It Was Always You

by Georgie Capron

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ Luca assured Libby. ‘I’m sure they’ll love you in your new department, and at least you don’t have to work with Jane any more.’

  They were sitting in their local pub, out for a celebratory lunch because Luca had secured his first contract with a London-based firm called Sicaro. It had been a long struggle for him to find work, and he was clearly over the moon to have finally secured a regular income to go alongside his Italian contract.

  ‘Here’s to your new job,’ Libby said, proffering her ginger beer to clink glasses with Luca. It was great to see him in such a happy mood. He had been down in the dumps these past few months and she had been desperate for him to get some good news to cheer him up.

  ‘It’s going to be nice to have a reason to leave the house,’ Luca said. ‘As much as I love our little flat. I’ve been cooped up in there so long, with only my laptop for company, that I can hardly remember what it’s like to be out in the real world.’

  ‘It’s ideal that it’s only three days a week, so you’ve still got the other two free to work on Prospero.’

  ‘Yes, it’s actually the perfect arrangement.’

  ‘Have you ever worked “in-house” before?’

  ‘Not since Naples. It’s going to be quite fun being part of the design team. This company is really up and coming and they have so many different clients. It should be really interesting.’

  ‘How’s Jules getting on? She said you’d been showing her some of the basic software she might be using this week.’

  ‘It’s been fun, actually. She’s got a good eye and I’d say she’s definitely got promise. I think she’ll do really well once she’s started her training.’

  ‘It’s so weird that both my boyfriend and my best friend are going to be graphic designers.’

  ‘I keep telling you, it’s the way forward! Nobody wants a serious job these days, to be a lawyer, an accountant… it’s just too bloody hard.’

  ‘Don’t remind me,’ Libby groaned. She was counting down the days until she could give up work. Even childbirth seemed appealing in comparison with the tedium of law. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting exactly; she had hardly found her training fascinating. It was really only comparing herself with Tammy and Sam, who genuinely seemed to love the work, that made her realise how much she didn’t. Up until then she had just assumed that all lawyers plodded through the day job without much joy, that earning their amazing salaries was enough of a reward, but she was beginning to suspect that maybe she needed more than just money from a job.

  She missed the easy-going pace of life at La Casetta. The thought that perhaps one day she could open a bed and breakfast or a small guesthouse of her own had been gradually building in her mind’s eye over the course of the last few months. She spent hours daydreaming about it, thinking through all the different elements she would need in place to set up a business, looking at potential properties on the internet and doing bits and pieces of research. It would mean she could look after the baby and work from home… it could be an ideal project. And, what was more, she knew she would really enjoy it. She would finally have found something she could work hard at, truly invest herself in and reap the rewards. Just then their food arrived, interrupting her daydreams.

  As they tucked into their gourmet burgers and French fries, she chatted to Luca about the local football league that he had recently joined. He had met up with an old friend called Lorenzo from Sorrento. Lorenzo had moved to London at the start of the year for a new adventure with his girlfriend, and he had suggested that Luca joined the league he had signed up to. Lorenzo was football mad, and had wasted no time at all in investigating where he could play on a regular basis.

  ‘They’re a nice group of lads,’ Luca said. ‘It’s quite fun to have a good kick-around. I’m not a natural footballer, but still… I can hold my own. And I’m getting better every time I play. It’s also so nice to talk to an Italian. God, how I miss it… living in a second language just isn’t natural for me.’

  ‘We should meet up with Lorenzo and his girlfriend. It’ll be good for us to hang out with some Italians more regularly.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  ‘What’s she called again?’

  ‘Giorgia.’

  ‘Will you arrange something? Maybe a weekend is best, and before the baby arrives!’

  ‘You know, I’m finally beginning to feel a bit more settled,’ Luca said. ‘I can’t believe how long it has taken. I guess this is just such a different life to what I’m used to in Positano. Obviously it’ll never be quite the same, but I’m trying my best to get used to it.’

