Sublime Wreckage

by Charlene Zapata

  "I understand. Parents just don't get our generation." He lets out a small laugh. "I will see you in a few hours. Have a good night at work."

  "Thanks again Vincent." He has to be one of the nicest guys I have met.

  Time flies by at work. We are always busy no matter what day of the week. That's what happens when you don't have any other options available in town. Before I know it we are closing the front doors. I start restocking the shelves while my co-worker, a girl named Cindy, runs the vacuum. She is a couple of years older than me. Our manager is in the back office doing paperwork and balancing the registers. After I finish putting all the movies back in order, I grab the broom and start sweeping the front entrance. Cindy starts walking toward me with the mop bucket to finish cleaning the tile.

  "Hey. Was that Vincent Moreno dropping you off?"

  "Yeah, why?"

  "Oh nothing. I've just heard he is trouble. You should probably stay away from him. A good girl like yourself has no business with a guy like him."

  Who does this chick think she is? Up to this point I kind of liked Cindy. She is a short, thin girl with long black hair. She has a couple of tattoos and some piercings but overall a nice girl. We tend to work well together. She doesn't mind doing the more labor intensive work so we trade off every other shift to be fair. But right now I could almost punch her in the face.

  "What the hell is that supposed to mean? A nice girl like me, you don't even know me. From the sound of it you don't know him either." Why in the world am I getting so defensive? I really need to cool it or my work situation is going to get super awkward.

  "Look, I wasn't trying to pass judgment. I just think you are a sweet girl. I would hate to see you get mixed up with the wrong kind of guy. That's all. No need to jump down my throat." Cindy looks my way while throwing me a small smile to let me know everything is cool between us.

  "Thanks for the concern. But believe it or not I am capable of taking care of myself. I'm actually a pretty good judge of character, that's why I like you so much." I smile back at her trying to ease the tension.

  "Okay. You need a ride tonight?" Cindy usually drives me home when we work the same shift. She really is a thoughtful person.

  "Actually Vincent is picking me up. We aren't dating or anything. He is just being a nice guy." Why did I feel like I needed to explain our situation? It's nobody's business if we are dating or just friends.

  "I see. Well, just be careful."

  We finish up with the rest of the cleaning. It's about 15 minutes before 10:00. I take a chance and glance outside. Vincent is waiting in the parking lot. A huge smile spreads across my face. Not only did he show up to pick me up but he got here early.

  "Hey, my ride is here and everything is done. You mind if I take off?"

  "Go ahead. I will see you tomorrow night."

  "Thanks Cindy. See you later." I grab my stuff from behind the counter and head outside. He stays in the car this time so I walk around to the passenger side to get in. As soon as I close my door he is greeting me with a massive smile.

  "How was work?"

  "It was really good. Busy as usual but that just makes the time go by faster. So what did you do in the last four and a half hours?"

  "Just went home and hung out with my roommate. We watched a little baseball. Pretty boring actually. So where do you live?"

  "Over on Vassar Street. You can drop me off at the park on the end of the street. So who's your roommate?"

  "Tommy Becker. We've been best friends since elementary school. He is the most laid back guy you will ever meet." Vincent seems so relaxed driving his classic car talking to me like we do this all the time. I can't help but wonder if he is like this with other girls? Is he just trying to manipulate me to get me to trust him? I have serious issues, I know. That's what happens when you live with a manipulative person your whole life.

  "So what's it like living on your own? I bet it's awesome. I can't wait to graduate high school. I am so ready to be on my own. I can't even imagine what college life is going to be like. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and fantasize about having my own apartment. I wonder what it would be like to be able to breathe. Just breathe." I turn my head toward the window to watch the street lights as we slowly get closer and closer to my personal hell. I take a few deep breaths as I contemplate my life. It is what it is. Vince finally breaks the silence after a few minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence which surprised me. I just felt relaxed. Calm and almost blissful.

