Desire

by R. G. Winter

  As she got dressed, Jane tried to be positive. To help, she slipped into her favorite work dress: An olive green dress, cinched at the waist with cream colored belt. Matching pumps set off the outfit, and as an added touch, she latch two gold bangles onto her wrist. As Jane applied her makeup she couldn’t help but smile at herself. She didn’t look like a woman suffering through a breakup. She exuded a strong confidence, with just the right amount of sexy to make even McKinnon falter in his tracks. Jane smiled to herself brightly. Just because she didn’t want McKinnon back, didn’t mean she didn’t want him to look.

  Jane slipped into the office thirty minutes early, just to avoid anyone that would be brazen enough to ask about her recent fallout. Belmore seemed to have other things to worry about. The moment she sat down in the meeting room, he’d slid a pile of files over to her.

  “As you see, you’ve been missed, Parkett,” Belmore said with a grin, “The people I had covering for you don’t have even a fraction of your know-how.” The man paused, taking a moment to carefully meet Jane’s eyes. “I expect there won’t be any issue with your working arrangement.”

  Jane cringed, “No, sir. I am excited to be back. I’ve missed being in the office.”

  Belmore slapped the table with the palm of his hand, a smile brightening his face. “That’s what I like to hear. Now, as soon as McKinnon joins us, I’m going to go over a few highlights you missed, I trust you read my emails and got yourself acquainted with the new clients portfolios?”

  Jane had spent the first three days post-McKinnon pouring over the barrage of emails and notes that Belmore’s assistant had sent. It had been so much reading that it had provided a more than adequate distraction from her despair.

  “Yes,” Jane said smartly, pulling up a window on her laptop, “I actually already started with a prelim model for DirectCo, just crunched a few numbers to-”

  She stopped, her eyes going immediately up to the door where a tall figure loomed. McKinnon stared back at her, his eyes not moving from hers. Jane could see the start of bags under his eyes. Actually his whole appearance was just all wrong. His tie didn’t exactly go with his charcoal colored suit, and his hair wasn’t in it’s usual slicked back style. And to top it off, there was the telltale hint of stubble covering his jaw, letting the world know that he hadn’t shaved. This wasn’t the McKinnon she remembered. The broken look on his face wasn’t what Jane had expected.

  He walked into the office, looking a little unsteady on his feet. Without a word, McKinnon lowered himself into the chair opposite Jane, his face still holding the same pinched look. Once his laptop was out and powered on, Belmore broke the tense silence that had fallen over the room.

  “You were showing me the models, Ms. Parkett…”” he said slowly, throwing a quick look at McKinnon, “Mr. McKinnon, Ms, Parkett has drawn up a few models for the DirectCo accounts, do you have access to them?”

  “I’ll share them with you in one moment, Mr. McKinnon.” Jane wanted to grin at how level and nonchalant her voice sounded. She even threw him a gentle smile, hoping that it looked sincere. “There you go, McKinnon, the files are in your email.”

  The next few hours were spent strategizing and making new models for their clients. It felt just like those early days at the office: Though without the indifference or heated anger at McKinnon. Now, something akin to pity settled in the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t a good feeling. She’d come in that morning feeling revitalized and in need of even a tiny bit of revenge. Now, she felt only sorry, for herself and for McKinnon.

  Belmore excused himself around 9:20 to go start his meetings for the day. Leaving Jane and McKinnon alone for the first time since their falling out. His absence left her hyper-aware of McKinnon. Of the almost violent way he tapped at his keyboard, of the impatient jiggling of his foot. Trying her best to ignore it, Jane threw herself into her work, making as little conversation with McKinnon as possible.

  Still, Jane swore that she could hear him breathing: A hard, labored sound, as if he was trying his best not to shout.

  “You never returned my calls.” He said. His voice low and oddly steady. “I think I left one or two messages.”

  “Hello to you too, MckInnon.” Jane said, looking up from her computer screen at long last. Franklin McKinnon’s face look wrecked. It was a mix of sadness and frustration that she didn’t want to deal with. “I don’t think I have anything to say to you.” She said coldly.