  ‘We will go and visit again this summer,’ said Libby. She felt guilty that they hadn’t visited yet.

  ‘My family are desperate to see us. We should have gone at Christmas or at least for New Year.’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry about that. I suppose it would have been sensible, but Helen is so rarely over that I needed to make the most of her being here and spend time with her. Mum loved having us both to stay too. It was good for her to get to know you a bit better. And at least I met your family lots while I was living in Positano.’

  ‘I know, I know. But as soon as the baby is old enough, we should go.’

  ‘I promise we will.’ Libby bent across and gave him a kiss, having hauled herself out of her chair to go to the bathroom. She was also longing to get back to Italy. It was strange to think that their child would be just as Italian as he or she was British. She would do her best to make sure that their child grew up bilingual. What an amazing advantage to have in life that would be.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The next morning Libby woke up to find that she was bleeding heavily. She woke Luca in a panic. ‘This shouldn’t be happening,’ she said. ‘What do I do?’

  ‘Don’t worry, we’ll call the midwife. They’ll know what to do. Are you in any pain?’ he asked, jumping out of bed and running over to the desk to find her maternity notes.

  ‘No, no pain. Just heavy bleeding.’ Libby sat down on the sofa, unsure of what to do with herself.

  Luca dialled the emergency number to contact her team of midwives. Libby grabbed the phone off him, deciding she’d rather talk to them herself.

  ‘Try not to panic. I’m just going to ask you a few questions,’ the midwife said. ‘Is the bleeding heavy?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Any heavier than a period?’

  ‘No, when I used to get a heavy period, it’s probably about the same as that.’

  ‘And are you experiencing any pain at all?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘OK, now I need you to stay calm and I’m going to ask you to call an ambulance to take you to A and E. The doctors will need to examine you to make sure that everything is all right.’

  ‘Am I going to lose the baby?’ Libby asked, her voice trembling.

  ‘It is more than likely that the baby is absolutely fine,’ the midwife reassured her. ‘But you do need to get it checked as soon as possible.’

  Luca phoned an ambulance and gave the emergency services their address. They waited nervously, holding hands on the sofa, too anxious to talk. When they arrived, the paramedics escorted Libby downstairs and on to a stretcher. Within fifteen minutes she was at the hospital, Luca walking by her side as they wheeled her in. A midwife called Sally introduced herself and took control of the stretcher, taking her into the labour ward.

  ‘What’s happening?’ Libby asked. The panic was rising quickly; she was sure that she was going into labour too early and was desperate for somebody to do something to help her baby.

  ‘We need to make sure that you are not having a placental abruption—’ explained the midwife.

  ‘What is that?’ interrupted Luca.

  ‘It’s when the placenta separates from the uterine wall. If that is the cause of the bleeding, then you might have to have an emergency C-section.’

  ‘Oh my god,’ Libby gasped. Luca was deathly pale with worry; he held her
hand and squeezed it tightly as the midwife set up the monitor to check the baby’s heartbeat.

  ‘The heartbeat is looking normal, so that’s a good sign,’ the midwife reassured them. ‘And the doctor will be along shortly to examine you and find out where the bleeding is coming from.’

  Libby tried not to worry while they waited for the doctor. Luca kissed her forehead and whispered, ‘It’ll be OK, cara.’ She was so glad that she wasn’t here by herself, that she had him with her. Several minutes later, the doctor arrived. She introduced herself and explained that she would be doing an internal examination.

  ‘It will feel a bit like having a smear test,’ she said as she inserted the speculum.

  Libby held her breath and prayed for good news. Her heart was racing so fast she could hear the blood pounding in her ears.

  ‘Right,’ the doctor said. ‘I can tell you that the bleeding is coming from the uterus, not the baby.’

  ‘So the baby’s OK?’ asked Libby.

