Before I Let Go

by Darren Coleman

  Jerry had grimaced as the crowd oohed and aahed. She had summed up her story by telling of how she had spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day home alone, pining away after Nate had dumped her. All of her friends at the salon had sworn that Nate had timed the break-up so that he wouldn’t have to be bothered with her during the holiday season, and that as soon as Valentine’s Day had passed, he would come calling. Nate had never come calling, but what had caused Kim to call the show was that she had seen Nate with India one night, and then three days later had seen Sahleen driving his car down Georgia Avenue. After a little investigation, Kim had found out that Nate was going out with both of the women she had seen, and she had made it her personal goal to inform both of the women about what kind of person they were dealing with. She had become determined to wreck Nate’s game, and to keep him from causing more heartbreak for her sisters. Now, here she was, spilling her guts on national TV just to get revenge on Nate.

  Nate merely nodded his head as Jerry quickly gave him the condensed version of the accusations.

  Jerry asked him to respond to the women.

  Nate looked over at Kim and Erika, and paused. Then he looked back at Jerry and simply said, “Jerry…that bitch is lying.”

  The crowd roared, and Kim flew from her seat, accompanied by Erika. They both pounced on top of Nate as he and his chair flipped backward. His legs went up into the air as he rolled to the floor behind the stage. India was screaming, while Sahleen sat motionless with her legs crossed. The camera panned in for a close-up to show the two women whaling away at Nate. He was cursing, and yelling for security to get the crazed women off him.

  The show broke for a commercial, and order was restored. When they came back from the break, Nate was back in his seat. Kim and Erika had been removed from the stage. His shirt had been ripped to shreds and his face was scratched up. He was now seated between Sahleen and India. He was trying to catch his breath, and then Jerry walked up to the stage.

  “Nate,” Jerry said, “naturally you understand why those ladies were so upset. We found out about you and Erika and, I should say, Erika’s cousin as well.” Jerry turned and worked the audience. He said, “Nate, these ladies each have something to say to you, and I think that now is as good a time as any for you to be honest with them. Do you think that you can do that?”

  “Yeah, Jerry, I can do that,” Nate muttered.

  “Well, I’m going to let the two ladies take over.” Jerry folded his arms and said, “Sahleen, you go first.” Then he stepped off to the side of the stage.

  Sahleen turned to position her body toward Nate while still sitting with her legs crossed. “Nate,” she said, “I just want to know why you have been playing these games with me.”

  Nate tried to start explaining, but no words came out. Sahleen went on. “Nate, we’ve been seeing each other for four months now. Every day that I am in town I spend with you. Don’t I?”

  Nate nodded yes.

  “Don’t I make you happy? Don’t I please you good enough, Nate?”

  Nate nodded yes again, but his eyes were facing the ground. He looked as ashamed as a little boy who had just peed his pants in front of the class.

  “Have I spent all of your money, Nate?” He shook his head no. Sahleen rambled on. “Do you have any idea of the caliber of men that would do anything, including forsaking all other women, just to be with me, Nate?” She paused, gritted her teeth, and continued. “And it’s not just because I’m beautiful, either. It’s because I am a decent human being, Nate, and worthy of the same respect and devotion that I give…you selfish son of a bitch.”

  She looked as though she was preparing to swing at Nate as well, and Jerry moved back to the stage. “Nate. What do you have to say? From what it sounds like to me, you obviously have to be a smooth talker. So where is all of that right now? You have to give some explanation…I mean, for cryin’ out loud, Nate, how do you explain this infantile, selfish behavior?”

  “Wait a minute, Jerry,” India interrupted. “I have something to say before he says anything.” She stood up. “Nate, I trusted you, and apparently all you have given me are lies. I have been available to you night and day. Obviously, I am nothing to you but a backup for when Mrs. Fly Thang isn’t available.” Sahleen looked up as if to say, I know that you aren’t talking about me. India saw Sahleen’s body language, and her voice dropped a few octaves as if she were possessed, and she said to Sahleen, “Oh bitch, believe me, you would want to stay in your seat unless you want some of what Nate is going to get.”

