Finding Fate (Playing it Safe Series Book 1)

by Lisa Gerkey

  I don’t know if I’m quite ready to beg, but I’m definitely prepared to tell Jensen I want to try with him. I’ve loved him all along and that’s not going to change. I just need to figure out how to love myself, and then I think we can look toward our future together.

  When I get home from work, his truck is in my driveway. He jumps out when I park my car.

  “Are you ready for me, doll?”

  I feel like my heart is going to beat a path clear out of my chest. If I let myself dwell on it for too long, I’ll never be ready.

  “I should grab a quick shower and change clothes.”

  “Did you have a shower before work?” The sexy smirk on his face is enough to light my panties on fire.

  “Yes, I did, but I probably smell like a greasy cheeseburger right now.”

  “I love cheeseburgers. Grab a change of clothes, and let’s go.”

  I dart to the side to avoid the slap I know he intends to land on my ass.

  “I can’t go out looking like this, Jensen.”

  “You’re beautiful, Maddy, but no one said anything about going out. I’ll grab us a pizza on the way to the house, and we can stay in. I’ll bring you home when you’re ready, but I’d like to keep it just the two of us tonight. We have the rest of our lives to go out on dates. Tonight, I just want you and me, alone.”

  I hurry around to get everything together. I hesitate to take clothes with me because it implies I’m going to stay the night. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Maybe if he’s willing to give me my own bed, my own space. Still, I throw a couple of outfits and some clean underwear in a bag.

  His house is bigger and much nicer than where Jenny and I live. There’s a big back yard where I’m sure Jenny will love to play. When we’re inside, he tosses his keys on the kitchen counter. “Do you want the grand tour now, or later?”

  “You have a beautiful home, Jensen.”

  “It’s nice, yes, but if you’re trying to say I have good taste, I can’t take the credit. It was mostly decorated when I bought it. A lot of the furniture was already here, too.”

  I follow along side of him as he takes me from room to room to look around. We’ve seen everything else, so I know the last door he’s about to open is his bedroom. He places his hand against my lower back to guide me inside.

  This room is different from the rest of the house. The king size bed in the middle takes up a lot of the room.

  “Don’t be scared.” He pushes me further into the room. “I feel like this is where you’ll be most honest with me. Right here, in this room, we need to strip everything down. I think this is an obstacle we need to get past before we can move on to something more.”

  He directs me to stand in front of a floor length mirror across the room. I stare blankly at my reflection for a minute before I raise my eyes to meet his. Somehow, it’s easier this way, rather than looking at him, face to face. I look small against his height and his well-defined muscles.

  “What do you want, Jensen?”

  He sweeps his tongue across his bottom lip and then he catches it between his teeth. My body deceives me already. I don’t think I’ve ever hidden it very well. I can tell he’s aware of the effect he has on me.

  “You know what a safe word is, right?”

  “I thought you wanted me to beg?”

  He chuckles a bit. “I didn’t say I was going to fuck you, or make you come, even. Maybe I’m reading everything all wrong here. Maybe we need to get that part out of the way so we can get everything else taken care of.”

  I try to step away from the mirror, from him, but he swats my ass causing me to yelp with surprise.

  I turn around to face him. “Fine, Jensen! You want to know? Well, I’ll tell you! I burn for you. Every single second I’m around you. It doesn’t matter if you’re being all sweet and lovable, or a total jackass, you are a fucking fire I can’t put out!”

  “Jackass?” The smirk on his face lets me know that’s exactly what he’s being right now. “I get it, baby. My cock aches every time I’m around you. When you get pissed off and start telling me what’s what, it turns me on even more. It also makes me want to spank your ass, and I think you want me to spank that little hot ass and it bothers you.”

  I feel like everything is spinning out of control. I have so much pent up frustration, and I don’t know where to channel it. “I feel like everything between us is about sex.”

  “It’s not really, Madison. We’ve spent the whole week being a family with our little girl, doing things any other couple would do. None of it included sex. Hell, I didn’t even try to touch you or kiss you until that last night. Sex is a little snag we have right now, in everything else that’s pretty much perfect. It’s a hang up you have because I think you’re having a hard time of letting go of everything that’s happened to you.”

  There’s not much I can say when I know he’s right. I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe you just have to face the fact I can’t be however you want me to be. I don’t know how to change it.”

  “I’m not asking you to change anything, alone. I’m asking you to trust me so I can help you get past it.”

  “Tell me what to do.”

  What do I have to lose? It’s all or nothing. Jensen is working too damn hard to be with me for me not to at least attempt to give something back. I’m not sure I can give him everything, but I can trust him.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  “Jensen”

  “Strip.”

  I can tell that wasn’t something she was expecting me to say. I ignore the expression on her face and start taking my own clothes off. I pull my t shirt over my head and toss it on the floor. I kick my shoes off and to the side. She still doesn’t move, but I keep going. When I’m down to just my boxers, I take a minute to look at her.

  I walk to where she’s standing. I reach up and pull the ponytail holder from her hair, so the beautiful blonde mess falls around her shoulders and down her back. Her eyes stay on me as I rub my thumb across her bottom lip.