  "I think I know what you mean. I just moved out this summer. So far it's been great. I like feeling independent. Not having to rely on my mom to take care of me. It makes me feel like a man instead of a teenager." That makes me turn my head in his direction. I want to see the expression on his face after what he just said. I got the impression earlier that he doesn't have a ton of self-confidence. I like the look he is expressing as he says it, I can sense the pride in that statement. We continue to talk for several minutes after we arrive at the park. Since I got off work a little early I'm not concerned about rushing home. I like talking to him. There is no pressure to be anything other than myself with Vincent.

  "I really have to get going. I still have homework to get done. Thank you for the ride home."

  "Please let me know that you made it to your door safely. I'll send you a text so you have my number. Can I offer you a ride tomorrow?"

  "Sure. That would be great. I hope this isn't temporary insanity on your part. I mean being so nice to some strange girl you just met because I could really get used to riding in this beauty every day." Vincent throws his head back laughing so hard I can see all the lines in his beautiful face. The sound of his laughter is intoxicating. "See you tomorrow."

  "Bye Maggie. Be careful walking the rest of the way home. Sending you my number now."

  I climb out of his car feeling like I could literally float away. It's how he makes me feel. Like all the responsibilities of my life don't matter. I don't seem to feel the pressure pushing down on my shoulders, grinding me into the ground. Somehow being around him lets me forget that I'm pretending to be this other person. I might actually get to be myself for a change. Soon after I get out of the car my phone beeps. I look down at the screen as it lights up with a new number.

  Please text me or I will worry all night.Vince.

  He seems like a really genuine person. I hope I'm not wrong about him. He just gives me such a tranquil feeling. As soon as I step on my porch I send him a quick text and turn my phone to silent. The last thing I need is my mother hearing someone texting me after 10:00 pm. Rules are rules.

  Chapter Six

  As soon as I walk in the door I immediately wish I was anywhere but here. There are clothes thrown all over the entryway leaving a trail into the living room. The television is blaring in the background. My stomach begins to fill with absolute dread as I scan the house for her. Fear is a very tangible entity in my world. It is palpable, physical, substantial, and very, very real. My head starts pounding as my heart rate picks up speed. My mouth becomes so dry I can't even swallow. I start to lose focus, my vision beginning to blur in and out. My whole body turns to stone so afraid to move even the tiniest muscle. It feels as though my stomach just fell out of my body completely. Before I can comprehend what's happening, I'm lying on the floor on top of a pile of clothes. The wind was knocked out of me with so much force it takes me a minute to realize what my body just experienced. That's when I hear the screaming. I must have tuned it out after being thrown to the floor by a punch so hard my ribs are already throbbing. I can't even make sense of what she is saying because I instantly curl up into a ball while she continues kicking me anywhere and everywhere. Each and every blow to my body is like a dagger to my heart. Burning a hole right through me like the blade is on fire. How can she hurt me like this? I'm her daughter. The emotional turmoil far exceeds the physical pain. After a few deep breaths I start to understand the words coming out of her mouth.

  "You worthless piece of shit. Can't
you do anything right? I told you to do the damn laundry because I needed ALL of my clothes washed! Now I can't find the one thing I wanted to wear! And where were you? Out prancing all over town having a good time? Probably spreading your legs to the first guy to show you any attention. You've probably slept with half the town already! You stupid whore. I don't even know why I had you. You think you are so damn perfect. No wonder Amanda is your only friend. No one else can stand you! Where the hell where you? Huh? Answer me!"

  I pull my hands away from my head just enough to answer her question. I try so hard to keep her from hitting me in the face. I can cover bruises on my body easily but my face is another story. "I was at work. I'm sorry I didn't get the laundry done. I will do it all now. I will find what you were looking for. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help. It won't happen again." Tears are running down my face from the pain shooting through my body as I plead with my mother, my flesh and blood, to stop. "Please, please. I'm so sorry." I will do anything to get her to calm down. I tilt my head just enough to get a view of her eyes. Whoever said eyes are the window to the soul didn't know just how true that statement was. Her eyes are wild, darting back and forth from me to the mess on the floor. She is panting from the excursion of kicking me repeatedly while spewing her hatred for me in the form of words. She is deciding whether I've had enough or if she should keep going. This is the time to stay as quiet as possible. Anything could set her off again. So I lay on the floor, curled in my protective ball, praying she is done. The only thought going through my mind in this moment is please, please be done.

