Sublime Wreckage

by Charlene Zapata

Amanda is relentless once she discovers I spent the evening with Vince. It is question after question until my throat hurts. She finally gives up and lets me get some sleep. Of course I could have passed out 30 minutes ago if I hadn't mentioned that I would be spending tomorrow with him too. That brought on a whole other set of questions. I am so glad she has to be at the shop by 8:00. I would die from embarrassment at the questions she would ask Vince. If she's like this with me I can't imagine what she would put him through. She is so thrilled that I have a guy to hang out with but she doesn't understand how I can just be friends with him. I just can't go down that road again.

  Chapter Ten

  I absolutely loathe the morning. I can't believe I let some guy talk me into getting up this early on a Saturday. I'll teach him. I wait until the last possible minute to get up not bothering to shower. I do brush my teeth because let's face it, I'm not a cave woman. I pull my hair into a ponytail and pull on a pair of jean shorts with a white tank top. That's it. That's all the effort he is getting out of me this early in the damn morning. I get a text from him saying he's on his way. I grab my bag and head outside.

  "Good morning!" Vincent says with the biggest smile on his cheery, bright face. Great. Another morning person. Why can't I escape these people! I grunt as I notice he is driving his truck and not the mustang.

  "Why are you in your truck?"

  "Because we need this type of vehicle for where I'm taking you." That wasn't at all mysterious.

  "Whatever. Wake me when we get there." Vincent chuckles but leaves me alone. I climb into the truck and snuggle up against the door closing my eyes. I need more sleep.

  Suddenly I'm jostled awake. I open my eyes to a field. A great big empty field. With lots of bumps. That's what woke me up in the first place. I don't see a road, not even a dirt one. In the distance I can see dozens of trees. "Where are we?"

  "You will see soon enough. Sorry the rough road woke you up. I was just getting used to the snoring." I give him a look that means I am so not in the mood to joke around. It's too damn early for this. And road, what road? After another ten minutes he pulls over turning the truck off.

  "Are you up for a little nature walk?"

  "Really? This is what you decided was such a good idea on a Saturday morning? I know we don't know each other well yet but just to clue you in, taking a girl out to the middle of nowhere all alone, not cool."

  "Stop being such a grump and get out of the truck. You won't be disappointed. I promise." I give him one last scowl, then climb down from the truck. We walk for about 20 minutes before I start to complain. After another 5 minutes, Vince finally stops.

  "What I'm about to show you, it's private. You can't tell anyone we came here. Okay?" He turns to look me straight in the eye when he says this. He looks so serious I don't dare joke with him right now.

  "Sure. I won't say anything. Promise." We walk another hundred feet or so when I hear water. It's not loud but a slow, trickling kind of water. And then I see it. It's a little creek nestled in the woods. All along the bank of the creek are the smoothest stones I have ever seen. My eyes climb up the bank to the most beautiful wild flowers growing as far as the eye can see. Patches of yellow, bright blue, and white with little bursts of a vibrant orange cover the ground. It takes my breath away. It's simply amazing. I calmly turn to say something to Vincent when I notice the expression on his face. He looks so nervous and unsure like he's afraid I won't like it here.

  "Thank you so much for showing me this place. It's just...magical." Relief floods his features just as I see the tiniest smile.

  "I'm glad you like it. We found this place about six years ago. My father used to bring me and my brother here to fish in the creek. But since my dad passed away my brother stopped coming. I guess it was too painful for him."

  "I can understand that. But you still come?"

  "Yeah. It reminds me of my dad. It makes me feel like we are still connected somehow."

  "What happened to him?"

  "He had a heart attack two years ago. Broke my mom's heart to lose him. But it was pretty quick. The doctor said he didn't suffer much. Like that's supposed to ease the pain of losing a loved one." I stood there for several minutes soaking up the view, getting lost in my own thoughts. Suddenly I found myself talking about my own father.

