Farewell Apathy

by Jenn Hype

  “Don’t worry, Peaches,” Wyatt whispers low in my ear when we finally break our kiss. “We’ll be repeating what happened earlier this evening soon, but next time it’s my turn to appreciate your chest.” I bite down on my lip and my cheeks flush as warmth spreads through my body and my core tightens. My heart rate picks up at the thought of baring myself to Wyatt and I work hard to regulate my breathing. Why does it suddenly feel like everyone else in the restaurant can read my mind and is judging me for wanting to jump his bones right here at the hostess stand?

  I stay glued to him until we get to our table, and Wyatt seems even more reluctant than me to let go when we’re finally forced to break apart.

  The middle-aged woman who is normally so chatty and friendly is shifting uncomfortably as she takes our drink orders. She looks like she’s trying to hide it, but she’s doing a piss-poor job of pretending not to notice how seriously, seriously sexy Wyatt looks tonight. When she finally walks away, faltering a little as she goes, I have to put a hand over my mouth to cover my laugh. Wyatt gives me a funny look and I shake my head.

  “Do women always act like this around you?” He raises an eyebrow and looks genuinely confused, and the fact that he’s oblivious to the attention he gets from women means he’s either too cocky to care or too modest to notice. “It’s like every woman who comes within ten feet of you forgets how to function. Flo was clearly drooling all over you.”

  “Who?”

  “The waitress,” I explain with a nod in the direction she just left. “Keegan and I have eaten here a lot since I moved in, and she’s usually our waitress. I’ve never seen her so quiet.” Right then Flo returns with our drinks, still not bothering to glance in my direction, and she asks Wyatt if we’re ready to order. His eyes are locked on mine though and he doesn’t acknowledge her. After several awkward seconds pass, I tell Flo to give us a minute. When she walks away without looking at me still, I make a mental note to tease her next time I’m in here without Wyatt.

  As soon as she’s out of earshot Wyatt reaches across the table and catches me off guard by taking my hand in his.

  “Hard to notice anyone else when I can’t take my eyes off of you, isn’t it?” If words could light a person on fire, then I would have gone up in flames from those. “But if you’re going to kiss me like that every time another woman looks at me, then I’m happy to oblige them.” I gulp loudly, unsure of how to respond to that, so I pull my hand away and grab my drink. My throat is suddenly so dry I could choke and I down half my water in one drink.

  Wyatt chuckles and picks up his menu, asking for my recommendations since I picked the restaurant. He decides on a turkey club and I go with a cheeseburger and fries. Time passes quickly while Wyatt and I get to know each other over our meals, and even Flo starts to warm up to me again. When the check comes a pang of disappointment hits me and I’m sad that we have to leave. I’m enjoying the new casualness of our relationship where I can actually breathe around him and say things that don’t make me sound like an idiot.

  I try to help pay for dinner, but Wyatt again insists it’s a date so he should pay. I blush again at the word date and look down, but when I look back up at Wyatt his face has grown somber.

  “Can I ask you something without you taking it the wrong way?” The way he feels the need to preface his question with that makes me think I’ll regret agreeing to it, but I do anyway by giving him a nod.

  “Is everything okay?” I’m not sure what I thought he was going to ask, but it definitely wasn’t that.

  “I’m not sure I understand,” I reply quietly, unsure of where he’s going with this. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and then reaches for my hand again, and my touch seems to relax him enough to keep going.

  “I’ve seen you a few times this week. You didn’t see me, and I didn’t approach you because you wanted your distance. But every time you just looked so...lost. I don’t know how else to word it. The energy and spark I saw in you when we first met just isn’t there, and then today when I saw you up close for the first time in days...you seemed almost sad. And you have dark circles under your eyes like you aren’t sleeping.”

  I gasp and rear back in shock, caught off guard that he’s able to read me so well. My hand instinctively goes to my eyes when he mentions the dark circles and he must see the insecurity on my face, because his hand squeezes mine lightly and his face softens.

