The Reeducation of Savannah McGuire

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I hated leaving her at her front door and driving to my house. When I looked toward the big house, I could still see her silhouette standing on the porch. All I could think was that she was watching me, maybe waiting for me to come back. If she wasn’t Savannah, I would’ve. I would’ve kept her out all night and not cared about work the next morning or what her family might think. But this is Savannah and I work for her uncle. Bobby and Sue are my family and I respect them. I won’t be doing anything to mess that up.

  I lift another bale of hay and set it on top of the stack. My t-shirt is soaked with sweat and I think today’s a perfect day for a dip in the pond. I glance over my shoulder at Savannah who’s dressed like a country bumpkin in overalls, tank top, muck boots and a ball cap. Her hair is braided and in pigtails. Annamae used to do that, and I hated it, but on Savannah, it looks freaking sexy as hell.

  “What ya staring at, cowboy?”

  My eyebrow rises slowly as I bite back a smirk. “Cowboy, huh?” I’m not gonna lie, her giving me a nickname does something to me. I make a mental note not to tell Jeremiah that I like it because he’d just tell me I’ve turned into a sissy and ask if I need to change my tampon.

  Savannah shrugs and my eyes immediately fall to her bare shoulder. It’s beckoning for my lips. Many times throughout today I’ve wanted to take her into one of the stalls – a clean one of course – and have my way with her. I know just having her pressed against my body for a few minutes would be enough to curb my desires. No, I’m lying. A few minutes would be torture.

  “I kind of like it. It fits you.”

  I tilt my head and smile, confirming that yes I do like it, but some things are better left a secret. Making sure the hay bale is secure, I walk over to her. I’m trying to strut, to be sexy, but I’m not sure if I’m succeeding. I’ve never put much effort into impressing a girl before, but with Savannah it’s different. She’s used to high-class rich guys and I’m just a country boy with not a lot to offer. I’ll never drive some sporty car that costs more than my house, or belong to some ritzy country club. There’ll be no vacationing in the Hamptons for me. I’m okay with this lifestyle. I’m also not stupid enough to think that Savannah’s willing to give all that up to make a home with me here.

  As the brief glimpse of a possible life with Savannah flashes through my mind, I pause mid-step and quickly divert my eyes to the now fascinating concrete floor that she hosed down not twenty minutes ago. I don’t know where the thought of her making a home with me came from and as much as I can see a future with her, I know that’s not what she sees. I’m not a stupid man, a hopeless romantic maybe, but definitely not stupid. She’s too young, and she has dreams of her own. I know she’s leaving and nothing I do or say will stop her. I won’t even try. She needs to live out her dreams. But Paris, France is light years away from Rivers Crossing, Texas and I know she’ll forget all about us back here. It’s what I expect.

  “Ty-ler,” her voice sings out, reminding me that we’re still in the present day and not months away from now. She’s standing there in her stall leaning up against her pitchfork, watching me. I know I can play this two ways: I can go over and kiss her good and proper or I can pull her pigtails like I used to back when we were running amuck and walk out. Neither will protect my heart and the reality of the situation is that she already owns it. If anyone would’ve told me when Savannah McGuire walked out of my life five years ago that she’d return and have me thinking about sharing a home, I would’ve punched them in the face.

  I never thought my momma was in her right mind when she told me that Savannah and I were going to get hitched someday. I used to yell at her for teasing me. If she could see me now, standing here like a fumbling fool, she’d kick my rear end all the way to town.

  “Cowboy?” her voice is full of desire as she purrs my new nickname. That’s my undoing. I move as if a donkey has kicked me in the ass until I’m standing in front of her. Taking the pitchfork from her, I set it outside the stall and shut the gate. The only parts of us that are visible are our heads and shoulders.

  “What d’ya say, wanna roll in the hay?” I know my joke is corny, but I’m going for results.

