Finding Fate (Playing it Safe Series Book 1)

by Lisa Gerkey

  “Curious, maybe, but not interested.”

  “What are you curious about, Maddy?”

  I close the curtain to hide the other couple and watch her look around the room.

  “Do you think I’ll ever associate things like this with something good, Jensen? So much has happened…”

  “Baby.” I pull her into my arms. “I want to help you work through everything.”

  She lifts her sad green eyes to meet mine. I reach out to brush away the lone tear that slides down with my thumb.

  “How can you forgive me, Jensen? All the time you’ve missed with Jenny, it’s my fault.”

  “Hush, Madison! All we need to think about is the rest of our lives. We need to stop living in the past. We’re both well aware of everything that’s there. If we don’t move on from it, they win. Malcolm, your sister, Michelle, they all win if we don’t push it all out of the picture and start thinking about you and me and our little girl.”

  I can feel her pull further from me, not just physically, but emotionally. I know at some point, I’m probably going to have to accept that Madison doesn’t want to be with me, or she doesn’t want to put forth the effort to get there.

  “I’m coming to see my daughter tomorrow, Maddy. I’ve given you time. I don’t blame you for the past, although you knew I was a cop. You could’ve talked to me back then, and I could’ve helped you, but I get why you didn’t. You were young and scared. I hate I’ve missed out on so much of Jenny’s life, but I don’t blame you. I blame them. It’s fine if you don’t want to see where things go with us, but that doesn’t mean I can stay away from my daughter any longer.”

  “I have to be at work a little before ten o’clock tomorrow morning. You can spend the day with her until I get home, but I’d rather you stay at my place where she’s familiar with everything.”

  That’s something. It’s more than I’ve had to look forward to in a long time. I’m not going to move on Madison again until she gives me a signal it’s what she wants and she’s ready for it. It takes every ounce of strength I have to watch her walk out. I want to touch her, hold her hand, and make sure she gets to her car okay, but I force myself to stand in place and let her go. As my grandma used to say, if you love something, set it free.

  Chapter Thirty Two

  “Madison”

  I didn’t sleep at all last night.

  From today forward, he’s going to be a part of my life, one way or another. Jenny and I usually sleep in, but I got up early this morning, so I could have a long talk with her before he gets here.

  Jenny remembers Jensen from when he came around when I was missing. She was over the moon when I explained he’s her daddy. I know she needs to have a relationship with him, and I believe no matter what, Jensen will be a great dad to her.

  I’m just putting a giant stack of pancakes on the table when the doorbell rings.

  “Mommy, can I do it? Can I open the door?”

  “Okay, baby. Peek out the window and see who it is before you do.”

  “Daddy!”

  Tears fall freely when I watch Jenny and Jensen unite for the first time as father and daughter. When Jensen finally looks up from his kneeling spot on the floor, I see I’m not the only one who’s feeling emotional.

  “Jenny’s looking forward to spending her morning with you, Jensen. She and I had a long talk before you got here. I’ll be home around two thirty.”

  I give Jenny a quick kiss before I leave. I can’t stand that Jensen is looking at me like he doesn’t know who the hell I am. That makes two of us. The only thing I’m one hundred percent sure about is I’m Jenny’s mama, besides that, I’m not sure about anything.

  I know I can’t be around Jensen without clenching my legs together. I want to stare at him and soak in the changes that time has done to him. Now that he’s a few years older, he’s even more attractive.

  I hate myself for not trusting him more when we first met. I completely ignored it when he told me he was a cop. I didn’t plan to ever see him again, so I didn’t think it really mattered. Plus, the things Malcolm, Hayley, and Michelle were doing to me, forcing me to do participate in, made me so ashamed. I didn’t know how to tell anyone. Still, if I’d have shared those messages and everything that was going on, maybe we could’ve spent these years raising our daughter together. Hayley also would have never gotten her claws into him.

  I can feel Jensen’s eyes on me when I gather my things and let myself out the door.

