Farewell Apathy

by Jenn Hype

  I take a tentative step backwards, hoping to edge my way closer to the door, but Wyatt notices and his jaw ticks. In this moment I’m actually scared of him and I’m not sure what to do. Do I make a run for it? Do I keep apologizing and hope he calms down? I feel tears burning in the back of my throat and I lose the fight to hold them back.

  Quiet tears stream down my face and a choked sob escapes me, and I use all my strength to keep from just collapsing onto the floor. I lift my hand to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but Wyatt’s too quick and in the blink of an eye he’s in front of me, gently pushing my hand away from my face and replacing it with his own.

  All the fire and rage from his eyes is gone and all that’s left is sadness and remorse, and the way he gently brushes my cheek with his hand almost breaks my heart. How he can go from seething mad to gentle and compassionate so quickly is enough to make me dizzy, but when he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and whispers that he’s sorry, all my fears from just moments ago melt away.

  “I’m sorry I hit you, I don’t even know where that came from.” I’m full on sobbing now and Wyatt continues to brush his knuckles gently down my cheek.

  “Don’t apologize Brailey, I’m an asshole. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “You scared me,” I whisper as my tears start to slow.

  “I know, I know,” he utters, pushing one hand behind my head and grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me into a hug. I don’t hug him back at first, but I know the gentle squeeze he gives me is a plea for me to return his hug, and after a moment’s hesitation, I finally wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tight.

  “I’m not angry at you, I wasn’t angry that you hit me. I’m frustrated. I’m in an impossible situation and I want nothing more than to be honest with you, but I can’t. Not yet.” He pulls back and holds my face in his hands, searching my eyes for something, I’m not sure what. “I don’t deserve your trust, I know that. I’ve been all over the place since meeting you and I promise it will make sense to you soon, but I’m begging you to please...just give me a little time and I swear I’ll tell you everything.”

  Instinct tells me not to believe anything he says, especially considering how cryptic he’s being. Not to mention the fact that someone I just met shouldn’t have huge secrets that involve me already, but since he doesn’t appear to be going anywhere and seems pretty relentless, all I can do is agree for now and hope for the best.

  “Okay, I’ll trust you.” His shoulders sag and he lets out a sigh of relief. “On one condition.” He quirks an eyebrow at me and his lips turn up into a sly grin. I roll my eyes but can’t prevent myself from grinning back at him, he’s just too damn adorable when he grins like that.

  “Okay, lay it on me,” he says cockily.

  “You give me some space.” His face falls and he opens his mouth to argue, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “Not forever, just give me some time, Wyatt. We just met and you’re a little...intense. I need some time to digest everything that’s happened. So please, just...give me some distance.”

  He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes. “How long?”

  “I don’t know,” I sigh, knowing he’s going to argue with whatever I say. “It could be a day; it could be a month. Let me reach out to you when I’m ready, okay?” All hope that he would agree goes out the window when he starts vigorously shaking his head back and forth.

  “Nope, no way. I’m not going to stay away for a month, that’s crazy.”

  “Ugh, it might not be that long, I don’t know! You act like we’re dating and I’m asking to take a break or something. We’re just neighbors, Wyatt, we barely know each other.” His head jerks back like I slapped him again, and he’s clearly offended by what I just said, though I have no idea why.

  “We’re not just neighbors, Brailey,” he growls.

  “Okay, fine, we’re friends. Ish.” When he glares at me I hurry to get out what I need to say before I lose my nerve. “Look, let’s make a deal. You give me the space I need, and when I contact you I’ll tell you everything about me. There’s a reason I need this space, Wyatt, and it’s not personal. This life...my life...it’s complicated. I’m still figuring things out and learning to be on my own, and honestly, I can’t think straight when you’re around. I just need a little time to sort myself out.”

  “You can’t think straight when you’re around me, huh?” He asks with a huge smile that lights his entire face. I notice a dimple on his right cheek that must only make appearances when he smiles this big, because I’ve never noticed it before, and it’s entirely too sexy for me to have just missed in the past.

