The Secrets That We Keep

by Lucero, Isabel

  My body starts to shake and I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. I feel like I’m about to throw up or pass out and right now I’d rather pass out and not have to think about any of this. Unfortunately I stay conscious and Julian continues to talk.

  “Everything was perfectly fine after that. Dante was pleased that I was able to keep his son from going to jail and life went on. I continued my burgeoning career with the FBI and Dante continued to do what he did. We were on two completely different paths in life, career wise especially. We didn’t see each other as often but continued to talk on the phone when we could. He was still family to me, the only family I had. So when I received the phone call that he had come across his son who had been seemingly run over, I rushed right to him.”

  He pauses and continues to watch me, waiting for some sort of reaction but I don’t give him any. I stay silent and try to keep from breaking down completely. He cocks his head slightly and raises an eyebrow like he’s surprised by my demeanor. I’m sure he was expecting me to be freaking out right about now. The truth is, I’m absolutely stunned to my core and I don’t think I could form proper words if I wanted to.

  “Well, when I get to him, he says that his son’s back and legs had been run over and that he was in excruciating pain. He knew he would never be able to walk again and would have a terrible time coping with what his life would have become. He said his son had begged him to shoot him just to put him out of his misery. He, of course, couldn’t bring himself to shoot his own son but he didn’t want him to suffer anymore. His son, Antonio, was able to let his father know who the person responsible was. He continued to beg to be killed because he didn’t want to suffer any longer. His father gave him a kiss and walked away but not before telling one of his business associates to do what his son was asking for. I don’t think that’s what he should have done, but they live a different life,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders. “It only happened because of what you did.”

  I couldn’t wrap my head around what I was hearing. Julian knew this entire time what I had done and had never let on that he knew. I wanted to know why he waited so long before actually killing me instead of just killing me and getting it over with. Why did he have to marry me first? I wanted to ask him all these questions but at the same time, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I was angry at him for keeping this from me. I was pissed that he had known he was going to kill me but yet led me to believe we were happy and in love. I couldn’t let myself even think about the fact that he was responsible for keeping the guy who killed my family out of jail. And he actually had the nerve to talk to me about my family and comfort me when I mourned them!

  “Annabella, when we met and dated, it was all real. I truly cared for you and wanted us to be together and happy. I wanted what everybody wants, the normal life with a nice home and a wife.” He pauses and runs a hand over his face. “Dante had people looking for you and I hadn’t talked to him in a little while so he had no idea that I had gotten married, to you no less, and I had no idea you were the one he blamed for his son’s death.”

  “When did he find out that we were married?

  “He found out right before I came back into town. I saw him and we got to talking and doing some catching up and I mentioned getting married and he was congratulating me and asking me who the lucky girl was. So I took your picture out of my wallet to show him. When he saw the picture he told me that you were the one he had been looking for all these years. He told me how he had two guys looking for you and that one of them was an old friend of yours.”

  The word friend was laced with disbelief and he raised both eyebrows when he said it and stared down at me, waiting for me to confess on who this friend actually was. I didn’t say anything.

  “So I told him to put me in touch with those guys. I didn’t tell him why but I will assume he thought I’d be willing to help. Instead, I was only making sure they stayed away from you. I had to lie and have them believe I would do their job for them. Meanwhile, I was frantic trying to figure out what to do and how to keep you safe.”

  “When I told you about my family, you knew, you had to have known that it was connected.”

  “I did have a strong feeling that the guy you said was responsible for your family’s deaths could have been Antonio. You just never gave me very many details and I honestly didn’t want to think that I could have been responsible for the pain you had gone through when nobody was found guilty.”

  I know I must look completely baffled because he continues.

  “I love you, Annabella, I do. I never intended for any of this to happen. Of course I didn’t want to admit to you what I had done. I knew you’d never forgive me.”

  “So, you love me but you’re going to kill me because Dante told you to?” I ask, completely confused.

  He lets out a breath. “He didn’t tell me to do anything. Before he had the chance to request anything that would piss me off, I asked him to have his guys contact me. I had to keep them all away.”

  “Why would he think you’d help? What did he think you’d be willing to do?” I ask, not understanding.

  “Well, this is wear things get a little tricky, Annabella.” he says after looking at the ground.

  “What? What’s tricky?” I ask.

  “You were right when you said I have a double life. I do, but it’s not what you think. It’s not what your friend said it was either. I’m not going around killing people just because I get off on it.” He pauses and looks back up at me and he looks nervous to fill me in on his double life and I’m not sure I even want to know what’s about to come out of his mouth. “I have killed people, Annabella, but I’ve only killed people who didn’t deserve to live anymore. People who we haven’t been able to get enough evidence on to have them thrown in jail but know well enough to know that they are terrible people who would continue to hurt or kill others.”

  He stops talking and watches me, waiting for my reaction. I take a minute to digest what he just said.

  “So that makes you better? You killing bad people makes you good? It’s still wrong, Julian!”

  “I know it’s wrong, I know! But you haven’t seen what these people have done. You haven’t seen the effects on their victims. It’s disgusting and they don’t deserve to walk the streets!” he seethes.