  "My dad's dead too. Car accident when I was 6-years-old. I don't think there is anything in this entire world that can ease that kind of pain. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but it doesn't. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss that man." A single tear slides down my cheek and lands on one of the stones. I don't bother to wipe it away. I just don't care right now.

  "Why does this have to happen? Why do we lose the people that are closest to us? It just doesn't seem fair. It makes me wonder what the purpose of all this is. I mean, is there even a God? Why would he take the people that mean the most to us away?" I turn to look into his eyes as he expresses his frustration and anger. I don't blame him. Not one bit. I've had years to question and second guess if God exists. To wonder why this happened to me but in the end I choose to be positive. To believe that everything in our life happens for a reason even if we don't know what that reason is.

  "I can't tell you what to believe. That is your journey in life. To figure out what is important, what you want to have faith in. But I can tell you one thing I know for certain. God does exist. For me he is very real. I was in the car that day with my father. I have been over the accident report a thousand times. My father was killed on impact. I should have died that day, Vincent. I should have died in that car with my father. I shouldn't be standing here right now talking to you. I should be gone. But God saved me. I don't have it all figured out but I know I have a greater purpose on this earth. I just have to survive long enough to figure it out." I can't believe I just shared all of that with him. I never, and I mean never talk about the accident. For some reason it feels as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel lighter. It felt good to talk about my life with someone else. We stand silent for a long time just breathing in all the wonderful aromas. The smell of the wildflowers mixed with the creek water is wonderful. It's one of my new favorite scents. Finally Vincent breaks the silence.

  "Thank you for sharing. I'm sure that wasn't easy for you. You've given me a lot to think about. How did you get so wise?"

  "Vincent, I've had eleven years to deal with losing my father. I have been through the entire grieving cycle more than once. I get where you are right now. It takes time to forgive, to see the bigger picture of why this happened. You may never know why you have to go through the rest of your life without your father. Maybe it will make you a better man. I don't know. Don't listen to me, I feel like I'm just rambling." He turns to face me with the most sincere look I have ever seen.

  "Thank you. Thank you for making me feel better. Thank you for giving me so much to consider. I was headed down a path of destruction when my dad died. Losing him and watching my mother struggle is what pulled me out of that life. A life that was headed nowhere fast. The rumors you heard about me were probably true. I was a trouble maker. But I'm not that person anymore, Maggie. I don't ever want to be that person again." And I believe him.

  I'm beyond astonished that he is sharing so openly with me. I feel so vulnerable, so raw out here in the middle of nowhere with a guy I barely know sharing such personal truths about our lives. Maybe it's this place. It makes me feel calm and peaceful, like I could stay here all day. Then again, maybe it's Vince. He makes me feel safe.

  I offer him a small smile then head over to one of the larger rocks to sit down and enjoy the morning. Vince follows me over and sits next to me. We end up talking until my stomach starts growling so loudly you can hear it over the running creek water. Vincent laughs at me, then takes my hand to lead me back to the truck. The funny thing is, I don't pull my hand away from his. I still feel that bolt of electricity but there's something more. It feels warm, soothing and even protective in a way. I
like it more than I should.

  An hour later and we are back at his house. I only have a couple of hours before work. Vincent drags me inside and tells me to sit on the couch. I go grumpily to the plush leather sofa. The next thing I know the house is filled with this amazing smell.

  "What is that?"

  "My mom likes to cook for us on the weekend. She brought over some food yesterday while we were out. I hope you like homemade enchiladas."

  "Are you serious? I love them! They smell incredible." I jump up and head into the kitchen. "Can I help with anything?"

  "Can you get two plates down from that cabinet over there? And grab me a soda please."

  "Sure thing boss."

  "I like the sound of that. You can call me that anytime."

  "Maybe I'll just stick with Slick. I wouldn't want you to get some kind of enormous ego." I laugh at my own ridiculous joke but when I stop I hear Vince laughing too. We eat lunch in silence mainly because I can't seem to shovel this delicious food in my mouth fast enough. Vince is trying so hard not to laugh at me but in his attempt to be modest he ends up snorting through his nose which makes him have a coughing fit. I start laughing at him so hard that I almost pee my pants!

