d resigned myself to living a lie or having my family hate me. Now, I realized I still had my family, they’d simply taken a different form now.

  The elderly woman appeared again, this time a few tables closer. I watched as she wiped the same spot on a table, her head cocked slightly. I gave Ryan a subtle shake of my head to cut him short because I got the impression we were being spied on. Either that or I was paranoid tonight.

  Frankie did wind up joining us for dessert at the insistence of the birthday boy. Tony gave us a smirk, whispered something to his brother, and left us alone. Frankie pulled up a chair next to me and placed a hand on my knee under the table. “He’s going to keep Mama busy and out of our hair. I hope she wasn’t too much of a pest. We keep telling her that not everyone’s comfortable with the way she roams, but she’s set in her ways.”

  “She wasn’t a bother at all,” I reassured Frankie. I didn’t share my suspicions that she might’ve overheard us talking before the meal. That’d only give him one more thing to worry about while I was gone. “It’s kind of cool, really. She’s from a different era and seeing her milling around gives the place a homey, family atmosphere.”

  Frankie groaned. “Don’t let
her hear you say that. You’ll jump to the top of the list of her favorite kids.”

  “I’d hate to dethrone you, golden boy,” I teased.

  “Oh please, Teo will always be the baby of the family.” Right then, Tony walked out with a small double chocolate birthday cake. Ryan’s eyes grew wide, and I knew there would be no leftovers. If he didn’t burn so many calories on the ice, I’d worry he had a tapeworm. Matteo came in behind Tony, lugging the gift bag I’d stowed in the office earlier.

  We invited the two of them to join us for dessert, and since it was after the rush, both accepted the offer. Frankie quirked an eyebrow in question. “If three of you are in here, it’ll be easier for you to play off as we’re friends if your Mama asks any questions.”

  “God, I love you.” I gave Frankie’s leg a squeeze and turned my attention back to my son, who was tearing into his present. As expected, it was a huge hit.

  Once we finished our dessert, it was time to hit the road. Frankie had been called into the kitchen for some sort of emergency, so instead of stealing that one more last kiss, I settled for a text reminding him to call me before they went out. It was going to be a long ass weekend.

  17

  Frankie

  The upside of running a restaurant that’s been in the family since before I was born meant I knew how to make every dish on the menu. That was also the downside when Freddie had to bail because his flake of a wife “forgot” to pick up their daughter from the sitter’s house. Again. Why he stayed married to that woman I’d never understand, and by the time Tony and I finished closing down the kitchen, I had a broad vocabulary of choice terms for her. Mama had backed out of the kitchen without even scolding me for the names I’d called Angela. We were all hoping he’d wake up and leave her before something happened.

  “You’re not punking out on that drink, are you?” Tony asked as I shuffled back to the office. There was sweat dripping down my back, my hair was soaked, and I probably smelled like I’d bathed in marinara. Drinking was the last thing I wanted to do. But I’d promised Tony and Enzo we’d go out tonight. It was all part of my vow to reclaim my life from the restaurant.