  “That’s all you took from that?” I feign offense, holding my hand to my chest in mock horror. He rolls his eyes and takes a few steps towards me, closing the gap between us.

  “No, I heard you. I’ll give you space, even though you make it sound like I’m some creepy stalker,” he jokes and I can’t help but laugh at his playful tone.

  “You are so damn moody, Wyatt, it kills me. And you do kind of act like a creepy stalker.” My smile fades and my expression grows serious. “I mean it, Wyatt, I need this.”

  “Can we at least kiss on it?” Wyatt asks, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

  “I think the saying is shake on it,” I argue.

  “I know, but nothing seals a deal better than a kiss.” Wyatt leans in to kiss me, but I playfully push him away.

  “Nice try, bud, not happening.” I walk out his door, but turn and give him a small smile when I reach the top of the stairs. He returns my smile, but it’s one of the smiles I’ve come to notice are forced.

  When I get back to my apartment, I see Keegan has left me an angry message on the magnetic white board I keep on my fridge, so I send her a text and tell her I’m okay and will talk to her tomorrow. My bed is calling, and I intend to answer.

  ~

  Almost a week has passed since I saw or spoke to Wyatt last. The whole space thing sounded great at the time. It’s unnatural for me to miss him as much as I do.

  I’ve stopped taking my sleeping pills altogether now. Sometimes I remember my dreams, sometimes I don’t, but it’s been helping me remember fragments when I’m awake. When I made a comment to Mark about thinking about stopping them he freaked out, so I haven’t told him. It feels like lying, even though I know it’s just an omission, but guilt still has me avoiding him. I’m ashamed to say that when he texted me this morning saying he was going to be in town for a meeting and wanted to meet up, I pretended to already have plans.

  I also haven’t told anyone that I’m starting to remember. I don’t know enough yet to feel comfortable even describing the memories. Most of the time they are out of order and contorted, half the time not even making sense.

  Going out is the very last thing I want to do tonight, too exhausted from not sleeping and not too keen on the idea of possibly running into Mark, but Keegan’s been patient with my constant state of apathy, so I kind of owe her. Plus, when I yawned in the middle of a Ryan Gosling movie she lost it and said a night out would do me good. I should just tell her about the dreams, I’ve told her just about everything else about me, but every time I go to bring it up, the words get caught in my throat.

  I’m on my way up from the laundry room on the bottom level, a laundry basket in hand, and when I put it down to open my mailbox in the lobby Wyatt comes strolling in. He’s looking down at his phone, but when he lifts his head and sees me, the flash of pain and apprehension in his eyes makes me feel terrible. I don’t want him thinking he has to avoid me altogether just because I asked him for space. I really just meant I didn’t want him forcing his way into my apartment all the time, not that he had to avoid making eye contact like he’s doing currently.

  He immediately looks away from me and moves to walk past me, giving me a head nod and making sure to avoid meeting my eyes again. I grab his arm to stop him. I’m not sure why, I don’t really feel like talking, but I hate how defeated he looks with his shoulders slu
mped over like a sad puppy. His head jerks back, and when his wide eyes meet mine an accidental laugh slips from my mouth.

  “I’m sorry, your face just now was kinda funny,” I say, teasing lightly. His face relaxes and he turns to face me, and though the way I’m holding his arm is somewhat awkward, I can’t bring myself to let go. The tingling in my fingertips that started the instant I touched him is spreading through my limbs and into my belly, and the longer I hold on to him, the less I feel the emptiness I’ve been drowning in for the past few days.

  “I was just surprised you stopped me is all. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to talk to you or anything.” He shrugs and says it like it’s no big deal, but the uncertainty in his expression tells me he really is insecure about how I would react if he talked to me.

  “Oh stop it, I didn’t mean you had to avoid me entirely. Come on,” I say, finally letting go of him and tossing my mail in the laundry basket on top of the unfolded clean clothes. Wyatt yanks it from my grip, insisting on carrying it for me, so I wrap my arm through his and pull him with me to the stairs.