  “Mom, I’m fine. I told you, everything is fine. You and Dad need to stop worrying about me.”

  I decided to return Mom’s call while I’m on my break. If she and Dad don’t hear from me every single day, they’re ready to pack up and head back to Tennessee. I’m in the parking lot, sitting in my car so I can have some privacy.

  “Have you talked to Jensen, honey?”

  “Yes, Mom, I’ve talked to him. He’s taking care of Jenny today, while I work.”

  “So, the two of you have…”

  “No! Jensen and I aren’t anything. He’s Jenny’s dad. He wanted to spend time with her, so I let him. That’s all there is to it.”

  Mom and Dad refuse to give up hope that Jensen and I will be together. It’s funny when I think about it. If I’d told them the truth back then, my dad would’ve gone after him with his shotgun. Apparently, they got to know Jensen pretty well when he was helping to find me when Malcolm had me locked up.

  “I’ve got to go, Mom. I love you.” I hit the “end call” button on my phone.

  I watch as a big gray pickup truck pulls into a parking spot. I recognize it because it’s the same damn truck that was parked in my driveway this morning. I can’t believe Jensen’s brought Jenny out after I specifically told him to keep her at my house.

  When I see all four doors open, I see nothing but red and jump out of my car to hurry over.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Jensen?” I’m so fucking angry, I can’t contain it. I push against his hard chest causing him to shift back a step.

  “Calm the hell down, Madison! It’s lunchtime. We’re hungry. I thought I’d bring Jenny here so she could eat with her mother.”

  Grant steps around the truck along with another man, someone I’ve never seen before, and then I see her.

  Instead of worrying about what Jensen might be doing, and why he has the bitch from the club with him, I go to the backseat where Jenny’s buckled into a new booster seat in the middle and get her out.

  “This isn’t how shit’s going to work, Madison. I’m her father. You can’t always tell me what I can and can’t do. You’ve had the say-so for four years, it’s my fucking turn.”

  “Watch your language and your tone, Jensen.”

  I look around and see the others have gone inside and left us alone in the parking lot. Jensen reaches out and places his hands on each side of Jenny’s head, covering her ears. He leans forward and kisses her head.

  “I like you angry. It’s so fucking sexy I can hardly stand it, but if you ever talk to me like that again where it concerns our daughter, I will bend that pretty little ass over and redden it real nice for you. Find a sitter for tonight, baby. You and I are going to spend some time together. We’re going to work out all this shit that’s got you so angry and withdrawn.”

  The asshole has the nerve to kiss my forehead before he storms off into the diner. Now that I’ve taken Jenny from him, I have no choice but to tell Betty I need to go home early, and apparently, I need to get ready for tonight.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  “Jensen”

  It only took a few seconds for her to open the door. That must mean she’s been watching for me. Even dressed in her night clothes, she’s a walking wet dream. She’s wearing a pair of pajama shorts and a matching tank top.

  “Jensen.”

  “Are you going to invite me in, darling?”

  I wish I knew what the hell has happened. My spunky Madison is nowhere to be found. Hell, she had m
ore sass in her when she was being held prisoner by Malcolm than she seems to have right now.

  “I don’t want to fight with you, Jensen. If that’s why you’re here, don’t even bother.”

  “Is Jenny here?” I try to look around Madison to see if there’s any sign of her.

  “She’s spending the night with Ruby.”

  Aah, that’s a good sign, I think. She listened to my request… well, demand. Maybe it means she’s ready to talk.

  Madison clears the way a little, so I step by her, into the house.

  “Why were you so upset today, Madison?”

  She’s wringing her hands together. I don’t think I’ve seen her so nervous before.

  “I asked you to spend the day with Jenny here, Jensen.”

  “Do you not trust me? Is that it? Do you think I’d let something happen to her?”

  I can tell that’s not it. She shakes her head from side to side, clearly not liking that perception at all.

