It Was Always You

by Georgie Capron

  They stayed for a couple of drinks and then found a nearby French restaurant for dinner. For the first time Libby allowed herself to accept the fact that she was becoming a mother. They talked about arrangements for the baby, Luca’s own experience as an uncle to Antonia’s little girl, and what they would need to do to the house to prepare for a baby’s arrival. They also decided that they wouldn’t find out the sex at the next scan, preferring the idea of a surprise. It was both surreal and exciting.

  Libby marvelled at how life could turn on its head in mere moments, uprooting every plan you had made and throwing you completely off course with no notice. It was amazing to her how well everything seemed to be working out. An unexpected bonus of the pregnancy was the refreshing sense of perspective that it gave her about work. She realised undoubtedly that there were more important things in life than a career in law. If her training contract didn’t work out, she would cross that bridge when she came to it. From her limited experience thus far, she had a sneaking suspicion that she was not a natural lawyer in the making. She had chosen law because it had seemed like a sensible, grown-up job to have, something respectable and with good earning potential that would set her on a steady career path once and for all. But she found the work rather repetitive and dull, and the levels of stress within the firm were extremely off-putting. It was hard to avoid being sucked into negativity and complaining, although Tammy and Sam were both remarkably upbeat. They genuinely seemed to enjoy it. Maybe that was why Libby was so drawn to them.

  The next day was spent mostly in bed. Libby cooked them some lunch and they went for a walk in the afternoon. By the time they got to Jules and Angus’s house for dinner, they were as close as they had ever been, the last month and a half of separation forgotten. Libby felt extremely nervous at the thought of Angus and Luca’s imminent first encounter.

  ‘Welcome,’ said Angus, throwing open the door and shaking Luca by the hand. ‘It’s good to meet you!’ Angus had a grubby apron on over his shirt and jeans and, judging from the smells that were emanating from the kitchen, he had clearly been hard at work. His underlying good manners stopped him from showing it, but Libby could tell that he was masking his true feelings about their situation as best he could, for her sake, and for that she was really grateful.

  ‘It’s great to meet you too,’ said Luca. It was endearing listening to his Italian accent when he spoke English. Every consonant was exaggerated and every vowel elongated. Moments later, Jules came pounding down the stairs, her hair wet from the shower.

  ‘Sorry, sorry!’ she cried. ‘I was running so late I only just jumped in the shower.’

  ‘Luca, this is Jules,’ Libby introduced them.

  ‘Meeting in person is much better than on FaceTime,’ laughed Jules as she kissed him on both cheeks. ‘It’s so amazing to have you here.’

  When everyone had a drink they raised their glasses and made a toast. ‘To Libby and Luca,’ said Jules, ‘and their little baby!’

  Jules pored over the photo from the scan, trying to figure out which way around the head was. Even Angus couldn’t resist the temptation, quietly studying the image, that vein pulsing in his jaw once again. Libby explained what the sonographer had showed them. She felt so sorry for Angus as she watched him, knowing how much he would like Jules to be in the same boat. She hoped fervently that seeing Libby go through all of this might inspire Jules to follow suit, though she wasn’t convinced that was ever going to be an option.

  Jules asked Luca hundreds of questions over the course of dinner, determined to get to know him as quickly as possible. Angus was much more detached, uncharacteristically quiet as he topped Jules and Luca up with fine wine and produced three courses of delicious food. They finished with perfectly risen raspberry soufflés dusted with icing sugar and decorated with fresh raspberries.

  ‘How on earth did you make those?’ gasped Libby. ‘They look so professional. Mastering the art of soufflés is next on my list.’

  ‘You certainly are a great cook,’ said Luca. ‘This food has been amazing.’

  After pudding and coffee, decaf for Libby, they left Angus and Jules to tackle the washing up and walked home. ‘They seem like a lovely couple,’ Luca said.

  ‘They are the best,’ agreed Libby.

  ‘I can see myself becoming friends with them both.’