  I place her back in front of the mirror. She refuses to look at herself.

  “Raise your arms, beautiful.” She raises her arms without argument when I reach for the hem and lift her shirt over her head.

  I don’t let my eyes linger on her full tits. We’ll get there, eventually. That doesn’t stop me from appreciating the view spilling over the top of the white lacy bra she’s wearing.

  I splay my hand flat on her stomach. I step close enough her back is just touching my front. “Look in the mirror, Madison. I want you to look in the mirror and tell me what you see.”

  “Jensen.”

  “I’m going to haul you to the bed and spank your gorgeous fucking ass if you don’t do what I tell you, Madison.”

  I can’t hide my chuckle when I see her skin flush and I hear her sharp intake of breath. I also can’t hide the growing problem that’s pressed against her lower back.

  “I hate what I see, Jensen. I hate I let myself get messed up with all that shit when I was young. I hate that half the world has seen me…”

  Now we’re getting somewhere.

  “Have they? Have that many people really seen you, Madison?”

  I unfasten her jeans. “Take these off.”

  She pushes them down her long sexy legs and kicks them off. She’s wearing a tiny pair of white lace panties that match her bra. I place a kiss on her shoulder. I can feel her body tremble. I know she isn’t unaffected by me.

  “You’re beautiful, baby. So fucking what if people have seen you. How many have been inside of you?”

  She makes eye contact with me through the mirror.

  “One.”

  “I love you, Madison. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. You’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re an amazing mother to our little girl, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.” I unfasten her bra and let it slide down her shoulders and fall to the floor. I take both of her hands and bring them up to cup her breasts. “Say my name.�
�

  “Jensen.”

  I use her hands to massage her tits and then I slide one down her flat tummy and push it inside her panties so we both cup her pussy.

  “Jensen.”

  “Mine. This is mine, baby. If you give us a chance, and give me time, I’ll make you forget everything else. I love you, and I love that no one else has been inside of you.”

  I remove my hands from her body, even though I don’t want to. I don’t think she’s too happy either, but she needs to process everything I just said.

  “Why are we stopping?”

  “We’re not stopping anything. We’re just getting started. You can look at me and see how much I need to be inside you right now. I just need to know you understand how I feel about you, about us.”

  Madison walks over and climbs to the middle of the bed. Watching her crawl around in nothing but her panties to get situated is almost more than my cock can handle. I keep my feet firmly planted on the floor until she lets me know she wants something more.

  “I’ve always loved you too, Jensen. It never made sense to me, how fast I fell for you. Call it insta-love or whatever, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants, and there’s not much we can do about it. I didn’t mean to fall for you, but I did. Then I found out I was pregnant. You weren’t there when I had her, but I swear, she looked just like you when she was born. I knew then I’d never be able to fall back out of love with you, because I had a part of you right there with me to remind me every single day. I’ve made a lot of bad choices, but giving this, us, a chance? That’s the only choice I have right now. I love you. I love that even though you know every bit of my rotten, dirty past, you can still look at me and tell me you feel the same way. I want you, Jensen.”

  I leap on the bed so fast I probably look like some ridiculous cartoon character. I don’t give a fuck because after hearing her tell me how she feels, not a damn thing is going to keep me from getting inside her beautiful body. I need to claim her, mark her. She’s always been mine, and even though there have been monstrous fuck ups along the way that may have implied otherwise, my heart’s only ever truly belonged to Madison.

  I push her back to where she’s lying beneath me. “I hope you’re pussy’s dripping for me, baby, because I can’t wait any longer to feel you wrapped around me.”

  I kiss her deeply, tongues colliding, while I cup each soft plump tit and tease her nipples between my fingers. In a race with getting inside of her before I spill, I replace my fingers with my lips and swirl my tongue around her tight buds. I tear away the thin lace that’s between me and the part of her I ache most for. When my fingertips find her pussy soaked and ready, I push my boxers down to my thighs enough to free my aching cock and line myself up.

  “Please, hurry, I’m going to come the second you’re inside me. I need you so much.”

  I push through her wet velvet heat, going much slower than I’d intended. She’s so tight, I know a few thrusts and it will be over. “You feel so fucking unbelievable, baby girl. I hope you’re ready for me because I’m going to use this tight little pussy every chance I get. We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.” I pull out almost all the way and thrust back inside. Three thrusts are all it takes until her pussy is clenching me even tighter, ready to detonate.

  “I feel like my whole body is going to explode, Jensen. Please, go faster.”

  I hammer in and out of her faster and harder and watch her unravel, taking me right along with her.

  “I love you so fucking much, Madison. It won’t always be over that fast. I’m going to take my time and worship every inch, every tiny little freckle on your sexy as hell body every chance I get. I’m going to make love to you over and over again, and occasionally, I’m going to fuck you, hard and fast and thoroughly.”

  She’s a little out of it from the crazy wonderful sex we just had. I kiss her softly on the lips. She giggles, a sweet sound to my ears to hear her happy with all of her guards she usually carries let down.

  “I think you just thoroughly made amazing fucking love to me.”