  “Don’t worry, Peaches, it’s not obvious. I’ve spent every night dreaming of your perfect face since we met, so I’m probably the only one that notices. Even with those dark circles, you’re easily the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  If we weren’t in public, I would jump across this table and ravage him. That was hands down the most flattering and romantic thing I could ever imagine someone saying to me. I’m not sure if opening up to him is the right thing to do, but I find myself wanting to tell him everything, even if it hurts getting it all out.

  “I um, I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

  “Is there a reason?”

  As much as I hate to dive into this right now, the more time I spend with Wyatt, the more of a connection I start to feel for him that goes beyond physical attraction. If I want to truly put any effort into something with Wyatt, then this conversation would have to happen eventually anyway.

  “Honestly? I’m not entirely sure. I was in an accident and I lost my memory. I woke up inside of Mayford Mental Institution - not because I’m crazy!” I add quickly. “I used to be a nurse there, and when they heard of my accident they let me recover there. But lately I’ve been starting to remember. Mostly when I’m sleeping, but bits and pieces come to me during the day, too. It’s just hard to talk about because a lot of it is foggy and like pieces of a puzzle that I don’t know how to fit together.

  “But you’re starting to remember?” Wyatt asks eagerly in a way that catches me off guard.

  “I mean; I guess I am. I don’t have anyone from my past to confirm whether or not these memories are real or just dreams.”

  The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stand straight, my skin tingling with awareness. It’s the same feeling I had that night in the club, like someone is watching me. Wyatt immediately tenses when he notices my shift in demeanor.

  “What is it Brailey?”

  “I don’t know, it’s weird. I’m probably being paranoid. But that night at the club I saw someone watching me. I couldn’t see his face, but I swear he was staring right at me, but he was gone before I could get close enough to look. For some reason that same feeling, like I’m being watched - I feel it now.”

  Wyatt’s out of his seat and scanning the room instantly. “Wyatt, what is it?” He must hear the tremor in my voice, because he whips around and does one of his infamous personality shifts, automatically pulling me into his arms and into a comforting embrace.

  “I’m sorry, I just don’t like the idea of you being scared,” he says with his lips pressed to the top of my head. “Just let me make a call real quick and we’ll head out.” He turns his back to me and his voice is low, but I catch part of the conversation - enough to tell me he’s having someone look into something. I can’t help but assume that something must be the possibility of me actually being watched.

  “Crap, Keegan’s probably already there and waiting on us,” I say, grabbing Wyatt’s hand as soon as he’s off the phone.

  We walk the two blocks from the restaurant to the bar, and maybe it’s Wyatt’s obvious tense stature, but I still feel like I’m being watched. He must sense it, because he pulls me further into his side, giving me the comfort I was too afraid to ask for.

  “Bray!” I hear Keegan yell from behind me, but before I can even turn to face her she’s attacking me from behind in a bear hug. “You look happy!” I laugh at her excitement, but feel guilty for being out of sorts for so long and worrying her.

  “I know, I am. Sorry I’ve been a crappy friend this week.” She waves her hand dismissively while simultaneously signal
ing for the waiter. Wyatt excuses himself to take a call and I take the opportunity to fill Keegan in on my evening so far. I have to admit it’s nice chatting and catching up like normal girlfriends, reminding me once again how lucky I am to be alive.

  “Brailey?” A male voice asks, and my head snaps up. I’d know that voice anywhere.

  “Mark!” I force enthusiasm and give what I hope is a believable smile. “It’s so good to see you!” My brain is running a mile a minute, trying to think up a plausible excuse to give when he calls me out on my lie, but he never does. Instead he just looks genuinely happy to see me, making me feel like an even shittier person.

  “I almost drove back tonight, but decided to just let myself have a little fun for once. Something you used to give me a hard time about all the time.”

  Out of nowhere, major Deja vu hits hard enough to knock me back into Keegan.

  ~

  “Mark, I’m so glad you came out with us tonight. It only took a year of me pestering you to get you to spend time with your co-workers,” I tease Mark, nudging him with my shoulder. He responds with an awkward smile, taking a sip of his beer. The same beer he’s been nursing all night while the rest of us have been hammering shots.