  “Tell me, Maddy, why were you so pissed off today, huh? If we’re going to work things out, you need to communicate with me. I don’t have a clue what you’re thinking or feeling if you don’t tell me.”

  “Who were those people with you today? I know who Grant is, but the others? I saw you talking to that woman at the club the other night.”

  Well, hell, could my green-eyed angel be jealous, I wonder.

  “She’s very pretty, isn’t she?” I’m being an asshole, I admit it. I shouldn’t taunt her, but I want to hear her admit it.

  “I guess so. If that’s something you’re interested in. I…”

  “My divorce is final, baby. I’m pretty sure no one has a claim on me. Not that I’m aware of anyway. I don’t see how me talking to a pretty woman has anything to do with me spending time with my daughter.”

  “Just forget it, Jensen!” Madison starts to storm by me, but I reach out and catch her arm. I don’t let go until I’m sure I have her attention.

  “Did it bother you to see me talking to someone else? I’m tired of pussyfooting around with this, us.” I point between her and me. “I have never made it a secret that I fucking want you. I didn’t hide the fact years ago. I told you then I wanted more time with you.”

  “How can you even look at me, Jensen!?!” Big drops of moisture fall down her cheeks.

  I take a seat on the couch and run my fingers through my hair, trying to sort out how to deal with this. She walks around like everything is fine most of the time, but she’s far from fine.

  “The woman you saw me talking to, she’s Grant’s sister, Emily. I don’t know if you paid attention to the guy who was with us, but he’s her husband, Lucas Miller. Grant needed to talk to me about a few things involving a case we’ve been working on. His sister was already there waiting to go to lunch with him, so I suggested we all go to the diner. I thought you wouldn’t mind me bringing Jenny there since it’s where you were.”

  She’s standing close enough I snag her hand, and pull her down to sit beside me. She doesn’t try to back away, and I make no effort to let go. “I feel like you’ve got a lot going on in that pretty head of yours. I think whatever you’re thinking about is probably worse than what it really is. What are you so afraid of?”

  “I’m afraid of you, Jensen.”

  I drop her hand like a hot iron. “Why? Why are you afraid of me? I thought… What am I missing here? I thought we’d worked past that much already.”

  “All of my time with you has been followed with heartache. I’m tired. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being scared of everything. I don’t know how to not be, though. Even sex scares me.”

  “Sex scares you? With everything that’s happened, I can understand, but baby…”

  “I’m scared of the things I think I might enjoy, Jensen. I mean, is it because of the things they made me do? Is there something wrong with me?”

  My cock swells against the confinement of my jeans, and my heart skips a beat at the same time. It’s not hopeless. Finally, she’s giving me something I can work with, something that maybe, I can help her work with too.

  “I have a proposition for you.”

  “I don’t want to go to Grant’s club.”

  I can’t hide my chuckle. “I’m not a big fan of sex clubs either, sweetheart. Although the private rooms might be nice to enjoy on occasion, I was thinking more along the line of you coming to my house next weekend. I’ll come here every evening after work and spend time with Jenny, and you too, of course, but then I’d like to spend the weekend with just us.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t like spending time away from Jenny.”

  “Baby, Ruby loves spending time with her. Hell, if it makes you feel better, I’ll have someone from the agency watch her house while she’s there.”

  “She’s spending the night with Ruby tonight. She’s going to bring her back here in the morning to watch her while I work my shift.”

  I raise my brow in question. I’m not sure if it’s some kind of invitation or a simple statement. Slow. I have to remind myself and my cock, we have to take things slow. Even if she’s asking me to stay a while, that doesn’t mean I can read too much into it. She’s been running hot and then cold for a while now.

  “We could, I don’t know. We could watch a movie, I guess. If you want to stay a little while…”

  “Oh, I want, darling. Find us something to watch.”

  She goes to the kitchen to fix us each a glass of sweet tea, and then she comes back and settles in on the end of the couch, opposite from me. She finds a sappy romance movie, but I don’t care. I keep my eyes on her and watch her instead of the television. Is this how it would be if nothing had interrupted us years ago?

