Before I Let Go

by Darren Coleman

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Yeah, I did.” Nina went on to describe how Shelly had just nailed her by announcing that she had heard that I was back in the area. Nina said that when her response was “Really?” as if she had no idea, Shelly’s expression had turned ice cold. Then she had led Nina to the caller ID and told her I had called. She had played her little sister like a drum. Shelly drilled Nina for ten minutes straight. She wanted to know why she had lied and acted as if she didn’t know anything about my being back, and about seeing me. When Nina had produced no answers, Shelly accused her of always having had a crush on me, and lit into her about her motives. When Eric came up the stairs and heard the two of them arguing, he’d asked why they were arguing. Nina, in her rage and defensive stance, told him that she and Shelley were arguing over my call.

  Then Eric flew into a rage himself. He wanted to know why in the hell Shelly was so concerned, and said that after five years it shouldn’t matter to her one way or the other. He told Shelly that if Nina and I were getting married tomorrow, it would be absolutely none of her business. He added that if Nina and I were comfortable being friends on any level, then all Shelly can do is stay out of it. Shelly, never one to go easy, wasn’t having it. She proceeded to curse out Nina and Eric. As soon as Amani lay down for a nap, more than an hour after things had died down, Shelly started again. She eventually threw both Eric and Nina out. Before she asked Nina to leave she turned to her baby sister and said, “I don’t know why you would keep something from me, Nina, for any reason other than you’re fucking Cory. If you are you’d better be careful, because he is a dog, just like Nate. I won’t mention it again, though, and I just hope that you have more class than to be hanging around with my leftover.”

  Nina expressed to me how hurt she had been by Shelly’s words. She’d been especially stung by her hope that Nina possessed enough class not to date me. She said that she, like Eric, didn’t think that there was anything wrong with us hanging out together. She added, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything, right Cory?” she asked.

  I didn’t answer that, but I did convey to Nina my dismay at being referred to by Shelly as her “leftover.” If anything, she was my leftover. I had taught that girl everything about life and relationships that she needed to know. And shit, as far as sex went, there had been no uncharted territory left for her to discover by the time we had split up.

  I had forgotten that Nina was on her cellphone until I heard a horn honk. I asked where she was headed. When she replied that she didn’t know and that she was just driving, I gave her my address and convinced her to stop by, even if it was just for a little while. She agreed to come after I assured her it would be no inconvenience. If she only knew, I thought. When she arrived less than fifteen minutes later, I greeted her at the door with a hug.

  When she entered my apartment, she nodded her head in approval. “This is a nice apartment, Cory,” she said.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “It must cost a fortune to live here. Rockville is so expensive, anyway. I didn’t think they were recruiting our kind up in this neck of the woods.” She smiled. Then she added, “But I guess if you’re making enough papers to afford a spot out here, then you must be okay, huh.”

  “Maybe,” I answered, smiling back. “Or maybe I just know somebody who is somebody.”

  She walked around the love seat and sat down on the couch with her coat still on. “Let me take your coat,” I said. I put it on the back of one of the dining room chairs. As I walked back into the living room I turned the TV volume down and cranked up the CD player.

  “So Cory, what’s up?” She said, as she looked right into my face.

  “Nothing much. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and I have a little something for you. Hold tight,” I said, as I walked over to my dining room table, reached into a shopping bag, pulled out two boxes that were wrapped identically, and walked back over to Nina and sat down next to her.

  “Cory, I can’t take a gift from you. I wouldn’t feel right, not having anything for you.” She paused, and went on. “I didn’t get to do much shopping for anyone this year, except for my mother and Amani. I was so broke, Cory. Why in the world would you buy me a gift? You haven’t even called me, and…”

  I cut her off midsentence. “Look here, Nina. It’s not about what you have for me. I bought you something because I wanted to, because I knew that you deserved something nice. I don’t know what your man got you, but I knew that you deserved more.”

  “I don’t have a man anymore, Cory,” she said, in a tone that didn’t reveal whether or not she was happy about it.

  “Whatever. It doesn’t make a bit of difference to my giving you something. I just wanted you to have these things. Now open them up and stop talking,” I commanded.

  She just looked at me as she began to open them. I stopped her, and said, “No here, this one first.” She obliged me. When she opened it, her eyes showed her pleasure as she pulled the last piece of wrapping paper off a bottle of Bvlgari perfume.

  “Oh man, Cory, this is wonderful.” She was smiling. “I have been wanting some of this for a while, but it is very expensive. You shouldn’t have, but I am glad you did.” She laughed and said, “Thank you so much.”

  “Go ahead and open that one,” I said, pointing to the bigger box.

  She quickly pulled the wrapping off to reveal a purse. She just shook her head and said, “Cory, I can’t believe you did this for me. It’s a Coach. It’s gorgeous. Thank you so much. This is the sweetest thing that anyone has done for me in a really long time.”

