Collision

by Kristen Granata

  I jumped to my feet. “Chase, no. You’re getting it all mixed up.”

  “No. You’re the one who has it all mixed up. I have been trying so hard to prove myself to you – to show you that I’m not playing games, and to show you that you can trust me. I actually thought I was getting somewhere. I thought… I thought you felt the way I do. But no. You were just trying to help me. You felt bad for me.”

  “No, stop. You’re not listening to me.”

  “You know, you’ve been making yourself clear all this time, and I just didn’t listen. I thought you were going through a rough time, and I just had to be patient for you to see what we have. But I guess it’s time I start hearing what you’ve been telling me all along.”

  “Everything is coming out wrong. Please just sit and let me fix this.”

  “I can’t do this right now. My father is dying in the room back there – I need to focus on what is important.”

  “Okay. You’re right. We can save this for another time.” I took my phone out of my pocket. “I’ll call a cab or something.”

  Chase rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to leave. My mom was so excited that you came.” He looked down at his feet. “My dad didn’t even get to see you, yet.”

  “You tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. If you want me to leave, I’ll go. If you want me to stay, I’m here.”

  “Stay.” He sighed and turned to walk back to the room without another word.

  I followed. All I wanted to do was run into the bathroom and cry. I was stunned at the turn the conversation had taken, and how angry he was. I had not seen Chase like that before, and I did not know how to react. I needed to figure out a way to smooth things over, but not now. I had to wait for a better time. As I walked into room 303, I wasn’t sure when that better time would come.

  Chapter Fourteen: Peace Pie

  “Hello? Earth to Merritt.”

  I looked up at the sound of my name. “Huh?”

  “Can you please pass the gravy?”

  “Oh. Sorry.” I lifted the plastic bowl in front of me and handed it to Don.

  “Where did you go?” he asked gently.

  “Nowhere. Just thinking.”

  “Uh-oh,” Betty chimed in. “What’s his name?”

  Shelly entered the room with a bottle of wine. “His name is Chase Brooks, and he has left her like this for two weeks now.”

  “What did he do?”

  “He didn’t do anything. He’s just going through a hard time right now.” I shot Shelly a look for bringing this up to her parents.

  “Again I ask – what did he do?” Betty was always quick to defend us against any prospective boys.

  “Really. Nothing.”

  Shelly rolled her eyes. “He has been pursuing Merritt since the summer. She’s been in denial about it the entire time. Two weeks ago, he finally grows some balls and kisses her – the same night his dad ends up in the hospital. She rushes over to be with him, and they get into a dumb fight. Now, it’s Thanksgiving and they still haven’t made up. I don’t care if he’s going through something right now – he’s being a stubborn idiot.”

  “Shelly,” I warned. “He’s not an idiot.”

  “Oh, she’s defending him,” Don noted to Betty. “That means it’s serious.”

  “No, no.” I waved my hands. “Can we just change the subject please? I don’t want to talk about it at dinner.”

  “She doesn’t want to talk about it. It is serious.” Betty winked at Don.

  “Thanks, Shell,” I muttered. It was bad enough that Chase and I were barely speaking. It was embarrassing to have it broadcasted during holiday dinner.

  “What was the fight about?” Don asked.

  I sighed. “I offended him with something I said.”

  He shrugged. “You offend everybody with the things you say. It’s all part of the Adams appeal.”

  I cracked a smile. “I wasn’t meaning to be sarcastic that time. I genuinely hurt his feelings. I just don’t know how to make it better. Plus, his dad has been in and out of the hospital lately.”

  “Where she has been by his side night and day,” Shelly added.

  “It sounds like he just needs some time. Keep being there for him. You’re doing the right thing.” Don reassured me with a gentle hand squeeze.

  “Where are they today?” Betty asked. “Not at the hospital, I hope.”

  “No. They’re home. His dad’s health is going to be up and down for a while, according to the doctors.”

  “And where’s the Brodster? I thought he was coming to dinner with you.” Don always liked having another male around to balance out the estrogen.

  Shelly sighed dramatically. “His sister is in town with her tribe of kids, so he said he would stop by after for pie.”

  “Mm pie.” I could drool at the thought of Betty’s homemade pumpkin pie.

  “Maybe you could take some pie over to your boyfriend’s house later.”

  I shot Betty a look. There was no question where Shelly got her persistence from.

  “What? It would cheer him up. I think it’s a nice gesture.”

  “Pie is a sign of peace,” Don stated with a smile.

  After being with Chase so much these past few months, it was weird barely speaking the way we were now. If we were working, we were in our designated corners trying to keep up with the flow of customers. If we were at the hospital, we were with his family. When I wasn’t thinking about the fight, I was thinking about the kiss. It was an unmerry-go-round of torture, and all I wanted to do was get off.

  At the end of the night, I took my leftovers out of the car and waved to Shelly.

  “Looks like you have a visitor,” she pointed.

  I turned around to see Chase sitting on my top step. He stood as I started up the stairs, holding a plate wrapped in foil. My heart was racing as acid sloshed into my stomach. I was excited, yet nervous.