  “Listen, Jane. I am so sorry. That bet didn’t mean anything...not after I got to know you. I swear.” He’d moved so that he was standing next to her, one hand clenched into a fist as he leaned against the wooden table. “I know it was awful of me to do,” he whispered, half to himself. “I should have never done that. It...it was just me being me I guess. You know I can’t turn down a challenge.”

  “Maybe that’s something you should work on,” Jane quipped, swiveling in her chair to meet his gaze. “A bet...to see if you could get me to fall in love with you? How low is that? How fucked up do you have to be to even do that, McKinnon.” Oh, shoot,Jane thought to herself. Now she was yelling, and she could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks. “Are you in fucking high school? In what world is what you did okay?” All the anger from that night was rushing back to Jane in strong, relentless waves. She wanted to hit him again, to make him feel even a fraction of the pain she’d felt. HR certainly wouldn’t be happy with her return if she did that. So much for the level head.

  McKinnon visibly winced at her tone, even taking a small step backward. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. And when I was going to tell you, I got afraid. Like I didn’t know how you would react…”

  “Oh, so now you’re worried about how I feel?”

  “I love you, Parkett, of course I was worried about how you would feel. I’m in love with you and I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you. So, yeah, I’m so sorry for what I did.”

  Jane’s heart was hammering away a mile a minute in her chest. “You loved me.” The words tasted odd on her lips. And she watched, totally immersed as McKinnon stepped closer, his hand reaching down to entwine with hers.

  “I’m in love with you, Jane. I can’t even tell you how long I’ve loved you.” His fingers were familiar as they rubbed a soothing circle into her palm. Even the look in his eyes was the same one she could remember waking up to on countless morning. This man could actually love her. The thought left Jane speechless. This man who was always impeccable had been so wrapped up in her, that he’d let himself go. “Please, will you forgive me?”

  “I don’t think I can.” The words flew out of her mouth before she had time to think about them. She watched as the determination on Franklin’s face fell into something she could only recognize as heartbreak. Seeing it on someone else, on him, had tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “Not yet, anyway,” She added quickly, “You’re arrogant and you’re cruel, McKinnon, I just never knew how wrong you could be.” Angrily, Jane shook her head, “Give me some space, some time, something. There’s no way for me not to doubt you now.”

  He nodded, a stiff jerk of his head, as he stepped back. “Whatever you need.” It was his business voice, the one reserved for clients and partners. Being on the receiving end of it unsettled Jane even more. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to step out for lunch.” Before she could reply, he was already picking up his briefcase and headed for the door. “Parkett?” He said, turning back to face her, his hand poised on the knob. “I am truly sorry for what I did. I really do love you.” He stopped, hand reaching into his case. He pulled out a small box. Then, in six long strides, he was back at the table. “Do whatever you want with this. It’s what I bought with the money…”

  She couldn’t open the box until he’d gone. Her fingers fiddled with the lid, and when it finally opened the wooden box, it clattered back down onto the table. Nestled inside was a beautiful diamond ring, shaped like a flower, with a large emerald in its center. Emeralds had always been Jane’s favorite jewel. Her fa
vorite color was green, and she thought that plain diamond rings looked boring. The gem she held was everything she could ever want in an engagement ring, it was different, and special, and immediately she felt her heart sink.

  He had bought this for her.

  McKinnon had wanted to propose to her. Suddenly Jane felt oddly numb. All her feelings of dismissal were thrown to the wind. She’d never endured anything like this before. All at once the sadness reared up, front and center. Unbidden, the memories from their fight sparked up anew.

  ‘Does it matter?’ He’d asked, and suddenly all the despair in his eyes made so much more sense. He hadn’t been angry because he’d been found out. McKinnon had been angry at himself. Jane felt something wet splash against her cheeks. Hastily, she wiped away the tears, willing herself not to breakdown. This wasn’t the time or the place for that. Carefully, Jane put the box and the ring into her purse. Even taking an extra moment to secure it in a zippered pocket. After it was secure, she hitched her purse up onto her shoulder as she glanced down at her watch. She had a very important meeting to get to.