  ‘I certainly hope so! You’ll be spending a lot of time with them.’ Libby crossed her fingers that Angus would come around and accept them as a genuine couple. Surely now that Luca had committed to make a go of things with her in London, he could be happy for her? It felt so wrong having this slight distance between them. She was so used to him being there for her, it was very disconcerting.

  ‘Jules is wonderful, so chatty! So full of life and inquisitive.’

  ‘Yup. She just needs to figure out a way to harness all that energy. She hates her job so much – she is definitely not cut out to be an accountant.’

  ‘No, I can see that.’

  ‘I wonder when she’ll finally pluck up the courage to quit,’ Libby mused, letting them into the flat. She suddenly felt exhausted. Two evenings out in a row had definitely taken their toll. She fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

  Miriam also seemed charmed by Luca over lunch the next day. He certainly knew how to work his magic on the ladies, and his girlfriend’s mother was no exception. He was the perfect mixture of self-deprecating humour and courteous good manners, throwing a little flattery into the mix too. He complimented Miriam on her brooch, an antique favourite that she had inherited from her mother, and his obvious affection for Libby was enough to persuade her that he genuinely adored her daughter. Miriam began to feel rather pleased with the whole situation. If only he would propose, then she could relax even more. Watching Luca and her daughter together, she allowed herself to imagine that this might not be too absurd a possibility. Libby was clearly on cloud nine. She was delighted that things seemed to be working out, for one of her daughters at least.

  Chapter Twelve

  The idyllic bubble of Luca and Libby’s reunion burst several weeks later. Libby had been assigned a massive case at work without either Tammy or Sam to act as her wingmen. The hours she was working suddenly seemed to double. Endless nights were spent poring over documents and case notes; she found herself getting taxis home at midnight or one in the morning, grabbing a few hours’ sleep and then starting all over again the next day. Luca hated the lack of attention he was getting. He was starting to look for work but not having much luck and he was worried that the website commission he was working on was not going as well as he had hoped. Libby knew this was the first test of their relationship, that it was inevitable that there would be rough patches and that her pregnancy hormones were not helping her handle things as well as she might. She found herself snapping at Luca when he was short with her.

  ‘I never see you,’ he moaned.

  ‘I know. There is nothing I would like more than to be axed from this case so that I could have some semblance of a life back, but I can’t.’

  ‘I don’t know anyone… it’s so boring for me here when you are not around.’

  ‘Look, Luca, I can’t babysit you. You need to start making some friends of your own. Join a local sports team or something.’

  ‘It’s not that easy to just click your fingers and make friends you know, Libby.’

  ‘I know it’s going to take time. Maybe you can give Jules a call… I know Angus is busy every waking moment with the exhibition, but she might be able to entertain you, at least this weekend.’

  ‘OK, maybe…’

  Libby left him to sulk while she focused on getting the task in hand done as efficiently and quickly as possible. She was irritated by his lack of independence and it concerned her that he was finding it so hard to settle. As someone who was used to fitting in – and making an effort to fit in – wherever she travelled, Libby found it exasperating. But hadn’t she known it wasn’t going to be that easy all along? M
aybe she had been kidding herself. Perhaps Luca was never going to be happy living this life with her.

  She pushed her doubts to one side, unwilling to explore them in too much detail for fear of the conclusions she might come to. Jules kindly agreed to take Luca on a tour of some of London’s hotspots that weekend, for which Libby was extremely grateful. He seemed much perkier after that. Maybe he really was just lonely. He had seen so little of her, thanks to her unsociable hours of late.

  Things quietened down when the case was adjourned and Libby finally got some regularity back into her working life. She was once again able to get home in time for dinner. Luca had started cooking most week-nights, and Libby was getting used to coming home to the aromas of freshly cooked meals. It was such a treat. They both knew that Luca still needed to make some friends of his own, but she wasn’t going to force him into anything. She didn’t love the fact that he was so dependent on her, but she knew it wasn’t really his fault. He didn’t know anyone in London and he was only there at all because of her. She had to remind herself that he had plenty of friends back home. He was naturally a very sociable guy and he probably found his lack of mates and dependence on her just as frustrating as she did.