  “Uh, where are we going?” He asks with a laugh.

  “You’re walking me to my apartment. It’s quite a long trek and I could use some company,” I tease, melting a little when he smiles sweetly at me. “I’m going out with Keegan tonight, so cancel whatever plans you had, you’re coming with.” I turn the key in my door handle and Wyatt moves quickly, putting his hand on the door and holding it open for me while propping the basket on his hip with his other arm.

  “Demanding little thing, aren’t you? Don’t talk to me for five days and then force me to go out. What if I had a hot date tonight or something?” I couldn’t have kept from scowling if my life depended on it, though I do try to put my back to him so he doesn’t see. His cocky grin, that I have seriously missed seeing every day, combined with him just letting me know that he’s actually been counting the days since we talked last, has me a little less pissed off at the idea of him going on a date. A little. Okay not really – he better not have a date.

  “Are you jealous, Peaches?” His smug face and teasing voice should piss me off, but how can I get mad if he’s right? I most definitely am jealous at the thought of him going on a date.

  I’m about to tell him just that, but as soon as he sits the basket of clothes and mail on my counter, his arm is snaking itself around my waist and yanking me to him. Suddenly his face is inches from mine, and before I can blink his hand cups my cheek, then makes its way to the back of my head and tugs my face to his.

  I don’t even bother fighting and my body immediately melts into him, my arms going up and around his neck. The kiss starts out slow and cautious, but when I bite down on Wyatt’s lower lip, we both lose control. Wyatt’s hand comes out of my hair, and before I can mourn the loss of his hands on me, he’s dropping both hands to the backs of my thighs and pulling. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist; his hands move to cup my ass.

  Sitting me on the counter, he pulls away just far enough to start trailing kisses down my cheek and to my neck. My head automatically tilts to give him better access, and when he bites down on my earlobe, warmth floods my core. All of a sudden it’s like I’m possessed by some sort of sex-crazed demon, because I’m yanking at his clothes and stripping him like my life depends on it.

  I peel off his button down shirt and lift up the t-shirt he was wearing underneath over his head at the same time that he tugs at my shirt, pulling it off of me with ease. When my shirt drops to the floor and I look back at Wyatt, I gasp. Wyatt stays completely still, except for his twitching muscles, as I lightly trace every line and sinew of his perfect chest with my fingertips.

  He’s absolutely stunning, and it’s like staring at a beautifully sculpted statue. My lips take on a life of their own and start peppering soft, wet kisses over every inch of his shoulders, chest and torso. When my lips graze his nipple I hear his breath hitch and he yanks my head back up, his mouth devouring mine once again.

  My brain is mush, I can’t form a single coherent thought right now, but luckily I don’t need my brain to be fully functioning for me to be able to start pulling at his belt buckle. As soon as my fingertips graze his waist, though, he rips his mouth from mine and grabs my hands.

  “I-I’m sorry, I just...I don’t know…” I stutter, suddenly feeling insecure and very aware of the fact that I’m wearing only a skirt and my bra and my legs are still wrapped around Wyatt’s waist. I drop my legs and move to get down from the counter, but Wyatt stays unmoving between my legs, his hands still holding on to mine.

  “Hey,” he says, cupping my chin and forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I just don’t want to move too fast, that’s all. I heard what you said the other day, Brailey, and you’re right. We don’t really know each other. Trust me, I want you. I want this. But I don’t want to jump into things too quickly and ruin our chances at...whatever this is that’s between us.”

  He places a chaste kiss to my lips before bending down to pick up his shirt and handing me mine.

  “Text me what time you guys are going tonight and I’ll meet you down here,” he says with a wink, and then he’s gone.