  Savannah pulls her lower lip into her mouth, a sure sign that she’s thinking too hard and looks out the barn door. Her smile is mischievous and daring. I pick her up and she laughs, wrapping her legs around my waist. Lowering us onto the fresh hay, I set myself on her gently. I lean in for a kiss and let my lips linger on hers until I feel her hands press against my back. This situation has bad news written all over it, but I’m not thinking with my head right now.

  I pull away and smile down on her. “What are ya doin’ tonight?”

  She shakes her head. “I’m pretty much a homebody right now.”

  I mentally kick my own ass for asking such a stupid question. Of course she’s not going anywhere. Bobby and Sue hardly go out and I know I’m her transportation.

  “Jeremiah’s havin’ a bonfire at his place. Wanna go?”

  “That sounds like fun. Will there be a lot of people?”

  I nod. “He doesn’t do small. I usually crash at his house because he gets a keg, but I don’t have to. We can throw a few blankets in the truck and watch the stars later if you want.”

  Savannah runs her hands up my t-shirt and I try not to cringe with embarrassment. It’s soiled and I’m sweating. The last thing I want is for her to get grossed out by me. I start to lift off of her, only to be pulled back.

  “Leaving me so soon?”

  She doesn’t know the meaning behind her words. I’ll never leave, not her and not this ranch. This is my home and my life. I shake my head and feel my lips go into a tight line. I could say so much right now and have no doubt that most of it would scare her away. Hell, my thoughts are scaring me and I have three years on her.

  “I’m dirty,” I admit to her, staying with the safest answer to her open-ended question.

  “I don’t care, Tyler.”

  “What changed?” It’s a question that’s been sitting on the tip of my tongue since last night. Savannah did this complete turnaround and while I’m grateful, I’m also skeptical.

  Moving to the side, I leave half my body still on her. She moves her leg, locking it behind mine and effectively keeping me in place.

  “Yesterday when I went inside to get ready, my mom called and I thought she’d be happy to talk to me, but she wasn’t. She was short and rude, reminding me that I screwed up and that I better not do the same crap here too. I was so angry that I took it out on you. You were trying to be nice, and I didn’t deserve it. When you left me in your truck, I thought, ‘Wow, I must not be important to him either.’ I went into your house thinking I’d snoop. Treat you like you were treating me, but when I saw the pictures of us on your mantel, something inside of me clicked. I started remembering us before I moved and how I used to smile. How you used to make me smile. My friends in New York, they don’t smile, not like you and Jeremiah.”

  “How do we smile?”

  Savannah moves so she can see me clearly. “When you smile, you light up the whole room. Your smile means that you’re happy. I haven’t smiled like that in years and wanted to remember what it felt like.”

  “So you thought you’d kiss me?” I ask, playfully.

  “No, that was something I wanted to do since that day in the kitchen. I just didn’t know how you’d react. I mean, I had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when you held onto my hip, but I was being an epic bitch and was just praying you wouldn’t push me away.”

  “I’d never push you away, Savannah.”

  She snuggles into my chest, draping her arm around me. I’m not sure if this is the right time, but I have to ask. “Sweetheart, why’d you get sent here?”

  She sighs and moves her hand to the back of my head. Her fingers glide along the nape of my neck. “I had a party. Mom was never home, I was lonely and desperate to fit in. You know at first when we moved, things were great. We went to the park, tou
red some museums, all stuff we didn’t do here, but she quickly got promoted and started spending more and more time at work or when she was home, she was locked in her office. My mom was rising up the ranks as one of those big time celebrity lawyers you see on TV and while she looked great and powerful to everyone else, she was ignoring me. I could go two, three nights before I’d see her and one night I reached my breaking point. I invited friends over and things got out of hand. She um… caught me with a boy in my bed. I was drunk and there were people all over the apartment in various states of undress. She found some cocaine residue on her mirror and freaked out. Even though I passed the drug test she gave me, she still opted to send me here to fix myself.”

  I pull her closer, hugging her to me. Life here is so laid back, but I get that her mom would be mad. “I’d be pissed too if I came home and found you like that.”