  "I gotta pee. Don't eat the rest of my food!" I run to the bathroom and close the door. This has been the best day ever. I look in the mirror and that's when I know I'm in trouble. I can see it in my eyes. Happiness. Suddenly my heart sinks to the floor as I start gasping for air. This is a terrible idea. What am I thinking getting involved with this guy? But I'm not getting "involved" we're just friends. Keep telling yourself that Maggie, as you fall deeper and deeper off the ledge.

  Eventually I pull myself together, finish up in the bathroom and head back out to tell Vince I can't see him anymore. But just as I round the corner to the kitchen he holds up his hands while dropping my fork. He was totally just eating my food! I run over to the table to see half of my last enchilada gone. So I do what any sane person would do. I pick up my fork and stab him in the arm.

  "Please don't kill me. Death by eating utensil is a terrible way to die." That's it. I'm rolling on the floor laughing again. The look on his face was so serious I couldn't help but laugh. And that's when I decide to jump off the ledge instead of fall. It's my choice. No one else is making this decision for me. I decide who I let into my life. Right now, I choose him.

  Before Vince drops me off at work I decide to check in with my mom. She usually wants me around as little as possible when she starts seeing someone. After talking to her briefly, it looks like I will be spending the night with Amanda again. I hide the excitement in my voice the best I can. She tells me to check in tomorrow before I come home. I hope the guy she just slept with keeps her busy tomorrow. I have the day off and I can't wait to spend more time with Vince. I inform him of the plans to which he gets a little too excited for a guy.

  "What should we do?" He says while practically jumping up and down. Seriously? It makes me laugh to see him so excited.

  "Can you please take me to the creek again? I fell in love with it and I can't think of a better way to spend my day." I put my hands together in front of my chest in true begging form and push my bottom lip out to pout while batting my eyes. "Please?"

  "Sure Magnolia. Anything you want. How can I refuse such a pitiful look? But that means I will be picking you up at the same time. I could bring you some coffee if that would help."

  I give him a great big huff. "I despise coffee. Almost as much as I despise mornings. But I love the creek so I will be up and ready."

  Vince picks me up from work and drives me to Amanda's house. We end up staying up way too late talking about boys. She tells me all about her date with Mick or Matt or Mike. Whatever his name is she seems to like him. I tell her as much as I can about my day with Vince. I leave out the creek as well as the emotional conversation. I do tell her about the amazing food his mother made, his house, his business and how much I like him. If I'm going to admit it to myself I might as well admit it to her.

  The next morning I get up with plenty of time to take a shower. I have to borrow a shirt from Amanda because I didn't pack enough of my own clothes. I decide the jean shorts aren't that dirty so I wear them again. I leave my hair down and apply a little bit of make-up. Vince is right on time. Amanda was a little bummed that I couldn't spend the day with her. We don't get much girl time now that she is working. Sunday is her only day off. I vow to spend the next Sunday with her doing girly stuff. That seems to pacify her enough to let me go with Vince.

  We spend the entire morning at the creek. We don't talk as much as we did yesterday. I think each of us is soaking in the beauty of the moment rather than trying to fill it with words. Soon enough winter will be here and the creek will turn to ice. That makes me a little sad. It won't be the same when all the wildflowers are gone. It's as if Vince can sense my sadness.

  "What are you thinking about?"

  "Just winter. How is comes along and ruins everything." He laughs a little at my dramatic conclusion.

  "It's even more beautiful in the winter. Just wait, you'll see."

  I smile over at him. He is sitting on the rock next to me, staring into my eyes. I could seriously get lost in those eyes. They are almost the deepest brown eyes I've ever seen. My fathers were just a tiny shade darker. I can't seem to look away. His look keeps getting more and more intense. It's like he wants to say something but decides not to. The loud grumbling of my stomach breaks the moment. Stupid stomach. Vince just laughs, grabs my hand again and walks us back to the truck.