  As I looked at her surveying the bag, I stared at her pretty lips. She had on nothing but lip gloss, and that was all the makeup she needed. She was so naturally beautiful. I still didn’t know what I was doing with her. While I was still looking at her she jumped up and walked to the balcony door. “Look, Cory, it’s starting to snow. Can you believe that?”

  “Yeah, the weatherman has been calling for snow the past two days. It’s coming down pretty thick, too.”

  “Do you think it will stick?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. It’s definitely cold enough. I probably should try and get out of here. I need to run to my sister’s house to drop off the gifts for the kids, and afterward my mother is making Christmas dinner.” I looked back outside, and there was no way I was going to do a bunch of running around in this weather. I figured that I could call Brenda to meet me at Mom’s, and that way I could kill two birds with one stone. She walked back over to where I was still standing, in front of the glass door.

  “Cory, do you want some company with you while you ride? I’m not going to my mother’s. I already called her from the car and told her that I wouldn’t be coming over for dinner.”

  “Sure, I’d like that a lot as a matter of fact, and I know my mom would love to see you again. But did you tell your mother why you wouldn’t be coming?”

  “Somewhat. I didn’t go into the full details, but I just don’t feel like going another round with Shelly right now.”

  “I understand,” I said.

  After a short pause Nina took hold of my arm and asked, “Cory, why if you hadn’t bothered to call me, did you go through the hassle of buying me those gifts? Or did you buy them for someone else?”

  I was a little shocked, and quickly answered. “Of course I bought them for you. If I had gotten them for someone else would I be handing them to you? They were for you. I saw them and I just wanted to give you something. Don’t make such a big deal out of it and spoil it for me, okay. As long as you like them, that is all that matters, right?”

  Nina nodded her head, I think in response to me—and in time to the music. She was still holding my arm. “Cory.”

  “Yes.”

  “I have something for you, too. But I don’t want you to think I’m giving it to you because you bought me the gifts. If you had called me in the past couple of weeks, I’m sure I would have given it to you already. But since yo
u didn’t call me or return my pages…”

  “Nina, I had gotten a new pager from my job…”

  “Shhhhhh.” She said, now holding my hand with one of hers. With the other hand, she placed a finger on my lips. “Now close your eyes,” she added.

  I obeyed her request, and my eyes shut immediately. Her hand went behind my head and onto the back of my neck as she pulled my mouth to hers. Her lips melted onto mine, and they were a perfect fit. I can’t believe I’m kissing Shelly’s little sister, I thought. I could remember when she was a skinny little teenager with nubs on her chest and the skinniest little legs. Now she was kissing me, and I was kissing her back just as passionately. My hands were on her waist and both of hers were around my neck.

  We stayed locked together for at least ten minutes, kissing like two teenagers in the back seat of a car. When we finally pulled away I asked her if she was sure about what she had done. When she kissed me again and began to unbutton my shirt I knew that she was. Clothing dropped to the floor, and before I knew it I was sitting on my couch with Nina on my lap facing me. She stared into my eyes while she started to grind and slide on top of me. She hadn’t bothered to take her panties off. With one hand I slid them to the side and entered her. I could feel the wet material of her underwear between our bodies. I took both of her breasts in my mouth at the same time. She threw her head backward and gave me a loud moan to let me know that she liked the feeling. Our bodies moved fast, then slow, for the next ten minutes, until her breaths became rapid. I knew she was ready to come, and she started crying out in Spanish the same way Shelly used to. I felt her hands reaching down between my legs caressing me as she jerked and came. When her muscles clamped down and squeezed me I couldn’t take any more, and I came inside of her.

  The connection between Nina and me made my Christmas in ways that no material gift could have. I thought it was a little strange that afterward we both seemed to feel fine about having sex—for the most part. I did feel a twinge of guilt at having been with the younger sister of my ex-fiancée. At the same time I had to admit that something so taboo was a bit of a turn-on. It was one of those things that might cross the mind of a man, though he would never intend to act on it. I had found out something about myself, since I had seized the opportunity. I obviously had a problem with respecting boundaries, but was hoping I could put my emotions and libido in check before the situation got out of hand. The lovemaking was good—but not “mind blowing” good. When a girl blows your mind the first time she has sex with you, she’s trouble. At least, that was my personal belief. Either she’s too experienced or you’re too inexperienced for her, was my philosophy on that matter. With Nina there seemed to be comfortable room for improvement. I knew she had held back a little, and I liked that. She was going to make me work to get her all.

  She went with me to dinner at my mother’s house. We had a great time, as the snow continued to fall. Brenda was the only one who seemed puzzled about Nina being there with me. I saw that she repeatedly shot looks at me as if to say “What the hell is going on?” I ignored her, because I was feeling good, and so was Nina. At that point, that was all that mattered to me.

  Brendan and Laney showed up for dessert, and he brought his little brother, Kenny, to play with Kyle. Brendan’s parents lived two streets over, and he made it over easily, though the weather seemed to be getting worse. He was riding with Laney because he said that he didn’t trust his Corvette in the snow. I couldn’t blame him one bit, as I wasn’t used to driving in the slushy streets anymore myself. When it was almost nine o’clock, Brenda announced that she was spending the night rather than driving home. I decided that it was getting late and was time for me to head home; plus, I was hoping to see if Nina would be in the mood to repeat our earlier escapade.