  I raise myself up and watch between us as I slip from her body. “We didn’t use a condom.” I’m not concerned, the way I was back then. I’m not opposed to making another baby with her. I’m not sure she’s ready for that, or even to have the conversation about it.

  “I’m on birth control. I’m fine.”

  “Let’s get your fine ass in the shower and clean ourselves up.”

  Thirty Six

  “Madison”

  Everything has been perfect with Jensen and me. It’s been a month since he took me to his house and forced me to admit things I didn’t want to think about or consider. Now, he’s on my case again, trying to get me to consider even more, like moving in with him permanently.

  We’ve taken turns with staying at each other’s houses. I know he’s right when he says we need to settle in one place so Jenny doesn’t end up confused about where her home is. I’m just having a hard time giving up all of my independence. That’s what I feel like I’ll be doing if I agree to leave my house behind.

  Of course, Jenny’s on his side. With a yard full of toys and a daddy who wants to spoil her rotten, who wouldn’t be?

  I can always feel Jensen when he’s near me, even if I don’t see or hear him. Just as I’m dishing up the last of the breakfast to put on the table, he walks up behind me. He pushes my hair over one shoulder and I feel his breath hot on my neck, right before his lips touch my skin. There’s always a fire running through my veins for him.

  “Behave. We have a child who will walk in here any second.”

  “Is Jenny spending the night with Ruby?”

  It’s become our Friday night ritual. Ruby loves spending time with Jenny and it gives Jensen and me time alone. My parents keep talking about coming to take Jenny home with them for a whole week, but I don’t know how I feel about spending so much time away from her.

  “Yes. Mom and Dad keep begging to have her for a week, but I’m not sure I can handle her being that far from us for so long.”

  No one ever talks about it, at least not when I’m around, but I know Jayson Phoenix is still on the run. Until he’s caught, I won’t feel a hundred percent safe. I’ve tried to poke around and get information about what might have happened to the other women who were rescued from Malcolm’s operation the same time I was, but everyone I talk to just blows it off. Apparently, for their safety, they’re not disclosing any information that would lead someone to find them.

  “Baby, do you think Grant will ever find Jaycee and talk to her? I remember the way he always looked at her when we were locked up. I can tell something must have happened between the two of them.”

  “I don’t know. I’ve tried to get him to talk about it, but if anything did happen, he’s keeping it to himself. I know you’re a hopeless romantic, but I’m not sure everyone gets a happy ever after. I think we’re the lucky two when it comes to that.”

  “I love you.”

  “Enough to move in with me?”

  Jenny runs into the kitchen, full of energy and ready to eat her breakfast. She and Jensen have some sort of private conversation. My heart overflows with happiness when she throws her little head back and giggles up at something he’s whispered in her ear.

  “Close your eyes, Mommy!”

  “Okay, what kind of silly trick are you two going to play this time?”

  Jenny gives Jensen a worried look. He shows absolutely nothing on his face, except, maybe he’s a bit amused.

  “Fine. I’ll close my eyes. Let’s get whatever you two are up to out of the way so we can all eat.”

  I close my eyes tight. They rustle around, but I can’t tell what either of them is up to.

  “You can open your eyes, Madison.”

  They both are kneeling on the floor in front of me.

  “This isn’t going to work! I’m still not moving in here, I don’t care how much you beg.”

  “Not even if I give you thi
s.”

  My heart stops, everything is suspended when I realize what he’s doing. “Not even if I tell you I love you. I’m going to love you until we’re old and for all eternity. Marry me?”

  “Please! Please, Mommy! Say yes!” Jenny’s holding a small jewelry box open for me to see the sparkling princess cut diamond inside.

  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you too, Jensen. With both of you. I love you so much. Yes, I’ll marry you.” We all three end up on the kitchen floor, tangled in a hug. “Not wanting to give my house up, had nothing to do with me not loving you, you know that, right?”

  “I do know that, but I also know that just like with everything else, you needed a little push.”

  Epilogue

  “Madison”

  “Are you ready?”

  I’m a little nervous to find what Jensen has planned for the night. He was antsy all afternoon until Ruby picked Jenny up for their sleepover.

  I lay the book I’ve been reading on the table beside the couch and let him lead me to the bedroom. I don’t see anything out of place, or different, until I notice a few things lying on the bedside table.

  “Jensen, I don’t think…”

  “Good. Don’t think. All I want is for you to feel. I want you to feel how much I love you, and I want you to feel every ounce of pleasure I can drain from your beautiful body. It’s our bedroom, our business, no one else’s. There’s nothing to feel ashamed, or embarrassed about. If we try something and you decide you don’t like it, we’ll never try it again. If you tell me to stop, we’ll stop. Although, I’d like to think you’ll give something a chance as long as it doesn’t hurt or make you physically uncomfortable.”

  I look around, expecting to find some fancy lingerie he expects me to wear for him. “Do I need to change into something?”

  “Nah, but you need to take everything off. I don’t see the point in wasting something lacy or silk when I’m only going to tear it off to get to everything underneath. I only want you, baby.”