  In December it was Libby’s thirty-third birthday. They had invited Jules and Angus over for a drink and a bite to eat before her birthday party kicked off in a pub down the road. She had invited a group of friends to come and celebrate with her. It was high time she introduced Luca to everyone, and this was the perfect opportunity to do so in one go. As the four of them toasted the birthday girl, Jules made an announcement.

  ‘Guess what? I have quit my job.’

  ‘What?’ Libby almost spilt her elderflower. ‘Oh my god. Finally. That’s amazing!’

  ‘Thanks. I can’t believe I have finally done it either.’

  ‘Neither can I,’ said Angus. ‘I still can’t.’ He had seemed distracted since arriving at their house. Libby assumed it was down to this announcement. She could imagine he was nervous about how this might affect their relationship, especially having Jules around the house all the time.

  ‘What made you do it in the end?’

  ‘It was actually talking to Luca about his graphic design work that did it, that time we spent the weekend sightseeing. I’ve decided I’m going to retrain as a graphic designer. I’ve enrolled on a course already, which will not only teach me all the skills I need but also help me put together a portfolio to help me get work at the end of it.’

  ‘That’s amazing, Jules!’

  Luca seemed thrilled that he had had a part to play in her decision. ‘I can help you with any of your coursework,’ he offered.

  ‘That would be incredible.’

  ‘Two creatives amongst us… uh oh,’ laughed Libby. ‘Actually, make that three!’ she realised, thinking about Angus and his art.

  ‘I’m going to have the studio as my graphic design workshop,’ Jules said.

  ‘As luck would have it, I’ve just signed the contract to rent a much bigger studio down by the river,’ said Angus. ‘I don’t have enough space to work from home any more; the whole thing is just taking off too fast. I need a dedicated studio without any home distraction.’ His Lake District exhibition had been a raving success; every painting had sold and his list of commissions was growing rapidly. Libby was endlessly impressed with his achievements and extremely proud of him.

  ‘Well that sounds like perfect timing,’ said Libby. ‘And it’s probably best that you won’t both be hanging around the house all day.’

  ‘Yes, I think that is definitely for the best,’ laughed Jules. ‘You know what we’re like at the best of times!’

  Angus rolled his eyes. It was funny that they were the one couple she knew who frequently argued, despite the fact that Angus was usually one of the most easy-going of people. She suspected it was largely down to Jules knowing exactly which buttons to press to wind him up.

  They had a happy evening at the pub, chatting to old friends. Everyone loved Luca and there were lots of excited congratulations and oohing and aahing over Libby’s ever more visible baby bump. She was now five months pregnant. She couldn’t believe how the time was flying.

  She had told her employers a couple of weeks before, having arranged a meeting with the senior partner, as well as her supervisor. She had confided in Tammy and Sam at four months and had been sure it was perfectly evident to the whole company – that it had been for quite some time, despite her best efforts to keep herself covered up – but, until she told her employers, they could hardly come out and ask her if she was expecting. They had taken it well, outwardly, though Libby could tell they were hardly thrilled. They had asked her when the due date was, and she had confirmed that she would be taking nine months’ maternity leave, then returning to continue her training contract the following year. It was all becoming very real very quickly.

  Not long after her birthday, Christmas rolled around the corner, in a riot of carols, twinkling lights and festive cheer. Luca and Libby found themselves back in Kent at her mother Miriam’s house for the festive season. They had debated whether to stay in England or fly back to Italy, but Libby had argued that she needed to spend time with Helen while she was back from Hong Kong. She had told Luca he could go to Italy without her, but he had been reluctant to leave her should anything happen to her or the baby while he was gone. The good news was that Helen seemed to have completely come to terms with the fact that Libby was having a baby. She was clearly very excited when she put her hand on Libby’s swollen stomach, trying to detect any small movement, and she was besotted when she saw the picture of the baby from their recent five-month scan. Libby was so relieved that her news hadn’t caused a downward spiral in her sister’s depression, as she had feared it might.