  “Pissed enough to send me away, or to start coming home from work at night?”

  She had me there. My mom was always home by dinnertime and is always there when I need her. I didn’t grow up not seeing her. “My anger would be more directed at the boy in your bed. That would piss me off the most, but work is never more important than family.”

  “It is when you’re trying to screw the boss’s niece. Get the hell up you lazy asses.”

  We both jump, causing Jeremiah to cackle loudly as he leaves the barn.

  “Shit,” I mutter. “I didn’t want him to see us.”

  Savannah pulls away quickly, scrambling to her feet. “Why not?” there’s pain in her voice. I reach for her, only for her to pull away.

  “Because he’s an ass, that’s why. He’s a freaking child, Savannah. It’s not because I don’t want him to know, it’s because of the torment we’re going to receive. Believe me, sweetheart, I’ll be shouting that you’re mine from the rooftops when we decide to make it official.”

  “What’s it going to take?”

  I pull her to me, capturing her lips with mine. “You tell me.”

  I leave her standing there with her mouth wide open. It’d be so simple to just fall into her life and be with her if she weren’t leaving. I can’t be the one to make a decision on where we’re going. If she wants to have fun, I’ll show her a good time. If she wants to be together, I’ll be there willing and waiting for her to break my heart in the end.

  Savannah

  I rush through my homework, knowing that Aunt Sue won’t let me go out with Tyler tonight if it’s not done. It doesn’t matter that it’s Friday; rules are rules here, and they’re not meant to be broken. I know they mean well, but it’s hard to concentrate knowing that Tyler is waiting for me. He’s going to take me on a date. Well, I’m calling it a date. I don’t care that it’s not to some five-star restaurant with a maître d’ and fake accent. It’s a night with Tyler and his friends and I want to see him interact, see who he’s become. I want to learn what makes him tick and how to make him laugh. I have a feeling he’s different in front of his friends. I just hope he doesn’t put up a front while I’m there.

  My mind drifts back to the barn and how comfortable I was in his arms. My heart was racing, laying there with him on top of me. It wasn’t like before, when my mom caught me. Everything about that night was wrong. The way he touched me. The way his lips felt against my skin. I had expectations and feelings that I thought would surface, but they never did. With Tyler, my senses are heightened. I don’t have to wonder how my body will react because it knows him. How it can remember him from when I was twelve is unbelievable. I know our moms used to joke that we’d get married when we were older¸ but I never thought anything of it. Poppycock is what Uncle Bobby would say, but maybe they were right. What else explains my sweaty palms, my inability to breathe and the anxiousness I feel when he’s around? It’s not just when he’s standing next to me but when he’s across the pasture or standing in the kitchen. I feel his presence all the time.

  I should be scared because, when you think about it, it’s creepy having those types of reactions when you hardly know someone. My knees shouldn’t go weak when he smiles at me. I shouldn’t find myself smiling at the silliest of thoughts, things like when he brushes up against me, but that’s what I’m doing. I can hear my heartbeat over the loud roar of the tractor and not just when he’s near – it’s in anticipation of when I’ll see him. I didn’t know how today would go. I wasn’t sure if I’d see him before lunch. He made sure I did, working alongside of me until it was quitting time. For the first time since I arrived, I actually loved my job today.

  My cursor blinks at me, reminding me that I should be filling the screen with useless words that don’t mean anything to me. Homeschooling has a lot of benefits, one being if I ace this paper I’m done with this class. Sure I’m going to miss graduation in a few weeks, but I don’t care. When my mom busted the party, they all went running. Not a single one of them stayed to help clean up, or helped me to diffuse the situation. Not a single one of them spoke to me the following Monday at school, shunning me due to their own selfish reasons. They left me alone, throwing me to the sharks of high school rejection.

  The more I think about it, the happier I am that my mom sent me here. In just a few weeks I’ve remembered what it’s like to live here, breathe the cleaner air and relish in the calm that comes with living out in the country. I miss the amenities that living in the city provides, but I’m managing. It’s nice not to be tied to my phone all the time, or sitting in my room surfing the web.