  As I drove slowly around the Beltway, Nina fell asleep. I took the opportunity to call Nate, who was spending the day with Sahleen and his grandmother. I told him who I was with, and he had a million and one questions about Nina and me. I tried to speak in code, just in case Nina woke up. Nate finally gave up the hope of getting the entire story right then and there. He told me about his day’s events. He had spent the morning with India, and then told her he was headed out of town to have dinner with family so that he could have an undisturbed evening with Sahleen. It had worked for him as usual, and he and Sahleen were headed to Crystal City to Sahleen’s apartment to do a little “stocking stuffing,” he said. I hung up with Nate and saw that Nina was still sleeping. I had questions about where this was headed, but I wasn’t afraid of the possibilities.

  For a second, Paula popped into my head, and I hoped that she was doing well. I wondered if she had gotten the gift that I’d sent to her office. I also thought about Darlene and wondered who she was spending the holiday with. I hoped that they both were doing fine, but they were six hundred miles away and by no means my primary concern. Nina was there next to me, and that meant a lot. As a matter of fact, I kept thinking over and over that her being there was all that mattered. She had been on my mind ever since I saw her that first night. I had been curious about Shelly, true enough, but the satisfaction that I felt looking over at Nina made me realize she was definitely who I wanted. I had tried not to admit it to myself during the previous month, but I was now prepared to admit it to Nina as soon as she woke up. I only hoped that now, since her curiosity had been satisfied, she wouldn’t be through with me, because if I had my way, I definitely wasn’t through with her.

  Chapter 15

  RUDE AWAKENINGS

  Nate could hear the audience booing as the ladies told their stories onstage. He was standing just behind the stage and he could see the ladies on the small TV monitor in front of him. He didn’t want to be here, and he couldn’t figure out why he had even allowed himself to be talked into coming. He knew that the whole idea had been Kim’s. It was late March, and he figured that she should have gotten over him by now. Ever since she had come to his house unannounced, only to be dissed, she had promised Nate that he would get his. Now it seemed as though her prophecy had come true. Nate could feel beads of sweat on his brow and moisture building under his shirt collar. It wasn’t like Nathan Montgomery to get nervous. He was fearless, a soldier’s soldier, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so uptight. Just as he was thinking about bolting right out of the studio, the stagehand came back and began to lead him onto the stage.

  As he saw the bright lights blasting him in the face he heard Jerry Springer say, “Let’s meet Nate!” While he walked onto the stage he could see the faces of India and Sahleen there, his current loves. Kim and Erika, who were seated onstage as well, were the most recent victims of his trappings. Both had received their walking papers in an improper fashion, within twenty-four hours of one another. Kim hadn’t received a decent apology for Nate’s treatment of her since being sent away from his apartment in tears. Erika and her cousin Jay still weren’t speaking to each other after the episode in Nate’s apartment. Reluctantly, he took the empty chair. Kim and Erika were seated to his left; Sahleen and India were on his right. He was thinking, How in the world did my shit get blown out of the water like this?

  His gut tightened when he glanced over at the face of Sahleen and India. They were both scowling, and India looked as though she had already cried buckets. A sinking feeling was suffocating him as he came to the realization that Sahleen and India knew everything. Then Jerry walked over to him.

  “So, Nate, you have been a very busy young man,” Jerry stated, acting as if he were deeply bothered by the accounts of Nate’s behavior.

  Kim had come out and told of how she’d met Nate at a birthday get-together for his friend Brendan one Friday night the previous year. He had been so sweet. He had taken her to Atlantic City for the weekend the day after they met. She had decided to accept his invitation to go only because she thought that he was a gentleman like Brendan. She had admitted that she’d made an extremely poor decision. At the time, though, he had just seemed so exciting an
d classy. He had told her that he was interested in investing in a hair salon. Since she was a top-flight hair stylist with a large clientele, he told her that she would probably make a great partner.

  Kim had said that she had been “gassed up.” Jerry had asked for an explanation, and Kim had told him that she had been “gung-ho,” or really excited about everything that Nate had promised. Jerry had asked her to continue. She had told the audience about how she had sexed Nate that weekend, and she had admitted it had been really spectacular. Then she had given a sad account of the treatment that she had received during the following seven months. She had receipts for all of the presents that she had showered him with. She had said she was still paying for the televisions in his Lexus. He had run up her Discover card bill to twelve hundred bucks on the Internet, buying throwback jerseys from Mitchell & Ness. To make things worse, some chick who he had been screwing from Southeast D.C. had slashed her tires. She had known because the girl finally had come to her job and made a scene, swearing that she was carrying Nate’s baby. She had been lying, but had thoroughly embarrassed Kim in front of everyone at her job on a Saturday, when the shop had been packed.