  ‘Yes, the baby is fine. Uterine bleeding, though alarming, is usually nothing to worry about; it should settle down soon. We’ll move you on to the antenatal ward for monitoring and we’ll check you to see whether the bleeding stops.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Luca, breathing a sigh of relief. ‘How long will you keep her in for?’ he asked.

  ‘You’ll need to stay here for twenty-four hours after the bleeding stops to make sure all is well, and then you can be on your way.’

  The midwife came back and took her to the antenatal ward where she was monitored throughout the rest of the morning. The baby’s heartbeat remained normal and, by late afternoon, the bleeding had stopped. Libby had never felt so relieved. She realised that she had taken her pregnancy somewhat for granted since making it through the uncertainty of the first trimester. Suddenly both she and Luca realised how desperately they wanted everything to work out, how much they were counting on the safe arrival of their baby. It had given them both a massive fright.

  Luca stayed by her side for the night, going out the next morning to run some errands and collect the car so he could bring her home that afternoon. The hospital released her at around six p.m. and Luca was there to make sure she got home safely. He was suddenly reluctant to let her out of his sight, holding her hand as she walked along as though she might slip and hurt herself at any moment.

  ‘I’m fine Luca, honestly,’ she assured him.

  ‘I know you are Libby, but still… I’m not going to let you lift a finger around here. You need to rest, rest, rest when you are not at work… and even when you are there I want you to try your best to take it easy. Stress is not good for you or the baby, and we need to make you and it our priority right now.’

  Libby wasn’t complaining about the special treatment. When they got home he ran her a bath and cooked her dinner. He had bought her a massive bunch of flowers, which were letting off their wonderful fresh fragrance into the flat. After her bath she put on her favourite baggy maternity dress and came in to find the table laid. A candle was flickering in the middle of the table and there was a little jewellery box in the centre of her place mat.

  ‘Luca! Have you bought me a present?’ she smiled.

  ‘Maybe,’ he responded. He was grinning from ear to ear, looking remarkably sheepish as he came over to the table to stand by her side. He took the little box and knelt down in front of her on one knee.

  ‘Oh my god,’ she said, as it dawned on her what he was doing.

  ‘My darling Libby. In the last twenty-four hours I have realised just how much you and our baby mean to me. I know that I cannot live without you. I love you so very much. I wonder: will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’ He opened the box to reveal a single, solitaire diamond sparkling with all its might against the blue velvet lining.

  Libby’s heart had lodged itself somewhere near the top of her throat. She was speechless: shocked beyond belief and elated at the same time. Unable to get a single word out, both hands clamped over her mouth, she nodded. Her eyes filled with tears as he stood up and took her in his arms, holding her as closely as her bump allowed.

  ‘Was that nod a yes?’ he asked.

  She nodded again, ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘It’s a yes!’ She squealed with excitement as he carefully took the ring out of the box and slid it on to her finger. It fitted perfectly. She threw her arms around him and kissed him over and over again.

  ‘I can’t believe you just did that,’ she laughed. ‘I literally had no idea!’

  ‘I can’t believe you said yes! I am the luckiest guy in the world.’

  ‘No, I am the luckiest girl,’ Libby told him. They hugged and kissed until Luca realised that their dinner was burning and had to dash over to the stove to rescue the food. After they had eaten and toasted their engagement with a bottle of champagne, they telephoned their nearest and dearest to share the happy news.

  Her mum had been particularly delighted. She had finally got the news she needed to be able to hold her head up high among her friends. No one could comment on the scandalous baby story now that the relationship was going to end in marriage. It was a happy ending all round. Except for Helen. Libby felt awful telling her. She might have got the order all wrong, boyfriend, baby, fiancé, but now it all seemed to be working out just as she would have hoped. Helen, on the other hand, was still single – and unhappily so. She was now thirty-nine, and Libby suspected it would be yet another bitter blow for her to hear that Luca had proposed, although she knew Helen would do her best to be happy for her sister. She would be coming back from Hong Kong in a month’s time, and Libby was determined to do whatever it took to help her start to enjoy life again. She would encourage her to go on antidepressants, which Libby was sure would get her into a more positive state of mind, help her set up some good online profiles and encourage her to go on lots of dates.