  It doesn’t take her long until she’s fallen asleep. I’m sure taking care of our little girl, along with working and going to school, tires her out most days. Maybe I can ease a little of that for her soon, if she’ll let me.

  I want more than anything to carry her to bed and snuggle in close with her for the night, but she’s not ready for that. Instead, I pull a plush throw from the back of the couch and spread it over her, careful not to wake her. After I make sure everything’s locked up tight, I place a soft kiss on her sleeping head and let myself out.

  Chapter Thirty Four

  “Madison”

  It’s Wednesday evening, day three of having Jensen come over when he gets off work for the day. The first two were pretty mellow. Mostly because I let Jensen and Jenny play while I got some much needed chores done around the house. I’ve managed to stay out of their way except for when it’s time to say our goodbyes, and get my nightly kiss on the forehead, along with Jenny.

  Today, however, almost as soon as he walks in the door, things change. When I say change, I mean, I feel like the temperature has shot up twenty extra degrees inside my house. Jensen grabbed our daughter when he came in, not noticing the glass of milk she had in her hand. Needless to say, it all ended up down the front of his shirt. Probably his jeans too, but thank God, he only removed his shirt so I could toss it in the washer and get it cleaned for him.

  “Get to cooking, Mama, Jenny and I are hungry.” Jensen slaps my ass when he walks by, Jenny’s two steps ahead of him, so she doesn’t see a thing. She’s too excited to show him a picture she colored earlier that’s hanging on the refrigerator.

  My skin practically sizzles from the heat, not the heat that’s coming from the stove, either. I draw my legs closer together to help ease the ache. Being around him so often is wearing me down.

  I’m not even sure what there is to wear down, really. I’m just having a hard time fighting with my inner self and giving in to what I know he wants, what we both want. He doesn’t have a problem admitting it. I can admit it to myself all day long, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud.

  Just like the past two nights, we all sit down to eat together. When we’re done, Jensen cleans the mess up in the kitchen while I get Jenny ready for bed. When that’s done, we tuck her in
together and take turns reading from one of her favorite books. We’re acting an awful lot like a family.

  When it’s time for him to go, I follow him to the door. I’m a little disappointed his shirt got dry so fast. I miss looking at his broad shoulders and sexy arms. I must give my thoughts away because he’s looking at me with heat in his eyes.

  “I know that look, beautiful. It’s killing me to walk away when I know you need relief just as bad as I do, but I’m going to make you work for it. I’m not going to touch you until I hear you beg for it. Then, I’ll know we’re both on the same page with everything.”

  I tell myself to back up and close the door, but my feet somehow carry me closer to him. “Thank you for spending time with Jenny.”

  “You don’t need to thank me for taking care of her, Madison. I love her with all my heart. It isn’t all about Jenny… to hell with it.”

  He pushes me against the closed door and claims my mouth, kissing me greedily. A burning need so intense, I cry out. He answers my cry when he thrusts against me, allowing me to feel his own need. Then he stops everything.

  “Be ready for me Friday, pretty girl. I won’t be here tomorrow, because I have to work late on a case, but I want you to remember how you feel right now, the burning, the aching, and how wet your panties are. We’ll talk about all that Friday.”

  Motherfucker. I hate him, but I love him, and I want him so bad right now. I don’t know how I’ll make it until Friday.

  I’m a nervous wreck. I can’t remember the customers’ orders without writing them down. I expect anytime, Betty will tell me to go home. I guess if I tell the whole truth, I have to admit I’m excited to see Jensen tonight. I’m looking forward to seeing his house. I tell myself it’s because he’ll be taking Jenny there, but that’s not the whole truth either. I feel like he’s about to let me see more of him than he ever has before.

  He doesn’t live in the same house he shared with… her. My dad told me months ago that Jensen had completely erased Hayley from his life. I’m sure the awful memories still linger, but any physical evidence that the two of them shared a life together has been wiped clean.