  “You brought peace pie, too.”

  “What’s peace pie?” he asked, a slight hint of a smile on his face.

  I handed him the small container filled with Betty’s pumpkin pie. “Apparently pie is a sign that you come in peace. If only the Pilgrims had known that.” I unlocked the door and pushed it open.

  He followed me inside and perched himself on the armrest of the couch, his leg shaking restlessly. He held up the foil covered plate. “Truce?”

  “That depends on how good this pie is.”

  He grinned.

  My heart didn’t merely skip a beat – it pole-vaulted out of my chest. I didn’t realize just how much I missed seeing his smile. It was a sign that all would be okay. I took the plate from him, and grabbed a fork from the kitchen drawer. I sat on the recliner and uncovered the plate. On it was a slice of blueberry pie.

  “Did your mom make this?”

  He nodded. “Khloe helped. She wanted me to bring you a slice.”

  “At least one of the Brooks siblings still cares about me.” I shoved a huge bite of pie into my mouth.

  “This sibling still cares about you, too.”

  I took my time chewing, in the hopes that he would keep talking. I was unsure of how to navigate this conversation. After what transpired the last time we spoke, I was afraid of saying anything at all.

  “I know you don’t like apologies, so I’m not sure how else to say this… but I am sorry for blowing up on you. I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t like what you said.”

  I nodded.

  “I know you said that it came out wrong, and you didn’t mean it.”

  “I didn’t,” I said, with pie still smooshed in my mouth.

  “It didn’t feel good to hear that you only let me into your life because you heard my father was sick and you felt bad. It hurt to hear that you looked at me as a job. Isn’t that exactly how you felt, thinking everyone felt bad for you and did things for you out of pity?”

  I placed the dish down on the coffee table in
front of me. “You’re right. I never thought of it that way.”

  “You don’t think of things in any way except your own. You hold onto your convictions so tightly, that you can’t see any other possibilities out there except for the one you’ve conjured up in your head. It’s really frustrating.”

  “I’m sorry that I’m so frustrating to you.”

  “You are unbelievably frustrating!” He stood and walked towards me. “You’re obstinate and passive-aggressive. You’re rude.”

  “I am not rude!” I stood to meet him in the middle of the living room.

  “You are to me!”

  “Well, I am so sorry that you have had to put up with me for all this time. Did you come here just to tell me what a horrible person I am?”

  “I did, actually. I came here to tell you what an asshole you have been to me. You push me away, then you pull me back in. You think your sarcasm covers up your feelings, but it doesn’t. You wear your heart on your sleeve and your emotions on your face. I know who you are, and despite all of that, I am standing here madly in love with you. I just wish you could admit that you love me back.”

  My jaw could have been scraped off the floor with a shovel, like in one of those old cartoons. “You can’t stand me, but you love me? How am I even supposed to take all of that?”

  “I’m in love with you, Merritt.” He took my face into his hands. “I’m crazy about you. All I want is for you to say you feel the same way.”

  Staring up into his golden splattered eyes, as I had done so many times before, I knew I had to tell the truth. I knew it was not the time for sarcasm and jokes. It was not the time for evading. I had run to the end of the line. I had no choice but to face it all – my fears, my demons, and him. I put my hands on his wrists, and gently pulled them away from my face.

  “I know I’m frustrating. I know I’m hard to love. I’ve always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I know you feel like I don’t let you in. I know you feel like I have pushed you away. But for me, it hasn’t been that way at all. I have let you into my life, and into my heart. You have opened my eyes to different perspectives, and made me second-guess my beliefs and opinions. You have helped me get through the worst time. You helped me remember how to smile again. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be sitting on Shelly’s recliner having nightmares. You have changed everything for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. Being around you is not a job. It is a desire. You are a beautiful human, inside and out. You are perfection… and I know I can never measure up to the person you are.” A tear rolled down my cheek.

  He held my stare dubiously. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying… I can never measure up to the person you are, but I can love you with my whole heart… and I hope that can count for something.”

  “You love me?”

  I swiped the tear from my face. “I do.”

  His lips crashed into mine, and all hope for further conversation was lost.

  I walked him backwards to the couch, and pulled him down on top of me. We picked up where we had last left off, with my legs wrapped around his body. My mouth begged for his tongue as he teased me with it, slowly and intently tracing my lips. I slid his shirt up to feel the ripple of his abs on my fingertips. He lifted me up and sat me on top of him, changing positions in one swift motion. I felt him through his jeans while he took two handfuls of my ass and pressed me against him. Every part of my body yearned to be touched by him, and where it had been touched tingled with excitement. Our tongues swirled around one another, and I lost track of time as we traveled to a place that seemed so far away from where we were.

  We both crashed down to Earth when we heard the knock at my door.

  I whined as he slid me off of his lap. “Is this going to happen every time?!”

  “It better not,” he grumbled as he flung open the door. I saw his face soften immediately.

  “Did Merry like the pie?” My favorite tiny human stepped through the entryway. She ran to me when she spotted me on the couch. “Did you try the pie yet?”

  I smiled and hugged her. “I did. It was the best pie I have ever tasted. Thank you for saving me a slice.”