  “Hold up! Why you gonna stand up here and threaten me like that? It ain’t even like that, India. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I mean, I just…I really do care, but…” Nate was fumbling his sentences as if they were burning hot French fries on his tongue.

  “Shut up!” India yelled. She was standing over Nate now. “You have done it this time, fool. I was willing to be there for you. I tried to take you to church, to give your sorry ass a chance at redemption, but nooooo. You just had to stay stuck in your own ways. I even gave myself to you. I had taken a vow of celibacy, damn you. You with your seductive hands and long tongue. Oooohh, you make me so sick. I made a vow that the next man I gave my body to would be my husband, but you have made a liar out of me. But this is the last time you make a fool out of me or anyone else,” India shouted as she stepped back. She then reached into her purse, which was on the floor next to her seat. Nate watched stunned as she pulled out a chrome revolver. Nate leaned back in his seat and Sahleen screamed. “Now Nate, before I do this I want you to take a look in that audience. Look real closely.”

  Nate was panting, and said, “India, c’mon now, don’t do anything crazy and get yourself into trouble. Really…I’m not worth it.” His eyes showed pure fear.

  “Oh, I know you’re not worth it, but I’ll tell you what. I’ll let the audience decide. How ’bout that, Nate?”

  “Jerry, Jerrrrry!” Nate yelled out.

  Jerry Springer was running up the steps and out of the studio, followed by his security guards.

  India pointed the gun straight at Nate’s face. The tip was less than three feet away from his nose. Then she turned to the audience with the gun still pointed at Nate. “Ladies, what do you think I should do? Should this bastard live or die? I’m going to let you all decide.”

  Nate looked around the barrel of the gun and into the audience. Suddenly the lights that were so bright, that they had kept him from making out the faces in the crowd, began to dim. He could make out face after face. He began to shiver when he realized that the audience was filled with all of the women that he had dogged out in his illustrious past. There was Nadiya, the girl who stood up her fiancée at the altar thinking that she and Nate were going to be together, only to find out that he really wanted to sleep with her friend Jennifer. Next to her he made out the face of Frances, the waitress he had promised to introduce to a friend in the recording industry but had never called after he’d gotten the sex. Next there was Julianne, the personal trainer. She had her back to Nate. She had claimed that Nate only recognized her from the backside. He had promised her it would only hurt a little. He had lied. Even Brenda was in the audience. It had been their little secret, but Nate had had the nerve to videotape her to prove to Brendan that he’d hit it. If Cory ever found out, he would kill Nate. He eventually gave Brenda the tape after she’d found out from Brendan what he’d done.

  The audience began to chant, “Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him.” As the audience grew louder and louder Nate squirmed and sweated.

  India said to Nate, “Sorry, Nate. The verdict is in…and unfortunately you lose.”

  “Please,” Nate begged. “Please don’t shoot me, India.” Nate wanted to get up and run but he couldn’t move. He turned to Sahleen and said, “Sahleen, I am so sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, baby.” Nate couldn’t believe he was saying those words, but he knew he was about to die. So he said it again and again as he covered his face. “I
do love you, Sahleen. I do.”

  Sahleen smiled and pulled Nate’s hands from his face. He fought the force of her pulling and tried to resist. Then she spoke loudly as she grabbed his hands, “Nate. Nate. Wake up. You’re having a bad dream.”

  Nate’s hands finally gave in as he woke up. His body was drenched with sweat. He had fallen asleep with the thermostat set at 80 degrees. Sahleen, thinking that Nate was cold, didn’t bother to change it. As he came to his senses, he felt a sense of relief. It was just a dream, he thought. No more of that damned Domino’s Pizza after eleven.

  “What were you dreaming about, baby? You started moving really wild, and talking in your sleep,” Sahleen asked, trying to hold back a grin.