  When was the last time you killed somebody?” I ask, afraid to hear the answer.

  He runs both hands through his hair and starts pacing.

  “It had been a long time, a really long time.”

  “What do you mean, it had been a while?”

  He stops pacing and looks at me. “I killed someone tonight.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I stare at him, wide eyed and with my mouth slightly open in surprise at his answer.

  “Tonight? You killed somebody tonight? Who?” I ask frantically.

  Before he can answer, the front door swings open and crashes against the wall loudly, causing a few pictures to fall and shatter on the floor. I turn to look in the direction of the front door and see Lucas there, glaring at Julian. This is not going to be good.

  “Annabella, get outside right now,” Lucas demands, but doesn’t take his eyes off of Julian.

  “Don’t you go anywhere!” Julian growls.

  I look between the two of them, unsure of what to do or what’s about to happen.

  “Bell, remember what we talked about earlier? I need you to get out of here where you’re safe,” Lucas says and looks at me momentarily.

  I hear Julian scoff. “She’s safe with you?” he asks. “That’s funny, yeah go be safe with the criminal, Bella.”

  “Oh and I suppose staying in the house with a murderer is the best thing for her to do?” Lucas retorts. “I know you plan on killing her and I won’t let you do that.”

  “No, you think you know what I plan on doing, but you have no idea, you stupid little shit,” Julian spits out angrily. “Did you tell her that you were going to kill her? Does she know about
that?”

  Lucas looks at me and then back at Julian. “She knows the truth. I told her what I was hired to do, but I never planned on killing her. I was keeping her safe and then I get wind of you being hired to kill her, some professional who happens to be married to her, so yeah, I took her to keep her safe.”

  “That’s a likely story,” Julian says, not believing a word Lucas has said. “So when we met up to discuss her, you weren’t aware that I was married to her? You do realize that when I spoke with you and your friend, I was the one who told you both to back off right?”

  “Yeah, you told us to back off because you wanted to do it yourself!” Lucas roars. “I didn’t find out it was you that she was married to until that night in the club when I saw the picture of you two.”

  “Maybe I was just saying that to keep you from killing her. Maybe I wasn’t going to kill her.” Julian says with a shrug and then looks at me. “Ever think about that?”

  “Right,” Lucas snorts. “I know what you do, I’ve heard enough about you and your fucking vigilante killings. According to your pal Dante, he says Annabella is responsible for his son’s death, that she’s a murderer who got off. Doesn’t that meet your criteria?”

  Julian doesn’t answer; he only continues to glare at him with his fists clenched at his side.

  Lucas reaches his hand out in my direction, waiting for me to go to him. “Come on, Bell. Let’s get you out of here.”

  “Hold on, Lucas. I have to ask Julian a question first.”

  Julian’s head snaps up and he tilts it like he’s trying to figure something out. I open my mouth, ready to ask him about the person he killed today, but he speaks up first.

  “Lucas?” he asks and looks between Lucas and I. “I thought your name was Gage,” he says.

  Lucas smirks. “I thought your name was Michael.”

  They continue to glare at each other without speaking another word, it’s obvious they’re sizing each other up.

  “Okay, so there’s a bunch of liars here,” I say. “I have a question.”

  Julian turns to look at me but keeps taking quick glances at Lucas like he’s trying to figure something out.

  “Who did you kill, Julian?”

  He ignores my question. “This is your ex-boyfriend isn’t it?” he asks with a jerk of his head in Lucas’s direction.

  “Julian, answer my question!”

  “It was your boyfriend’s little partner in crime,” he says then turns to watch Lucas’s reaction.

  Nobody says anything for what seems like forever, we all seem to just be looking at each other, waiting for a reaction.

  “Why did you kill him?” I ask.

  “Oh, I’m sure you don’t care. You’re probably more concerned with running off with your boyfriend here,” he says maliciously.

  “He’s not my boyfriend, Julian.”

  “Not currently?” he asks.

  “No, not currently and I wasn’t planning on running off with him. Now tell me why you killed him.”

  “Why does it matter? Was he an ex-boyfriend too? You should be happy; he was going to kill you.”

  “I don’t give a shit that he’s dead, I just want to know why you did it.”

  “He was the one who took Michelle. He planned on using her to get to you. I found out, I killed him.” He said it so nonchalantly, like he didn’t think twice about it.

  I let out an audible gasp and my eyes go as wide as saucers.

  “Where’s Michelle? Is she okay? Did you kill her too?” I ask in a panic.

  “What? No I didn’t kill her!” Julian yells, like I have no reason to think that. “I’m not the monster you think I am. I have no reason to kill Michelle.”

  Lucas lets out a humorless laugh and Julian pins him with an intense glare.

  “What’s so funny?” Julian asks.

  “Oh, just that you think you’re not a monster. Pretty funny to me, considering that you are.”

  Julian ignores him and walks closer to me so I take a few steps back but he doesn’t try to pursue me.