  Khloe pulled back from my embrace. “Why are you so sweaty?” She looked up at Chase, who was now standing beside the couch. “Your cheeks look red.”

  I stifled a laugh. “I hope we’re not getting sick!”

  “Does mom know where you are right now?” the concerned big brother asked.

  She nodded her head feverishly. “I told her. Do you think we can have a sleepover tonight, Merry? I don’t have school tomorrow.”

  My eyes widened. “You don’t? We should definitely have that sleepover tonight then!”

  Chase chuckled. “Why don’t you guys have the sleepover in your room, Khlo?”

  She jumped up and down excitedly. “I have a tumble bed! It pulls out from the bottom!”

  I laughed. “A trundle bed? That’s awesome. Why don’t I pack some things, and meet you over there in about five minutes? You can get your pajamas on while you’re waiting!”

  Khloe ran towards the door. “See you in five minutes!”

  “She could have slept here. I don’t mind.” I closed the door behind her.

  Chase pulled me in for another kiss. “But if you’re at my house, you can come into my room once she is asleep.”

  I smacked him playfully. “I can’t let your parents see me sleeping in your room.”

  “Who said anything about sleeping?” He grinned as he stepped outside and swung the door closed.

  My skin was still humming as I threw several sleepover essentials into a backpack. I hoped Chase was joking, as we had only just begun telling each other how we felt. What did it all mean? What did it make of us? We were in love, but love makes people do crazy things. Surely it would not happen tonight, in the presence of his sleeping family members. But every interruption only built up more anticipation. Were we ready for a physical relationship? Was I?

  I pushed these questions from my mind as I knocked on the Brooks’ door. Khloe greeted me, wearing zebra-striped footie pajamas.

  “Slumber party! Slumber party! Slumber party!” she screamed, while jumping up and down.

  Beverly poked her head out of the living room, smiling as always. “Come on in, Merritt. We’re about to have a movie night.”

  “What are we watching?” I whispered to Khloe, who had taken my backpack and my hand as she led me into the living room.

  “It’s Moana!”

  “Take it down a notch, slappy.” Tanner covered his ears. I was pleasantly surprised to see him there. It was a sign he was making an attempt to spend time with his family.

  “Let’s pretend like we’re in the movies,” I whispered.

  “Good idea,” she whispered back. “You can sit here, next to me and Chase.”

  “Best seat in the house,” Chase whispered.

  “Kokomo, show Merritt how she can recline her seat,” Tim called from his spot next to Beverly. He looked tired, as usual, but happy as always.

  “Got it,” she responded.

  “Tanner, you didn’t strike me as the Moana type,” I smirked.

  “Oh, you just wait until my song comes on.”

  Khloe giggled, clearly in on the joke. She laid with her head on my lap.

  Chase interlocked his fingers with mine, and planted a kiss on my hand. As the movie began, I rested my head against his shoulder.

  My heart felt full and content with the Brooks family. I tried hard to pretend like the imminent storm was out of sight. The family puzzle would be left with a missing piece as Tim’s cancer progressed, and it was too difficult to think about. I focused on the movie, and the sleepy angel lying on my lap.

  When the movie ended, Tim instructed Khloe to get ready for bed. “Merritt can tuck you in when you’re ready.”

  “Let’s brush our teeth together,” she whispered as I followed her up the stairs.

  I giggled. She wante
d a true slumber party, and I would oblige.

  After we swished and spit, Khloe showed me to her room. It was an explosion of pink and purple. I smiled as I looked at her baby pictures perched atop her dresser.

  “This is my bed,” she gestured. “And this is yours. We’re like sisters!”

  “I’ve always wanted a sister.” I tucked her under the covers. “Thanks for letting me stay in your room. I love it in here.”

  “Thanks.” She yawned while I ran my fingers through her hair. I watched her eyes slowly close, and then pop open again. “Goodnight, Merry. I’ll see you in the morning. Chase is making breakfast he said.”

  “Goodnight, angel girl. See you for pancakes.”

  In five minutes, she was asleep. I jumped when I turned to realize that Tim was standing in the doorway. He grinned when he saw that he had scared me. I closed Khloe’s door behind me, and stood with him in the hallway.

  “She loves you. She looks up to you, you know.”

  “She’s precious. You guys did a great job raising your kids. You have three really great ones.”

  Tim nodded, and folded his arms across his chest. “You’re one of the great ones, too, Merritt. I hope you know how highly we all think of you.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot.”

  “You are a part of our family now. It feels good to know that Chase has you to lean on. I’ve never seen him this way before. I’m glad it’s someone like you.”

  Beverly emerged from the bathroom. “Come to bed, dear. Goodnight, Merritt. Chase is right in there.” She pointed to the room next door to Khloe’s.

  “Night. Thanks.” I felt awkward stepping into Chase’s room in front of his parents. I fought back a smile as I entered, surrounded by a sea of navy-colored walls. I looked around at the Yankee memorabilia hanging on his walls, with several football trophies displayed on a shelf. I wondered if this is exactly what his room looked like back in high school.