  Libby had been given the all-clear to go into work on Tuesday following her day of rest. She couldn’t stop looking at her finger. ‘What the hell is that?’ shrieked Sam, clocking the ring within seconds of seeing Libby arrive in the office. ‘OMG! Tammy, get over here, now,’ she shouted.

  Tammy clattered over in her high heels, a huge grin beaming across her lovely face as she realised what had happened. ‘Congratulations,’ she said, squeezing Libby around the shoulders. ‘What incredible news!’

  ‘What happened to you yesterday?’ asked Sam. ‘I thought you were off for medical reasons but now I realise maybe you were celebrating…?’

  ‘No, I had to go into hospital. He only proposed last night.’ Libby filled them in on the dramatic events of the weekend.

  ‘What an incredible story! What drama,’ Sam said.

  ‘What a way to propose,’ agreed Tammy. ‘It’s so romantic!’

  ‘When will you get married?’ asked Sam.

  ‘We’ve decided not to set a date for the time being, just to enjoy being engaged. We certainly wouldn’t do anything till after the baby comes, anyway, and then I hardly think we’ll be in a position to be planning a wedding any time soon.’

  ‘I think too many people rush into the wedding. I like to see engagement as another step between being boyfriend and girlfriend and husband and wife,’ said Tammy, who herself had been engaged to Jake for quite some time and still had no date set for a wedding. Libby liked that idea. There would be plenty of time for all that later, but right now she was just glad to have a ring on her finger and the security that came with it. No more pitying glances for her as people clocked her bump and looked to her ring finger to see whether her pregnancy was planned. God forbid you planned a pregnancy out of wedlock, as many couples did these days. She was often tempted to tell people to mind their own business when she realised the assumptions they were making, but she knew there was no point. People wouldn’t change their ways because of her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Libby had decided to break the happy news to Jules and Angus the following Saturday, over lunch, preferring to tell them in person. Luca
and Jules were meeting early so that Luca could show her how to operate some of the graphic design software she was struggling to figure out. Meanwhile Libby had persuaded Angus to take her on a quick tour of his new studio, which was just down the road. ‘It’s a lot bigger, isn’t it,’ said Libby as she looked around the huge space, which was north-facing and flooded with deflected light. ‘Amazing.’

  ‘It’s just what I needed,’ said Angus. ‘There wasn’t enough room to swing a cat in the last one. And it means I can experiment with some larger canvases, like this one.’ He pointed to a huge blank canvas that stretched across one of the shorter walls.

  ‘Is that for a particular commission?’ Libby asked.

  ‘It’s for a Japanese client,’ explained Angus.

  ‘Wow, it’s vast!’

  ‘Yup! Luckily I’m not into lots of detail. The larger the canvas, the freer and more expressive I can be.’

  ‘I can’t wait to see what you do with it,’ said Libby. ‘What’s the latest series going to be based on?’

  ‘The Yorkshire Moors,’ said Angus. He liked to use a different setting for each exhibition, saying that it kept the work fresh and gave him new inspiration each time.

  ‘You’re going to run out of good locations soon,’ laughed Libby. A sudden thought struck her. ‘You know, you should really go to Italy next. You’d never run out of beautiful scenery to paint there.’

  ‘True. I’d love to paint there one day,’ said Angus.

  ‘You are so lucky, you know,’ said Libby. ‘To have found something that you really love.’

  ‘It took a lot of hard work to make it this far though,’ said Angus.

  ‘I know. But it must be an amazing feeling to have a vocation. I can’t believe I’m in yet another job that I don’t enjoy – it’s so frustrating.’