  Chapter Eleven

  An hour later there’s a knock at my door, and when I open it I’m standing face to face with a very, very sexy man. He gives me a cheeky grin; enjoying every bit of the blatant appreciation I show for all the hotness standing in my doorway. Instead of being embarrassed I grab a handful of his shirt and tug him inside. Before the door is closed his mouth is on mine, and he’s kissing me with deliberate, sensual movements.

  Much too soon he pulls away, and I hear him chuckle when I lean forward, my lips instinctively chasing after his. I reluctantly open my eyes, expecting to see Wyatt looking at me with a knowing grin. What I don’t expect is for him to be looking at me with adoring eyes, and an emotion I’m unable to place.

  I clear my throat and tug out of his grip, walking over to the counter to pick up my phone and purse.

  “So where are we going tonight?” Wyatt asks from behind me.

  “Just some bar I’ve never been to that’s a few blocks away. Keegan says it’s pretty nice and I didn’t really want to go to one of our usual hangouts tonight.”

  “How come?”

  My phone dings before I can answer him, thank God, because it was hard enough admitting to Keegan that I wanted to go somewhere I hadn’t talked about with Mark because I didn’t want to chance seeing him. I’m hoping the fact that Mark doesn’t like to go out will mean he probably won’t be up for a night out on his own, and my having to explain all that to Wyatt is only going to make the guilt already eating away at me amplify to unmanageable proportions.

  “It’s Keegan. I guess she’s held up at the hospital. She says she will meet us there but it’s probably going to be a couple hours.”

  “That’s fine, gives me a chance to take you out to dinner beforehand like a proper date.” Wyatt’s leading me by the elbow towards the door, and he takes my keys and locks it for me without letting go of my arm.

  “Who said this is a date?”

  The smile he gives me sparks butterflies in my stomach and I realize just how badly I actually want Wyatt to be taking me on a date. His hand slides down my arms until our hands are touching and he intertwines his fingers through mine.

  “If you’re gonna throw yourself at me every time you see me now, then I’m at least going to buy you dinner first,” he says with a cocky grin. I playfully smack his arm, feigning offense and he chuckles.

  It’s surprising to me how easy it is to be around Wyatt. The mind-numbing anxiety and knee-crumbling nerves are still there, but in a much more tolerable way. Whereas at first they made me almost afraid to be around him, I find that now I enjoy the fluttering in my belly and the tightening in my chest that I feel when he’s near.

  Something has shifted between us. My insecurities of whether or not Wyatt is as attracted to me as I am him is no longer there. The kiss we shared earlier
, and him actually coming out and admitting that he wants me...it gave my confidence a boost I didn’t know it needed. Where doubt lingered a few hours ago, it’s been replaced by a newfound boldness. I take advantage of my new emotions by not hesitating to lean my body into Wyatt’s as we walk. He responds by letting go of my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me tighter against him.

  We make casual conversation as we walk a couple blocks to a nearby diner that Keegan and I have frequented a lot – sometimes more than once a day – since I moved in. It’s not surprising when we walk in that our Flo, the waitress who almost always ends up with mine and Keegan’s table, is the first to greet us.

  “Hey, Flo,” I say back with a smile. I don’t miss the appreciative gleam in her eye as she looks over to Wyatt. If Flo weren’t at least twice our age and as sweet as a cupcake, I might feel a jealous – or even possessive – from the way she’s practically eating him up with her eyes. And honestly, no matter your age, any woman would find it hard not to appreciate Wyatt. His face is gorgeous enough to be on the front of magazines and no matter what he wears, it’s clear that underneath is a body that’s entirely drool-worthy.

  Tonight he’s wearing that black leather jacket of his that gives him that mysterious, bad boy edge, but it’s paired with a crisp white button-down dress shirt and black pants. It’s the perfect mix of casual and dressy, and don’t even get me started on how good the man smells.

  Without thinking I reach up and tug Wyatt’s face down to mine and kiss him hungrily, completely forgetting we’re in public. When my hand sneaks inside his jacket, Flo clears her throat and I bury my face in Wyatt’s chest, soaking in the soft rumbles in his chest when he laughs at my sudden shyness.