  “Thanks for talking me into it. I’m having fun.”

  He doesn’t look like he’s having fun at all. Maybe I shouldn’t have coerced him into agreeing. I just can’t help it; I have a soft spot for the introverts. Shaun was always that way, so I can’t help but reach out to someone who keeps to themselves, wanting to pull them out of their shell.

  Most people at Mayford stay away from Mark because of his aloofness. They think he’s creepy, which is funny considering we work with patients who are literally screwed up in the head, but they find the psychiatrist weird? That logic is just backwards to me and only makes me feel even more sorry for him.

  “Hey, wanna play a game of darts?” I’ve been trying to include him all night, but he’s preferred to sit out and play ‘voyeur’ all night instead of participating. I’m not surprised when he shakes his head. I’m also not surprised when I catch his eyes darting down to my chest. That’s another reason people tend to avoid him. He’s definitely not subtle when he’s checking out women - or ogling, rather, because that’s more accurate - but my guess would be he just lacks social skills. No one taught him how to be discreet.

  My phone starts vibrating in my pocket, and when I pull it out and see it’s the bank calling I excuse myself and step outside. I’m already halfway drunk, but after hearing my loan application was denied for the third time, I’m entirely too sober.

  Shaun is at a friend’s house tonight, so thankfully I have some time to figure out how to deal with telling him. Right now, all I want to do is forget.

  An hour later, I’m drunker than I’ve ever been, and I’m finally feeling thankful I dragged Mark along for the ride because he’s currently the one keeping me upright since everyone else is too drunk to keep themselves up, let alone help me.

  I picked Mark up, figuring it was the only way to ensure he came with us, so I have to give him a ride home. Problem? There’s no way my drunk ass can drive back to my house, which doesn’t even register until we’re in his driveway and he’s putting my car in park, having driven since he’s still sober. I’m pretty sure he never even finished that beer.

  “You want to come in for some coffee and try to sober up or something? I can’t let you drive like this.” I think I answer him, I don’t know, it’s all getting pretty fuzzy now. “Are you okay? You seemed off ever since you took that call.” I don’t know if it’s his concerned voice or just the fact that someone noticed for once that I’m not really keeping my shit together like I try to pretend, but a dam breaks in me and next thing I know, I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Mark asks me between kisses, but I’m too busy pushing him backwards into his bedroom and tearing at his clothes to answer. Once he’s down to his underwear, I start with my clothes, and when I’m fully naked I can’t help but snicker at the stunned look on his face. He seriously looks lost, like it’s the first time he’s seen a naked woman, but that can’t be possible. He’s like, thirty years old, or something. Hell, I don’t know, who cares.

  Pushing him on his back, I straddle his legs and pull a condom out of my purse. I don’t think I could coherently ask him if he has one right now, but at least my brain is functioning enough to remember to use one in the first place.

  When I yank down his boxers, at first I think he doesn’t even have an erection, but then I realize...he just has a really small penis. Shit, I almost start giggling. Partly from his unfortunate endowment, and partially for me thinking the word ‘penis’ while I’m this wasted. I swear he almost blows his load when I roll the condom down his shaft, and honestly, it wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world if he did. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be good for me anyway, but if I stop now it’ll probably destroy his ego.

  Thankful that the large condom actually fits over his less-than-large erection, I mount him, and as I suspected, after only a few thrusts, that’s all she wrote. The end. Fin. I haven’t even worked up a sweat, and my job is done.

  I think Mark offers to try and get me off, but as soon as I roll off him and my head hits the pillow, it’s lights out.

  ~

  “Brailey! What happened? Are you okay?” Keegan is calling out to me when I come to. She’s hovering over me, and I realize I’m flat on my back on the dirty bar floor.

  “I-I’m not sure. I think I passed out.” Keegan rolls her eyes as she helps me try to sit up.

  “No shit, B. I want to know why. Did you eat today? Has this happened before?”