  After I devour more delicious food from his mother, he takes me home. I checked in with Patricia who gave me the all clear to head back. Vince drops me at the park and it feels like I'm leaving a part of myself with him. I feel complete when I'm around him. I don't have to pretend to be anyone but me. He doesn't even question my reason for not wanting to be taken directly to my house. He just does what I ask.

  My mother is beyond ecstatic when I get home. All she wants to do is share every last detail about her new guy. I sit and listen with fake enthusiasm. If she knew me at all she would know it's not real. But what does she care. She just wants someone to listen to her ramble on about yet another guy. I can't complain because this will keep her busy.

  The next two weeks fly by. Vince and I have gotten into a comfortable pattern. He picks me up after practice and after work. On the days I don't have to work we hang out. I'm also spending time with Amanda when our schedules line up. I even did an entire girls day with her last Sunday like I promised. I'm excited and a little bummed about this weekend. I get to see my Grandfather but that means I won't get to spend time with Vince. Balance. Life is about balance. I just have to find mine.

  Chapter Eleven

  It's Friday but I have to work tonight. Things seems to be heating up between Patricia and her new boyfriend. I asked her about visiting my Grandpa this weekend to which she replied "do whatever the hell you want, I'm going to be getting some all weekend long." And by "get some" she means sex. How original. I guess I should be happy she didn't go into more graphic details. I decide it's best to stay over at Amanda's tonight and have my Grandfather pick me up from her house. He doesn't need to see some strange guy hanging around. Besides, I can tell she isn't ready to introduce us just yet. She likes to get her claws in as deep as she can before that happens. I have hardly seen her in the last two weeks. It's been awesome. That means I have been spending any and all free time with Vince. I've gotten so used to seeing him every day, it's going to be weird going almost three days without him. I don't know when it happened but it did. Vincent Moreno wiggled his way into my life and I couldn't be happier about it. At least I will get to see him tonight before I go out of town. That brings a smile to my face. It also makes me forget where I am.

  "What are you so damn happy about?" My mother grunts to me on her way to the bathroom.

  "Nothing mom. Just thinking about the weekend with Grandpa. I haven't seen him in forever."


  "Oh Maggie, don't be so damn dramatic. You saw him right before school started." She doesn't understand. My Grandpa is the only living connection I have left to the one person I loved most. My father.

  "I gotta go. I guess I will see you Sunday. I'm staying with Amanda tonight to give you privacy. Have fun with your boyfriend." I head out the door as fast as possible. I have my little suitcase on wheels with me, which is going to be a pain to carry around school all day. But I didn't want to risk coming home and running into my mother and some strange guy having sex. I've seen things I wish I hadn't. She really isn't modest and doesn't care where she has sex. The living room, the kitchen, I even caught her in my room once. It made me want to puke my guts out. I push those thoughts as far away as possible.

  "What's up my little buttercup?" I say to Amanda with so much enthusiasm I make myself want to gag. When did I become such a cheery morning person? Maybe Vince is rubbing off on me.

  "You know, ever since you met Vince you are like a different person. I think he is good for you. So when are the two of you going to stop playing games and start dating? You spend all your time together anyway."

  "It's just not like that. We are just friends. I told you, I can't get involved with someone. In the fall I will be leaving for college. Why start something I can't finish?"

  "Who says you can't finish it? People have long distant relationships all the time."

  "I really don't want to talk about this. Can we please just drop it?"

  "Fine. I'm just going to say one more thing and then I'll shut-up. Regardless of what you think Maggie, you are worth it. You are worth the time and effort this guy is putting into you and I think you would be amazing together. That's it. I'm shutting up now." She really gets under my skin. But she knows me so well. I guess there is a part of me that still wonders why Vince is investing his time in someone like me. I don't have anything to offer him except friendship. I shake it off.