  “What the hell are you smiling for?” Nate snapped. He was still on edge from his Springer nightmare. He jumped out of the bed and headed for the bathroom. He had never told Sahleen that he loved her. It had only been four months, but now she had reason to believe that Nate was more smitten than he would ever let on. Nate came back from the bathroom, after turning the heat down and cracking the window slightly. He crawled back into the bed and attempted to go back to sleep. It was only eight-fifteen. Much too early to rise on a Saturday morning. Sahleen, on the other hand, was an early riser, and she had been up for almost an hour. She didn’t bother Nate, though, as he lay still in the bed drifting back to sleep. Instead, she just sat up watching him and trying to make sense of the words he had spoken in his dream. He had definitely said that he loved her. Of course, it was in his sleep, and Sahleen was left wondering how much credibility to lend to a subconscious “I love you.”

  It still was nice to hear, she thought, as she pulled the comforter over her feet. There was a draft blowing into the room through the window. Sahleen was just about to close it when Nate turned over. She saw that he was still sweating a little. She wiped the moisture from his forehead with her robe, which was on top of the covers. She then slid down under the covers and pressed her body close to his. Even though he had been sweating quite a bit, he still smelled like the Dove body wash he scrubbed with twice a day. Sahleen felt herself warming up from Nate’s body heat, and she hoped that he wasn’t coming down with something. If he were, she would be there to take care of him, if he allowed her to.

  When Nate had come down with the flu in January, he went straight to his grandmother’s house, where she nursed him back to health. Sahleen didn’t make a big deal out of the rejection that she felt when he refused her attempts to make soup or go to the pharmacy for him. Nate made it clear that it was his nana, and only his nana, who could provide the necessary care that he needed when he was sick.

  Sahleen was rubbing Nate’s freshly shaved head and just appreciating his presence. She moved her arms down so that she could hold him while he slept. Then she wondered, How in the world did I make him fall in love with me so quickly? She just giggled and hugged him tighter. Then she made herself a mental note to ask a question a little later on. Maybe during breakfast she would have an opportunity to ask him who this India person in his dream was, and what in God’s name had Nate done to make her want to shoot him?

  Brendan and Laney were headed around the track for their twelfth and final lap. Brendan was winded and was using every ounce of willpower he had left to turn the last corner. Laney began sprinting full speed, and pulled away early on the last lap. She always sprinted the entire last lap, sometimes the last two. Since she had been running with Brendan, she had slowed her pace down to accommodate him. Laney was encouraging Brendan to change to a more healthy diet as part of his New Year’s resolutions. The exercise program was just an add-on to his new state of health consciousness.

  Brendan and Laney had spent New Year’s Eve at Baltimore Harbor eating seafood at Phillip’s Restaurant. Laney had treated Brendan to a dinner, which consisted of lobster tails, Alaskan crab legs, Maryland crab cakes, and steamed shrimp. It had been her suggestion that the two of them enjoy a nice high-calorie and cholesterol-loaded meal as long as Brendan agreed that they wouldn’t do it again until the Fourth of July. She also had convinced him to name at least five things that he could promise to do in order to become healthier. She had promised him that if he kept at least three of the five promises, she would make him very happy that he did. She also had surprised him after dinner with a key to a room at the Downtown Renaissance Hotel, which was located just across the street from Phillip’s. Laney called it the “fireworks” agreement: If he went along with her diet and exercise suggestions she would ensure that he saw plenty of fireworks all year round.

  Spring was only a few days away, and Brendan had kept up his end of the bargain, and so had Laney. Brendan had lost seventeen pounds since the new year began, and he was feeling better about himself than he had in years. When the couple first started working out, Brendan could barely do a mile. Now, just a month later, he was running up to three miles a day, four days a week.

  Laney had turned out to be good for him. He was happy with her in just about every respect, except that she worked late on weekends. Not this weekend, though. She had taken off from work because it was Brendan’s birthday. Cory, Nina, Nate, and one of his girlfriends, either Sahleen or India, were going to meet them for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. They never knew which girlfriend Nate was going to show up with, but it didn’t matter. Both of Nate’s honeys were easy to look at, and both were nice. India was a little more down-to-earth as far as he was concerned, but Sahleen was cool, too. Shit, when you are that fine it’s kind of hard to be totally down-to-earth, Brendan often thought.