  ***

  Lunch with Rebecca was usually a boisterous time. Now the woman sat, staring at the ring with a look of awe.

  “He bought you this?” She asked, blinking up at Jane, “He got you this and you didn’t immediately run after him. Jane?”

  “I was stunned, I didn’t know what to do,” Jane sighed, slumping down in the booth. “Everything happened so fast,” she said, “I’m literally still processing the while bet ordeal.”

  “Fuck the bet ordeal, the man was going to propose !” Rebecca yelled so loud that a few other diners turned their heads to glare. “How much money was that bet for anyway? This is Harry Winston…”

  “The bet was for $10,000…”

  “And this ring was at least ten times that.” Rebecca shook her head, “You should forgive him.” Rebecca sat the box down. “Like, just go call your mother now and set a date, forgive him.”

  “I’m not going to let him think he can buy me! I’m worth more than a stupid ring.” Jane was fuming again. Honestly it was exhausting how much this situation was messing with her emotions. All week she’d been up and down, and Jane feared it was starting to go to her head.

  “Okay, Janey, listen to me,” Rebecca took her hands, holding them close, “Think about it this way. Why in the world, would McKinnon spend all this money on a woman he didn’t care about. He’s a sharp dresser, you know that man would rather invest in some new suits.”

  Jane couldn’t help but nod, “Did you see him today?”

  “Whatever he was wearing hadn’t been to the dry cleaners in weeks.” She lowered her voice, “I heard that Mr. Schwick called him into the office to talk to him about it. Men that don’t care, never, ever jeopardize themselves like that.”

  Jane nodded, “It’s only been two weeks, though.”

  “Yeah,” sat Rebecca, “And he’s called me every damn day since looking for you.”

  That perked Jane up, “Really?” Sure he’d called her phone, but Jane hadn’t expected McKinnon to actually try and hunt her down.

  “Yep, after you left, he came right to my room to see if you were there. Interrupted me and-”

  “Wait, why do you even care so much?” Jane asked, “I distinctly remember you being completely opposed to the whole Parkett-McKinnon merger.”

  Rebecca just shrugged her shoulders. “You’re great together,” was her simple reply. “You balance one another out. And he introduced me to Aaron, he got major brownie points for that.”

  “You really think I should forgive him. What if he breaks my heart again?”

  “What if he doesn’t?” Rebecca said cryptically. “Take some time and consider it. He did a dumb thing, and you deserve time to be angry with him about that. But couples fight, and let’s be honest, guys have done worse.”

  By that time, their meals were delivered by a waiter. Jane stared at her salmon, a frown pulling down the sides of her lips. “How in the world have guys done worse…”

  “You’re lucky, some men never fall in love. They just enjoy the game.”

  “Okay,” Jane said, nodding. “I’ll take some time for me. Oh, I forgot,” immediately she perked up, “I got an apartment at Hillcrest!”

  If possible, Rebecca looked happier than Jane had. “We are going to practically be neighbors. We can walk to pilates together every week.” She squealed happily, embracing her friend. “But how’d you get a spot? I thought the waiting list was a hundred years long.”

  Jane shook her head, “That’s what I thought too, but apparently something opened up.”

  “It’s a sign.” Rebecca said. “It’s a sign. The apartment, the ring. Your life is on the right track, Janey. You’re going to get everything you want.”

  “Are you sure?” Jane asked, still feeling the need for caution.

  “I’m sure. Now, can we eat? I’ve been waiting to come here for two weeks.”

  The brunette smiled at her friend. The salmon was good. Excellent actually. It was the best food she’d eaten in weeks. With her friend by her side, Jane felt a little bit of normalcy sinking back into her life. It was an awesome feeling.

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  About

  R.G. Winter is a throwback romantic dreamer with some street-smart wisdom gleaned from years of observation and diverse living environments. She lives within view of a developed downtown skyline, but picks and chooses the times she engages in highly populated activities. Balanced between rural and the city, R.G. Winter shares daily life with her husband and soul mate and their passion for social justice.