  ‘It’s actually starting to look more like a human now,’ she said. ‘That first picture you sent me looked more like a small alien!’

  ‘I know. It’s like a proper little baby now,’ Libby beamed, resting her hand proudly on her bump.

  ‘I should be back for the birth, you know,’ Helen added casually.

  ‘What do you mean? The due date is April the twenty-ninth.’

  ‘I know. I’ve handed in my notice. I’ll be back in March, for good.’

  ‘That’s wonderful news for us, darling,’ Miriam said. ‘But… are you sure that’s what you want?’

  ‘I’m not really enjoying myself over there, Mum. It’s quite lonely. I miss having people I know who I can call up and see if I want to. And the work is hardly thrilling.’ Helen was rarely this honest about her feelings, which Libby took to be an encouraging sign.

  ‘That’s great for us! So long as you don’t mind babysitting,’ joked Luca.

  ‘I’m sure I could be persuaded. Though you might have to pay me! I don’t know what I’ll do for money when I get back.’

  ‘Surely you can teach English over here? There must be plenty of opportunities now that you’re qualified,’ said Libby.

  ‘Yes, you’re probably right.’

  Christmas had always been a tough time of year for the Saunders since losing Ronald, but this year had a different feel to it for the first time in a long time. It was lovely having Luca there to restore their depleted numbers a little and add a male perspective. They were all very excited that next year they would have a baby to spoil and fuss over; it would add to the fun enormously. There was something about having children around during the festive season that gave it a new dimension, some sort of purpose. Miriam in particular seemed to have a new energy about her. She had started knitting all sorts of blankets, tiny baby socks and cardigans, all in neutral colours that would suit either a boy or a girl. She was clearly going to be a wonderful granny. And though Libby was sorry that Helen’s change of career and of scenery hadn’t worked out as she had hoped, she was glad that Helen had decided to move back home. She was sure she would be an amazing aunt.

  Chapter Thirteen

  As Libby entered the third trimester
of her pregnancy, her energy levels dropped right back to where they had been during those initial months of morning sickness. She felt sluggish and lethargic, not to mention extremely uncomfortable. The bed she was sharing with Luca seemed far too small, her constant tossing and turning – not to mention her constant trips to the loo – kept her up all night and frequently woke Luca too. She was also working long hours as well, which didn’t help. Digby and Edwards weren’t exactly going easy on her because of the pregnancy. In fact, she was expected to keep pace with the rest of the first-year trainees, pregnant or not.

  ‘I can’t believe our rotation is happening next month,’ said Tammy, one rainy February lunchtime. The three of them had gone for a quick sandwich break together, a rare occurrence, as usually one or other of them had to drop out due to a last-minute call or meeting.

  ‘I’m nervous to find out what we’ve got,’ said Libby. ‘Not that I’ve got much time there. I guess I’ll do a few weeks at most and then that’ll be it for nine months.’

  ‘Will they put you back in the same seat after your maternity leave ends?’ asked Sam.

  ‘Yes, so I’m told,’ said Libby. ‘When do we actually find out? Do you know?’

  ‘Next week,’ said Tammy. ‘I hope we get placed together again.’

  ‘Sadly I think that’s very unlikely,’ said Sam.

  ‘And I hope we get a nicer supervisor this time.’

  ‘Jane won’t be difficult to beat,’ agreed Libby. It had been Jane who had assigned her to that horrific case a few months ago. She had then proceeded to make herself virtually impossible to track down whenever Libby needed to go to her for support or advice, to ask her an urgent question or to review her findings. As a supervisor she was elusive and unavailable, and every time Libby did manage to pin her down, she looked as though Libby was wasting her precious time giving the bare minimum in short, blunt answers. She was verging on plain rude.

  The following week they found out their new seats. Libby would be in Contentious Trusts and Succession, Tammy in Wealth Planning, Family and Business, and Sam in Employment. It felt a bit like starting all over again, a new set of trainees to get to know, a new supervisor, and a new team above you to try and impress.