  “Michelle is alive. I didn’t allow her to see me, but I made an anonymous call when I left and she should be getting to a hospital soon, if she’s not there already.”

  “What did he do to her?” I ask in a quiet voice.

  He gives me an apologetic look. “She might have been raped. She had some bruises on her neck and her face was badly bruised and swollen.”

  I gasp and my hand flies to my mouth, my body trembles and I feel like I’m going to collapse. My knees wobble and both Julian and Lucas come closer but I give them both a look that says not to touch me. I walk around them and take a seat on the couch.

  “H-how do you know he was using her to get to me?” I manage to get out.

  “I made sure to get out as much information from him as I could before I had to kill him. He was planning on luring you over there, making you believe that Michelle was fine and wanted to talk to you. I had to kill him, Annabella. I had to.”

  I turn to look back towards Julian and he does look a little tortured, but I glance at Lucas and he looks like he’s disgusted and he’s shaking his head at what Julian is saying.

  I stand up and face them and focus on Julian. “So what’s going to happen, Julian? I am sick of all of this bullshit and I can’t continue living in the dark with all the lies and wondering everyday what’s going on. I need to know. What is going on?”

  Julian takes a second to look at Lucas before he looks back in my direction. “Annabella, I’d rather talk about this alone.”

  “Not gonna fucking happen,” Lucas barks. “I’m not leaving her alone with you.”

  Julian’s face goes red and I can see his jaw is clenched. He turns toward Lucas and Lucas doesn’t falter. He cracks his neck and has his fists closed at his sides. Two big and strong Alpha men are about to go toe to toe in a minute and one of them could probably end up getting killed. I can’t let them fight.

  “Julian, please just talk to me,” I plead. “Lucas can you at least just go wait in the kitchen?” I ask.

  Lucas turns towards me and his face softens a little. He walks to the back of the couch and that’s the only thing separating us. “Bell, please don’t fall for his shit. I know you always want to see the good in people, but he’s killed people, he isn’t safe to be around. I will let you talk to him, but I’ll be hovering in the kitchen. I won’t let him hurt you. You mean too much to me.” He stretches his arm out and runs his knuckles along the side of my face and he looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I hear Julian let out a growl and I step back.

  Lucas turns around and walks past Julian and they size each other up the whole time. Men. When Lucas has made it into the kitchen, he turns and leans on the doorway and faces us. Julian walks around the couch and sits down and waits for me to do the same. I continue to stand instead.

  Julian rubs the palms of his hands across his jeans and looks down at the floor. I stand there, looking down on him with my arms crossed.

  “Annabella, I don’t even know where to start,” he says and then looks up at me. “Like I said, our relationship was real. Everything was real, my feelings for you, my love for you, everything. It’s still real. When Dante found out that I was married to you and told me who you were and what his feelings were about you, I couldn’t believe it. I know I became distant, but I was working my ass off trying to make sure that this was legit. I had to see if there was a chance that he had mistaken you for someone else. I couldn’t believe what he was asking me to do.” He takes a deep breath and looks away.

  I take a seat on the other couch and wait for him to continue. When he turns his head to look back at me, I see a vulnerability I’ve never seen before. Julian has always been strong and tough; he has never seemed scared or nervous about anything.

  “Julian, I know I kept something from you and I shouldn’t have, but I think my secret was nowhere near as bad as yours. I thought that we were okay, but what you kept from me is something I don’t
think I can deal with.”

  He gets off the couch and approaches me. I quickly lean back into the couch but he drops to his knees in front of me and places his hands on my knees, peering up into my eyes.

  “Bella, I know you probably think I’m a terrible person. I know I’m not the best and I’m sure you deserve better than me, but I can’t just let you walk away from me. I will fight for you.”

  He’s rubbing his palms a little above my knees. I look down at his hands then back at his face and he moves them to the couch next to my legs. He continues to look at me with pleading eyes and I think back to everything we’ve been through. The good memories far outweigh the bad. In fact the bad only started here recently when he spoke with Dante. He has never been violent or angry towards me. He’s never yelled or raised a hand to me. I’d never in a million years thought he’d ever be capable of killing anybody. In my heart I believe that he loves me, you can’t fake what we have. We have a connection that is one in a million. When we met, it was like we had known each other forever. We clicked, we were best friends. We had the same sense of humor, we didn’t fight over the petty shit, we were perfect. Now I’m questioning all of that.

  He’s a killer. He has killed people. Can I have children with a man who kills people? Can I sleep soundly knowing what he’s capable of doing?

  “Julian, I can’t. I just…there’s too many unanswered questions,” I say quietly.

  “Ask me anything.”

  “Why did you seem so angry with me? Why did I truly believe you were going to kill me? Did the thought cross your mind? Are you ever going to stop doing this?”

  He lets out a long sigh and then sits down next to me on the couch. “I was mad at you, I couldn’t believe you had caused somebody’s death and kept it from me.” I was about to interrupt and point out his hypocrisy when he put his hand up and stopped me. “I know. I did the same thing. You just have to understand that in my head, what I had done was a good deed. I got rid of some of the scum on the streets.”