  "You better get this place cleaned up! NOW!!! And find my damn purple dress with the black belt. If you can't find it there will be hell to pay!"

  I quickly get up from the floor taking shallow breaths in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. "Yes Ma'am." I keep my head down as I begin picking up all the clothes. I will have to rewash everything tonight. She won't just let me hang her things back up in the closet. I know better than to do that. She wants me to suffer. After I have cleaned up all her clothes I start the washing machine. The next several hours are spent doing every little thing I can to please her. I clean every inch of our house leaving nothing untouched. If I stop or sit down for even a second she will start throwing punches again. I finish with all her laundry. While I'm hanging her clothes back in her closet I see the dress she was looking for. It was hanging behind her robe. I want to scream or cry or both. I want to fall to the ground and mourn the life I should have had with my father. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I know it in my gut. I was meant for something better. But I don't give into temptation. I will not let her see me break. She WILL NOT break me. I made that promise to myself a long time ago.

  She watches me like a hawk the entire evening never relenting from her evil glare. I serve her whatever she demands. It's like walking on egg shells when she has an explosion of this proportion. A few days will go by before she goes back to her baseline hatred of me. It absolutely terrifies me when I see that much anger in her eyes. Does she really hate her own daughter that much? That's a question I don't think will ever be answered.

  It's just after 2:00 in the morning. I am so tired. My body aches from all the abuse it's suffered tonight. She finally told me I could go to my room. I don't dare get ice from the freezer for my injuries for fear of getting hit again. I can't handle any more damage to my body tonight. I softly close my bedroom door. I sink into my bed face down wanting to disappear but something hard is poking my thigh. I reach down into my pocket and pull out my cell phone. Just as I'm about to turn it off I see a text message.

  I hope you are having sweet dreams. Glad you made it safely home. See you tomorrow.

  I immediately decide to make his contact permanent in my phone. I even give him his own ringtone. That boy just put a smile on my face when I felt devastated. I might not have much in this world but it looks like I just made a new friend.

  I roll to the right side of my body hoping it will give me some relief from the throbbing pain pulsing up and down my left side. I hold back my tears refusing to give in to self-pity. I will not be that person. I'm stronger than that. I have survived that woman this long, I can endure a few more months. At least I hope I can.

  Chapter Seven

  I'm not sure when I drifted off to sleep but it feels like it was just five minutes ago. I haven't been this tired in months. The first time I try to sit up sharp pain shoots up my left side. I immediately lay back down and take several slow, even breaths. Then I gently ease myself to a sitting position on the side of my bed. Somehow I manage to make my way to the bathroom. I turn the water to hot hoping for some relief from the pain. As I start to wash my body I see the bruises beginning to form. The most prominent bruise is right under my breast on my rib cage where she punched me. Damn that woman hits hard. I only notice two other smaller bruises further down my body. I am so thankful she didn't have shoes on last night or this would be a whole lot worse. I get dressed slowly because raising my arms above my head hurts like hell. I barely get a brush through my hair before deciding it's best to put it in a ponytail. My concealer not only has to cover dark circles under my eyes but the redness from the slap I endured the other night. Thanks goodness for cover-up.

  "Hey Amanda." I can't hide the fact that I'm sleep deprived and injured from her. She knows me too well. She also knows what happens behind closed doors. I used to share the details with her until I saw the effect it was having. She feels my pain so much that I couldn't keep inflicting that on her. I told her that it hurt me too much to relive the events so we just accept the reality of my life. She saw enough first hand when we were younger to last her a lifetime. I stopped having anyone over shortly after my mother lost her parents. That's when things started to get a whole lot worse.