  After their early jog at PG Community College, Brendan and Laney went back to the house to shower. Renee was in the kitchen drinking coffee while she scanned the Washington Post to see who had a sale going on.

  Renee offered Laney a cup of coffee.

  “No thanks, but I could use a glass of water,” Laney said, while pulling her hair back into a neater ponytail.

  Renee was handing Laney the cup of water when Brendan asked, “What about me?”

  “You,” Renee said, pointing to the cupboard, “can get it yourself. You know where everything is, I believe.”

  “How are you going to treat a brother like that on his birthday? Man, I can’t get no respect,” Brendan said, doing a poor impersonation of Rodney Dangerfield.

  “Brother, I have your gift in the car, and I told you that you get dinner on Sunday wherever you want to go. Now, don’t press your luck.” Renee meant it.

  “So why can’t you go out with us tonight?” Laney asked. She asked in a humble tone. She really wanted Renee to like her. She could tell how close Renee and Brendan were, and she wanted to gain Renee’s respect, if not her admiration. Laney was smart enough to catch on to the fact that Renee’s opinion meant a lot to Brendan, and without it she would face an uphill battle trying to get any closer to him.

  “I told Brendan that my book club has its monthly meeting tonight. I might have skipped it except that tonight it is my turn to host it. Plus, I chose the novel, Let That Be the Reason by Vickie Stringer…. The book was all of it, girl.” She paused to take a sip of water. “Brendan will do fine tonight, though. He has you and his boys to contend with. I’ll make it up to him tomorrow, I’m sure, if he has any energy left.” Renee kept flipping through the pages of the paper.

  Laney didn’t particularly like Renee’s statement about “making it up” to Brendan. Her eyes narrowed with cattiness when that comment slipped out of Renee’s mouth. She decided at that minute to make sure that Brendan wouldn’t have any energy left when the morning came. Laney knew she was being silly, but she didn’t care. She wanted everyone to know that she was the current owner when it came to Brendan Shue. She could care less how long or how great a friendship he had with Renee. He was her man now, even if he didn’t know it yet.

  When Laney went up the steps to Brendan’s bedroom he was already out of his sweats and clad only in his underwear. She quickly pulled up her hooded sweatshirt and kicked off her Nike Air Max running sh
oes. Once her tights came down she caught Brendan staring at her firmly shaped butt when she turned around.

  “Birthday boy, what is that shit-eating grin for?” she asked.

  “You know, girl.” Brendan smiled, while grabbing Laney and pulling her to the bed.

  “Boy, please. Let me take a shower or something first.” She tried to protest.

  Brendan started to kiss her. “Nope. It’s my birthday, and I get whatever I want. And I want you now, sweat and all.”

  Even though Laney found his request a little gross, she remembered her mission to leave the man drained by morning. “Okay, baby. Whatever you want.”

  Brendan grinned widely as he slung his underwear on top of the TV. Then he said simply, “Fireworks, right?”

  Laney closed her eyes as her sports bra came off. “Yeah, baby. Fireworks.”

  Chapter 16

  CHOKING ON IT

  Nina and I arrived first at the Cheesecake Factory in White Flint Mall. We went in to get a table, only to find that the place was packed. I had never eaten there before, but Nina had been there a few times and told me it was always like that on the weekends. It was only a few blocks from my apartment, so I volunteered to get our names on the list for a table. We sat in the waiting area watching all the people walking by the restaurant into the mall. Nina was looking really nice, as usual. She had on a skirt and a suede shirt. I had gotten used to Nina crying broke all the time, but at least I knew where all of her money was going. Obviously it went into clothes, because the car note on her Civic and her rent were her only major bills, and the two combined weren’t a thousand dollars. She made decent money, somewhere close to fifty grand, as a bookkeeper for Remax Realty, one of the leading real estate companies in the country. She was taking courses at Trinity College at night and on weekends trying to earn her bachelor’s degree in accounting. She was only thirty hours away and seemed pretty focused.