  I look out the large picture window that faces the driveway, the same driveway that will lead to Tyler’s house if I were to walk that way. I’m tempted to get up and start the trek, just to see what he’s doing, maybe even pretend I was just out for a leisurely stroll. He’d know I’m fooling, but that wouldn’t matter, not in my eyes.

  I let out a heavy and dramatic sigh only to hear Aunt Sue giggle from the kitchen. I should talk to her, confide in her. I know she won’t tell my mom how I’m feeling or what I’m doing, but she might tell Uncle Bobby and I don’t want him freaking out on Tyler. Uncle Bobby doesn’t need to know that Tyler was in a state of undress with me pressed up against his body alone in his house. I don’t want Tyler to get into trouble for my actions. It wouldn’t be fair.

  Aunt Sue appears with a tall glass of sweet tea and a plate of cookies. She sets them down in front of me and pulls out the chair to my right. When she sits, she sighs in a more dramatic fashion than I did a few moments earlier.

  I laugh and shake my head before taking a sip of her homemade brew. Uncle Bobby says it’s the best I’m ever going to taste. I’ll have to take his word for it. None of my friends would be caught with ice in their tea.

  “What’s on your mind, sugah?”

  “Me? I’m not the one who exhaled a year’s worth of breath when I sat down!” I wink at her, letting her know that yes, I’m in a good mood and she won’t get any sass from me.

  “Well, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  “What is it?” I ask, shutting the screen on my laptop. Out of respect, I’m giving her my undivided attention. Not that the black vertical line blinking at me is going to get any of it.

  “I know I’m not your momma and I never pretend to be, but you’re here in our house, livin’ under our roof and we have rules that you’re expected to follow.”

  I’m slightly confused by what she means. I’ve done everything she and Uncle Bobby have asked of me and I’ve done my chores without too much complaining. I know I’m a pain and didn’t want to be here, but I’ve adjusted.

  “Did I do something wrong, Aunt Sue?” I change the inflection of my voice and throw in the “Aunt Sue” to help diffuse whatever situation is brewing.

  “Well, not so much, but I just want to have a woman-to-woman talk. Ya see, Jeremiah was flappin’ his yapper again and said somethin’ about you and Tyler… well you were…” she starts wringing her hands and I can only imagine what Jeremiah came in here and said. It makes me wonder if Tyler knows how much o
f a busy body that boy is. Maybe Jeremiah and I need to have a sit down about his gossiping.

  “Just spit it out so I can tell you the truth.”

  “Well, gosh darn it, Jeremiah said you and Tyler were humpin’ in the hay.”

  If my mouth had been full of sweet tea it would now be all over the table. As it is, I find it hard to form a sentence to counter what she just said. I look away, not because I’m ashamed, but to gain a tiny bit of composure. I have to give Aunt Sue credit. At least she’s not yelling like my mom or throwing breakables at my head.

  Folding my hands in front of me, I square my shoulders before answering. “Aunt Sue, Tyler and I weren’t humpin’ in the hay. We were lying there, talking.”

  “Is that boy takin’ liberties?”

  “No!” I shake my head adamantly. “I like Tyler… a lot. But we weren’t doing anything wrong out there.”

  Aunt Sue leans forward and places the palm of her hand against my forehead. I look at her like she’s crazy, but she continues to flip her hand over before doing the same on my cheeks. “Are you sick?”

  “What? No,” I answer quickly, moving away from her hand. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because not so long ago you stood in my kitchen throwing daggers at the boy with your eyes and shortly after that, you were stompin’ around muttering his name with so much malice that I thought you were going to darn near kill him for something. What’s going on?”

  I can’t help smiling and wishing that things were different when I got here. Being forced to do something against your will makes you hard and bitter and I took that out on everyone here. No one deserved it, except for maybe Jeremiah, but still. I was rude and know I have to change things fast before I ruin too much.