  “Yes, we just came from dinner. No, I’ve never passed out. I just want to go home. Where’s Wyatt?”

  Keegan smirks, and I’m well aware it’s because I asked for Wyatt, but screw it. He’s who I need right now.

  “He’s still on his phone call,” Mark says as he hands me a glass of water, his voice tense and his eyes dark.

  “I’m fine, Mark, you don’t need to worry,” I say on a sigh, taking his proffered hand and wobbling a little when I stand, leaning into his side when he wraps an arm around me. “I haven’t been sleeping well is all, I’m sure.”

  “Do you need a stronger dose for your sleeping pills?” I wince when I realize what I’ve just done. I’ve put myself directly in a position to either fess up and deal with a lecture or lie. Reasoning that I deserve a little rest after having fainted, I go with lying.

  “Maybe, I don’t know. I think I’m just drinking caffeine too late and it’s just taking longer to fall asleep is all. I’ll cut back.”

  Mark seems mollified by that explanation, but my relief doesn’t last long, because as soon as Wyatt comes back in and spots Mark’s arm around me, his eyes turn murderous.

  I can’t do this right now. I don’t have it in me to witness some sort of pissing match, and I need to figure out what the hell that memory was. When did it happen? Was that the beginning of my relationship with Mark? I never could get him to go into the details of our relationship, which I always found kind of odd. Maybe he was embarrassed?

  No matter the reason, I need space. He’s keeping things from me, and despite how good he’s been to me so far, that makes me angry.

  Keegan catches the look I give her and moves to intercept Wyatt while I turn to Mark. “Hey, I’m sorry, but I think I’m gonna head back and rest. I wish we could have hung out longer.”

  “Brailey, you should have told me you haven’t been sleeping well,” Mark says with his hands on my shoulders. “It feels like you’ve been avoiding me.” His eyes look pained, but his grip on my shoulders tightens, making me wince in pain. Mark doesn’t seem to notice, even though he’s staring directly at me, inches from my face.

  “What the hell!?” I yell when I’m forcefully ripped out of Mark’s grip.

  “Time to go Bray,” Wyatt says in an eerily calm v
oice that completely belies the way he’s practically snarling at Mark.

  “Is this the neighbor you were telling me about Brailey? The one you said was an asshole?”

  Mark is never like this. He’s being strangely confrontational and antagonistic, and I’m momentarily too stunned to respond.

  “Yep, that’s me. I’m the asshole who doesn’t like when other guys put their hands on my girl.” No time to process Wyatt calling me his girl, because as soon as the word is out of his mouth, Mark is throwing his head back and laughing. What the hell has gotten into him?

  “Whatever you say, buddy,” Mark says when his laughter dies down, emphasizing the word ‘buddy’ to sound condescending. Wyatt growls, and the next thing I know, Mark is pinned up against the wall with Wyatt clutching his shirt in one hand. Mark’s not built like Wyatt, but he’s a big guy. Not really the time to be impressed by his strength, but it is pretty impressive that Wyatt can hold up a grown man with one arm.

  I glance around and see several people staring at the spectacle we’re making, but I’m too pissed off and confused to be embarrassed.

  “I’d let me down if I were you,” Mark says with a cocky smirk, despite the fact that his feet are lifted almost a foot above the ground. I swear, it’s like I don’t even know Mark at all.

  “I’ll let you down once I’m sure you understand that you are to stay away from Brailey from now on,” Wyatt says through gritted teeth.

  “Wyatt.” I say his name as a warning, not liking where this altercation is headed. Wyatt’s absurd need to watch over me is annoying enough without him physically threatening anyone who comes near me, especially someone who is technically still my doctor.

  Wyatt’s back stiffens at the sound of my voice, but he doesn’t bother responding. Instead he lets go of Mark, while simultaneously pushing him. Mark stumbles a little when his feet hit the ground, but he quickly recovers. By the time he gains his footing, Wyatt already has his hand wrapped firmly around my bicep, which he uses to practically drag me out of the bar.