  "Rough night?" I just nod in return. "I know you don't have any other options but I wish you did. I wish there was something I could do."

  "We've been down this road. Foster care isn't going to be any better than living with her. We both know the only people in this town willing to foster teenagers are just looking for a paycheck. You remember that girl Amber who ended up in the hospital because her foster dad beat her to a bloody pulp? Well, I'd rather take my chances with someone who might have some feeling left in her cold heart for her only child. Wishful thinking I know."

  "What about your Grandpa?"

  "He's in his seventies. I can't ask him to take care of a teenager. Besides, he lives two hours away. I don't want to change schools my senior year. I've worked too hard to get the classes I want and need for college. Just sucks that I don't have any other family." My dad was an only child and my mother has a brother who lives overseas. I haven't seen him since I was like 9-years-old. Both of my mother's parents passed away about six years ago. My Grandpa is the only connection I have left to my father. I try to visit him whenever I can but without a car it's just not as often as I would like.

  "That sucks. I'm really sorry Maggie. I wish I could be a better friend for you. I wish I could get you out of this situation."

  "Amanda stop. Please don't ever doubt our friendship. I know you would do anything for me. We have been friends far too long for you to start pitying me now. I'm fine. It was just a bad night. I will get past this just like I have with all the other bad nights. One day at a time. Right?"

  "Right. Sorry. Let's change the subject. I heard a strange rumor going around that Vincent Moreno gave you a ride to work yesterday."

  "OMG! How does this crap get around so fast? Unbelievable. Does everyone know about this?" I throw my hands up in the air then bring them back to my side exasperated.

  "Yeah. Pretty much. So it's true?"

  "Yes it's true." I say after releasing the biggest sigh of my life. When you live in a small town rumors fly around like crazy. "He gave me a ride. Big deal. He seems like a nice guy. I already told him that I'm not looking for anything romantic. I don't have time for a boyfriend. So he said he is willing to be friends." The next 1
0 minutes are pure torture. Amanda drills me for every single detail until we have to part ways in the hallway.

  "I'm so not done talking about this. You are not getting off the hook that easily." She flips her hair over her shoulder as she smiles wickedly.

  "I can't wait." I say with annoyance. I can't blame the girl. I haven't so much as looked at a guy since Sam. I guess I haven't been a very good friend in that respect. I never gossip about boys with her. In fact, I have a talent for tuning her out when that subject comes up.

  The minutes seem to be crawling by today. I have to be very careful not to breathe too deeply or make any quick movements. I'm going to have to skip swim practice today. There is no way I can take physical activity right now. It just hurts too much. You aren't allowed to miss practice unless you have a damn good reason. I'm going to have make something up. I hate lying. I kind of suck at it so coming up with something believable is going to be hard. I decide to opt out of skipping it all together. I can go and tell couch I'm having horrible cramps. That sort of thing makes him super uncomfortable. More than likely he will let me sit out today.

  At least Amanda was distracted by her new boy toy today at lunch. She didn't have time to ask me anything else in-between all her relentless flirting. It seemed to be paying off because the guy couldn't take his eyes off of her. I can't say I blame him. I have always thought Amanda was beautiful.

  The last bell rings and I slowly head to my locker. I was able to sneak into the nurse's office during study hall to borrow an ice pack. It helped some but it would be nice to keep icing it. Maybe I can do that during my break at work tonight. The more I can tend to my injury the faster I will recover. I head outside to catch my bus but I accidently drop my swim bag. Just as I lean over to pick it up the pain returns a thousand times worse. I wince from the intensity stabbing at my rib cage. I stand back up as slowly as possible. Note to self, don't bend over. When I raise my head I see Vincent sitting in his car waiting for his little brother. He gives me a small wave with a tight smile on his face. I wave back and hurry onto the bus. I wonder what that look was for? He almost looked like he was in pain. I hope everything is alright. Just as I'm thinking the words he sends me a text.